tv Today NBC February 8, 2016 7:00am-10:00am PST
yeah. ka-pow. ka-pow. ka-pow. ka-pow. we got her. yeah. oh, dem golden slippers oh, dem golden slippers lead us in don't shoot, tommy. it's only a warthog. yeah. the--animals must be in some other part of the jungle. as a matter of fact, boys, i saw a wild tiger and a couple of lions way down the street pass margaret's house. mr. wilson: why don't you go check on it? 'cause that'd be dumb, mr. wilson. oh, it would? sure. that's a little over the ocean. oh. you're chopping up the ground again, mr. wilson? uh-huh. good old mr. wilson likes to chop up the ground. how come? i guess he likes
you want us to move that wheelbarrow closer, mr. wilson? boys, i'm growing this special garden for a special reason. so i'm going to ask you to stay out of this entire area for a while. you may use the front sidewalk, of course. yeah, on account that it belongs to the city anyways. yeah. but i'm going to ask you not to come on my property. you wanna see how me and tommy could climb this fence? i do not. if you want to come over here, walk around the way you're supposed to. oh, thanks. oh. mr. wilson: oh, no, no, boys, no. all right, boys, now that you're here-- boys, boys, boys, now that you're here, stay right beside me. stay out of that. come here. come over here where i can keep my eye on you. boy, that sure is a swell wheelbarrow, mr. wilson. yes, i know it is and you just stay away from it. it's full of plant food. what time do you feed the plants, mr. wilson? oh, no special time. do plants have teeth?
look, boys, really, i'm quite busy. you want us to move the wheelbarrow closer? no. if plants don't have teeth, how do they eat the food? boys, if i let you bring the wheelbarrow over here, will you both go home and let me work? sure, mr. wilson. uh, uh, uh. just a minute. now, if you spill one ounce of that plant food on the lawn, i want you both to know your parents are gonna get a report about you to get you in very bad trouble. we won't spill it. [music] careful, tommy. boy, that sure is a swell wheelbarrow, mr. wilson. do you want us to put it back where it was for some reason? no, thank you. good-bye, boys. yeah.
[music] mr. wilson: my garden. boys, what-- well, he's asleep. oh, you should see him with that little foot sticking out under the covers. alice, mr. wilson has been telling me-- yes, i know. dennis has been helping him again. well, he's got to stop. the garden club is coming up soon, and mr. wilson feels he can do much better alone. i'm sure he can. you won a prize for your dahlias last year, didn't you? oh, fourth. the same as the year before. but this year, i'm going all out for the blue ribbon and don't you tell mrs. wilson when she gets back. she has gone to visit her sister, you know? i've got some dahlia bulbs coming all the way from seattle that cost $25 apiece. $25 dahlia bulbs? yes, sir. and i worked in that dahlia bed 'til you could grow broom handles in it. so you see how important it is to me that dennis-- oh, of course, i do. henry, if dennis does anything
why, we'll just simply have to punish him. well, i agree. but i still say the best way to keep him away is to keep him busy. yes. keep him busy. oh, what about a little flower garden of his own? well, he does love flowers. oh, mitchell, if that does the job, i'll dig the garden myself. i'll plant it. i'll water it three times a day. i'll even come over at night and watch for snails. well, you won't have to do that, mr. wilson. but we would appreciate any suggestions you might have. oh,. we'll need a few things. oh, sure. well, you go over to old merivale's nursery and tell him i sent you. but you be careful. you know that gossipy old man has been known to steal the socks right out from under his best friend. hey, mister, you got any wheelbarrows? over there. how come it's standing on its head? little boy, don't you do nothing but ask questions? dennis, you shouldn't run
i hope he hasn't been bothering you. oh, no, not at all. that's such fine little boy you've got there. now, is there something that i can do for you? oh, yes. dennis and i are going to plant a little flower garden and we'll need a few things. he's very much interested in that wheelbarrow. gee, dad, can i have it? oh, no, dennis. our neighbor has one we can borrow. yeah. but he wouldn't let anybody drive it but him. no, dennis. i believe our neighbor is a friend of yours, mr. merivale. golly. is this mr. merivale? dennis, you're interrupting. his name is wilson, george wilson. i know him. he sent away to seattle for dahlia bulbs. yes, that's the one. well, mr. wilson and i and dennis are-- dennis, what are you doing? waiting for mr. merivale to open his cash register. mitchell: why? so i can see it. see what?
he ever earned. why, i'll bet it's a hundred years old. that's enough, dennis. i'm sure mr. wilson never said anything of the kind. i heard him say it several times, dad. he says mr. merivale steals people's socks dennis: and he still got the first penny he ever earned. go over and look at the flowers. gee, dad, do i have to? yes. yes. dad? mitchell: yes? call me if he opens his cash register. [music] hi, folks. i'm matt mccoy. for people as experienced as you and me... [ tires screech ] ...careful driving just comes naturally. all that experience should be worth something. and it is... with the aarp auto insurance program from the hartford. switching saved me hundreds. in fact, four out of five aarp members age 50 and over who switched to the hartford
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i think we found the answer. oh, good. i'm sorry i'm late, mitchell. but i had a big fight with old merivale. it seems some little boy was in there this morning and said if you think that-- dennis? i'm afraid so. but it was entirely innocent. oh, that's all right, mitchell. that old goat had it coming to him. if dennis wasn't so busy, mr. wilson: i'd shake his hand. you know, when he told me that the little boy was waiting to see the first penny he ever made, i thought i'd-- oh-- [music] mr. wilson: for my own garden, mitchell. mitchell: it look a little like
mr. wilson: well, i know. but never mind what they look like now. wait 'til you see the dahlias. at $25 apiece, it seems to me that even a bulb should have a little personality. why, mitchell, how can you think of money when you look at a beautiful flower? why, that's irreverent. i'm sorry. i believe i know how you feel. besides, i don't give a hang about the expense. this is gonna be george wilson's year and nothing is going to stop me from winning that blue ribbon. dennis: hi. with one possible exception. how come you're planting those scraggly-looking sweet potatoes, mr. wilson? well, with the right kind of sweet potatoes, dennis, i might win myself a sweet prize. never mind about the sweet potatoes, dennis. just remember, if you do anything to spoil mr. wilson's garden, you'll be in real bad trouble. mitchell: now, is that clear? gee, sure. run along and play. okay.
