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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 4, 2016 10:35pm-11:37pm MST

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what d yououhinknkf j-law's drs? which white p!ople did you go te bro? >> chrhrover here, tk k k s! >> jimmy, jiy kikiel, what are u dog out herere immy: myom got me this mera, i figud i'd get a few shots. d d't y y have the "aft the oscaca" spspial tonight? >> jimmy: ah, but -- did you gift baske canai gesome o noishihi lotion? yo, chris. did leta rock itonight? chris,ho are you w wring? chs! i didn't find out o yore wearing!
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wearing! >> dicky: frfnollywoodod- 's "y kielelivter e oscars" togh- ben affleck, trtran, nry cavill jesse isenbe, j.j.immons, will arnett, nathan lane matthehebroderick, miktyson, and ss. plus we livivto the governors ball. presenteby samsung. th cleto a a the cles. d now ---- lilits, camera, acone's
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>> jmy: thank u. i was not expeini it. thank k k i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. ankshsor staying up.p. i knkn it'late f fununy night but welcome toto`21th annual after the oscs specia thstats have been haed out, teches have b bn spokenananonce aga i was not invited to of the ter parties here we areogether. [ ee and applause ] makiki the besesof i i it was a nightf controversy. was a night of it wightf f f t ofunmftablfa wte leleing g msuheclapapwhen t cameras we on . asasou knothere w re n nblk nomimeesn the cagories. tonight'oscahopelu w w w whititithae neo buy t-shirir at a michael boltlt conctrthe only way a b bck or hispanic or asian o@toberer was going to an oscararasasf they let steve harvey announce the winn and d dt didt t ppen. [ [ ughter ] [ cheers and appusus] >> jim: the showent mostst as expected,re wen't't ton of surses. the biggest surprise was arning thehe's actually a
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man whcld outhe wind andisappeared." ititas an inreing show. und cut`out o& o of the guys who w best sound de. true i think the rson -the e d who introduced best t ort was shor so that wawaggod anthe woman whohwon best umumdesisi showed u dress like t ts.. >> this is she second oscar and tenth n mination for jenny bpvin. the first oscar in this tegoryry- >> jimmy: shloloed like sammy @ hagar in stuis. ess shdoesn't ke herer workome wi her. "spotlwon best picturere ie lsowon bebe ass. cheers and applalae ] leonar dicapapo n best tor. leo had nominatededix tyty until tonit t never won b everyone kt saying, this is his year.
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but you know, the man has had sex withthththferent victcria'secret modelvery n nht o o-- every year of his yeye.om 1991 1 heen hiyearar it w apecialight whether you're a fan of movies, e ars, othe an seacre men's wear collti wellave manyreat mom in store yore ro n a&fleck is)here. [ [ eersnd applalae ] >> jim-m: batmanersusp surm. he's'satman. yeseday y ben's 4-year-old son's bihday partytynd guess what costume h h son made m wear tenenrtain ththkids at the party. that's right. 'll find out how that went. it's not all glamorous, this hollywood d ufuf e day you're on the red carpet, next d 1prprchoolers are aou with pinina ks right w w e starare headin he ger bal t post-oscarpartss thestreet our man gugurmo is thehehe standingy live viaur big cisco screen [ cheers and appuse ] >> jimmy: wewel get go to m now,ermo, what'st like,
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>> yes, there's s lot ofhe big starararouou he. beautiful l men toto >> jimwhy y n't you ve a a ofofm? >> oh. at the bar right now. jimmy: they're at tarar l rit. see who you carussell up f andnde'ck bacin later. how many dris have you had >> about 40 shots of tequila. >> jimmy: ok,`greaea perfec so hs rerey go. at's actuay lesshan he typicay has a sy y ght. ank u, guillermo. we'll check backn with you later at the governo ball. one ofhe most t ititally acclaimoviesf the year this year at was not nominated fo bestture was reed." the toirof roc balboa training the son of one of his greqt vals. atlone was nominated f an oscar. it would not be a e without a el. the rld d emiere trailer for the ch-aiciped followup reed." >> will have a cice.
