tomorrow history you never know that will blow your mind. later this week, food storage and then on friday, we started something about trilogy of holidays last friday. we're going to work on thanksgiving and gratitude. you don't want to miss it. until then, we'll see you tomorrow. from new york. from new york. good night, america. captioned by closed captioning services, inc welcome to "red eye." it is like bang the drum slowly if by drum you mean pool boy. now to andy levy for the pre game report. what's coming up on tonight's show? >> coming up, is the tsa totally out of control or completely out of control? the debate straight ahead. and what former president will have a cameo in the upcoming see sequel to "the hangover." we'll give you one guess. and little boys entering pageants? more evidence the empire is crumbling, greg? >> thank you, andy.
>> lady, you are the coolest chi alive. >> i apologize for nothing. imogen lloyd webber, author of "the single girls survival guide." >> i like that. that's lovely. >> and tucker carlson with that wonderful tie, fox news contributor and chief of "the daily collar." and my repulsive sidekick bill shultz. he is nothing but his own hair. and next to me, the comedic genius. and he has no pulse and smells worse than bill shultz. good to see you, pinch. >> check out our internet only column titled "the stone" which is a forum for philosophers onishes both -- on issues both timely and timeless. back to you, greg.
>> thank you. oark, no come back: i speak of the now famous california man who told an airport security agent, "if you touch my junk, i'll have you arrested." great t-shirt. software engineer seen here looking weird was traveling to south dakota, an actual state in our union, but refused an x ray scan at san diego's airport because as he said, "i don'tthink the government has any business seeing me naked as a condition of traveling." he was then of on erred a pat down and being a bloger he just had to film it. >> we will be doing a check. i will place my hand on your >> the video has been seen on youtube.
tsa says it tries to be sensitive, but anyone getting on a flight must be screened. in an editor editorial those are really, really hard to write, janet napolitano urged americans to be patient with security measures. writing, those with al-qaeda are determined to strike our aviation system and constantly adapting tack i can its for doing so. -- tactics for doing so. >> she won't be able to take that on a plane. tucker, is this -- it seems like we are having this -- an explosion or a rebellion against all of the security
measures. is this really an invasion of privacy, or are we just whiners? >> if janet napolitano says it is okay i am satisfied. no, after nine years of putting up with everything americans are beginning to figure out that the tsa -- not all of them, but a lot -- are not the thin line separating us from 9/11, but a lot are unionized government hacks. it is like the dmv, but at the airport. he is our rosa parks saying, no mas. obviously the airport and the government has a right to try to enforce security among travelers. but you can cross the line. these machines, the nude x ray machines that may poison you are too much. i think people have a right to say so. i predict in the next six months they will be gone. >> really? i rarely disagree with you, but i would rather be alive and violated than be dead and modest. i don't know, nick, what do you think?
>> i have been with the same woman for 16 years. somebody touching my groin didn't sound like a bad thing. i i don't think it was shirley hemple with a pair of surgical gloves. i think it is ironic though but i can go to the airport, and they can see me. >> it would fit under the term ironic. >> that's what i mean. it is way too much. >> i don't know. imogen, would you feel self-conscious going into one of these things? >> strip search me to high heaven if it will stop me knocking at heaven's door because terrorists are geting on the plane. great, there are all these deter represents, and maybe it will stop. >> tucker go ahead. >> the problem is not they are trying to make the flight secure. the problem is they are dumb about it. if you listen to the youtube
video of the three-year-old getting frisked while screaming by this tsa employee treat yourself it tells you what is wrong. they are unwilling to target people that are more risky. >> this actually gets to the heart of the matter. this is not a consequence of incompetence. it is a consequence of not accepting profiling. if you actually profiled, this would not happen. you would not have a three-year-old abused in a public setting. if you agreed there is a specific group of people who do this, let's devote our engines to that. -- our energy engines to that. >> greg, i think profiling does happen. i have a lot of friends who are muslim. they travel to the u.s. and they are young men and have been taken to the room at j.f.k. >> and they find bombs on them.
