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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  October 27, 2016 1:35am-2:06am PDT

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[upbeat music] ♪ ♪ - good lookin' out on the presidential pardon, grover. - you got it, my dude. - yeah, detention was tryin' to incarcerate my black ass for two weeks. - i'm just glad this whole president thing is over. - aww, yeah. operation bust a nut is back in effect. - where do you think y'all goin'? - we goin' to the inaugural ball. - after that shit y'all did? you're on the "no longer fly" list. - hold up! this is our party. - yeah, and you did a good job.
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it's turned up in there. greatest party i've ever seen. man, craigery gonna be a legend. - if y'all hurry home, maybe someone's periscoping. [both laugh] ♪ ♪ - damn, even the drone's smashing. - you know what, it doesn't matter. when i needed you guys, you had my back. the school, local law enforcement, and the fbi may see you as terrorists, but you're more than that to me. you're care-orists. - well, before we start sucking each other's dicks, y'all wanna know a secret? i'm the phantom shitter. - aw, hell no! not the trophy! [laughter] ♪ ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: thank you so much, everybody. welcome, welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. we have two guests tonight. director of polling at harvard john della volpe is here. and legendary musician phil collins is joining us tonight, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) let's get straight into it. the presidential election with just two weeks left, it looks like the gloves are finally coming off. >> vice president joe biden campaigning for hillary clinton in wics-barry, and here's what he said about donald trump. >> don' i wish i were in high sl and could take him behind the gym. that's what i wish. >> trevor: oh, ( bleep )! joe biden wants to take donald trump behind the gym. you know what that means, right? no, really, do you know what that means? because i don't know-- i don't know what happened in your high school, but in mine, the only thing happening behind the gym was people looking up. everyone knows there are rules.
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the parking lot is for fights. the bath rooms are where you get high. the cafeteria is for ostracizing people. the library is for using computer toes look at porn. and behind the gym is for finger banging. that's what school knows. everybody knows that. but you do realize, folks, this is the level of discourse the election has sunk to. the press asks biden, "don't you wish you could debate donald trump?" and the sitting vice president replies, "no, i just want to punch him in the face." ( laughter ) luckily, when responding to biden, donald trump decided to take the high road. >> did you see where biden wants to take me to the back of the barn? me. he wants to. i'd love that. i'd love that! mr. tough guy. you know when he's mr. tough guy? when he's standing behind a microphone by himself. he wants to bring me to the back of the barn. oh! >> trevor: wait, what? ( lauhter )
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the back-- the back of the barn? biden said the back of the gym! this is why you don't let old guys into fight clubs. the first rule of fight club is remember where fight club is! ( laughter ) ( applause ) this doesn't make sense! ( cheers and applause ) doesn't make sense. now you realize what's going to happen. biden is at the gym. trump is at the barn. he's going to be punch something random person who comes there. you? me? aahh! i just came here for the sex! oh, that's coming! that's coming. look, i know everyone, including myself is really excited about the prospect of joe biden and donald trump having a physical fight because that would be the perfect climax to this election. but don't forget-- these guys are both in their 70s. so it will be entertaining, but it will probably look like this.
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( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: hold my teeth! hold my teeth! beyond trump and biden setting up the whole "wrinkle in the jungle" what i found particularly fascinating about this story how differently it was presented, depending on who was consuming it. for instance, if you're a liberal you probably heard it as a story about how trump wants to beat up joe biden. but if you're a trump supporter, you probably heard it as donald trump standing up to joe biden. and that's the story of this election-- everyone picks sides and blindly defends them. here's another example. last night on fox news, megyn kelly talked to news gingrich. you probably remember news gingrich, the trump adviser who stole all of america's jowls. yes? now, megyn kelly wanted to talk to him about trump's pussy grabbing and newt went nuts. >> if trump is a sexual predator that is-- >> he's not a sexual predator. >> okay, that's your opinion. i'm not taking a position.
