tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC February 23, 2016 10:34pm-11:37pm MST
chirng und. my wif who wes up sound. ery time i let out e hf a snore, she wakes up. she's sound asleep i assume i'mdrming. then hea it again. and wtnd ir nothing. lay head backwn. thenin i hear it. this happensga and again oncevery five minutes. really, i don't know how much. it could have be 20 mutes, it'sosble i was thereor da. don't know. i was half asleep. finally i ge up to investigate. first i go into the bathroom to waitor t und. and i just stag tre iting. an ocour, i d't heanythi . just'mut to back to b it chirgaut not as ud. so i know it is not ithe bathroom. now i move to e be ind there waitini wa. doar hi. i'm-okay, justhen i relax, iear it again. no i kw iis froside the droom. sow i repeat ts ive
se withbird. i'min te it m a little clos to what turned out to be the smoke detectort th end of thehallway which is moued on ceiling tt's ten feet high. and think it ismportant t note that i naked. i'm cplel , iav upre stop this. i gra a little stool tt is not deseasonable for a 185-pound human to stand on. i don'tcare. the's no way i'm goiown to the garag to g add. hioint i rathero to the ncyha tgarage. ilimbp there. i'm stilloozyrom sleeping. probably from t sea sickness pills. i get up there. d just ai get up there, my fe walks out. e shrks a ttle. i'm at th stool e level wh herace shelf gets started which scare me i aost fall off the stool.
i start over again. at this pntf i had h a have my smoke detector, kildit. blasted ithrough the cli an d the damag in the rning. al i had it s ool. unless i gothishiwn, there noay we' goingback to sleep. get up there and i stretch and i reach. i justncit oit m fing ti. i pltown and i pull o thtees aittl moter' hrtr somethg.i get the bteryout. then put the smoke detector the stl.anhrow the battery in the garbage and i gacko d. wodn't yo it i back to be e in beeps n. noatteryower sourcef any kind. i' convinc it runng on spite at that point. so i to, this is true. i tooit dowta i put it ithe frigator whmoetecralwaie in th midf th nit? it nev happens at noon.
in for the kea to tortureus. this is a tecology i' ntscover. this i calle phe. ha y hrdth maserad p? it is an app tha supimpose skver your face. it very bght re. now i'm,hat's myd with leondo dicapr. i do loo bter asleonar. oop dogg. yokn wt'm saying? that's right. move you heaou okt at. thers the joker which i scy. ere is monkey. guillermo, you suldit al. thi up herike a monkey or somethin let's seehaouook ke.
it's the jor. oh, that'sark obama. wow! yokn,ou canally, s eat. elpresve ere. he can point it at the tv, too. s try i wit donald trump here. we're going to play alip of dona trump. i'll g real os i want ever. tpeople, tl le. >> theree is. harry potter. black people snny pelehighly educed, okay and praicly notcated at al of'tt greatest thing ever right. u can hthis. that's way better than a smoke deor. i' tell you tt. it w a big d for donald trum th nevad cau too tietaf is littl differt.
rst and theou fin out you vot for. it is more exciting. donald trump was heavily favored to win. not just by donald trp. by oth ppletoo. rcbio a ted cz are a frc fond ace. ted cruz veryrumpy lately. he just releasen . he promises to sl oive away all oda'sc land natnal rk for and mumhi a i youe cult lde fer of a pygist ct. if you're raeg ti may not. hed the f es elted, heldot lo aliens to return. but ted cruz says he iso on miio says i hised ident,ve himsfk to cana
on msnbc. ey had a le report from indoorun range in reno which really gave us somensight into the curre mood among g ters. >> did you see ove my shoulder, therare lots o folk here who believe the sond amendment in this country is u attack. [ n fire ] >> the say a short din away -- [ inaudie ]. >> th second amentrown out the fit amendment. de wa t scare to turn around a tell them to shut up. meane, the democra a primary ioutharolahis we bernindsho has h troublttracting afrin-am votsust got high profileorme from spikeee. spike lee tape a r ad. us tew garbage can rough hillary to
its a weird election when spikeee is endorsing the oldest whitest m theorldas evereeul are we s spit cngniitheon sanders? so as you probably know, the oscars areunday her on abc. enlee stay u our 11th alerw. thsimefeaovero all th nined fis. a publi rvice, w asked our friend to review somof t nominees for best picture to helpou dece what to see.ifr s,ou want to owha toee bore th showt, aieon mie refuseo s for pl asons. but here's the moviethe martian. ac! >> ti
mal abo thevie. his name ismartini. go tthe moon. drybody ceacnd leav h mself. >> is a video messag sirtedo who cr. play it. >> i'm aliv ive. h matt damon wonscar r that moviheon osc bor wit benaffleck. very nice guy. the movie very od alln th d like star w onn at vie, a lf actorn th movie. they got the guy, the president - >> i'm the director of nasa. >> his name jeff in theovie anddaer the haiwi the red hair. in themove.