>> racial profiling, whether or not there is knowledge in this country or not. >> i think there is profiling, but i have never got pat down once, once. you know who has? every hot girl i know. at the they are -- they are not profiling muslims. they #r* profiling t and a. they like to get off. >> is that why the border patrol stopped me? they looked at my passport. >> they cannot complain about profiling at j.f.k. and then you look at the cab stand and there are a thousand in the parking lot. >> they are not complaining about profiling, my friend. i am just saying they are profiling and it -- profiling exists. >> it is politically incorrect to use profiling. >> i am not saying it is wrong to use it. i am just saying it existed. it does exist.
>> i want to show you something that these are a bunch of german pro -- protesters. i believe in germany protesting -- they would call it a nude protest, but there is something wrong here. see, this is why the germans lost the war. they don't understand nudity. that is not nudity. >> why are the girls in that video hot, and why are the guys rage ugly? what is going on? >> this is germany. what did you not understand? >> the scary stuff is that
what what was written on them was not in ink. from body scans to bubba's plans, he used to feel our pain. it is too early to tell if it will involve a cigar and intern, and we can say he hopes so. the groper and chief filmed a cameo within the crew's bangkok set where he was in town delivering a speech on clean inch. yeah, i am there, hillary. apparently he was a bad choice unlike convicted felon mike tyson in the first flick. niesen was filmed later to replace mel while gibson went on to write and direct this great film.
>> that is essentially "brave heart" on a budget. >> tucker, you know, people are making jokes about this, but isn't this what bill clinton should be doing? shouldn't he be in a booze and beer -- like a series of films for the rest of his life? it is a perfect fit. >> i don't know if we have any choice. this is a sad, desperate man in search of actresses. he would do a dog food commercial if they paid him. >> obviously it is pathetic. on the other hand, i president do know a single person who wouldn't give a month's salary to have bill clinton in the place of barack obama right now. it is true. do you anybody who would rather have bill clinton than the rear president? no, nobody. >> i think they would almost have carter at this point. >> how dare you?
>> i think i went to far on that one. i overstepped my bounds. nick, i would do exactly what clinton is doing. i have nothing but time. i was already president, be an actor. >> what is dick cheney in "van wilder" too. >> we can't put mel gibson in because he treats women bad and has a bad temper, but clinton? okay. >> at least monica enjoyed it though. she wasn't complaining. i don't think she had a problem with it. >> did she ever write a book? she never wrote a book. >> that's hilarious. >> tucker, did monica lewinski write a book? >> of course she did. it was called -- i think it was called "my life" and barbara walters opened with it. you were not glued to the tv and eating popcorn? actually i read it and it was a pretty good book. >> yeah, that decade i was highly medicated. >> monica lewinski wrote "my
life"? there is just one part of her life people would like to read about. she had struggles in the mall when she was 13. >> being a president is no longer a big deal when you are younger. it is the crowning achievement of a lifetime. now that we have younger presidents, they have three decades to puts around. >> i want my politicians to have gravitose. bill wept to tie land for a climate change conference. was it organized by al gore? it is boggling about what they were doing in the first place. >> i have a theory. why have this guy on? why have him in a movie if you don't think he can be funny. >> i don't think there is anything they can do. >> they won't do any of that. >> and there won't be sexuality in it.
unfortunately this is going to be boring. the liamniesen one will be hilarious. >> but let's say obama is re-elected, he will be in hi mid50s when he is no longer president meaning he could play himself in movies about obama. >> bill clinton is regan in reverse and obama will follow in reg's footsteps. >> jackie robinson played himself and obama could do the same. all three have something in common and they all r are -- they all sucekd. >> chris katan played himself. you can see the rob schneider movie and you can see the difference between the right one and the bad one. >> did you not get chills? joy obama could do it if they
do bag of vamps again. to the greg-alogue. it is an ejection seat of sanity in a fighter jet of foolishness. well, if there is one thing i learned in line, a despicable character. case in ., fidel castro's recent analysis of the mid-term election. i thought they always carried ribbons and shals and tris skits. they say it was the consequence of racism. they say the most reactionary sectors in the united states are sharpening their teeth. and warns, quote, all power will fall to the extreme right. mind you this is almost the extra same opinion held. bill maar and that boob with bat wing hair. and anyone else.
