tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 26, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT
arianna huffington, featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening, everyone. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? are we well? is everybody well? great, very happy to hear it. let's get started. right off the bat, this is a controversial story. the supreme court this week is trying to decide if companies should have to provide birth control in their health insurance even if it goes against their religious beliefs. and nobody -- let me say that nobody is more religious than people who don't have birth control. [ laughter ] oh, please, god.
just this once. i am not ready to be a dad. [ applause ] this is amazing. the founders of "candy crush" will reportedly receive $850 million each once the company is listed on the new york stock exchange. $850 million. just think how many lives you could buy with that. [ laughter ] it's a lot of lives. tomorrow morning russia will fly an american astronaut to the international space station. and you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward. [ laughter ] so, um -- this is me. should probably get off here. [ laughter ] you guys remember anthony weiner? of course, you do. well, former congressman anthony weiner has agreed to write a monthly column for the magazine "business insider." [ laughter ]
and if i know anthony weiner, the column will be all about how to get your business inside her. [ laughter and applause ] this is impressive. this next story's impressive. a girl scout in oklahoma has broken the record for most cookies sold. selling 18,107 boxes. wow. her mom must work in a huge office. [ laughter ] how big an office must that be? [ laughter ] this is interesting. time-warner was voted america's worst company in an online poll by the blog consumerists. i have to say i'm kind of surprised that time-warner customers were able to get online. [ cheers and applause ] that's the hard to believe part of that story. the nfl has banned players from dunking on end zone goal posts after they score.
man, they're getting pretty strict. they used to let those guys get away with murder. [ laughter and applause ] a florida man says that he's selling his rock and roll-themed bed and breakfast to go into the marijuana business. hey, dude. you were already in the marijuana business. the rock and roll bed and breakfast. [ applause ] are there any soccer fans tonight? [ cheers and applause ] i'm a big soccer fan. well, in preparation for this summer's world cup, brazilian authorities announced they would be sending the military to clean up the slums. authorities are planning to apply a thick layer of brazilian police and then rip it off. [ laughter ] so that there's no crime left. no crime at all. [ cheers and applause ] the worst case, like a thin strip of crime might be left.
they think they'll get most of the crimes. they think they'll get most of it. [ laughter ] a couple at walgreens was arrested after they were caught having sex in the women's restroom. when asked why they were having sex in the women's room, they said, "have you ever been in a men's room?" [ laughter and applause ] far better. it's like the ritz carlton compared to the men's room. not sure what to make of this -- sony told investors this week that they are depending on the popularity of selfies, of selfies to continue the growth of their camera division. so at this point, taking a selfie with a camera is like sexting with a fax machine. [ laughter and applause ] [ fax noises ] what am i wearing? what are you wearing? [ laughter ]
[ fax noises ] [ cheers and applause ] and finally tonight, google has released the virtual assistant service google now to all chrome users on monday while hotmail has released its new service, reply all. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, the 8g-band! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] how we doing, 8g-band? are you guys good over there? fred, on the road tonight, promoting "portlandia." i will, i miss fred. i don't miss his lies. if you watch the show, you know that every night fred lies about something trying to impress us. that doesn't impress me. i don't like it at all. i wish he could just be honest about who he is and what he's accomplished. [ laughter ] it's hard for us, it's hard for you guys.
because we all have to stand with him and know that he's, you know, telling these untruths. i mean, eli, you've been up there. you're next to him every night. what's the most, in your mind, the most hard to believe thing so far? >> chase the donkey. >> seth: chase the donkey. if you didn't see it, fred said that he has a new exercise craze called "chase the donkey." [ laughter ] and the way it is, is you just walk around until you see a donkey. and you just run up and then you touch it and you run away from it. [ laughter ] and when i pressed him and i'm like, "what do you do when there's no donkey?" he says you just like keep walking around. [ laughter ] it's just not true. it can't be true. [ laughter ] and i looked it up on line. i haven't found anything to prove. we had such a fun show last night. we have kathie lee and hoda here from the fourth hour of the "today" show. it was outstanding. i love them so much. they're the best. [ cheers and applause ] kathie lee was nice enough to bring some of her new wine. her new wine is called gifft. she spells it with two fs. she spells it with two fs because she was a little tipsy when she came up with the name.