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i was born to do thihi can't nobody stop me! >> y g no businesseing hehe. >> the other fighters are fighting for their lives. lookt youn eqting a hero o@ndwi. >> it's a hoagie! >> get tht helelout of my gym! >> look at this. your first fht with r. you got caught with right uppercut. you're sounding like a dolph with an itchblow holol hee hee! hee hee! hehehee! e hee! hee heuehee hee hee hee hee!>> how do you ow s thatig? >> thas my pop>> jununr. >> >hat's what marty poviv td us i need you to train me. >> train you to o what? >>hat you think i'm talng
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fighter. >> i been n ghtingy whol life. thehpeopop who si i uldn't fifit -- >> ha hahaa! >> figing my demons. heyeyby. ighting thatatadinin ndy's drthrough because she wouldn't give e ext dipping sauce.e.e.e.e. >> where's m mdipping sauce? >>lllj asksk for was erara honey muststd! aaaa >> i'll teach@u u u ight, kid. les some shohos ononou because weweotork to do. come o >> all i asked for was extrara ney mustard.. comon! come on n w! >> o oh! >>. >> come on, chicken,n,ome over here!
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's about heart. brns.. >> andndowls and wings! >> ove uerround and througug meet mr. bunnyulit through. u'rereot f fus yo got to fofos. at that t at tikikyou t!t! harder! harder! you've got to ki him! ve it to him! what t t hell are doininwhoa, whoawhoa! hey, hey, nono no! no got it? veveot it. yoyoveot it! [ cheersrsnd applause ]>> i ie fight no thohohtht daen. >> this is fightobod thought shouououappe this is a disgrace to the sport of boxing. but i n't t it to see it.. >> thihiis our last rorod, you
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>> keep thking it's gum. >> fus, kid, you nd your edge out there! >>rrrrrr hey, get me some. honey mud, you remembebed!d! hat's right. now go get himn >> t tt wawaclubber. j know,*inow. ah, mwahah, mwah. love you s smuch. i gohair in my teeth. go get him! >> pop? >> quit your jibber r bber foolol >> how am i doing? >> goooo yeye. ere will ba sequel.
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>> jimmy: we have to take a eak but it will j@ woror it, stay there. we have many ytars and my surprises nhe w w. it'sur biggest s sw of t t year. our 1111ual "after the e rs""pepe we'll br t ckfter thi [ [ ee andndppe ] my kidsdson't have to forag got two jobso oboba mortgage, d d ve also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap.p. i'll be woing while you sleep. still dodot thin i' got a brain? you think a resume's's'sh? who'o' step up when things get tough? don'n'you want that kind of braiai a dedededes a degreeee you'reonna wanttsomemee like me.e.
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>> jimim: hello and d lcome back to our 11th annual "tethth oscars" special. tman ic on nhe way. t leles check in witit guillermo on tall of a arica the governors ball happpping across -- lolot thisis guillermo, you d i i i asked you to gets a big ar, you gogous a big star, sachchron cocon,ello!
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>> hello, america. you were s supposedo presest and alliegeg end up filling in for you.u. >> that is true nanare called andennt thehroommnd next thing i knew i had eeee made a fool out . >> jijmy: did she know that alig. was coming out instead of -- , holdon. ok at this. i'm trying t -- i'm real sorr sasha i apologize but the's some idiots in the back >> yeah, t's a aot of complete pardon my frencnc [ bleep ] walklking around. >>immy: yeah, there are people jumpmpg around in the back like- >> they'y' just trying tget faus. a lot of people are hereet thidn't win toninit.