anyway, for all of you folks who still think tee partiers are racist, please reconsider the view now that a comi agrees with you. just look at his hair. it should make you think racial politics is old hat when that diaper degenerate hears it. when islamic extremists condemn, it causes me to em brace gay people even more. and when some nut bag radios me to say signals are telling him i look awesome in purple sweaters, it is time to stop wearing purple sweaters. sometimes it is okay to listen to crazy people because it will could iay from them. tucker, should msnbc hire was castro immediately, or do an all out switch?
castro could take the time slot. >> i don't think you will get oberman out of the time slot. once again he is saying what he says obama is saying. i would like to see a lode of axel rod's phone calls. this is echoing what you can see on the other channel or coming out of the whys house briefing -- the white house briefing. >> i don't hate anybody. that's extreme. castro has some interesting opinions about qe2. despite coming up with stuff that was worth listening to. >> i thought the qet was a ship. >> i thought it was a boat as well. >> the opinions are coming from a hot made of coconut
leaves and mud. >> i didn't realize he could formulate an opinion. i was quite surprised. >> working at nbc they already have a marxist. >> phil, as a racist, are you bor read when not accused of racism? >> yes, call me what i am and to my face. look no further than clarence thomas' wife. is she crazy as the day is long? but there is no way she can be crazy. the thing about crazy, you don't go back with crazy. >>y didn't even follow that. >> i have no idea. >> she is the one that gu called uh knee -- the one that looks like anita hill.
believe those values should be taught by values and our houses of worship and not washington, d.c. and as one party says, when they were in the boston harbor they were not fighting about who was gay or having an abortion. but this message will sit with jim demint who doesn't think gays and unmarried men sleeping with their boyfriends should be teachers. but even can agree the on p needs more of this -- the gop needs more of this. >> just your mind on what you are doing. >> talk about a uniter. >> tucker, but what i don't
understand is the grouping of social conservatism, gay rights with abortion. i don't think -- i think that's where everything goes wrong is when you group these things together. they are so different. am i right? >> you are totally right. look, if by socialism you mean banning gay marriage and being mad at gay people and bringing prayer back to school, you are right. but abortion, there are real differences. people who believe abortion is wrong believe so for sincere reason. saying affirmative action is unfair and pc speed coach challenge hurt the first amendment. the gop should say those things because nobody else is saying them. and they are true. leave the gay stuff out, and i think you will be a lot better. >> imogen, shouldn't they stick to -- we have problems with the economy, huge
problems. we have unemployment. this is why there was change is to get taxes down and get rid of earmarks and stick to the business at hand. >> there is a massive deficit that has to be dealt with. the international standing would go up if they shut up about social issues. in the uk we have things like gay marriage. and therefore we find it shocking when republicans are talking in an unpique way. >> but you also have pork scratchings. so your judgment means nothing. >> we are also great at dealing with our deficit. america needs to get together, come together, sort out the economy and not talk about the social issues which are crazy. >> you are right. >> look at the cuts the government did and not once did they talk about what they should be smoking and who they should be smoking.
the other part was silent. they are so obsessed about what people are doing. it goes against everything. >> there has always been a split -- it is the same split you see in conservatives you see in the left wing. you have got a nanny state in the left and you have moral lists on the right. they are guilty of the same thing. you can't say only conservatives -- >> unless the political -- >> look no further than our governor quomo. >> he is great. >> all new democrats are small, that's what americans want. they are also way ahead. >> why do we have to stay away from anything gay. can we get over that? the economy, talk about uh stair tee, and i don't like
anybody telling me what they can and can't say. >> but that's kind of what -- i guess what we are seeing. >> we won. keep your mouth shut. but now don't tell us what we can and can't talk about. >> on that note, we have to move on. do you have aent comment on the show something like nick is a great guy, but i'm greater. e-mail us. i was kidding. call 212-462-5050. and then half time report with andy levy. >> tonight is sponsored by baby chimps, the they often exhibit human-like behavior. thanks, baby chill p.