[ laughter ] but in her defense, it was 10:00 a.m. [ laughter ] of course, as kathie lee and hoda say, "it's 11:00 a.m. somewhere." [ laughter ] i have to say, i can't believe it took this long for kathie lee gifford to have her own line of wine. that would be like if today someone was like, "hey, you know lebron james, he should have his own shoe." [ laughter ] "we should make a shoe for lebron james." but they were great. one was a chardonnay which was delicious, and one was a red blend which was ten great blends. which i think means the at the end of the "today" show, they go around and they take the ten glasses of wine and they pour whatever's left of them into a bottle and then they just shake it up. and that's the wine. it's delicious. it's like oaky and full bodied. and there's a little bit of kathie lee lipstick in it, which is great. [ laughter ] taran killam's here tonight which is very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] taran is the only cast member on "snl" that i got to call and
tell him he got the job which was really exciting. we were at a meeting. all the writers were big fans of his. lorne was a big fan of his and lorne was like, "all right, well, we should hire him." and then he sort of said like do you want to call taran, and i said, "oh, i'd would love to," because, you know, it's such an exciting thing to tell somebody. but then i got really nervous before i called. like i found myself -- i was like a middle school kid calling a girl to ask her to the movies. i was walking around my apartment like, "hi, taran, this is seth meyers, hello." "hi taran, this is seth meyers from "saturday night live."" [ laughter ] and i realized my nerves were -- i was nervous because i was so -- like, what if he said, "let me think about it." [ laughter ] and i would have to go back to lorne and be like, "yeah, he wasn't sure. i think i blew it." but i'm very excited to talk to him tonight. that'll be great. also last week, i talked about my mom a lot because she broke her shoulder. she's feeling a lot better. she's going to come to the show next week for the first time with my dad which is great. [ applause ] yeah, i know, i'm very excited. [ cheers and applause ] but we -- like i talked about her a lot like the first few days after she broke her shoulder. like now she's like, "well, i guess i'm not that interesting
anymore. you haven't talked about me for like four days." [ laughter ] and i'm like -- i'm just worried she's going to take desperate measures to make me, talk about her on the show. [ laughter ] like i'm so worried my dad's going to call and be like, "well, your mother got arrested trying to rob a bank." [ laughter ] because i could tell you, she would not be able to pull it off with two working shoulders. she'd have no chance. so just take it easy, mom, and i'll talk about you intermittently, but don't go out of your way. and i love you and i can't wait for you to come see the show. we have a great show for you tonight. the latest "vogue" cover girl, kim kardashian, is here. [ cheers and applause ] as i mentioned, my good friend taran killam will be joining us. and also, from "the huffington post," arianna huffington. we'll be right back! with more "late night" after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ my tell 'em babe...how shemes doesn't solve the crimes. don't call babe ? we're not together. what? i have your lipstick all over my rim. look, this morning was great...
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everyone. now as you know we broadcast "late night" right here from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york city. what you probably don't know is that ever since nbc has been in the building, there's been an agreement that we have to allow five minutes of airtime to the residents of the neighborhood. and since we're the newest show at nbc, that responsibility falls to us. that means that once a month any resident of the city, and more specifically this neighborhood, can come in and air their grievances. so now i have the signup sheet right here. some of these people have been in line since 5:00 a.m. so let's get started here. [ laughter ] all right, first up is trish reynolds.
>> hi. yes, i'm trish reynolds. and i was wrongly evicted from my apartment. >> seth: oh, no, that's -- that's terrible, trish. what happened? >> well, apparently my landlord doesn't like my dog barking all night. >> seth: well, your dog seems very well behaved right now. >> oh, this isn't my dog. i found him on the way here. that's what i do. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, that's probably someone else's dog. >> are you my landlord, because i feel like you're asking a lot of questions about dogs. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sorry, do you have a question? >> i was going to ask you to move in with me. but now, forget it. >> seth: okay. well, i was gonna say no. [ laughter ] next up, abraham -- abraham hershal >> yes. hello. first of all if it's not all ready very obvious, i am an actor. and i am troubled in regards to all of these broadway shows. >> seth: oh, okay. and what is the problem with broadway shows? >> yes. well, i would like to be in one but i don't know how. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sorry, you mean you don't know how to find auditions?
>> woah, woah, woah. wait a minute, slow down. okay, go back. what is an audition? [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, well -- an audition is your chance to perform the material in front of the people who might cast you. >> ah hah. now do they come to your apartment, or do you go to them? >> seth: you go to them. [ laughter ] >> very good. in that case, i will be on my way. >> seth: oh, okay, okay. [ laughter ] next up, gary richardson. gary, are you here? oh, no, gary. >> hello. i came here today to talk to everyone about public safety. specifically the stairs at grand central station. they lack significant grip-tape to prevent slipping. they do not have properly secured railings. and they are very poorly lit. thank you. >> seth: and gary, is it safe to assume you hurt yourself on the stairs? >> no. i fell off the toilet and hit my head on the bathtub. [ laughter ] >> seth: why did you fall off the toilet? >> because i was watching "the walking dead" on my tablet and it scared me. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, well, don't watch it in the bathroom, watch it on t.v.