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>> you cannot defend that statement. i'm sick and tired of prime like you using language that's inflammatory pup used the words. you took a position. and i think it's very unfair of you to do that, megan. >> what i said is-- i think your defensiveness on this may speak volumes on this, sir. >> count to go back to tapes of your show recently? you are fascinated with sex and you don't care about public policy. >> trevor: newt, newt. that's really not fair. just because megyn kelly invites people who looked like swollen testicles on her show does not mean she's obsessed with sex. that does not mean that. oh, and by the way, by the i warks news gingrich should not be complaining that anyone is fascinated with sex. this is the same dude who cheated on two different wives, and when he was asked about his cheating, honest to god, he gave the best answer i have ever heard in my life. >> there's no question that at times in my life, partially driven by-- by how passionately i felt about this country-- that
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i worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate. ( laughter ). >> trevor: i'm sorry. get the ( bleep ) out of here, man! this guy just-- "why did you cheat on your wife?" "for america. that's why i did it. diit for america. my expagz my vig porp in fact, i only do it to the national anthem, which is tough because we have to do it standing and it upsets everyone else in the stadium, but i do it for my country." so once again, once again,es he was a fight, and depending on which side you were on you were told the fight went a different way. jezebel said gingrich made a total fool of himself, and breitbart said gingrich exposed megyn kelly and bench pressed her. which isn't really a good headline if you're a trump supporter. it sounds like newt was like, "donald trump is not a sexual predator. now put your butt in my hands so i can lift you over my head.
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come on! come on." that's one of the downside of everyone consuming their news in their bubble. you don't the news. you get your news. there are distorted and fake news stories everywhere on line. obama shows his erection to a reporter. tim kaine yells at his daughter. did you hear the story about bill clinton when he called trump supporters rednecks? there's a headline, so it must be true. necessary you hear what he actually said. >> you know, look, the other guy's base is what i grew up in. you know, i'm basically your standard redneck. >> trevor: oh, no he didn't! just identify with people he disagrees with to point out what they have in common. ( laughter ) there's nothing there. he called himself a redneck. the only part of that i object to is bill clinton claiming that he's a standard redneck. you can't say that when you're
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riding around in a private jet, my friend. ( laughter ) yes, unless-- unless you ride that jet while riding your tractor. that's only time you can do that. but at least in that story, bill clinton said the word "redneck." sometimes the story that riles you up can be something that never happened. say you go on your facebook just for fun to check out who had a sandwich that made them feel blessed. but then, but then, because of things you have liked over time up pops an article in your feed about bill clinton's illegitimate black son. this is a real article ciculating on facebook. banished bill clinton's son needs your help to reunite with his father. this is how i know the story is not true. if the clintons had a black son, they would not be hiding him. they would be parading that ( bleep ) around north korea getting out the vote. they would say, this is our. tell them, tell them to vote! that story is b.s., people.
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i'm sorry. you can take any biracial person, throw their black and white photo next to clinton and it will look like his son. by that standard, i look like his son. look, look. i look like-- oh, ( bleep ). ( laughter ) i look like his son. wow. i-- ( laughter ) what if bill clinton's my dad? ( laughter ) and i had him on the show and i never even asked him. i mean, i hinted at it with the mug i gave him, but still. ( laughter ) now, although this is a phenomenon that seems to happen more on the right, it still happens on the left. you find the occasional fake story about clns is weird to me. i honestly don't know why you need to make up anything fake with donald trump. there's no fake stur need. there's someone sitting there, "ha-ha, and then he looked at her pussy?" i'm sorry, what, in real life?