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really aha thahawe put so much work in the show and then people just t ow and up they in it like tha>> b losers. >> jimmy: well, you know -- - - sacha, you he a movi"the brotrs grimsms" congut. . >> that't, that's right. rch 11th. >> jimmy: and again, i apoloze fofowhat's goingn here, very unprofessional. guiliermo, y're the one that shshld be watching for w wt't' going g . the guy behi you out of the shot! >> who is -- >> jimmymythank you u ryuch. dimimit. >> jmy: m so sorry >> stay ay, please. >> jijmy: erers no excuse for thth. ologize agn. some people arjust groro. but thank you very much.h. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sacha baron cohen! [ cheers a a appusu#] >y awaw. >> j)jmy: thank you so much, gulermo. >> stataaway nt year. jimmy: ththk you.u. keep rounding people up, will you, guillmo? no -- >> hjimmy ----
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much. [ cheers a a applause ] just really pisiss memeff, , thth's all. so bacto t t moviei- th is ththreas why we' tching television ght. is on n r ghghgh nightht celebrate great films. if you're at allamiliar with momoe "trodu" you knowt t one of e best codies ever. [ cheers a a applause ] >> jimmy: thprucers"s a clsic, won a aoscar fomel brooks, , cord-breakin12 tony awarar when m%l mama it into a brbrdway music starring nathanan la and matthew broderirk. it's beealst 15 ars. now eye b ck with a diabicalalew schememto u ueash their r st spectacular disasasr yet. >> they we a paiaiof political consultants on neededea break. >> t tt's it! 're finished, throughg kaput! don't say that, max. let's f!ce itbloom, we t had a winnnng c`mpaign in y yrs. >>ax, doou realize under the@ ght circumstances it might be ssible o ma morormoney from a losing candidate than from a winn? >> w wt did you say? >> first we find a bad candidate, thehewe raise money c czy and promise all t t t donono ambassadorshio italy
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th when the public figures out whatat nut case our guy is he drops out of the race m- >nd we keke allllhe dough! oh, darling bloooo g grious bloooo u bloody genius you!u! >> max, don't. >> but wait, wai this candidite.. he's got to be the worst candidate in histo. a rere trara wreck. schmuck, putz,old-plated nincncpoop. whwhere would we find a ffoon like t t >> a a aow a message f fm the board roro. >> people ha been n king about my desk and the fact t tt i hava so many papers on my desk. it's'sctually very neat. but if you lk ound, i meanl ere'a lot oftuff. i'veveicedvethe yearar-- people have a lot gog n n theidesk. >>anme t t phone!! thphone! >> msk is a ve imptant rt ome- >> yes, yes, y. hello,o,ellooperator?
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>> g g me the board room.p you know wch one. >> tyad a foolproof plan. >> there's a new hse in the ce for the wte h hse. his name, , nald j. trump. n he beathe establishment? whwill s sportrtim? fiscal c cservatives? the religious righgh or c czy old semracast white eople? >y're sure c c cin? >> oh, mrs. comisky, donald trump is the very dededetiti of f a winner. >> jususre the fin. >> oh. >> bss you, mrs.s.omisky, bless you. thank you.& thank you.u. yes. i i ephe cckie, thank yo thank you, mrs. comisky. yes, good-bye, mrs. comisky. here w%7go. that's a airl.
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we're going right out e door. all right, easy y w. easy, we don't have e me for th. easy. all right. n't worrrr it's only six flights. bye! >> >ye. >> >hank gor citizizs itit. >> 2ambassadors to frae so far. >> a a 25 5 llion bucks, bloom. i i ve to tell you, runnin trump was smart. t yoyo idea about buildi a wall across the mexicacaborder? brbrliant. >> not as brilliant as your idea about making theexicans pay foit. >e won't last the wee >> oh, loooo max, this is it.. >> i wilbuild a great, greatat wall oour r uthernorder qnd i will have xico pay for that wawa. mark my words. we' in n e e y we're e the money 4 announcer: but they pick th ong fool. >> goonews for dald trump. the e e world has g/ne stark raving mad for h likththe two looney birds, these numbm skulls, even in whack a dole.
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b and go kick isis' ass? e's s ill in theea maxax >> how could t ts happen? >> well, i hear he's a p p pn businessman who knows how to get things done. >> yeah, he'll stand up to the mexicans. >> i canan believe this s8's not poible. >> wherereid we go right? >> i don'tnow. >> wait a mimite. wait a minute -- did he e estion john mccain's war heroism? >> yes. >> d he say should d ck out 1111il immigrants? >>es. >> did he proposbanning all 1 billlln muslims from entering the s.? >> >>ide say hehei klumas n nlonger0?0? yes, ye >> nothi is work m m, nog. >> oh, no! >>ouncer: : stn time for the electionit's a story that starts offffunny and then gets
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[ cheers and applause ] we needed a chump to put on the stump a frumpy grumpy naned donond trump h $ $builng a wall a thousand feet tallll don'toror cauheicans llayort all >>nnououer: fromomhe producers of "the prprucs" comes a movov thtt wl make amerirere agaiai nathanane,e,atthew bderick, cloris l lchmastar in -- you'vbeenenrmmpeded may he t beuca ba esidt. inbibig bong bing b@ng bongngong. >> whoao w wt have we done? [ laught ] [ cheers and applalae >> jimmy: w% have a lot to come includudg e toght t the show never bore seen footage om "tm versus surm." [ cheers andpplaus] thfter oscars post shoho" we'll beight back with ben
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chfers and applause ] >>icky: jimm[mmmeler the oscars iought t y byb samsg. go to youte.com/jimmykykykelive to see guililrmo nursed in a virtual worlrlusing a samsun v-r headset.t. e trade a seizizopportunity. and i'd like to.....cut. i im m nna take t js opportunititto direct. ank you,e'll cald,you. evening, filnoir, smokok atmphere...
