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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 4, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am PST

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around 12 years ago, and i was the only one really there to take care of her, and she felt i would have all of this time just for her. so she was first shocked when i told her, but then she got used to the idea about ten minutes of convincing her that it was the right thing to do. but she -- she wanted me to be just there for her. >> yeah, going home for you must be different than maybe some years ago. what kind of reaction do you get when you go home. >> yeah, first of all, as you know, the austrian ski team hasn't been doing well in the last few years, so i think i'm kind of the replacement for that, so i became the last few years like a national hero in austria, and i get a lot of good publicity there, and my films are doing really well, so it's really wonderful to go back to austria and to my hometown,
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now i look of course at the whole country differently than when i left 18 years ago. >> yeah, when you grow up you are not really conscious sometimes of what you did have when you grow up. >> exactly. you go back and you realize that this is a really wonderful historic place, number one, and it is a really a beautiful country with a lot of great culture, and so i took maria to the salzburg music festival, and i therefore could see again, austria from a whole different side. when i was a kid i hated classical music. >> really? >> oh, my parents were telling me i should listen to classical music and i hated it. now i love it. because you can appreciate those things when you grow up. >> did you have a happy childhood? >> very happy childhood.
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and that's why i'm looking forward to having a family and having children because i had a really good childhood myself. >> the people in your hometown always ask you about the movie stars they are mostly familiar with, the older ones, is that true? >> well the ones that have been around for a while. i remember kurt douglas is somebody a lot of people ask me about, elizabeth taylor, and people like that. clint eastwood they know really well. or burt reynolds. >> commando you played one where you played a mean villain. now you are back to the hero. >> those people who liked terminator
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because it is more intense -- >> how would it be more intense? [ laughter ] >> it's violent, but it's action packed from the beginning to the end. and we have a terrific actress, ray don chung. and she is kind of the comic relief in the movie. it's a wonderful film and people really will love this film. >> how many times have you been -- in person you are impressive, physique wise. on screen you look monumental. i mean bigger than life size. >> yeah, it's true, it depends if i wear a jacket, i wear on purpose a dark jacket so i look smaller. when you wear lighter clothes you look bigger.
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i have my shirt off, then it looks much bigger. all of the muscles come out, and it makes you look bigger. and on the screen everybody looks bigger. >> did you ever get hurt in these pictures? >> a lot of times. in commando i was injured all the time. because you end up doing all of the stunts myself -- >> it would be difficult for somebody to stand in for you. [ laughter ] >> that's true. you are right. and you end up doing all of this stuff yourself. stunt coordinators always think when you have a body like that you can handle just about everything. and they say listen, the next scene just run from here to there, shoot a few times, and then fly or jump through this french door. and then you start thinking about it, how does one jump through a french door? i have never done it before.
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you do every day, jumping through french doors. [ laughter ] >> so you worry about those things, and you end up doing it, and then i get injured. i was rushed to the hospital three times doing the shooting of commando. getting stitches and my shoulder bone was chipped because of this jump through the french door. >> well, marriage ought to be a snap for you now. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> that's true. >> you got all of the tough stuff out of the way. >> that's true. but it's fun doing films like this, it's just that there are risks involved. it's hard to double somebody, especially with a shirt off, because no one has the same feezic. >> what do you think about women's body building? that has become something that a few years ago
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>> i like the idea that women can participate now in sports as freely as -- as men do. because they -- 20 years ago there was a no-no. and now they are involved in all kinds of sports. in body building, and weight lifting and all different things. and sports are for people not for just man or woman. so i think this is very encouraging, and it's terrific. if it's a sexual turn on, that is something for each one to decide for themselves. some people like muscular women, other men like the more round women. >> where do you fit into this? [ laughter ] >> i-i go for maria's body, and for her looks. was that a diplomatic answer or what? >> it was a perfect diplomatic answer. >> thank you. >> we'll take a break
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[ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> okay. my next guest you all know -- [ cheers and applause ] >> ed of course is one of the stars of st. elsewhere, and he is also producing a play called significant others, and i think he just returned from yugoslavia on a picture. would you welcome ed begley jr. [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> good to see you again. >> good to see you, johnny. >> i didn't know you knew each other. >> we worked together ten years ago. you know joel gray? >> sure. >> he looked a lot like that. i trained this guy, and you see what happens -- >> i helped him with his acting. >> it's true. [ laughter ] >> i think we talked about the first picture
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did we mention that last time. you were newly arrived in this country and somebody else did your voice. >> that's right. >> i saw it on cable one night. he played the hero, and i thought arnold is really sounding great. [ laughter ] >> it was eddie. >> it was me. [ laughter ] >> so you did a picture called staying -- >> yeah, and i did arnold's voice in that. eddie have your protein product. [ laughter ] >> get to work on the pectorals. [ laughter ] >> do you do all of that? do you exercise? >> i do. i go to a health club, and go every other day. he started me on it seriously ten years ago. >> yes. >> i first saw arnold at the mr. olympiad in south africa, and one of the ladies said do you drink milk? and you said milk is for babies. >> that's right.