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oh, delete. for instance, if you're a liberal you might have seen a headline that says linguists have decided donald trump has a learning disability because he possesses a vocabulary of 200 words. come opeople, 200 words? that's not realistic. that barely covers the names of his exwives. that's not a realistic thing. if there's one thing you can't fault the conedonald on it's his speaking skills. words have never impeded his mind because his mouth is always trying to keep up with his brain. >> we're about to go. we lose it. we are in the wrong direction, and maybe it's gone. supreme court justices. always remember that. but so many different levels. and when you see what happened with crooked hillary today, testify a disaster. >> trevor: what? what? what? who? where? amazing. he's bouncing from one word-- oh, that's pretty much what
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happens. it's so impressive. wherever trump's brain goes, his mouth goes along worry the ride. i studied trump for over a year and what he does is truly amazing. i'll try and do a demonstration myself. i'll try and do this. all right, a sees of words will come up on a screen behind me, and i don't know what these words will be but i will use them to give you a trump address. hold on. let me get myself ready. ( laughter ) get comfortable. ( cheers and applause ) all right, let's go. "folks, i'm going to make america so great, folks. you don't understand. this nation-- this nation, folks, it's bad-- it's bad, folks. the nation is bad. there is bias in the media, folks. the media is biased against us. and isis. oh, my god, isis, folks. i'm going to beat them so-- folks, i'm not going to tell them what i'm going to do.
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it's going to be a surprise, folk naerpz going to die bigley, folks. bigley. they're going to die. and then the dragons, folks-- the isis, they have dragons. i have heard that isis haas dragons that use moisturizer, folks. the moisturer that the dragons use and-- i'm not good enough for this man. i'm not good enough to do this. but you get the point. ( cheers and applause ) you get the point. you get the point. the point is this-- there are fake stories everywhere online, and the effect can be dangerous. especially considering that millions of americans believe that the upcoming election will be rigged. because that's what they're seeing on soc media. and after the break, we're going to chat with a polling expert, and he's from harvard. so. you're a liberal, you'll be really impressed. stick around, we'll be right back. (announcer vo) the new pixel phone by google.
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♪ break me off a piece of that kit kat bar ♪ that's a good song. have a break, have a kit kat. with the apple that bites back. redd's wicked apple. also available for a limited time in blood orange. how do they make starburst taste so juicy? they use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] it's about to get juicy. whoo! i feel so aliii... it takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. unexplainably juicy. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show."
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my first guest is the director of polling at harvard university institute of politics. please welcome john della volpe. ( cheers and applause ) now, you are an expert in polling millennials. >> only let me focus on 18- to 29-year-olds. >> trevor: in a survey you asked 18- to 29-year-olds overall, "would you you say you are more hopeful or more fearful about the future of america?" and now 51% of them said that they were fearful. 20% of them said that they were hopeful. and then you asked them why? and here are a few of the answers. someone said that this country-- ( laughter ) this country is feared-- feared? is that what that is?
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a different one. >> trevor: different one. someone said because it's crap for my generation, crappy jobs, and our politicians care more about themselves than doing the right thing for all americans. this is what actual millennials are saying. >> so many were brought up to believe if they worked hard and played by the rules there was boundless opportunity. and for too many young people that's not the case. "we know, the system is rigged," in their eyes. and for good reason, honestly. >> trevor: donald trump has brought that to the fore. and there have been many conversations about what rigged mean. when bernie sanders was running, he was talking about a different thing. he was saying that dreams seems more and more unattainable. it's harder to get there. but donald trump is saying it's being manipulated, it's being rigged and you as pollsters are part of the problem. you guys are rigging the election. first question is why? second question is how?