n rin. s in theovie years ave. hisname, e y omfric od lk for mtdamon. od luck watching the mov, guys. action. >> thankyo wheneome b arom m e'she scts alikies fr ofijuanaho neve before se ner imagined footage from the walking dead stick aroun hi, i'like make p-- scanner: rean im. resc, rescan. resctem.
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>>imtoonheho "thlk",kiardashian stday. eted the new pho of her newbn son shelf pted pho ofis han elier this yea and this is res of m. he is ve cute. up until he was hidden. he was available only to title subsibers. he is notr ordinar baby. sois armsrever his head is becse he can fl d i ct, he ise night. please w st. w lies and geleme t .
[ eers applause ] 're lucky h didt he a fulldiaper. that hbeen a ss portland, oren today, a very enterising young gl sct decided to sell her cookies in exactly a spot where you shosell cookies. in fro of a pot sho someone tweet this. girlcout ckies being sold in frt of a marijhop o sthland. du mean wh that's th only question i don't ha is hy. obviouslyhe k wha going on. use sheotatisfy your muhies on e thing. the kid is very smart. thisoblem. there no wayiterls going to be able to lift a thatmoe' if s dge for th.
women, wl you? >> jmy: welcome back. tonight, fm "the walking dead" and the new movie "triple 9" norm reeith . then, fromemphistennsee, is his albu it's call "the arthule." yo gti featu travis barker from samsu sta. don't knowf there ammy fo recd album cov of the but that's a good one there. that sctacular tomorrow night, our guests goonsa eellett-belland l ha music from womother. lly brown, andusic fro tinashe d snakehips feating chance the rapper. >> jimmy: and sunday night, the oscars are on abc. and once again, am hosting our annu aer par - immyimmelive afthe oscars."you ana pl eht
ton, matthew broderk, nath lane,ry cavill, jesseisenbg, tcy morgan, and surprise guts awell. please jn us beforehoa rhimes owned0% of this network's pre-time real estate d hit shows began spinfrom aollod-out volco in eashoywood,he cread a ttlehoabout active groupf doctor oof whom nad gr. d, almost 11 yea laterit inueto bone of t most pular shows on television. >> okay. what dyou think it don't know t. feels like a mor. >> i watched him place the clip. the clip didn't cli slipped. il get hero ct. >> meredith >> what? >> she's my paent. she came ck. >> she derrek's patit. now she's mine. >> whene ha a t ier chin their tail for the sws. >>yes. e was inurail?watch "grey'anatomy" thursda
ea wel een ppe >> go to see you. you look fantastic. i love your tfit. >> you.you loo fantaictoo.>> jimmyvethg all right? mon t the ou. immy gtaer. is that what haens when girls neyou? >>immy: our drummers pretty drunk right now. somo it'say. im:1 yhi show been othair. do you remember theirst episod do youemember when you we first shooting , wha you thought about what might happen? >> do i. so thin. i remember thinking, we have no idea how to act like doctors. but that's okay becausehe interns are not sposed to have any idea how to be doctors so it's oy wes up and look like io.
>> jimmy: i see. interestin i dot thinkstrue. i ink thenterns have d like a lot oficraining byha point. but lucly you were oblivious enough to make itwo andav been shoot in that same st the wholetime >>e ve. hot pilott veterans nonorthrge. whh w don't use anymore. yes,e do shoot in the same spot. our stages a in th sameace. >>immy: y have rituals ing a daily routine that you go through wheou're shootin isshow? ah comein. i complain andmo. >> jimmy: to whom myself. anybody who will listen. >> jim:t doesn't matter yo decide to ben acto you get on hit, hug hit show arybody loves itnd ythi goes great for 11 ars. an yet asan begs, we stillime thing onompl t.