were scraggly, mr. wilson. [music] mom, could tommy and me have an apple? tommy and i. yeah, but how 'bout me? in one of those bags. hey, look at these sweet potatoes. i've seen sweet potatoes before. me too. mr. wilson just planted some real scraggly ones in his garden. yeah, that mr. wilson sure is a goofy man. he is not. he is too. he is not. he helps little kids build their gardens. yeah, but he snitches to your folks all the time. yeah, well, he can't help it if he's a tattletale. what are you gonna do with those sweet potatoes?
in mr. wilson's garden so he can win a big prize. won't he get sore? heck, no. dad told me not to spoil mr. wilson's garden. now this is gonna make it better. what are you gonna do with these old scraggly ones, dennis? i don't know. maybe we'll have them for supper. [music] dennis. dennis: yeah, mom? dennis, what on earth are you doing? lying under the sink. well, i can see that.
i like to hear the water go past. well, never mind that. come on out now. dennis, do you know anything about these? sure. those are mr. wilson's sweet potatoes. what are they doing here? well, mr. wilson planted those scraggly ones, so i dug 'em up and put in the ones you bought. do you know what you've done? sure. i took out scraggly ones and put in good ones. how could you do such a thing? it was easy. i knew right where he planted them. that's not what i mean. dennis, these are dahlia bulbs, not sweet potatoes. mr. wilson paid $25 a piece for them. gee. is somebody in trouble?
i know you wanted to help good ol' mr. wilson; we all want to help good ol' mr. wilson. i did everything i could. you certainly did. you took out his dahlia bulbs and put in sweet potatoes. now i'm goin' to have to take those bulbs back and try and explain what happened. can i go watch television? or do you wanna shout at me some more? there'll be no television for you tonight, young man. i want you to go right up to your room and think about what you've done to mr. wilson. your father's right, dennis. i'll bring your dinner up to you on a tray. would an extra dessert be too heavy
tonight, you get no dessert. come on, run along, young man. just what are you going to tell mr. wilson, henry? well, i'll just tell him that-- well, i'll explain to him that-- i'll just tell him that-- that's where i got stuck. we have to get those bulbs back to him. i don't know how i'm gonna face him; i just haven't got the heart to tell him. besides, he'll be so upset he will never speak to us again. and after all the help he's been with dennis' garden. wait a minute. why do i have to tell him anything? you mean just hand him the bulbs and run? no, i'll wait till mr. wilson goes to bed tonight then i'll sneak over and replant the bulbs. that's a wonderful idea. then he'll never even know they were gone. that's just what i'll do. it may not be as bad as we thought. i got to go plant mr. wilson's flowers back for him.
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you put them back? i put them back. you put what back where? well, dennis thought you planted sweet potatoes, so he took them out and replaced them with what he thought were better sweet potatoes. what? i came over and took out the sweet potatoes-- i took out the bulbs. i--then i actually put in the sweet potatoes, took the dahlia bulbs and put them in our service porch. who planted them in the little boy's garden? i did. to little dennis mitchell goes the blue ribbon for dahlias. thank you very much. lady? yes, dennis?
well, it's yours to do with as you wish. thank you. hey, mr. wilson. he did a beautiful job. forgive us if we hurry on. we have 12 more ribbons to bestow. of course. goodbye. goodbye. thank you. oh, no, dennis, no. it's yours. uh-uh. you bought 'em and you planted them. well, just the same, i-- mrs. schooner: mr. wilson-- yes? to mr. george wilson for introducing in his garden the lushness of sweet potato vines for ground cover, blue ribbon for originality. oh, well, thank you. congratulations, mr. wilson. thank you very much. oh, will you forgive us? we have 11 more ribbons to bestow. oh, well, yes, of course. goodbye.
hello, mr. wilson. oh, hello, dennis. what are you doing, mr. wilson, watering? i can't talk to you now, dennis. i'm trying to get through here. i'll help you get through so you could talk to me, okay? i was afraid of that. you'd get your watering done a lot faster if you'd use a hose, mr. wilson. i'm not watering, dennis. i'm spraying. i know it. but you ought to use a hose so you can squirt. i don't want the squirt. i'm using an insecticide. oh, i didn't know that. well, now you know. i've never seen those kids before. neither have i. bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. kapow, kapow. wouldn't it be nice if they moved
gee, i haven't seen you since you used to live here, mr. burnley. oh, you remember me, do you? sure, i do. i remember you from when mrs. burnley used to hang out the wash. she made you wear that long, funny underwear with a door on it. oh, the curiosity of the young. it can drive an adult out of his mind. sometimes when i get to feeling sorry for myself, i just think of his mother. she deserves flowers every day in the week. she sure does, boy. oh, did you sell the house yet? nope, the folks that just drove away loved it. the ones with the kids? that's right. but they say they can't afford it. oh, well, that's too bad. well, i guess you'll have to go back to renting it. no, no. i may have to come down on my price a little. look, if you can drum up a buyer for me, i'd gladly give you the five percent commission. well, i haven't had much experience selling real estate, but--
will you give me the five cents? gladly, dennis, gladly. i'll help you all i can, mr. burnley. well, thank you, dennis. and i'll see you later, wilson. oh, if you drum up a prospect to look at it, you know where the keys are. right, burnley. bye, mr. burnley. goodbye. [music] are we gonna finish up our spraying, mr. wilson? we're all finished, thank you. i'm going in the house. what are we gonna do in the house? not we, me. i'm going in where i can get some peace and quiet. now, why don't you go home and talk to your mother. okay. did you mean what you said about her deserving flowers every day in the week? well, i most certainly did. there goes a swell guy, freemont. my mom just loves flowers.