welcome back. let's find out if we have anything wrong. i took a trani to london last weekend. >> really? >> you would call it a transatlantic flight. i call them tranis for short. >> they are too expensive for me. >> and they take too ng lo. >> how else will you get there? >> you said the software engineer's video is viewed on youtube 80 million teams and then you have no idea if that is true? >> yeah. it is 287 times. you are killing the real journalism that we are buing our ass to bring to this
network. >> i am destroying it for you. >> neither of us appreciate it. >> i bet, i bet. >> and i will be having a meeting with you. >> tucker, you said if janet gnaw poll napolitano says what they have doing is okay it is okay with you, you are a true patriot. >> that's my baseline rule. >> greg, you said you would rear be alive and violated than dead and modest? >> let's get real. you would rather be violated. >> even when i am dead. i will not press charged. it will be in my will. >> he won't press charges even after his death. >> if they find something going on in the morgue they can look inside and there will be a note, he wanted it. imogen, youked frisk away if it keeps us safe.
i don't know if there is evident the -- ef dense the pat downs are okay. what is next, calf de searches? >> if it is a deterrent, it is important to be there. >> if you want to be safe, live in a castle with a moat and never leave. at some point you have to admit there are risks -- >> the qoan has lot of secure. >> i don't see the queens coming into this. >> a couple of thoughts, we need to refer to the ptsa pat down at freedom frisks. i don't think anyone who gets patted down should start breathing and mowning heavily. >> i wonder if that is against the will you. >> i don't know how. >> if you get excited. >> how can it be against the law to enjoy something? >> the tsa should consider it
a complement. >> absolutely. >> the tsa makes a big deal out of the fact that the pat downs are done by an agent of the same gender. should gays be patted down by an agent of the opposite gender? >> i'm just saying. >> oh, andrew. bill clinton's "hangover 2" part. let billy jeff be billy jeff 679. >> i am all right with that. tucker, you said monica lieu nski wrote a book. she didn't. she cooperated on a book, but nef wrote her own. >> she wrote most of it. >> i don't think so. nick, you said what is next, dick cheney in "van wilder 2". number two came out in 1996.
>> you need to research your joke. you know what was awesome about "van wilder" his name is van wilder and he was wile. >> he was wild. >> and he didn't drive a van. that always bothered me. >> greg, i don't fully get the whole changing your views after hearing your enemy thing. if cal caw daw -- ifal caw daw is going to start the new western civilization it will not change my ipd moo. >> no, but i think the opposite. that's why i like "jersey shore." it reflects the american dream that anybody can make will ins. that's something al-qaeda would be against. >> if osama bin laden came out with a test that said "i hate snookie" you would still love her?
>> yes. gop should stay away from social issues. i agree, take abortion ow. that's a separate can of worms. you have jim daw -- jim diment going around. how is that helpful? i don't understand it well enough to critique it. >> i think all poll politicians should say that. >> imogen, you said the gop international standing would go up. who cares? >> exactly. i said who cares. but good point. >> when the -- when our social standing in the world goes down, it is because we are awesome. it is only when the united states is so great, like a big giant monster of awesomeness, we are popular. they like us when we are weak, screw them and the country they road into. those dirty, stinking who ever
they. >> you know who they are? >> who? >> they are foreigners. >> foreigners love to be frisks. i guess you ?eed to start opening your ears and mine and buy the checking rods. >> let's first them in arizona. >> have to go, greg. >> do you really? >> bye. glitz, glamour, hairspray and tiarras. slumber parties at mice place are great. more and more boys are joining girls on the tin knee stage. the number of page ebt boys has doubled in the last five years to like three or something. you you can't double the three. the tlc show, "toddlers and tiara"s shed more light on this role.