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> u lookood, y sd jackete anma t t tur we. >>h.
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chee and appppus] [ cheeee and applause ] >> jimmynyhi, i'm jijiy kimmel thyofor stayininup late for our 11th annua"after the osrs"" special. @ a beaming to u verom hollywood me steps away from the dolby thea the room where it allllappeped earlier night. we he w shows tomorrow nightht and all next week.`. and a lololeft to come tight. two-o-me oscar winner, actor, direct, producerernd scrcenwriter who next month, slips into a capapto keep p tch over gotham city in "batman v
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>> stay downwn if i wanted it youou be e ad aly! cheeee a a applaus] >> jimmymymymyman versus susurman" opens marcrc25th..
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[ cheersnd alausus] >> jim: wow. you lo - -you u ok healthy, yououook -- healthy. well, you u ow. u do terhero movie, yoyo get muscd. th muscle tutus totoat, you ow. >immyuh-huh, wow. i mean, really. >> o oand off cycle. >> jimmy: no offeneni don't mean tput you in an pmforble sition, but you ally ballooned up. >> thanks. i dididi't t tnk it wagoing to -boutody shshintonit.t" immy: whgoon? >> thanks but ---- >> j jmyhave you got a monke under e,hat's haening here? at is going it'sovin >> no, it's not.t. jimmy: whwh the hell is going there? >> what is t ts? he why are you touching me? >> jimmy: m not touchingou. oh!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jmy: noni!sit! i won't have i i----it d dn! no claing! [ cheeeu andndpplause ] >> j jmy: that's --- >> i it think it's gonon long enough. >> jimmy: i'm set with you more than him about t is >> i think,it'ybe time to bury the hatchch here, man. >immy: you get to decide en 'sime e bury ththhatctc you know what 'sone to m >> i think as a mutual frien it's time totoyou u ow -- jimmythis is not ououyou. well, there n, it's not abouus. >> matt, he a seat, sit down. >> jimmy: no, n't have a seat, that's my seat. [ cheers and applae ]
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si[ chchrs appus] j: it's n a g%est, that is n a guest sfgment, this is not a guest appearance. >> this feels amazing! [ cheersnd alausus] >> jmy: : is is t a gugst appearan. >> it's nice, i feel gooabout this jimmy: yoght fefe gd about t , i n'el good d about it this is the guest chair, t tt's not, that's a spare chaiin casesenythtnhahaento t ts gueses niosrs shonobody wants h h [ [ dienroang g >> jimmy: own audnchas rnrnn meme >> yes. >> and i styll f fl like dorothy. i do. this is s nderful. >>my: you know@whis is illelal what you're doing, right?@? this i itrespassing. is is potentially breaking and entering. you know you could be -- i could have you arrted right now for this. >> i didn't knowowhat. if thahas true --
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>> no, no, n n n >> h hs an invited guest a a aou shouldreim a little beer. jim: there was noa pl one on your invitataon t here tighthtwawathere?e? >> not technically -- jimmy: not technicay, no. >> that's y i was one shroud -- >immy: n wewmot have him in the carat,t,lee? plplse, ye sde i iover. yes, there wgo. at fine. that's how we can do the segment, thas peectltlfinene wiwi me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: illermo. you're s sposed to do somethinin you're supto b bwatching the shshshnd proteteininme from this. $ >>ctually nominated for oscar and i can get on the oscar shsh? [ cheers and applalae >im: thththyou. cky, please. [ audience groaning ] >> jimanbe h hp a leleit t!