i don't know if she isind this no i've heard some mix things some makhe cast o to get away with murder and snd liweetough all their show youuyseem to have escaped that. >> we certainly started befe the whole sociamedia thing. >> jimmy: before itter, yes. >> so when that came t, we were like fre out byhat noon of havinha direc inach thefans. >> jmy: yet if you had been asked to do i when thehow started, it would have been confusing because ttter did not exist. it would have en a completely unreasabreques thatoesn't mean cel unreasonabeqson't ppen. >>immy: that's .e to be cooperative. >> jimmy: yes. >> and we're proud of th show. d i do like the excitement o the fans. it is fu
youo comealk toimmy kimmelor a live tweetyoue to seem like a cooperati person. so yes, the portant episodes i do. >> jimmy: you're here be. u.you're here grnglyut pleasa >>s. out the to be the ce w lot of women m li i was ierestedee the taylor swi comment. >> she is fan of the show. and her cats aremes, one is mever li. cat iearnedhat from twitte would never kw thisft wereot for twitte >> jimmy: so she announc she would name the cat aer your character. >> the twitter kw everhing about her.hehiso that'ow i found o. then somebody called >>immy: attneys contted her.
they said would you le to be in tdeo. s. th would be so there's anld lady section, i'm do. >> jmy: do you feel lik you're partfer glsqua i do t. no fe le i hhef 20-yold. immy:ou're siin how would we know that? >> whe she gets up to leave dot to go commercial. you won a vma form vio. >>ye and aoon m wch ien't picked up. so so gracisly invited me over get it. i rking. >>immy:id you nea cat? >> no. and i'm super allergic to cats so itill be award. >> jimmy: i h sometng a little special that i want to do with you. u'veeen pyingocr 11 ears was wonde if youould
maybe not so common tools that doctor ay? i'm going to pull out some things. some of them are harder than others. 'l stan easy one. whats is? >> come a stethospe. >> jim: rrect. all right. let's do something else easy. let's go with -- harder. come on! jimmythis. >> mets. >> jimmyha aasl am. >> a amp. that aclam >> jimmy: wl - >> it ap. jimmy: it's a hemo st. thas what pot smoke used toall them jimmy okay, okay we're drawingn yrxperience here as doctor,ot a stoner. okay? this is similar. a bigger version of it.
's a -- acally, it'sot wh i it i've nevee this. weon use this >>immy: whato you me you don't use it? ose are forceps. you hear about them all the me. >> on grey's. >> jimmy: don worry,e have lo morethh. we're goi te red. okay? >> ay, okay. >> jimmy: do you know what ts thg is for? >> yes. th is a rib spreader. jimmy: yes. absolutely correct. doe owhat ts ? tt's a scalpel. jimmy:s! ascalpel. do youno what this is called? >> an ascope >> jim:bsolutelyright. >> this is little bit harder.
>> this is anestheologis use this t gas youo slp. i don't ow what it is called but i know wt it does. >> jimmy: that's all at mas. y kwt thi tng is? >> thai know iso measure breathg. i don't kn what it isalled though. >> jimmy: i apparently have no lung hr whatsoever because it is not mong. this is a bulizer. >> okay. >> jimmy: i feel lik you're callin m thing int question. >> of cour i'm woman. i'm goingn questio erything u say. i had asthma. so i knoat a nebiz is.my: y . >> theedicine gets hked up to ised a different type. >> jimmyndet goith one more. >> i'm not going on ait defea ev. >> jimmy: there's n needle on this. what is it called? >> a syringe. >> jimmy: that's absutely right.
ellen poeo! alright, what doyou think boys? we c do tacos. we could do some tha oo how 'bo shi, eh? [weird dog moan/squeak] why not? [dog yawning/squeaking no, we're no we're notaving baecue. ain. [quiet dog groan] why? beusyou're ofo legs, and i'm on two. and i'm driving. that's w [dog whi] sushi its. ifou couee your cough, it'susa u'd sehooften you coh l day and so wld everyone else.
new robitussin 12 ho h reef. beuse 's never jt a ugh. ahh.yeah! ahh... h...yoobablyayt a llion mes day. ahh... ahh! ahh... ahh! but at cigna, we want to help everyone say it once a year. say "ahh".>>ahh... cigna medical plans cover onhundred percen of your in-network annual eckup. so america, let's go. know ahh! and take control of your health. cign tether, a the way. hatchaonna dwhen you get outthere? i'mna have some fun! what do y consider fu fnal n! ow! i'mn heen with my boyfriend, mylaughing boyfrie. stein' in a rhythm to a fun flow.