>> i don't have a toilet in my living room. >> seth: what? that's not -- i didn't mean that. [ laughter ] >> seth. >> seth: yes, abraham, what is it? >> yes, at these auditions we were speaking of, how do you know exactly what to say? >> seth: they give you a script ahead of time. >> ah, good, good, good, good. and will these producers of this, play, will they be in the room? >> seth: yes, they'll be in the room. >> mmm, that's not going to work for me because i get very nervous performing in front of people. very nervous. [ laughter ] >> seth: look, i've got to be honest, abraham. it doesn't sound like you're going to be a very good actor. >> oh, say that to my british accent. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: don't bow. don't bow. all right, up next, richard kits. richard? take your time, richard. >> yeah, i've got a complaint, seth meyers. this, uh, social media, i don't like it. you know what i love? the paper. [ laughter ] i don't need your tweets, your
instapictures or your updates. back in my day, a man sat down and he read the paper, all right? cover to cover! i love the feel -- i love the feel of the paper. i love the feel of it in my hands, i like to open it up and read the new york times, the grey lady. i like to fold it in half, and -- >> seth: i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm just going to interrupt. do you have a question? >> i do. do you have an extra computer i can have? >> seth: no. [ laughter ] no i don't. >> because this is from two years ago and i have read it so many times. >> seth: okay, thank you, i'm sorry. [ laughter ] we have need to move on. >> yeah, but who won the presidential election? romney is great. >> seth: we have to move on. we have to move on. [ laughter ] who do we have next, norma jean walters. >> yes. hello. i have lived in this city my entire life, and i have become personally concerned with the state of the subway. >> seth: yeah. there are a lot of issues with the subway -- delays, overcrowding, cleanliness. >> oh, none of that, seth.
my main problem is that the subway is filled with ghosts. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] your time is up. your time is up. >> there's a ghost behind you right now, seth meyers! >> seth: oh yeah, what's he saying? >> he is also telling me my time is up. thank you very much. thanks, ghost! >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] oh, abraham, i'm upset that you're back. >> hi. yes, hi. hypothetically, let's say i get one of these parts -- >> seth: you're not going to get a part. [ laughter ] >> i know. but let's just say hypothetically that i do. >> seth: uh huh. >> i have something next wednesday, i can't move it. it's immovable. do you think that my director of my new play will be mad at me? >> seth: if you're working in a play, they're going to expect you there every night. >> ah, that is not going to work for me. >> seth: i don't think anything is going to work for you about anything. >> well, it's a good thing i didn't quit my day job as a guy who stares at ladies on the bus. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] all right. last one -- that's not a job. last one, danny crambell. >> thank you, seth meyers. what i'm about to say will no
doubt tear at the very fabric of our society. the shrek is real, and i have seen him in central park. [ laughter ] >> wait a minute, you mean shrek from the movie "shrek"? >> yes! we've long suspected that the green ogre wants to make new york city his own personal kingdom of evil. and i am here to say that our fears are correct. and yet, the police don't believe my story. they say that i am the problem. they say that when i run through the park yelling at children about the shrek it ruins the park for everyone! [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sorry, do you have a point? >> yes, i do. you're all already dead! and you don't even know it yet! thank you. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. thankfully, we are out of time. give it up for the freaks we'll be right back with kim kardashian. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ vo: once upon a time there was a boy who traveled to a faraway place
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>> seth: here it is! >> glorious! >> seth: annie leibovitz shot you for the cover of "vogue." it's beautiful. >> thank you. >> seth: just want to say -- [ cheers and applause ] this is great. and now, did you -- this is sort of a surprise. this is a big deal. you didn't know this was sort of happening. how did you find out? >> well, i knew it was happening -- obviously, i was shooting it. but i didn't know it was going to be the cover. >> seth: right. >> and it was such a secret, i didn't tell my sisters. i didn't tell anyone. my mom knew because we had to use parts of her home. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> so it was this top-secret mission trying to keep out all of my sisters and everyone from -- >> seth: that seems like it would be the hardest part. knowing you and your sisters -- i can't imagine there's anything you could do that your sisters wouldn't know about. were they trying to find out? like -- >> they were a little suspicious but i just said kanye was shooting something at my mom's house and it was really private, and just kind of blamed it on him. but it was -- i mean, i'm --