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you want to goee h h show, you ee his show ne time. this is my show! [ [ and applause >> jimmy: wow, t tt's real mmer i iave to say. . >> ^'m sorry. . >> know your intnttions are good but i am furus right now. and i was goininto do something nice. d i was going how this picture of you him when you were ataur first oscars. now i'm not goininto. [ applsese >> jimmyw old were y in thisicture >> i am 9 9 ars old ere. >> jmy: look at that, with your mom. look h h hapap you lok.k. >> i kw,is how i get th reputution s. he gete retation fororeieie the nice guy. >immy: right, he's nonono nice guy! >> i ie beenenigurativijy rrying him for yearsrs [ laughter ] >immymythere you go, , nally literally. that how he snuck intohow business in the first place. true or lse, you wrote "good will hunti," mt did the tyting? [ laughter ] >> a fine li, kn what an?
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yson the oscar and you h h to go upn n age, do you u rememeer what you said >> i iavavno idea what i said. >> jimmy: do y y havepany -- did you u ve a athing prepar3 >> we were young and naive. ita eeee? that wouou be assuming w w wre going to winat woulde arrogant, didt thk we goi t!twin. the whole eaeaf f itg speeee the e intt'sike, you gfirs whh out real grus and g gerous. then i realized he was comimup with this to say.. i went up and thanked boston eight times in a row. we want to thank boston and -- stst and- >> jimmy: you have to,ozou c c't go bacac >> exaly. >myi wantedo ask you -- >> 8alf f dununn' donuts.s. >> jimmy: : rthday party, your n n&rneded yesterdayby and hirequeswas? >> he nt a superhero birthday pty. >> jimmy: right. >> and so o wantedesupepeeroes there. i was like, , ateroes do you want? he's ticking h h hs.
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to d dbatman, real batmtmt so i was le -- what t you say? oh, okay jim: : : sas. i'll do my best.. i had totoall l e studio. any chanan someone has my costume lying around? the e wl and the whole thingng what do yoyoneed? you know, just forome peonal thing, matter. so they brought the costute. d d had to sign ayyou know, this whole guarant that i wasnsn goioi t t t tit for evilil > jimmy: really?? >> rn it or anything a 4-year-old's birday. signed my y fe away, i g the coume. the other guys are like -- the ototr roes are all there. theyave bits like all worked out,t,nowhat i meaea they'ra lilile putff. . >> jimmy: oh, , ally, who were the other heroes?? >> wondewoman, superman, captptn america,ron man. and there was . laughter ]
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jimmy: yourutyour s rea thininyorereatma is it re iwawaso morfying. k ks. i didn't'think of f fsellll ththththrentarther hahahaut on mymymyfit for this movie. and t my scscscscce. for the 4-yearlds and al their fofolks are e er know whahai me?? it's 11:00 iththmorning and they'r'rkind of like, wow! batman >>immy: then you have to tell -no, heealll ed it. >> this means a lot to my son! don't make me find yo >> jimmy: ben afflec here. we'll be righthtack with a never beforeeen clip f fm "batman n versus supupmana so wake up! [ cheers and applalae ] kellllg's f fsted mini-wheatat .8 yers owhea..
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oht here. rotisserie-sle chick raised without aibiotics? it's wwe do. that same c icken pulled by h hd?d? it's wt we do. eshly-bad brbrd and crisp veveies? it'st we'vevalwawswsone.e. thw tiie-sle chchchn wich fm suay. esh is what we d [engine revving] magnetic. design. is she after our liquiuigold? oh, she better not be. r clm runs straiait wn t the gl'nree stuffin'. it's gluten.
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liquid gold. because i'm a woman... do you think i gonna crack under pressure c cquerhe field? fy e eectations any day wilways i&finityty de wititflexfoam sorb1010itweight rewritthe rule alwa. [antny] laststear, i didn't go h&r&rlock. but this yr, i can go to block and d y half, what i paid my other guy. soollow us, we're going to h&r blococ [ricrd] switch t to blan pay half. action! sweetheart, don't look at me like that it's gonna baming. this is a disaster! who's e e nius whpupu a girl in heels on aubway grate? miss monroe, eatat snickers. , why? you get a littlera when you're hury. better? ch bter.
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ver rhderestimate thwer ofnergiz.