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in. >> action guilrmo. hi, i'm gulermo. toda i'm going to jump over a pit of -- liv snakes while inkinglasmthie. >> gaveim pt hes gng tbe jumpiver a tank of livsnakes. oh! >> doueedg guy toothat? >> no h t yo i i don't makhe jump i'll go inside the snak. this is a terrible idea, eh? one is coming out. >>ealing with a snake in the pastik when you were a kid? >> oh! my pants.
cmo tigcountrstand... the dicounts. safe dri paperless paid-in-, lti-car and joey fatone. avin' you fiundred i sinu hundr we have to-tune, right , yeah. that's a h! yeah! cat t unmid data for your famy? other carriers either don't ofr it it's tons not t-mobi! get relines of unlimited 4 lte data forust fifty bus each, d l f
and starting friday, you can see him in t new bank robb th "le 9 pleael norn reus!goyou. hore you doing? in >>my: inousw fro london. you reaan conveionin. >> it was banas. did i tkit wh you,t t a back. >> jmyblef aree fan ofhe wki dd >> better. tter behad. i think morees smed re opri>> ty're elyscry. >> jmy: doesturprise >> . had arew lincoln tre as we and he doesn'to a wle
they went craz >> jmy:his parti cidenttoing to menetha i ove aeyondnyth ieard abo happe a of these nvtis. you were,rurse bit by aoman aa conn. >> tr >>hahappenedexactly? >>e api ght? and shetartedoff, ce ound setime ke the pretehae're mad. iwent ,ay..and then to tellouhe h, i was so ted at that point it didn't reallyegter she sdthat. and then took th picture. then she s of morphed into werewolf. sh sta to shake lik hen like stf howd.
cht.and then hleagn.haas tre idhat t[ bleep ] and then officers taced her to the ground. she was escorted out. and then sheame outside. d she goes what happen? d they sa ma'am, y jbi rmanshgoes did? >>immy: she teted the photo. i guess this was jus be e tack. ts yrwife >>no. jmy:ot clear wh happened. >>w. immyidrawood? . but s left h teeth prints on . >>my:he the msfulldo y hair turred? . bu remember that movieie tot recall the wan her head off d ts it it was sort of like at.
>> jimmy: soundst. >> shead an epise, you know at i mean th >> jimmy: have you er bitn lebrity? have youve been that fired up? did i once. i was an lane. darn short was in fro of me. and i was t nusohi. i too aicture oth back ofhead and then the plane got up to wi-fi level. and be some sent me a picturef th back of myrom the plane. soet i do ittoo.>>my: and ank te on hi m shor jim ihink i pyd b pleasan experience. i better toe pic ofhe b aperson'she.wh,on a plait theod a irt and tha k otu
>> y owo through atlantairpo qui a b withbloo a ove a m msi'm waiti in thee to go nd tm myassp o my dr's license and i'm wiping blood off. andeople are looking a me ke'mcr >> jimmy: we leisne ieee w lne o,ri >> that' teirdesthi er immy: we' jt yellt the auence in here. it is notike i'm notou o hr . i thoourov te 9 v exci. i reall end joyed. th iser e. i cateally say anying about you. n you say anythingboutour partn themovie? >>yeah. certain set with aracter. >> jimmy: for the cast, it' unlievable. >>ye. i'm a fan of all of em we hhis sll tol off sometng that needs tbedone.
thing. y need it w b together buto it in ery, ryorrible way. >> j whi wilore sense people as they s the vie. ronaul who was hereas night. he's in the flil >>ove him. >> jimmy: you knewhther befoe? >> for a long me we p ber in is vii' d troth thing quite a bit. usually the ynger brotr. now'm tlder brother which kind o pisses me off. him clift co eck, thansle immy: halsons the movie . it i veryood to seeyou. i'm sorry no oe here can he anyt wayg. yo vy rstag. ause
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e ball today that i binhe kitchen n' yncookheauce if you sat down andalked ou the balmain minfresr th i'm fsht e against the law i'm living my lkerules of the game and this is "nightline." >>onht newm e showneva. it'sheir in the westor the republican esidential hopefuls. and a ns i projectin that donald trump wil f f in thecaucuses. n athin slow dn his campaign? d we go into the wild to e front lines of a modern w save ancient anima from extinction.
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