i'm home. yes, dennis. how many times have i told you about slamming that door? did i slam them? yes, you did. excuse me, mom. i guess i was in such a hurry to bring you these flowers that i forgot. oh, dennis. that was very sweet. you didn't get these from mr. wilson's yard? sure, it was his idea. are you sure? yes. he said you should have them every day in the week. i'll have to check into this. say, have you seen my drum any place? yes, it's up in your bedroom closet, why? i gotta drum up a customer. i gotta sell a house.
hello. hello, mr. wilson. this is alice mitchell. dennis tells me you've given him permission to pick some of your flowers. i certainly did not. i'm developing the wilson zinnia and i want those flowers to go to seed. oh, you should see them. they're just beautiful. i'm looking at them this very minute, mr. wilson. oh, mrs. mitchell, how could you possibly see them from-- he picked five. i'm so sorry, mr. wilson. and dennis is going to be punished for telling me a falsehood. oh, he didn't lie. he just misunderstood. you see, i told him you deserved the flowers, and i guess he just thought he could pick them. well, i'll see to it that he never touches your flowers again even if i have to remind him several times a day.
will we be seeing you this evening at the mclure's surprise anniversary party? we were not invited. oh, not that i care. i know what happened. ted milton organized the party, and he's never gotten over my dog beating his at the dog show. oh, that's too bad. oh, fiddle faddle, it doesn't bother me. ted milton is just showing himself for the petty small-minded person that he is. but it'll be a cold day in hawaii before he's invited to my house again. we'll miss you, mr. wilson. and i'm going to talk to dennis about taking your flowers right away. goodbye.
what's that? house for sale. i don't believe it. house for sale. i believe it. house for sale. dennis. hi, mr. wilson. will you please stop pounding that drum? something the matter, mr. wilson? yes, there's something the matter, come here. george, for heaven sakes, stop shouting at the boy. i had to shout to be heard. see, i have an idea. maybe i could talk him into cutting his drum open to see what makes the noise. george wilson, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. oh, i was only fooling. no, you weren't. dennis: you wanna talk to me, mr. wilson?
don't step in the flowers. boy, that was close, wasn't it, mr. wilson? dennis, i'd like to buy your drum. i'll give you 50 cents for it. well, my grandpa gave it to me, so i can't sell it. why don't you ask mrs. wilson to buy you one of your own? dennis, what i'm trying to get you to do is stop beating it. i'm resting. oh, excuse me, mr. wilson. will you let me know when you're through so i can get back to selling the house again? mr. burnley needs that money pretty bad. [music] hey, mr. wilson. mr. wilson. what? i was just thinking. wouldn't it be swell if somebody moved in that had kids for me and you to play with?
boy, that window sure breaks easy, doesn't it, mr. wilson? remember when my baseball went through it? now, see, what you've done? oh, nevermind that. say, martha, you say the scotts are looking for a new apartment, huh? that's right. he's quite well off, isn't he? yes, but why do you ask? do they have any little children? no, they're our age. any grandchildren? no, they-- they're childless. they sound wonderful. wait till i change my clothes. well, what's this all about, where are you going? with you. i'm going to talk the scotts into buying a house. [music] hi, honey. oh, hello, dear. hi, dad. hi, son. what have you been up to today?
for mr. burnley's house till' mr. wilson had to take his nap. and i do mean with a drum. well, i think in the interest of the good neighbor policy, we'd better put a stop to that. you're no gene krupper, you know. so, you didn't think i could do it, hey, martha? well, you'll just have to learn to have more faith in me. just because the scotts have agreed to come and look at the burnley house doesn't mean they're gonna buy it. you know, there was a reason why i sold more women's wear than anyone else in this state and that reason was salesmanship. yes, dear. don't you worry, when the scotts hear my pitch, they'll buy. [doorbell ringing] there they are now. [music] hi, mr. wilson. dennis, what are you doing here?
i'm no gene krupper, you know. do i know. if i can't use my drum, i don't know how i'm gonna sell mr. burnley's house for him. you can just forget about that, dennis. it's all been taken care of. did somebody hear my drum? everybody heard your drum, but mrs. wilson found someone whh's interested in the house. really? yes. dennis, what are you going to be doing this afternoon? i don't know, is there some game you wanna play? no. here's 50 cents. why don't you go to the movie at the arcade? gee, thanks, mr. wilson. i'll go ask my mom. yes, you do that, and sit through the picture twice. i always do. well, that ends that. the next time that doorbell rings, it'll be our future neighbors.