[ laughter ] >> seth: i bet you're in a nice situation where if anything suspicious goes down, you can go, "it's kanye." and they're like, "okay, yeah." [ laughter ] >> i do that a little too often. any time i have to, you know, not work with someone, i'm always like "kanye." [ laughter ] i always blame it on him. but i -- yeah. it was just such a hard -- like, i don't keep the best secrets. i kind of have the biggest mouth ever, actually. >> seth: well, this is like -- i mean, it's -- here are the "vogue" editors on the shoot and they had to dress top secret just to avoid paparazzi so that no one would find out. so that's like -- >> that is candace bowles and grace cottington. >> seth: yeah. >> he is wearing kanye's hoodie. >> seth: that's great. [ laughter ] >> and it was -- >> seth: it's like "the bourne identity." like "the vogue identity." [ laughter ] and the pictures are great. >> thank you. >> seth: let's look at some the ones inside. they're so gorgeous. >> seth: here you guys are -- walking. that's gorgeous. there are you in paris. >> alexander mcqueen. >> seth: and then this is my favorite one. because it's the three of you together. [ audience aws ] >> yes. nina ricci dressed that,
actually. north peed on him right at that at that moment. [ laughter ] >> seth: north peed on kanye? >> and he was trying to tell me and i couldn't hear him. and i had to get up and get her. yeah. [ laughter ] clean her off. clean him off. >> seth: that's great. i wish -- this is like the first time i wish there were "vogue" outtakes. [ laughter ] does this -- does it mean a lot to you to be on the cover of "vogue"? i assume it must be -- >> absolutely. i mean, just to be in the same name as so many amazing people that have been on the cover is such an honor. and to have anna wintour pick us and -- you know, i know that we're -- it's like the first of a lot. they were telling us that, you know, we're the -- kanye's the first rapper to be on and i'm the first reality person to be on and the first interracial couple. so all of these just mean so much, i think, to kanye and i. every girl, i think, grows up dreaming that they can be on the cover of "vogue." and i collected vintage "vogues" forever.
and so, it's just honestly the biggest dream come true and i'm just honored to be on the cover. >> seth: well, that's great. and i believe first hash tag, too. because worlds most talked about couple on a hashtag so -- a lot of firsts. on top of other things girls dream about, you're about to get married. >> yes. >> seth: and you're wearing wedding dresses in this spread. did wearing all these wedding dresses inspire you about your own wedding? >> yeah. i mean, honestly i felt like the real life carrie bradshaw. it was like the "sex and the city" moment when you're doing a shoot for "vogue", trying on wedding gowns. just even, i had to fly to london to go meet with sarah burton from mcqueen. and -- that was a top-secret mission in itself because i landed, all the paparazzi are there, and i had to get away from them and figure out how to get into this office without anyone seeing me. 'cause if it leaked that we really shot this, then the cover, you know -- i didn't even think the cover was an option. but it definitely would be out of the -- the cards for us. >> seth: i will say they told me it leaked, i was the backup cover. so i'm a little disappointed. [ laughter ]
i was doing everything i could -- >> sorry about that. >> seth: that's all right. that's all right now, with your wedding planning, how involved -- because i just got married last summer, september 1st. >> congrats. >> seth: i would not say i was very involved -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. how involved is kanye in the wedding planning? >> he's super creative, and so i'm so excited that he's really involved in just, you know, making sure that it all looks amazing and is amazing. and he's just so the type of guy that he's kind of like the strength of our relationship. so when i'm stressed out, he wants to just alleviate that stress. so even if it's something that he's not really into, he'll figure it out just to help me not be so stressed out. >> seth: that's really great. you know what i think the most stressful job in the world would be? deejay at your wedding. [ laughter ] i think that would be a problem. just like every song you play, it's like "oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy." i hope this works. [ laughter ] >> i'm leaving all the music up to him. >> seth: that's -- i think that's probably smart. yeah. [ laughter ] you have, obviously, from the show, you can tell you have an
incredibly tight family. you guys are -- very close. >> yeah. >> seth: and certainly at times of weddings, i think that's when families pull together. like -- >> yeah. >> seth: how does your husband or your fiance or how does kanye interact with your family? >> they -- i mean, we live in my mom's house. and we were supposed to move in just for a couple months, and it's been almost a year. so we're building a house, and it, you know, keeps on getting delayed and delayed -- >> seth: i was going to say, is the economy so bad that you and kanye can't afford a house? [ laughter ] like, "here's how bad the economy is: kanye and kim are living with their mother." [ laughter ] >> we're building a house. >> seth: okay, good. >> but that's, i think, why we spend a lot of time in paris because it's a lot for any guy -- especially he's an only child moving into this house with a ton of girls. it could be really overwhelming, i think, at times. so you know, i think he does the best that he could, and he's amazing. and my whole family loves him, and he loves them. and it's great. he uses it kind of like as a workshop also.