>> they are pageant boys competing for krangs -- for crowns in a girl's world. >> anything that hampers him, he likes. >> it includes manicures and make ups. >> we didn't put the clear gloss on the lips. >> when i see girls i think i can turn by boys into girls. these are the girls i never had. >> arrest her. i am not kidding. i am not playing, arrest her now. >> they are mothers, and they say it is their choice -- it is the kids' choice to be at the pageants. we held our own recently. here is a scene.
>> it was their choice as well. >> sort of. >> i mailed 60 post cards out to their parents over a course of three months. they don't even know they were missing. >> i vote for the dead one which is both. tucker, you didn't believe this was real. >> no, this sbt real -- i mean, this is rome the later years, but there is no reason to get upset because this is not real. this pre teen village people training videos you put on there are the work of the onion and the parity site. >> keep telling yourself that. >> i will sleep well tonight. you may sleep better if you thought it was a joke. >> i wish he was so right, but he was not. >> there is a three month old baby, and once they see he
doesn't poop his pants. >> solid poop versus runny. >> this is not funny. it is typical of what it is doing. deballing, can i i say that? >> yes. >> the deballing has to stop. >> what if it is just a cool thing for moms and kids do do -- to do once in awhile? >> i i can't believe i said that. >> it is hideous. it is disgusting and it should be banned. >> bill, were you a pagent boy in the late 70s and won a lot of awards and crowns. >> you have seen my desk, my beeb crowns. i think it is an out ray -- outrage. most be thusy them -- because they keep it under wraps.
hire me. >> you are one of the few judges that comes uninvited and unannounced. >> i don't think they like the fact i wear my own outfit too. >> they think they can follow is off the kids. >> and then there is the ankle bracelet that keeps deeping. >> and me trying to take the spotlight. >> and me and a trench coat looking through candy. >> sometimes it rains and i have hungry. >> you have to go, tucker. live to have you here and have you in the studio. take care. coming up, i i guess a slice of pizza. and, what will adam corolla will say something nice.
people on the planet. while giving per accept tiff advice with dr. drew he stole our hearts on "dancing with the stars" and later for no real reason he killed three vagrants for money. it was a dark time. i speak of adam corolla who has a book out called "in 50 years we will all be chicks" and it is already on the new york best sellers list. adam, congratulations. is this your first book, book? >> yes, it is my first book, book. i wrote half a book with dr. drew a million years ago that no one read. th is my first book, book, and i hope to write my next book, book, book and be on your show. >> excellent. is this a book, book you keep on the nightstand or above the toilet? >> i think y should buy a cape for the nightstand, for above the toilet and for in the toilet in case you don't like it. >> i have to tell you, the chapters are exactly the perfect length for any kind of
activity you need to do in the bathroom. if you have a problem, there is an 8-page chapter. if you are quick, there are two pages. it is like you thought it out. >> i did a number one, number two and i just got home from mexico chapter. i wanted to make sure my editor was crystal clear that's how you move books. chelsea hand leer based her backs on the simple algorithm. >> so true. one of your chap pers is devoted to the bathroom. i actually took it to heart. it was a great chapter. >> thank you. if i can do anything during my short stay on this planet is to try to cement some of these rules. we understand in society when you get to a four-way stop sign, the p earn that got there first get to go first. and there are certain things we understand. but we don't seem to implement
these in the bathroom. i just wanted to drive home a few of these. may i make a few points on your show? >> please do. >> one is, let's get it straight. the bathroom door -- and this is more residential. did you ever go to the christmas party -- the holidays are coming up and you go to the christmas party and someone says the bathroom is down the hall. you consumed nine eggnogs and five zimas. you get there and the door is closed. and nobody wants to knock and have the, excuse you! so you just sit there and you wait and you wait and eventually you are going to burst and you knock and you realize there is nobody in there. literally the as wife that was there before you just went in and closed the door behind him. so my rule is, if it is all clear, leave the door open. if you went in there and did some major damage, leave the door uh jar and that way i will know to enter at my own