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[music] hi, mr. ferris. come to fix mr. wilson's window again? i sure have, dennis. how did you do it this time? it wasn't me. it was good 'ol mr. wilson. me and him were right in the middle of talking when he felt this draft and slammed it. well, i'll go on in and get to work on it. i'd help you, but i gotta go home and get permission about a movie. [doorbell ringing] [music] ah-ha. well, mr. scott. oh, hello, it's you, mr. ferris. well, i thought you'd send one of your workmen. i didn't want you to have to come over. well, it's saturday afternoon, you know, my boys had the day off. i understand you're to be blamed for this one, mr. wilson. oh, that's something i'll argue all the way to the supreme court.
if me and tommy go to the-- boy, do i want a piece of that cake. i'm sorry, dennis, this cake isn't for us. we're baking a cake in our very own kitchen for somebody else? that's right, it's for the mcclures. boy, that looks like good cake. how come we're giving it to the mcclures? because tonight's their anniversary and a lot of us are going to get together and give them a surprise party. say, that sounds like fun. i'll bring my bugle. oh, i'm sorry, dennis, this is a grown-up party. well, if everybody's going to a party except me and eat cake except me, can me and tommy go to the movie this afternoon? i suppose so. run on up and get my purse. i don't need your purse. good ol' mr. wilson is treating us. well, isn't that nice of him? i hope you remembered to thank him. sure, i did. i thanked him right in the door. now i gotta go see if tommy can go.
goodbye, dennis. don't worry, mom. i'll have tommy thank him too. [music] [doorbell ringing] well, mr. and mrs. scott. i hope you didn't have any trouble finding the place. oh, no. i hope we're not too late. oh, no, not at all. martha, it's the scotts, the great scotts. oh, well, i had to have my little joke. [music] tommy. hey, tommy. tommy. hi. hi, tommy. hi, mrs. anderson. hi, dennis. guess what good ol' mr. wilson did? he gave money for me and tommy to go to the movies. oh, boy. oh, i'm sorry, dennis, i know it's saturday, but tommy went to the movies with us just last night. i think that's enough movies for this weekend.
i'm sorry. no. well, we gotta do something. we got all this money to spend. i'm sure you'll think of something. how about me buying a bunch of stuff to eat and giving tommy a surprise party? that's a swell idea. oh, no, not in this house. i'm still finding traces of his birthday party. say, that reminds me. it's probably not good anymore, but i hid a piece of birthday cake in your piano. oh, my goodness. come on, tommy. let's see if we can give freddy a surprise party. come on. okay. [music] boy, i sure don't understand why the mothers in this neighborhood don't want us to come in and give a surprise party. we gotta find some place to have it? how about eric mandle's house? yeah.
me and bob and phil and george went roller skating in their bathtub. was mrs. mandle mad? heck no. she just came upstairs to see what the noise was. what'd she say? she didn't say anything. she just started to laugh. i never heard anybody laugh so hard in my life. finally, mr. mandle had to call the doctor. we don't wanna take up your afternoon. shall we take a look at the house? oh, don't worry about the time. the matinee is just starting. matinee? oh, well, that's an expression i use. it means there's lots of time. hey, well, shall we take a look at it? why not? yes. i'll make some coffee while you're gone. oh, fine. maybe we'll be having a little party to welcome our new neighbors.
come on in, you guys. no, dennis, i'm washing the floor. okay. mom says to wait out there. hey, mom. dennis. how would you like all of us to come in the front door and give you something? dennis mitchell, have you been in mr. wilson's flowers again? heck no, mom. well, see that you don't, mr. wilson is very unhappy today. just on account of those flowers i picked? well, not only that. he's also unhappy because he wasn't invited to the mcclure's surprise party. really? boy, am i glad i came in to see you. see you later, mom. [music] giving a surprise party to mr. wilson was a swell idea. yeah, i wish i had thought of it before the ice cream got so soft. i think good ol' mr. wilson likes his ice cream crisp. well, come on, let's go.
there's a lot of storage room in the attic too. i always like that. it gives her a place to keep her dressmakers form she got the first year we were married. tell me, are the taxes high in this area? oh, no. they're very low. that's why i moved here when i retired. but the streets and sewers are all in. hey, that's an advantage. you're moving into an area that's already built up. you miss all the special assessments. and i certainly like the neighborhood. it's so quiet. quiet's very important to mr. scott. hi, mrs. wilson.
please, mr. wilson? what a cute little boy. cute and quiet. this is mr. and mrs. scott, dennis. how do you do, mr. and mrs. scott? my, doesn't he have nice manners? usually i shake hands, but they're a little bit full of chocolate ice cream. oh, well, dennis, you come and sit with me and be nice and quiet. oh. did i put my knee in your stomach, mr. wilson? yes, you did, dennis, but it's all right. oh, he's a nice, quiet, little boy. am i welcome? oh, yes, dennis, you're welcome. excuse me for a minute, please. [music] i'm welcome. what was that all about, dennis? you'll see. did i do it again, mr. wilson? yes, you did, dennis.
surprise. [music] thank you. oh, i'm just awfully sorry about that ice cream in your hat, mr. scott. oh, forget it. there's still a little in your hair, dear. thank you, dear. well, now, about the house, shall i have mr. burnley get in touch with you? i don't think so, mr. wilson. it's a lovely house but-- we don't think so. but if you like it, why not? as you know, mr. wilson, we like a lot of quiet. and while it's a great tribute to you the way these youngsters love you, giving you the surprise party and all, i don't think that we are quite up to all their youthful energy and excitement. but thanks for showing us through. goodbye. goodbye.