because my little sisters are there with all their friends. so when he's designing for his adidas line, he'll bring all the samples and like totally use them as, you know, like a study group. >> seth: that's great. he gets to market test is stuff. >> totally, totally. >> seth: that would definitely be the most fun house to hang out at. >> yes, it is. >> seth: "do you want to come over? kanye, might ask us a bunch of boring questions." [ laughter ] you know, i think. like, sometimes people think, like, working in reality is easy. i did a travel show with my brother where we just, like, went -- we went to amsterdam for three days and they filmed us. and people were, "that looks so much fun." i was like, it was so exhausting having cameras follow you everywhere you go. plus, you have to like -- your whole day has to be, like, active and doing stuff. like, it must be so much harder than it looks. i mean, it is a lot of work. and after doing it for this long, i definitely have a lot of respect for different -- people in the same field. and it's just -- i mean, i love my job and being on the show. i think one of the most rewarding things was, our lighting guy last week.
his name is landon. he gave me a key chain and he said, "here, i got this for you. i worked for you on your show for eight years, and you have created jobs for all of us to where i've now bought myself a home for me and my family." so it was, you know, just a really cool moment. >> seth: that's nice. and then were you like, "can me and kanye stay there?" [ laughter and applause ] >> that's what i should have asked him. >> seth: well thanks a lot kim. congratulations on the "vogue" cover. >> thank you. thank you. >> seth: and obviously, best of luck with the wedding, it's gonna be amazing. >> thank you so much. >> seth: the april issue of "vogue" is available for digital download, and is on newsstands now. we'll be right back with taran killam. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ animals shouting ] aaaahhhh. [ animals shouting ] why can't everyone just be more tea? [ tires screech ] excuse us. [ bicycle bell rings ] watch it! nice. whoa! one step at a time. [ tires screech, crash ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest can be seen every week on "saturday night live." please welcome, my good friend, the very funny taran killam. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. >> seth: so lovely to have you. >> hi! i miss you! >> seth: i miss you, too. are you bored yet? >> seth: i'm not bored yet. no. >> okay. good, good, good. that's a good sign. >> seth: yeah, it is a good sign. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: you just came downstairs. >> i did. >> seth: tuesday night, you'll be writing all night. >> i will. happy to be on the best of nasim pedrad impressions
episode. >> seth: yeah, that's right! >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: kim kardashian is on the show tonight -- two nasimers. >> that's the good thing of you leaving, is that you're so close by. >> seth: that is nice of you to say, and i like being close to you. speaking of impressions, i heard a lot about your matthew mcconaughey impression. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: very good oscar impression. >> yeah. >> seth: but speaking of oscars -- >> sure, sure. >> seth: because you were in -- this is true -- use were in "12 years a slave." >> i'm in a different bracket now. >> seth: you were in the best picture. >> i am, by association, the best actor out today. i don't win awards but movies i'm in, win the best awards. >> seth: this is a true -- >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: that's you. >> that's me. i'm not the guy in the middle. >> seth: you're that guy. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: and i want to say, i'm not -- no joke -- you were the funniest part of this movie. >> thank you! [ laughter ] so sweet! that's not jebidiah, by the way. >> seth: no. speaking of jebediah -- >> sure. >> seth: so -- obviously like new characters on "snl." >> yeah. >> seth: just an exciting part of it. and this last year, you brought jebediah atkinson into the world. >> you brought it. yeah. >> seth: well, the "weekend
update", guys. we were reading the news. >> yeah. >> seth: and there was a story about a critic -- >> right. >> seth: in the past, basically said -- he had panned the "gettysburg address." >> he hated it. [ laughter ] >> seth: he hated the "gettysburg address." and the paper had withdrawn -- basically issued a retraction. >> only 200 years later. >> seth: 200 years later. this probably a little harsh. so we immediately were like, "oh, taran should play the critic who hated the 'gettysburg address'." >> yes. yeah. >> seth: and it turns out he hated almost everything. >> yeah, now -- >> seth: now it turns out he doesn't like movies. he doesn't like christmas specials. >> no, no, no. we'll get to songs. we'll get to music, something. >> seth: but my favorite thing -- because this is one of my favorite things that happens on "snl." is we, you and i -- >> yeah. >> seth: we think we have a super funny joke. >> yeah, totally. >> seth: we think we have a joke that's going to kill. i'm going to roll a clip of me and jebediah atkinson. and you're going to watch a joke that we loved get nothing. >> yeah, yeah. you'll see it in my posture. >> seth: you lean -- also, you lean so far into it. >> i'm so sure this is just going to brick the house down. >> seth: let's take a look. >> what about christmas movies? you have to like christmas movies. >> no one tells me what i have to do!