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[ cheers and applaus] >> jimmy: thank`u,u,uillermo. good job we areack wi ben affleck. this is s s ftft the oscars" special. that's's great storybgut the birt pty. tom brady's son - t brady y ked you to platman at his son's'sirthday party,
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>> i wouldiss this show sh tom brady's car. isom available nowow i'll do wonder woman >> jimmy: so by the way, i saw & the movie and 's great. you know, r kids a le who gw up lovink comi books to see batman fight superman, it really -- it's unsesesettling. it challengneverything you've er believed. i don't wawa to revealaloo much.h.& t i do want t sayayhat i am in the movie. and you're great iit a a henry is great in it as superman and i amerlly, really grgrt int. i'm sosoxcited.. this is m` f fst b role in a b movie. >> you were good. >> jimmy: thank you. >> ithe press s making moviesesone ofhe thingthat as -- i'm a direct si have a perspeive >> jimmy: i'd loveo be in yourur next too. >> t tnk you, we'll talala
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confnt are creative diffict chces. have one thing that's s s good. and her thing thth's so, s soso goo they c'totbe in thmoe.e. jimimimlike youound matt on the show tonigi%one of you h totoeaveve >> >hat was a a rdrdrdrde. jimmy: unfortunate. but am pch the aut i it. >> aimilil chohce with your r wowo in n e film. ey had to mama a t choice. and it's just t the movie was a ir l lg. u know. ththstf youodid d"s sosod anananan were like, you know what? mayae whwh hapapns is ge oncreen for@too l littl amoun ofim toe g gd. where e is ? cgt hhi tha beth littlpart movi sot ey)dooth righouou uger ] ] >> jimmymyhis i joke,etight?? >> n >> jimmy: they took what out? i ifn't know what you're sayg. >> stuff was sesome, it was o awom >> jim: t my stuff ike e yk k tun focondaa
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your uf@f. >> jimmy: so there's no way of sesengngit. >>88 i ianted youou too insoso wsosoarar i broroht tip. jmy:oh, you di? re people will see thiss than that stupi movie. thiss a bus scece f from baan versus superman dawn of justice, staininme. [ applse ] >> mr. wayne. clark kent "dailylylanet." whatat your positionn ththbat vigiginte in gototot this batman thinks he'e thla >> t new guy in town, hat
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>> youououldayhat. >> we do things s litttt differently in gotobm. do you? >> i know you. >> i d't thinknko. excuse us. >> peoplever telelu@you ok like supmamy no. i've n n n heaeaeat befofo. >> h%h.>> like i i id, . waynen people in goam need to lelen -- >> you've superman! hey, will you -- >> take a picture withthth g g to get this othe e gram. thanks. my wife's a a g g n. what do theyeyall it when,ou ow, thers a a leity y at your w)wuld have sexith? you're tt guy. >> okay. >> s cheese.
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you'reatman! i ba a supermaover here! >hihi y havavme nfused with body else -- no, look at tha , , bleep ] of >hoa! his is ameme >> t ls is a prite conversqtion. >>h, i didn'realize you werere having a cononrsation. y, everybody, they're having a cocoersasaon, they don't want t t any rerelar r ople to bother them. i' jt leave you gu alone. ank you. >> anyway. as i was saying g think the people need to learnhey n't trususan alien with ththpower to bubu thehentirciciliza - - >> yeah tman and serman. i thinintheye havingng figiw. >> i thatato? >> ) don't know what's going on. yo, what up, periscope?? i'm here with batman a supermrm!
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you f this planet. >> [ bleep ] off. >>rucene meetslark k kt, i lolo it. ve bringpepeleleogether. >> superern, batn. >> b bman? that's not batmama he's in a nini suit. batmanrs a alowiwi cape. supermrm has pfect visio ereath m ias yea b- >>ha loo h my god. i fe like su an idiot. course it's h >>eah, i ian see why you'd el that way,@took k ike e o second fige it out. >> spe mfe trying to kill @ @ a joururlist i'm m embarrassed. carry on. i like yr column. >> h h, look at this. >> batmama thahas batmanan )t't'true. i am batat >> you'rnot t . >'m le a a tmun. >> nobody cuers about lego batman. >> askskour kids if they care. wee ststl vital.