hey, mr. wilson. guess what? i sold mr. burnley's house for him. what's that? the man that owns the window fixing company. mr. ferris? sure. after he was here yesterday, he went right to mr. burnley and bought it. are you sure? here's the fivcents commission. you wanna go share a soda with me? no, thank you. i wonder if he has any kids. i asked him and he said, "three and one on the way." oh no. and the one on the way is gonna be two of 'em. i'm surrounded. he sure is glad he's gonna be living next door to you
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(knocking) - hey dad, could i ask you something? - [dad] why sure, wally, do you want to come in or do you want to shout it to me from out in the hall? (laughter) - (exclaims) well, i guess i could come in. hey dad, if i went some where, where i needed $3, would you let me have it? - $3? - yeah? - may i ask what this vague thing is you don't plan to go to? - well, the sophomores are having a spring dance saturday night and it costs $3 a couple. - (exclaims) you're going to take a young lady, huh? - well, sure dad, a couple's got to be a young lady and a fella. - yeah. (laughter) well, i'll tell ya' wally, en though you've spent your allowance, i think i might invest $3 in your social progress. you want me to drive you and your date to the dance? - gee dad, don't go making a lot of plans 'cause i might chicken out. i haven't invited anybody yet. - haven't invited anyone where?
- [dad] wally's planning to go to the sophomore dance saturday. - [mom] well, wally, that's wonderful! you can wear your new suit, one of your father's ties. and if you want, you can have some of your friends over before the dance. - well gee, all i said is i might go to the dance. all of a sudden you guys got my whole life planned for me. - well, we just want to make it nice for you in case you do go. - go where? - wally's going to the sophomore dance. - gee wally, i thought you said you wouldn't be caught dead at a creepy thing like that? - yeah, well, i might go and i might not. i don't know yet. (chuckling) - he doesn't sound as though he wants to go at all. - sure he wants to go, he just doesn't want us to know he wants to go. - no, that's not it, the girl that asked wally, he doesn't want to go with her. and he's afraid the girl he wants to ask won't go with him. (laughter) - boy, you certainly know a lot about it. - sure, i could tell you a whole lot of junk about wally if i wanted to.
(pattering) - look, you had three chances to ask her already. what are you, afraid to ask her? - well no, i'm not afraid. - hey, here they come, man, pull up your flaps and take off. - cut it out eddie, i'll talk to her when she's alone. - okay, okay, i'll take care of judy. - hi eddie, hi wally. - [wally] hiya, myra. - [eddie] hi, judy. hey judy, could i talk to you alone for a minute about that homework assignment? - i guess so, eddie. - [eddie] be right back. - what did you get on the exam? - a b plus. - yeah, me too. - (exclaims) it wasn't very hard. - nah, i missed the third question.
you want to go to the dance? - the dance saturday, wally, i'd love to! - you would? - uh, huh, i said i would. - well, yeah, but you can think it over if you want to. - there's nothing to think over. - (exclaims) well, great then, it's a date, huh? - uh huh. - well, thanks. - that's okay. - yeah. (laughter) - how'd you do, man? - okay, i'm all set! - there, you see, once ya' get the hang of talking to girls, it's not so tough, is it? (laughter) - three, four, one, two, three, four, one, hey come on, you want to try dancing with me? - i'm tired, i'm gonna sit this one out. (laughter)
(laughter) hey look, you want to look at her picture in the school year book? - what for, i know what girls look like. - well sure, but look, she's the neatest looking girl in the whole class. - how come she's got that funny look on her face? - she's just looking glamorous. - (exclaims) i thought maybe her stomach hurt her or something. - it's just the way girls look glamorous. - hey, after the dance are you gonna kiss her? (laughter) - who knows? - if she's got a cold, you'll catch it. (laughter) - what are you all of a sudden, a doctor? (laughter) - [dad] (shouts) wally, telephone. - okay, dad. - i think it's myra. - (exclaims) what does she sound like? - like her picture. - hi mom, hi dad. hello, (exclaims) hi, just a second, okay. could i be excused, mom, dad? - certainly, son, june come on in the den with me, will ya' honey?
(laughter) - hello? - wally, i just wanted to check on the dance saturday night. you have a car, don't you? - well, no, no my father will take us. i don't have a license, i'm only 14. - that's all right, wally. (exclaims) by the way, i thought you might like to know, i'm wearing a lavender dress. - (exclaims) swell, i'm wearing a blue suit. (laughter) - well, wally i'm chairman of the dance committee and well my mother thought it'd be nice if i wore an orchid. how do you feel about orchids? - (exclaims) i feel all right about orchids. (laughter) - (exclaims) you're sweet, wally. now don't forget to call me and tell me the color. - sure, well, so long. boy, an orchid?
- (exclaims) yeah, yeah, mom, i'm all finished. - something wrong, son? - (exclaims) no, dad, myra just called up about flowers and junk. - (exclaims) yes, wally, you should get her a nice corsage, a gardenia or something. - yeah, well, i was kind of thinking about the money. - well wally, i gave you the money for the tickets. i certainly think you should take care of the flowers out of your allowance. - yeah, yeah, sure, dad. - well, he doesn't seem very happy for a boy who's taking the prettiest girl in his class. - well dear, escorting a glamor girl is a disconcerting blend of pleasure and pain. - how do you know so much about glamor girls? - i married one. (laughter) - hello, boys.
- fine, i'll be with you in a minute. - hey wally, how much money you got? - well, i got a dollar left over from this week's allowance at home and eddie's gonna pay me back what he owes me. i just got to find out how much more i'm gonna need. - boy, i never saw so many flowers in one place before without somebody being dead. (laughter) - there, now what can i do for you two gentlemen? - well, i need a corsage for a girl for saturday night. do you have any orchids? - orchids, well! - hey wally, get fresh ones, don't want to see any frozen ones. - they just keep them on ice so they won't get rotten. - there, white ones are nice, purple ones are pretty, too. - well, which one costs less? - they're exactly the same, 7.50. - for one flower?