[ laughter ] >> "it's a wonderful life." too bad it's a terrible script. next! >> no wait. not yet. not yet. >> every time this movie airs, an angel blows his brains out. [ laughter ] now next. >> "christmas carol." more like "ebenezer snooze." [ silence ] [ laughter ] >> thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we couldn't have been more wrong. we couldn't have been more wrong. 100% wrong. this is -- as far as side projects go. as a fellow comic book fan, this is as exciting to me as any of them. you have your own comic. the sport issue just came out. "the illegitimates." >> yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. it is basically a sort of james bond super spy dies and his replacement are five of the
bastard kids that he's had with different femme fatales and female agents over the years. >> seth: because james bond types have a lot of -- >> he's a horndog. >> seth: they have a lot of unprotected sex. >> exactly! exactly! he doesn't have the time for condoms. >> seth: right. >> he's got too many watches and pens that shoot lasers. even if he has them, they probably have a hole in it. >> seth: they're shooting the next james bond movie where they get him all those things. he should go, "could i also -- could i get some condoms?" >> exactly. yeah, jimmies? >> seth: yeah. >> because he's british. >> seth: he's british. he'd call them that. >> i know a lot of u.k. terminology, forgive me. we'll cut that out of the show. moving along. >> seth: more like -- >> both: -- ebenezer snooze. [ laughter ] >> u.k. terminology. no, i have loved comics most of my life. and -- and just kind of pulled the trigger. i'm very proud of this just because it was an idea i've had for a long time and i decided why not now. and there's a cool like, sort of new york moment. i was on the subway and there was like a young family with this cute daughter, and i said,
"she's adorable." and we met eyes, and the dad was like, "are you on 'snl'?" and i said, "yeah." he said, "oh, your wife came to my offices." and i said, "what's your office?" he says, "oh, i work for dc comics. i edit all of batman comics." this guy, mike marts. and -- literally, like full attention. [ laughter ] could not believe it. my luck. my chance encounter. and so mike marts was his name and he helped me get in touch with writers, artists, illustrators, inkers, letterers. >> seth: and we were -- you and i were both at comic-con last year in san diego. >> yeah. so fun. >> seth: and you had -- you were there with bobby moynihan. another person who loves comics. loves superheroes. and you had maybe the best celebrity sighting. well not -- you were celebrity sighted. >> it was maybe the moment where i realized i've made it. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> bobby, who is as big if not bigger, a nerd than myself and i were on our way to video game party on a pirate ship, obviously. [ laughter and applause ] and -- yeah. the best night of my life!
and i'm married with a kid. so -- [ laughter ] that was the best. and we're on our way and we're talking. we just can't believe it. it's like our nirvana. "we're at comic-con!" and we're there for "the awesomes" which is your show. so funny. give it up for "the awesomes." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you. thank you very much. >> season two on hulu coming up. and we're walking by and we're so happy. near skipping along. and we hear just as we're walking by this bar like, "hey! hey, yeah, that's them! the fat guy and the gay one from 'snl'." [ laughter ] and we were like -- i was like, i thought i'd been working out. but apparently --" [ laughter ] >> seth: that's a nice arrival. of course, your comic book -- the things that are going right for you in the comic book world are, i mean, it goes on and on. because your wife, the beautiful cobie smulders, is in "the avengers." >> yeah, and "captain america: the winter solider" coming out in a week, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> give it up. and on "how i met your mother." which literally ends -- >> seth: just next week, right?