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>> beer is better. >> beer is better. were you doing a picture -- >> i was doing a picture in yugoslavia, and it's good to be back. it's a tough gig over there. and i love my yugoslavian buddies -- >> i heard it's a cultural shock in a way. >> it's very different. not that we are good and they are bad, it's just different. simple things. like making a call. there is it like -- get the blanket, make the little fire, and get the flags. >> you are saying the phone system is not state-of-the-art. >> no, no. it's like the thing -- with the levered light. >> it's tough. >> yeah, and eating.
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times a day wherever you are. >> they don't eat. >> they eat. it's just different. i don't eat a lot of meat. there is meat in everything over there. what do you have? >> we have beef, veal, or lamb. okay. what else? yes, pork. we have squid and eel with beef. the national dish is pork tartar. i have never seen so much meat. so i had a hard time. but it's a good to be back. and the picture is going to be very good, i just saw it. it's called transylvania 6-5000. it's very funny. >> nice to be home, though? >> it sure is. i kissed the tarmac. >> i read you are up for a third nomination --
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>> congratulations. >> thank you. [ laughter ] >> all right. we'll take a short time-out and be right back. [ cheers and applause ] wake up in your first home. wake up in a home you've made a bit bigger. wake up in a home with a new address. wake up in a home that doesn't even have an address. as your life evolves, your dream home evolves too, and protecting it takes committed support. at american family insurance we support your dreams. see how you can save with ring video doorbell at i really want to show you something. karen o.: 1, 2, ready, go l-o-v-e it's a mystery all is love is love ow!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> we're back. talking with ed begley jr., arnold schwarzenegger. you still -- still residing in ohio? >> yes. i have been living in ohio now for over a year, and there's a certain amount of commuting, but it's nice. an unusual thing happened there that ultimately involves you. i was at my house and i hear somebody up at the mailbox up near the road that wants to talk to me. i go up there. an old lady is standing there with an older gentlemen and a young guy, and they go are you the owner of the house? yes. do your parents own it? no, i own it. was flattered by that.
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and the woman starts to sob, cry a little bit. she says i met my husband 40 years ago on this spot. and he passed away three days ago. i said i'm very sorry. she goes i would like to bury his ashes. they produce a little urn. we want to bury his ashes on this spot. i said how deep? she said 18 inches. i think about it. what is it going to bother me. >> on your property. >> on my property. yeah, fine. of course. 18 inches down that's deep enough. fine go ahead. i said do you have a shovel, because i have got to run. they said we have a little hand shovel. i said you are going to need a pick or something. where do you want to dig? right there. right into waterline. i destroyed a line i'm trying to keep
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my wife is going to come on, let's go. the kids are in the car. i'm sorry you are going to have to finish it ourselves. i'm sorry for your loss. i come back and they are still there, and they have a monument this tall put up there. a stone monument and there's a minister and what have you. and then i thought of you. and i started looking for mirrored trucks, bloopers, blunders, practical jokes, you did this to me. >> and you thought it was for real. >> i totally bought it. [ laughter ] >> i must tell you what they did to me. >> what? >> well, i'm very close to the show, and i figured they are never going to get me in this country. i was over for wimbledon about a month ago, and grant tinker, chairman of the board of this network,
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and just say hello for a few people from wimbledon, because we're trying to get wimbledon for next year. i said sure. i go to this little cocktail party at the mayfair hotel. they said i would like you to meet so forth and lady so and so. very regal looking british. i said how do you do? your show our boys are in wimbledon this year -- and i can't understand anything. [ laughter ] >> i couldn't understand any of them. [ laughter ] >> i would hear a word they were talking way back in here. all right our boy -- yes, come over here and i do hope next year when you come the chaps will do better -- [ laughter ] >> and i'm going yeah. [ laughter ] >> and then -- it was just awful. and it was all a put on, and they had gone clear over to london and nailed me.
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>> good. >> that makes me feel better. >> i'm trying to be polite and i understood nothing. so i'm glad they nailed you too. >> they did.