- they don't smell so expensive. (laughter) - gee, i didn't think they were that much. - do you got any old orchids? - old orchids? - yeah, like they have day old donuts in the bakery for half price. (laughter) - no, i'm afraid not. don't you think that a gardenia would be just as acceptable? - no, it's kind of got to be an orchid. well, thanks anyway, i might be back before the dance. i was just sort of pricing them today. - well, that's all right. - wally, what are you gonna do? - boy, i don't know, beav. - maybe you should go to dad. he's always saying we should come to him when we got problems. - well, i don't know, beav, i think he means stuff like quitting school or running away. if i start whining around about a crummy old orchid, he's liable to blow his top!
- [dad] (exclaims) come on in, wally. - hey dad, could i talk to you for a minute? it's about the dance. - (exclaims) sure, your mother and i told you, we'd be happy to cooperate in any way. - well, this myra is sort of chairman of the dance committee and well, her mother thinks she should wear an orchid. - (exclaims) she does! well, if you ask me, that's a great deal for any girl to expect from a high school sophomore. - well, sure dad, i think so too. but, well, this myra is used to going out with senior guys and everything and i don't have a car and you're gonna have to drive us back and forth and well, at least if i could get her an orchid, that might take the curse off me. - now look, wally, you've always been a pretty level headed boy, don't lose your sense of values over this girl. you just tell her you're sending her a nice gardenia corsage. and if she doesn't like it, she can get herself another date. - well but gee, dad, all the guys know i'm taking her out.
well, i don't know if i can tell one off yet. (laughter) - well, if you ask me, wally, this myra sounds like a good one to start learning on. - but gee, dad-- - another thing, wally, you've got to start having a little respect for money. - i certainly never had any $10 to take a girl out with when i was your age. - yeah, yeah, sure, dad. - well, wally, you've been talking to your father about the dance? - gee, mom, don't even mention that crummy old dance to me. - what'd you say to wally, he says he doesn't want to go to the dance at all now. - yeah, i know, he doesn't want to go unless i give him $7 and a half to buy myra an orchid. - she expects an orchid? - that's right, some how it's supposed to cancel out the disgrace of having his father drive him. (laughter) - well dear, don't you think we could stretch a point and get it for him? she is a very pretty girl and he probably just wants to make the gallant gesture.
- how you doing, lover? - cut it out, eddie. - what's the matter with you, sam? - now that myra's chairman of the dance committee, well, she expects me to get her an orchid. - so? - well, so where do i get the 7.50? - haven't you heard that old song? that's what fathers are for? shake it out of your old man. - nah, i already asked him and he said i should have a sense of values and junk. - my pop's always giving me that line. and all the while, he's puffing on them 85 cent cigars. (laughter) - hey larry, how come we got off early today? - on account of some kind of anniversary for mrs. rayburn. they gave her a big lunch over at the hotel. a lot of other principals are gonna be there. - what kind of anniversary is it?
teacher business for 25 years or something. - well, that's a long time to wait for free lunch. - yeah, hey, you want to mess around? - nah, i gotta go home and help my brother wally worry. - what are you talking about, beav? - he got messed up to take a girl to a dance and he doesn't have any money to buy her flowers. - yeah, i know how it is, before my brother married his wife, she was always asking him for flowers and candy and movies and taxicabs and stuff, you know, i'll bet he spent a million dollars on her! - does he still buy her stuff now? - no, now he just tells her to shut up. - good afternoon, boys. - good afternoon, mrs. rayburn. - happy anniversary, mrs. rayburn. - well, thank you very much, theodore. (laughter) - hey larry, wasn't that an orchid she was wearing? - yeah, i guess they probably threw it in with the free lunch. - what do you supposed people do with orchids when they're through with them? - i don't know, guess they just probably
- you know, larry, i think i want to hang around mrs. rayburn, and talk to her. - gee, no kid ever talked to a principal on purpose. - yeah, but i think i'm gonna. - okay, i'll see ya', beav. - see ya', larry. - [dad] hi, dear. - [mom] hi! - everybody home? - wally is but not the beaver. dear, dear, it's wednesday and the dance is saturday night. don't you think we can stretch a point-- - no, dear, now i gave him the money for the tickets and he has a very generous allowance. i am not going to give him $7 to buy an orchid. anyway, this girl should accept wally the way he is or not at all. - (exclaims) but ward it-- - after all, the cleaver charm was good enough for you. (laughter) - yeah, well maybe the standards weren't as high in those days. (laughter) - theodore, it was very nice of you to drop in here and congratulate me on my anniversary.
- was there something else? - well, yes ma'am, could i buy your orchid? (laughter) i'll give you 25 cents for it. - well, i don't quite understand. would you like my orchid for your mother? - no ma'am, for my brother. - well, now, i'm sure you're being very thoughtful. but i don't think your brother would appreciate an orchid. - well, it's not for him, it's for a girl he's taking to a dance on saturday night. he doesn't want her to think he's a creep. (laughter) - creep? - (exclaims) it's not a bad word, it just means a goofy guy. he doesn't have $7.50. - well, i think i understand how your brother feels. and i believe i understand how the girl feels too. - you do? - yes, i used to go to dances when i was a girl. i remember wondering what kind of flowers the boy was gonna bring me. what dress i was going to wear? and what he was going to be like? - gee, i thought you spent your whole life just yelling at kids. (laughter)
- well, i didn't mean, yell at them. i just meant making 'em be good. - well now here, you take these and you give them to your brother with my compliments. - don't you want the 25 cents? - no, theodore and i suggest that you keep that in a nice cool place until saturday night. - well, yes ma'am i won't let it get rotten. - gee, it sure is a beauty. - yeah. - boy, beaver, you're a life saver. - well, that's okay, are you gonna tell mom and dad about you having an orchid? - nah, there's no use telling them. i'll just stick it behind this lettuce and carrots and junk. - i sure hope nobody eats it. - it still looks pretty good. - yeah but it's beginning to smell like salami. (laughter)
hey, what are you doing? - i'm just seeing if the salami smells like an orchid. (laughter) - gee beav, it looks crummy. - maybe you could yank the bad leaves off. - yeah. (hopeless string music) - maybe you could paste them back on. - nah, as soon as myra started dancing it'd just fall off again. (laughter) - [beaver] hi, mom. - [mom] hi. - can i ask you something? - what is it, beaver? - would it be wrong if wally told somebody a lie? - of course it would. - would it be less wrong if i told a lie for wally? - well beaver, it would still be a lie. - (exclaims) would it mean i wouldn't go to heaven?