>> next monday is the finale. >> seth: we'll find out how -- >> yeah yeah, exactly. it's a lot like this -- spoiler alert. one of these. >> caller: no, really? >> sorry. cbs is going to be mad, but they're the competition. >> seth: right. [ laughter and applause ] >> i was racking my brain with like bits to do on the show because i'm here. >> seth: yeah. >> i had so many. i wanted to come out and dress silly. i was going to spend the whole interview pitching you sketches like i don't realize that you left the show. like nervous maybe, but i'm excited to get to that point with you. >> seth: where we just do bits and stuff? >> i just come out and -- >> seth: we'll count this as a bit tonight. we were talking about sketches that didn't get a fair shot. >> sure, sure. >> seth: there's a sketch that you and vanessa bair wrote called "boids." do you want to explain, "boids" real quick? "boids" b-o-i-d-s. >> exactly. it's a new jersey bird show. [ laughter ] >> exactly.
where were you guys at the table read? it maybe got the opposite reaction there. [ laughter ] >> seth: it was worse than the ebenezer snooze joke. >> it was so bad. i love writing with vanessa. she's -- she's my adopted sister. >> seth: boids -- >> it was great. >> seth: you, first of all, you were mario and luigi, right? >> yeah. what vanessa and i love to do is find an accent or a cliche character and just do it as bad as possible. >> seth: yeah. >> like, "ey i'm mario and this a-luigi!" but was a joke because what you're remembering is -- i said "hey my name's mario." and she said, "i'm a-luigi." because vanessa's awful at accents. then we go -- ♪ da-da da da dum dum joke. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh i forgot that. >> yeah. it's a very elaborate routine, and deserves multiple watchings. >> we could put up -- >> seth: that's what i'm saying. we could put up "boids" here. >> "boids, boids, boids" and it was for will ferrell, he hosted.
>> seth: he had a rap about "boids." >> he did three raps that didn't heighten as much as we'd hope about "boids." >> seth: well i hope "boids" makes it. it won't -- i feel like it's a little ahead of its time, you should probably wait 30 to 40 years. [ laughter ] you have louis c.k. this week. >> louis c.k.'s hosting on saturday. >> seth: one of the best hosts of recent memory. that's gonna be great. [ applause ] that will be exciting. that's this week with musical guest sam smith. this is taran killam. i love this guy. we'll be right back. >> we'll be right back. >> seth: with arianna huffington. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this one goes out to all you know who you are... you've become deaf to the sound of your own sniffling. your purse is starting to look more like a tissue box... you can clear a table without lifting a finger... well muddlers, muddle no more. try zyrtec®. it gives you powerful allergy relief. and zyrtec® is different than claritin. because zyrtec® starts working at hour 1 on the first day you take it.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everyone. my next guest is the co-founder and president of "the huffington post", her new book is called "thrive: the third metric to redefining success and creating a life well-being, wisdom, and wonder." please welcome arianna huffington. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how have you been? >> i've been so good. i'm loving your show.
>> seth: thank you very much. it's lovely to have you here. >> so great to be here, my little baba ghanoush. [ laughter ] >> seth: yes, i am. i'm very lucky that on snl nasim does an incredible impression of you. >> incredible. >> seth: and she is just in love with me as you. and that's been such a great thing. >> i know the only thing -- the only thing that i can never understand what she's saying. [ laughter ] >> seth: yes, it's very hard. very hard. we were going to talk to her about this. uh, this book is -- you're basically talking about well being and our own personal responsibility to our well being in this book. what made you write this? >> well, what made me write this is that in april, 2007, i collapsed from exhaustion and burnout. i hit my head on my desk, broke my cheekbone, got four stitches in my right eye. and i came to in a pool of blood on the floor of my office wondering, "is this success?" >> seth: right. >> because, you know, i would have defined success as money and power, by conventional definitions of success. but by sane definition of the word, i was clearly not successful. and that's what got me thinking about how burnout and exhaustion
and sleep deprivation are really fueling our whole workplace. and you guys are responsible for it. >> seth: we are? >> not you personally. >> seth: right. >> but you men. >> seth: oh, got you. >> you understand? [ laughter ] because you kind of -- you design the world the way it is. >> seth: yes. >> and we are trying to sort compete and participate and get to the top. and i'm saying, hang on. we don't want to get to the top of the world the way it is. we want to change the world, right, girls? [ applause ] >> seth: i think that's the first time anyone has said "you guys" to me and meant, like, masculine thing. [ laughter ] that's why i was so -- i was like, talk show hosts? joke guys? [ laughter ] um, these things you talk about that i think are very interesting and very true. one is the value of sleep. >> yeah. >> seth: just a good night's sleep. because, i mean, it seems that not enough people do that. >> i know. you know, i have 55 pages of end-notes about the science behind sleep and slowing down and meditation. these are not flaky, new age-y, california things. these are -- [ laughter ]
these are real. you know, they make a difference of how productive you are, how healthy are you. they make a difference in the bottom line of companies. but again, men have worn sleep deprivation like some kind badge of honor. it's like a virility symbol. you know, i had dinner with a guy recently and he bragged that he had only gotten four hours of sleep the night before. and i thought to myself, i didn't say it, but i thought "you know what? if you had gotten five, this dinner would have been a lot more interesting." [ laughter ] >> seth: and then he fell asleep in his soup. the other thing you talk about is the value of just, like, unplugging and sort of our reliance -- how we're sort of tethered to our personal devices. >> our technology. and we've become addicted to our smartphones. i mean many people sleep with their smartphones. >> seth: mm hmm. >> do you? >> seth: i don't. well, i have a blackberry, so it's not, you know, that smart. [ laughter ] >> but you actually sleep with your blackberry by your bed? >> seth: yes, i do. >> seth, really, i have to talk to your wife. >> seth: okay. >> that's not good.