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i came with a rng.g. stop or i'lllltop you. >> you'll l y.y. >> yo, yo,o, cou i get everyone's aention, ease?? first of a a, give i iup for the deejay w been choppi it upup all night.. yoow what t m saying. i nto welclce e r special gugu batman and supepean in the hohoe, hitt! yoknow this soso. yeah. taka boy up ithisisole tcmerank it tch h ll superman and
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aaaaaahhhhhhh! h, mister, , u okay? you're on n rs. >> y y'vgot to be kiddininme. god. >> kimmel. >re we the e ly oneup here? yeah. >> oh. oh -- so what do you do?>> besides grow poo tatoes? i mean, not mumuch. bubunow w at you're herere was png maybe -- let's a talk sho you coululhost it, i'll be yououou guest. every night. >> oh. yeah.. no, no that's- i'm going to pass on thth. but anks..
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wiing e oscar. i'ju g gng#over ther d die alone.e. it g gd t/ seeou, , ouou [ cheers and applauses] i b bghus a zoo! >v jimim: there we go. ben afk, everydy! "batman versusuperman" mch 25th. thank you r inging that for me. 6> you're lcome. itit too good. jimmy: we'll be rigig b [ cheers a appuse ] icis: "jmy kimmel live after e os" " ouououtu you bybyamsusu.
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gear v-r heaeaetet ah, a classic caca of who dunnit luily, jayayhewswswsdent to hp clean and protect s teeth, so he can claim his innocenc with aonncing grgr.
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dad, you can just drop me off rightere. o, i'l'ltake you up to the e onof the s sool. that's whe yr friends ar serisly, it's, it's reay fine. you don't wa tbe seen wiour r d? no, it's.. " this about a a a @dad! 3top, pleasese
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what!![ horn honking ] rward collision rning ] [ car brakg ] vbybydad! brakes when you don't. forward collision warning and autonomous emergenra. availablon the newly redegned volkswagen. rns s t lemojuicetdoesn't cure pink eye.e. hi. w e you ing today? at's how i am. red head fred. a ra. i i llect these to nah, t tse are for my dog because he cananeverdecidedehihi one h hwants until l gets home, so... american express presentse blue cash eryday carddwith no annual feeeeee cash bacaconchases. my only y ncerern is thattth is we put food. a dog's footots cleaner than auman's mouth. that's what they say. is it? cleaner than my moh.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome e ck to our "aer the oscarsr tv specececlala we are liviv i am weaeaea formal dress. we are rightcrososthe street from the dbyheater ande have o oar winner iciaia
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>> thankou so mu. i wantnt to tata to you, i heard yockedatt 'm'mo proud of you. jim: thank you f#r sayingng that. he was very rude tdo tt, he didn't announce he wasasoming. he actually in, inside flececs navel, which thoht was rty to do o o o bigight of the y yr. >> that just shows who he really is.. i'm so glad you cacasesethat side. >> jim: this is exciting for yo e oscar is almost your size. >> it is. >> j jmy: is it t avier th youou thought it would be? >> is heavav wa st t td totoo that. jimmy: : : , really. >> to be equalal >> jimmyhave you handled onene of thoseseefore? >> havavnot -- it lolos like an oscar. >> jimmy: it does look just like
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ke any telephone calls? no. >>immy: you havet called anyone? >> i've enunning, haven't t called anyone ye i will. i thininswswen is king up at the moment. jimmy: i see. >> h hefulul i can reach tm m phone. >> j jmymywillllhere be a parade for you@when you return homeme >> i'm gng tjust -i'm going to do a pade myself. at lea tonight..i'm going to kick off mymymyes and dance. >> jimmy: okay, very good. congratulations, i don't want to keep you. kow y y're e ving a big lebratn there. >> thank kou s smuch. >> jmy: thank you soucue congratulations alicia vikikder! shshs swswish.h.she's actualal from sweden. lot of peopllike those candy shtheyay they're swedi? not really e' be ght ba. weave one last thing for you
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( [ cheers and appus >> jimmy: i want to thank the academy, i'd like to thank ben affleck, tracy morgan, nathan lane, mattw brerick, sacha baron cohen,licia vikander. most of all i'i'likeo apapogize for lelethat loser matt damon. hehouldn't he been o here and matt damonou're a real
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>> ^he mystery f@ly sol with c c tro confession. kill errs. >> and al o the ceceur >> if itt doesn't fifiou must acquit. >> t o.j. spson murder cas e countrxated that the knifeeould be thehe missi murder weap. tonight polic castiti doubub

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