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>> it's-- this is, i think, one of the most dangerous white collar jobs in america, being a pollster. it's tough. i don't know if i could rig a poll, even if i wanted to. but polling has a very, very important role, i think, in our democracy, to give voice to-- to give voice to individuals, to understand that there is real fear in america, and for our elected officials to understand that and try to solve that. >> trevor: you say you can't rig a poll. why is it hard-- ( laughter ) okay, so you can. let me ask you this then, honestly. why would you rig a poll? and why don't you rig a poll? >> there would be no reason for a professional pollster to ever rig a poll. we get paid based on the number of polls we take. if we conduct a poll that's bad, that is not reflective of the electorate, we don't get called back. so there is no incentive in any way, shape, or form for professional pollsters. >> trevor: so you are rewarded for getting it right? with white people what does he
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poll? >> when i look at the democrats versus republicans, hillary versus trump. hillary is winning by eight points, much better than obama did actually four years ago. let's say with hispanic voters? >> hillary sup45 points with hispanics. again, getting to where obama was, but not quite there is there with black voters, how is trump doing? >> he's down 85 points, plus or minus. >> trevor: down 85? >> yes. >> trevor: you have undecide as well. what does that leave him. >> let me do the mact for you. 85% clinton, 0% trump. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: wow. trevor, 2,115 interviews. not one single person said they were voting for trump. mitt romney did better four years ago. >> trevor: that is the ultimate level of whiteness. thank you very much for being
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here, man. really fascinating. i hope to see you again. john della volpe, everyone. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my next guest is a legendary musician who has sold hundreds of millions of records throughout his career and just released his memoir called "not dead yet." please welcome phil collins! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: wow. thank you for being here. i want to talk to you about the book. i couldn't find another one. this is your memoir? this is it? >> this is tyeah,. >> trevor: i feel like you've lived many memoirs by now.
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why now? >> i've been wanting to do it since the 90s, and i felt why not? i was pretty much doing nothing when i started writing this. i started doing the-- ( laughter ). >> i don't see anything funny in that. in 2010 i started writing the early chapters, that was the fun stuff-- dad, mom, brother, sister. and when it came to the music i kind of glazed over because it seemed like a huge mountain to climb. i got together with a journalist, craig mclean, who helped me sort through that mud. >> trevor: you lived a pretty remarkable life, especially with how you got into music. to be telling stories about going to abbey road, and referring to eric clapton as
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"eric." you told stories about eric. and i'm sorry, eric who? oh, the eric clapton. do you ever look back and realize how magnificent that was. >> not a day goes by they don't appreciate how lucky i've been. the thing with eric clapton was, the first time i cape town into contact with him i was at a bus stop goating the last bus home in my end-of-the-line house in a suburb of london. and there was a club there. and i remember hearing. ♪ driving in my car . and it was nsu by cream. and i was standing at the bus stop, and i was listening to this thinking, man, what another world that is. and 25 years later, i'm producing it. you know, and he's one of my
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best mates. so my life has been charmed like that. i've-- i've played with a lot of my heroes. the abbey road thing was for george harrison's first solo album. ringo was there, billy preston, phil spector was producing. i was 19, and i was in that environment. and it's just-- it was a wonderful time to be alive, the 60s, you know, because it was all happening for the first time. >> trevor: you've now had the opportunity, though, to say yes to an up-and-coming artist who is really following in your footsteps. and that's your son. what is that like now, sharing that experience with-- >> it's wonderful. we played the u.s. open. three kind of short charity shows this year. and he's fantastic. i've got three sobz. the oldest one is 40, simon, and he's a wonderful drummer. he has his own career. nick is 15, he will be 16 by the time we go on the road. poor matthew, who is 11, doesn't play the drums.
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>> trevor: he probably realized the noise in the house was just-- that's quite a family where everybody is playing the drums and nobody is playing the guitar. >> at one point there were three drum sets in the room. he said i don't go for that and i don't feel like a collins because i don't play the drums. and it's sad when a nine-year-old says that. and he said, "besides, nicholas told me last night that i was adopted." ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: it runs in the family then. >> yes. >> trevor: it runs in the family. it's a truly beautiful book. thank you so much for your time. a new single is coming out, the memoir "not dead yet," and the single are both available now. phil collins, everybody.
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♪where you go i'll follow, i'll follow, i'll follow.♪ ♪you'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love,♪ ♪forever ♪ ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. make sure to stay tuned for hasan minhaj, coming up next. here it is, your moment of zen. >> the audio tape, joe biden-- >> congratulations, core. he was a grown-ass man then and he's a grown-ass man today. >> he can stand up for himself. >> guess what? i'm so glad.


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