- then, i guess i better not take the chance. (laughter) - [mom] beaver, come here, what's this all about? - wally wanted me to call up that girl and tell her he's sick and can't go to the dance on account he doesn't have an orchid for her. - well, he can't do that, this is saturday afternoon, the dance is tonight! - i know, he had an orchid, but it fell apart in the icebox. - it feel apart in the icebox? - yeah i got it from mrs. rayburn but the leaves rotted off. - (exclaims) i see, look beaver, your father's gonna be home soon. now, you go on outside and play. and don't say anything to wally. - mom, are you gonna make everything all right? - i'm certainly gonna try. - gee mom, you're neat-o. (laughter) - hey, beav. - hi dad, i'm gonna go outside and play, mom wants to talk to ya'. - hi dear, i picked these gardenias up for wally on the way from the club. - ward, i want you to take those back to the florist
- june, i thought we settled all of this days ago. and i assumed wally had been taking it sensibly. certainly hasn't seemed to bother him. - well, that's another story and really, ward, i don't see how it would do any harm. not this one time anyway-- - i'm sorry dear, but i really feel pretty definite about this, it's perfectly ridiculous for a 14-year-old boy to have to take an orchid to a 14-year-old girl. and when i think what i was making when we were married, it's preposterous. - dear, come here. you've heard of pressed duck? well, this is pressed orchid. a fella gave it to me when i was 16-years-old. - well, that's a nice try dear. but just because some crazy boy gave you an orchid when you were 16 is absolutely no justification for-- me? (laughter) (exclaims) yeah, i think i remember.
i had to sell my stamp collection. but dear, the difference is, you didn't ask for an orchid. - that's because i wasn't the prettiest girl in the class and the chairman of the dance committee. - you know i guess i forgot for a minute what it feels like to be wally's age, what color? - well, her dress is lavender. - i'll get her a white one. you tell wally, i'll be right back. - hey mom, hey dad, he's coming, he's coming! - well, i'm all ready. - okay, son. (smooches) - you know, mom, you do a real neat job of making things all right. (laughter)
he must be home. - well, the barkers said they would bring him home. i thought it would be earlier. (engine revs) (laughter) - (exclaims) hi mom, hi dad. - how was the dance? - all right, i guess. - just all right? - yeah dad, just all right. - did you enjoy being with myra? - well, i don't know. - did your orchid look nice on her?
most of the time she was dancing with other guys. you know, seniors and stuff. boy, all those guys messing up my orchid. (laughter) well, i think i'll go to bed now. hey dad, thanks a lot for the orchid. it was real neat of ya'. - good night, son. - good night, wally. why, i guess it wasn't worth all the worry and expense, was it? - (exclaims) i don't know, i think it was. because now, i think wally realizes it wasn't worth it. ("the toy parade" instrumental by
- hi, dear. - hi. - hey, you smell nice. - oh, it's not me. it's the sink. - the sink? - uh-huh, i spilled a bottle of vanilla extract in it. - oh, there goes my dreams of romance. - what's that? - hey, wait until you see this. - well it's just an old baseball. - dear, that is not just an old baseball. this thing is priceless. i've had it since i was 17. i found it in one of the old trunks the other day. took it out and now i had this pedestal made for it, see? look who signed it, babe ruth, lou gehrig, lefty grove, kiki cuyler, augie galan. - that's nice dear. - june, these men are some of the all-time greats of baseball. - kiki cuyler sounds like a fan dancer. - a fan dancer? well, he was just one of the greatest infield hitters
he used to stand right up to that plate, crowded it all the time, he really worried that pitcher. he had a little short grip on his bat, and he'd line that ball out between 2nd and 3rd, just like it was a pool shot. see, i saw him one day in a game with st. louis. he went 4 for 4 and before the game-- hi fellas. - hi dad. - hi, dad. where'd you get a baseball? - my uncle frank got that for me, i've had it ever since i was 17. - doesn't look like he got too many hits with it, dad. - it's an autograph ball, isn't it dad? - yeah, that's right wally. see, my uncle frank was a ballplayer. we went to the game together one day, and afterwards he took me down to the locker room, and had all of his pals autograph it for me. i guess that was about the biggest day of my life when i was a kid. - kiki cuyler, augie galan, bill dickey. gee, i never heard of any of these big shots. - grover cleveland alexander?