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[ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> okay. we just have a few seconds. how is your play going? >> the play is going very good. i understand you took up scuba. i did that too, and i saw a big shark. i just got certified. and it's wonderful. my instructor had a sure-fire procedure for seeing sharks. he said cut your buddy and swim like hell. >> save yourself. [ laughter ] >> arnold it's nice to see you. good night. [ cheers and applause ]
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i'm humbled by that applause. come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin' for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous
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( scraping )
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you're going to wake karen. filing my nails is going to wake up your niece? it's not the filing. every time you break a nail you swear loud enough to wake the dead. oh, so that's what got you up. just hold it down, will you? she flew in from new york and she's tired. you've heard of jet lag, haven't you? heard of it? i married it. she's trying to adjust to a new time zone. she's trying to adjust to living the life of a nun. what's that supposed to mean? you never let her out of your sight. you're more like her jailor than her uncle. that's ridiculous. she's having a good time. she's having a boring time. boring? how can you say that? didn't i take her to disneyland? didn't i take her to the museum?
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didn't i tell her every night about my experiences in the war? you call that boring? huh? helen? helen! oh... oh, sorry, stanley, i must have drifted off. look, i promised my brother that i'd take good care of her and that's just what i'm doing. oh, well, she ought to be out having some fun with people her own age. she ought to be out dating. dating? in this city? it's crawling with freaks and weirdos and... and perverts. oh, i wasn't talking about your friends, stanley. i just hope you don't make a crack like that in front of karen. you'll give her the wrong idea of her uncle. oh, i think she has the right idea of you. i hope so. oh! what? what? why don't you let her meet the kids upstairs? you mean the andrews sisters?
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yeah, patty, maxine and... tinkerbell. oh... of course, you're right, stanley. oh, i forgot. she'd never be interested in a fellow like jack. you mean he would never be interested in any girl. i don't understand people like ja... wait a minute... wait a minute. for once in your life you've got a smart idea. we should put this date down on a calendar. when she gets up and gets dressed i'm going to go talk to jack about taking her out. i mean, dating him is as safe as sending her out in an armored truck. hey, i got janet's birthday cake. oh, good. where's the birthday girl? she's keeping an eye on your birthday dinner.
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oh! ( yells ) oh, you shouldn't sneak up like that. you shouldn't turn around like that when i'm sneaking up like that. i was going to give you a big surprise birthday kiss. well, why did you have to sneak up? what do you want me to do? phone for an appointment? okay, you can kiss me now. no. the moment's ruined. maybe i'll go sneak up and surprise chrissy. it's not her birthday till january. why wait till the last minute? jack. i want my birthday kiss. all right. surprise. happy birthday. no, you. oh, right.
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you shouldn't have. my pleasure. ooh, ooh, gee, you're stuck. uh, well, there's no sense in wasting all this closeness. well, let's just save that for next year. just get my chain unstuck. i got it. oh, be careful. it's very special. why? my grandmother gave it to me. it used to have a beautiful cameo hanging from it. oh, did you lose it? no, i hocked it. it was about three months ago. we needed rent money. uh, jack, could i see you for a minute? sure. sorry, kid, you had your chance. hoo-ah. "happy birthday jimmy"? who is jimmy? i don't know. some guy who didn't pick up his cake. that's why i got it at half price. well, you can't give janet a "jimmy" cake. she might notice. chrissy, it's easily fixed.
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so it reads "happy birthday, j" which is even better. it has that informal touch. hey, where are you going? into the kitchen to fix the cake. what about janet? i like her the way she is. i'll just fix the cake. what i mean is, what if she sees? it'll spoil the whole surprise. chrissy... she knows it's her birthday. she knows i'm cooking a special dinner to celebrate. she even told me where to buy the cake. well, that's what i mean. one more hint and she's going to know for sure. okay, i'll do it later. what did you get janet for her birthday? oh, i got her a terrific scarf. oh, that's nice. it's not only pretty, it's practical. it goes with all my outfits, too. i wish i could raise some money to get janet a present. ( doorbell rings )
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that's enough. hi. hi. hi. uh, would you excuse us, please? you want to be alone? no, i want to talk to jack. okay. just be a minute. okay. want to sit down? do you, uh, enjoy being here? you mean with you? no, i-i mean in this apartment. yeah, it's fine. that's good, that's good.
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well, we're getting used to it. i was just wondering... did you ever take out a girl before? before what? i mean, it's not against the rules for you fellows, is it? rules? i mean, because... well, like, i go out with other guys. you do? no... you know what i mean. to go bowling or go to a ball game. oh. well, i could do that with a girl, i guess. that's terrific. because i wouldn't want you to do anything that would go against your religion. i'm not sure i'm following you. we have this niece visiting us and mrs. roper and i were just wondering if it would be all right if she went out with you tonight. oh, you want me to go out with your niece? yeah, but you don't have to go anywhere where... you might bump into some of your friends.