risk, in other words shields up. if the door is is cloud, i will know that someone is in there and i will wait until they leave, but i won't have the embarassing sheepish knock. i don't know what to do. i want to hide. when you are at a party and you do that, hello, excuse you, i get lost in the party. i don't want to be the guy standing by the door. >> the worst part is you were being blamed for what happened before when you walk out of a bathroom because the person left the door shut and trapped something so evil in there that you are tainted, your clothes slink when you leave. >> right. it is essentially like right before you get pulled over -- say you not drinking the whole night. you are driving your drunken buddy home and write before he walks up to the within dough he dumped a beer on your head. it wasn't me. no, it is not. it is explaining to the hot
chick you didn't destroy the bathroom. you just went oh my god and ran back out. >> that is an injustice. your book has a thesis and basically a mass could you -- maculation that our culture is turning our men into women. is that right? >> yes. that's all i have to say. you just ran the perfect piece to lead into it. the pageant where the young boy and the goy says "yeah that's what he wanted to do." i live out here in los angeles and you drive up and down fairfax boulevard and you see these seven-year-old little boys dressed up in the gear and the black hats and the beards down to here and i'm sure that's what they wanted to doch i'm sure if you left them alone they would have graph tateed toward the copy of -- graph vaw tateed toward the search.
>> no, their parent into be trough nateed them into that. >> it is the parents. the kid wouldn't have found it on his own. >> by the way -- >> i want to take a break. i want to talk to you about rodeo clowns and dolphins. can you stick around? >> sure. >> cool. >> everybody stick around. we will be back with more with adam corolla in a minute or so.
we are back and talking about his great new book. a couple things, the best line i ever heard from you about how to pick up a woman involves telling her what you do for a living that involves aer is fish or mammal. >> actually, you could say bush driver or garbage man or substitute school teacher. saying you work with special needs dolphins is the ultimate -- there is no chick -- you could have hayden penitiera like that. >> you wouldn't need to prove it that night. it is not like you could break into seaworld. >> no. by the way, you wouldn't get called on. it she wouldn't go, oh yeah, my father worked with special
needs dolphins through the 80s and the early 90s. no one knows anything. >> you have to be safe so you carry a picture of a dolphin with you just in case. >> there was also a brilliant interest point about how women respect men who take great risks in their lives, but the one man who takes the biggest risk of all has the most humiliating job which is the rodeo clown. >> i think anytime as a male you are looking for an occupation, it is risk versus am i going to gett laid? -- get laid. and rodeo clown has one of the worst ratios ever. if you really think about it, nobody says, i want to marry a rodeo clown, yet you have 2,000 pounds of angry bull you have to get in front of when the guy falls off the thing. and i thought about the
psychological freedom of egg boo a bill. -- of being a bull. you walk around with a big ham ter. horrible things, things your dad should haved is, you should have said. that's all we are is one big bag of -- one loose nerve of bad feelings and stuff we are carrying around since grade school. think about a bull. a bull gets the guy on his back and he's like, i'm gonna get this guy off my back. i'm gonna kill this guy. they open the chute and he buck hades -- bucks around the. the guy lands on the ground and the bull think, good, i will kill him now with my horn. as he does that, all of a sudden a guy in cutoff wranglers and does this and the bull goes -- maybe i will kill this guy instead.
this guy was literally on his back. we carry the pain around forkers yew. let's stop it. >> we need rodeo clowns. >> thank you, add -- adam. >> imagine, greg, your step dad is calling you stupid and a rodeo cloud jumped out to distract him? that would be uh m so.-- that would be awesome. >> and you can check out his pod cast. it is one of the most successful pod kas out there. we will close things out with andy levy and the po game wrap up.