>> seth: she doesn't know about it. [ laughter ] >> i hope she's not watching tonight. but the point is that if you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or whatever, you're going to be tempted to look at your data. and then the science will prove to you that the sleep is not going to be as recharging and deep so that you can wake up vital and in fantastic spirits and be able to take on the world and do anything you want. isn't that a better way to be during the day than like in a haze, you know, kind of wanting to crawl under your desk to have a little rest. >> seth: yeah, well, that has its upsides, too. [ laughter ] you gotta check this out before you go. it's pretty nice under the desk. [ laughter ] >> seth: now, also this book sort of talks about being happy with who you are. i did not know this, but you have not always been in love with your accent. which is, i think, the greatest accent on god's green earth. [ laughter ] >> no. i absolutely hated an accent. in fact, i didn't really relax about my accent until i met henry kissinger when i was --
when i moved from london to new york. and he said to me, "don't worry about your accent." he said, "in american public life, you can never overestimate the advantages of complete and total incomprehensibility." [ laughter ] >> seth: it's true. but now -- somebody tried to change your accent. >> oh, yes, that somebody is my ex-husband. and actually that -- it was a bit of a passive aggressive present that he gave me on our last birthday together. he gave me a dialect coach. not just any dialects coach, but jessica drake, who's a famous hollywood dialect coach. she's coached tom hanks in "forrest gump", for example. >> seth: so, basically your ex-husband was saying, "i think you'd be sexier if you sounded more like forrest gump? [ laughter ] i'm not saying i don't love your accent, but if we would gump it up a little." >> gump it up, would be great. [ laughter ] she was following me around and children were young at the time. she would actually put diphthong notes on dr. seuss books that i was reading to them, so i can learn to pronounce the vowels correctly. which you may have noticed i
still haven't learned. but anyway, the point is that at the end of two weeks, you know, i was completely paralized. i knew what i was doing wrong, but i couldn't fix it and still function as a normal human being. that is the end of my efforts to change my accent and the end of my marriage. not the direct correlation. [ laughter ] >> seth: right, but close enough. well, finally, i want to say thank god you still have this accent. >> thank you. >> seth: because i tell you --. >> and i want to say thank god you have this show. >> seth: oh, well thank you very much. [ applause ] >> seth: so glad you came on. >> and you know what? i also think that while i'm redefining success, maybe you can redefine success in late night television. >> seth: okay. >> here's how -- >> seth: okay. >> you know how most people measure success by how many people are tuning in? >> seth: mm hmm. >> what about if you measured it by how many people fall asleep by the end of your show? >> seth: oh, that's great. >> so you might actually help america thrive by getting -- >> seth: well, that's great. >> getting a proper night's sleep. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, why don't we just very quietly then -- [ whispering ] "thrive: the third metric to redefining success and creating a life well-being, wisdom, and
i'm taking off, but, uh, don't worry. i'm gonna leave the tv on for you. and if anything happens, don't forget about the new xfinity my account app. you can troubleshoot technical issues here. if you make an appointment, you can check out the status here. you can pay the bill, too. but don't worry about that right now. okay. how do i look? ♪ thanks. [ male announcer ] troubleshoot, manage appointments, and bill pay from your phone. introducing the xfinity my account app.
♪ >> carson: hey, everybody. what's happening? welcome to "last call." from evr, i'm your host carson daly, and we got a good one coming your way. tonight we pop into south by southwest in austin, texas and bring you some great music and good performances from the preatures as well as a snapshot of the band misterwives. all of that coming up. but first, veronica roth is the "new york times" best-selling author behind the popular "divergent" trilogy of books. the first novel recently received the film treatment and just opened up in theaters this past week. so, we thought we'd have veronica on to talk all about it. take a look. ♪