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well, you could take her dancing. dancing? yeah, the way kids dance nowadays you don't even have to touch her. i'd be happy to take out your niece... wonderful. but i can't. it's janet's birthday. and i don't want to miss that. we got a cake... sorry. oh, well... could you put off the birthday till tomorrow? no. i'm sorry, but thanks for asking. i'm very flattered. yeah, i knew you would be. that's life. yeah. "of course... "i wouldn't want you to do anything against your religion." oh, you heard. of course we did. we were eavesdropping. jack, i think it was very noble of you to turn him down on my account.
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why not? i got a vision of what she'd look like. oh, yeah. imagine roper's face on a girl. imagine roper's body on a girl. well, i still think it was really nice of you to stay for my birthday. i wouldn't miss your birthday for anything. what do you think i am? some kind of a fink? ahem. jack... don't you have something to do? hmm? like pick up the wine for the you-know-what? you mean the wine for my surprise birthday party? aw, you guessed. ( doorbell rings ) the surprise is, it's going to be beer. hi, again. mr. roper, i... i thought you might want to meet my niece, anyway. uh, karen? want to come in and say hello to jack? hi. what? oh, hi.
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this is chrissy and janet. hi. hello. jack... hi. can i talk to you for a moment? oh, sure. excuse me, uh roper wants to talk to me. i'll be right... here. what's this? 50 bucks. for me? i know it goes against your grain but you've got to me a favor and take her out. 50 bucks? yeah, i'll lend you my car. anything to get mrs. roper off my back. will you do it? oh, yes. uncle stanley and aunt helen have been very nice. only i think my uncle must have had an accident or something. oh? yeah, he can't seem to remember anything that's happened since the war. karen, i think jack here wants to ask you something. oh, he can ask me anything. yeah, uh, karen how would you like me to show you the town tonight? oh, i'd love it!
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see you. wait a minute. what about the party? just take the dinner out of the stove in 20 minutes. i'll be back for the party. bye-bye. bye. don't be late. jack's really a nice... person.
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chrissy, do you dig him? he-he's okay. oh, no. no, i mean... if he wasn't living here, would you... would i what? you know. jack? yeah.
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i asked you first. would you? no. oh. not unless he asked me to. well, you know me, janet. i just hate to be rude. you're right, anyway. we don't own him. he's got his own life to lead. and let's just cut that cake and let's hope his leg heals very quickly. his leg? yeah, the one i'm going to break. ( sighs ) stanley, will you stop that pacing and come to bed? i'm not sleepy. that's the best time to come to bed. helen, i'm worried. it's almost midnight. my niece isn't back yet.
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that's what you wanted, isn't it? it's not that. my car's been overheating and i just don't want them to go too far. you don't have to worry, stanley. she's with jack remember? you know, you're right? how far can they go? right. now come to bed. wait a minute. wait a minute. i just had a thought. well, there's a first time for everything. helen, guys like jack... is it possible that they got some normalness left over in them that could come out at any time? i don't know, stanley. i mean, my niece is a beautiful girl. he could convert. don't worry. i don't think jack will ever change. you're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you? no, stanley. because you read about it in the papers all the time. about people are getting changed from men to women and vice versa.
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they have an operation. i know they have an operation, but how do they do it? i can see them taking things off but how do they put them on? with scotch tape. now come to bed. aren't you coming in? uh, it's kind of late. i don't think i should. aw, come on, just for a beer. mm, okay. one fast beer. it doesn't have to be that fast. i feel a little uneasy about your uncle roper. oh, don't worry about him.
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well, here's your beer. thank you. jack, you have been annoying me all evening! annoying you, how? i thought i've been behaving like a perfect gentleman. that's how! i mean, there we were stuck on the freeway for hours and the only thing you fiddled with was the radiator. i fixed it, didn't i? you sure don't act like a man who's been living with two women. well, every man's entitled to a night off.
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i think you dropped something. well... oh, do you want me to pick it up? jack! well, here goes my night off. hey! it's going to be a lovely dress. we'll have the second fitting tomorrow night. good night. hold it! you're not fooling me with that second fitting. you don't even have a tape measure. maybe that's why they need a second fitting, stanley. don't try to protect them, helen. i got eyes. i know what i saw.
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will you stay out of this, helen? mr. roper, i can explain. don't explain anything. just get out. does this mean i can't finish my beer? just get out! i don't mean out of here. i mean out of this building. pack your things and leave! say "good night" to karen for me. don't you think you were a little harsh? i wasn't harsh enough. you saw what he was doing with my niece. he was acting normal. that's sick. chrissy: hello? is somebody there? yeah, it's me, jack. janet: no, chrissy, there's nobody there. you don't have to get hostile just because i'm a little late, janet. get lost! i have something i want to... hey, you know something?
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janet! chrissy? oh, i get it. the silent treatment. oh, boy, if there's one thing i hate it's the silent treatment. look, i just came up to pack my things and say good-bye. good-bye. boy, are you sensitive. you don't have to leave just because you missed the party. even though it was a lousy thing to do. and crummy. and despicable! and rotten! could we go back to the silent treatment? you don't haveve to move out. i'll get over it. roper won't. roper? yeah, i had a little trouble in his car. what happened, did she say no? ( laughing ) roper's car overheated on the freeway. and roper's niece? on the living room sofa.
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and that's when the whole place boiled over. what happened? nothing, but he kicked me out anyway. i have to move. oh, jack! yeah. we don't want to lose you. ( doorbell rings ) that roper! he's got a lot of nerve throwing his weight around like that. hi. listen, you! this is a partnership here. and if you throw one of us out then you throw us all out. right? right! right. what? i just came to apologize for my niece. what? she admitted she practically attacked poor jack here and he showed no interest at all. and the poor girl feels like she's over the hill. now, does that mean that he can stay? sure. sure, jack has his rights, just like any other minority. ( all cheering ) we're so glad you can stay. oh, boy, i was sweating there for a minute. so were we.
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where were you all night? well, we drove around a lot and i had a special errand to run. oh, can it, jack. what kind of special errand is going to be... oh, janet, it's your cameo. oh, you bought it back from the pawn shop. where'd you get the money for it? well, i couldn't waste roper's money on karen, could i? janet, oh, come on. you know how i hate the silent treatment. ( laughs ): happy birthday.
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boy, helen, the kids today are getting wilder and wilder. not like when we were young. how long did we go together before i tried anything? well, let me see now...
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come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin' for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous
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that stupid doctor. stanley, what happened? he said i was in perfect shape. isn't that good? not to stanley. when he goes for a checkup he thinks he's wasting his money unless the doctor finds something wrong with him. there's plenty wrong with me. i can't argue with that. helen... oh, i'm sorry, stanley. did you tell him about your pain? no. we didn't talk about you. oh! oh, uh, by the way, your wife was just telling me that day after tomorrow is a very special day. special? uh-huh. wednesday? baretta! charlie's angels! see? i tried! see you later. hold it, hold it. i want you to talk to your roommate chrissy. okay. about what? well, i was looking out this window
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and i saw her walking around half naked in her nightgown. oh, my god! she's sleepwalking again. sleepwalking, huh? this is a decent neighborhood. now, if she wants to walk in her sleep you tell her to get dressed before going to bed. that's a brilliant idea. all right, stanley how did you just happen to be peeping out the window at 3:00 in the morning? peeping? me? ( chuckling ): i wasn't peeping. i... i wanted to see what the weather was like. then why didn't you look out our bedroom window? and wake you up? you wouldn't want me to wake you up in the middle of the night, would you? heavens, no. and break your perfect record? you mean i walked out in the street in my nightie?
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oh, hey forget embarrassed. i'm just glad that you weren't hurt, that's all. now, chrissy, what's making you walk in your sleep this time? chrissy, what's bothering you? what's... chrissy, what? oh, it must be mr. rogers. his secretary's out sick and i'm substituting for her this week. is he giving you a rough time? oh, i just can't keep up with him. he dictates too fast? oh, it's not his dictation-- it's his hands. the girls in the office call him "christopher columbus." what? the explorer? hey, why don't you complain to his boss? he is the boss! you have got a problem. ( both sighing ) hi. you know, the one thing i'm concerned about with now is the sleepwalking, though. sleepwalking? what are you talking about? jack, chrissy walked in her sleep last night right out into the street. are you serious? how long has this been going on? well, it started when i was a kid. you know, it wasn't easy being a minister's daughter. i had to be the best in school the best in bible class
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i got so nervous, i started walking in my sleep. well, just relax. i've got something that will take your mind off of it. i wonder what he's up to this time. what have you got? aw... aw! aw! yeah, little puppy. oh, what a sweet little thing! yes... oh... yes... how cute! oh, where did you get it? my friend larry gave it to me. honest larry, the used car salesman? the only thing larry ever gave anyone was the business. just because he calls himself "honest larry" doesn't mean he's a crook. besides, this time i gave him the business. how? well, larry has a soft spot for animals and he wanted to get rid of this litter of pups, so i took one. oh, and that's giving him the business? i also owed him $25
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he'd have to cancel the debt.
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