- no, no, beaver. he was just named after the president. he was a very great pitcher. oh, it's funny, you boys hardly know these players names. when i was a boy i thought they'd never be forgotten. - yeah, but they got a whole bunch of new guys that will never be forgotten. - yeah, i guess that's the way it goes, wally. - gee, dad. what are you gonna do with it? - oh, i thought i'd keep it in the den as kind of a memento. and maybe some day, you fellas want to pass it on to your children. - like uncle billy's elephant tusks, that we're not allowed to have until we get old enough to appreciate it? - yeah, something like that beaver. - did you show the boys your baseball? - uh-huh. i don't think they were too impressed though. you know, in my day, kids used to worship great stars like these. we looked up to them and tried to be like them. - dear, you make them sound like some sort of ancient god. - well in a way, they were. you never caught any of these old-timers coming down to earth to shave on television,
- you know, i can't decide if we should get redwood or wrought iron. - huh? - tomorrow's saturday, and i thought we could go and look at that porch furniture i was telling you about. - oh, alright. well, i guess this will have to just be another old memory to sit around and gather dust along with uncle billy's elephant tusks. - boy, that's neat. - they're all famous old-fashioned guys. my father met 'em in the locker room, personal. - my father's got a gun at home over the fireplace. that was used in the civil war. - that's pretty good too. - my mother doesn't think so. she's always telling my father, "to get that dirty thing out of her living room." - my mom can't tell my dad what to do in here. because it's his den. - oh yeah.
you and i can play catch with the ball. - no, larry. it's not a ball for playing catch with. it's a ball for looking at. - yeah, but it would real neat to use a ball that famous guys used. - yeah, but my father would get real mad at us. - but nobody's home, are they? - no, my mom and dad went out to look at porch furniture. - well, that always takes a couple of hours, beav. like when they stopped in on somebody "for a minute." - i don't think so, larry. - what's the matter? don't you like to do stuff that you're not supposed to? - well, sometimes. but i don't think this is one of the times. and anyway, my brother wally's home. - oh you're afraid he's gonna squeal on ya, huh? - well, he just might. he's mad at me for getting his toothbrush dirty. - did you clean your teeth with it? - no, my shoes. - boy that wally's a fussy guy.
- [beaver and larry] hi wally. - hey, what are you two guys up to? - oh, i was just talking to my friend, beaver. - you guys better not get into any trouble when i'm out. - [beaver] where are you going, wally? - over to eddie's, that's where. - every once in a while wally acts kinda mean. - he couldn't be as mean as my brother. before he got married, he was always hitting me on the arm. every time he used to see me, he hit me on the arm. right on the arm. boy, was i glad when he got married. okay, beav. where's your baseball glove? - but larry-- - there's really nobody home now, let's get the ball. - no. - well, we'll only throw it four times, and you can keep count. - no, larry. - come on. - i'm not gonna. - why aren't you gonna? - because i said i'm not gonna. - well, you didn't really mean you're not gonna. - sure i did. - no ya didn't.
- two. three. four. okay, larry let's put it away. - we threw it four times and it didn't hurt it. let's throw it another four times. - okay, this is the last four times. one. - hey look, beav. i'm don drysdale. (crunching sounds) - [beaver] why'd you go and do that for? - you should've caught it! - you're a crummy thrower! - you're a crummy catcher! - yeah? - yeah! - [larry] it sure is smashed. - what am i gonna do now?
- larry, beaver? - [beaver] we're in here, dad. - well, boys why do you have the doors locked? - because we're playing. and that big dumb wally keeps coming in bothering us. - well, what do you want for lunch? - [beaver] we're not hungry, dad. - [larry] i'd like some hot dogs, mr. cleaver. - okay, larry. - [wally] see ya later, eddie. oh hi, dad. - wally, don't you think you're a little old for that sort of thing? - a little old for what, dad? - bothering your little brother when he has company. - but gee, dad. i was-- - now try and grow up a little, son. come on, go get washed. we're about to have lunch. - [beaver] how's it look, larry? - [larry] it looks real neat. - boy, larry, sure is lucky you had that 25 cent ball at home. - sure beav, i'm your pal. i wouldn't leave you in this spot. - you think we wrote enough names on it? - sure we did.
there you are, beav. probably never know the difference. - yeah, sure. but i sure wish we didn't have to pull sneaky stuff like this on our parents. - well gee, beaver. if we didn't, they'd be killin' us all the time. - yeah. - did you find out what the boys wanted for lunch? - yeah, beaver's not hungry and larry wants hot dogs. - well, i'd better cook beaver some. because when he sees larry eating, he's gonna want some too. - you got this mother business pretty well figured out, haven't you? - what were you hollering at wally for? - i wasn't hollering at him, dear. i just told him to stop annoying beaver when beaver has company. - i wish he would stop that. - i guess all big brothers do it. when i had company, my big brother used to hold him down and wouldn't let him up
- that's a terrible thing to do. - i don't know, i used to hold my little brother's friends down for nickels. - i thought you spent all your time reading horatio alger and jack armstrong. - sure, but where'd you think i got the money for the books? (audience laughter) - where are larry and beaver? - they're in the den with the door locked. - honey, would you hand me that pan? - yeah. - thank you. better tell them to come out now. - oh, i don't think that'll be necessary. i think the smell of hot dogs
i'm a little too tired right now to do anything healthy. - alright, dear. i'll put my coat away. (doorbell rings) now, who do suppose that could be? - oh, it's probably fred rutherford, i don't know anyone else who'd drop in on saturday without phoning first. - don't be silly. fred rutherford, well we were just talking about you. - evening, june. well, leaving home, little girl? - oh no we were just-- - mad at the old walrus, too grumpy for ya? (audience laughter) - hello, fred. - oh, hello ward. say, i thought if you had those miller audits, it'd be a good idea if i checked them out over the weekend. and that way, in case the home office gives you a jingle on monday, you wouldn't be in a jam. - fred, i don't where i'd be without you to do my thinking for me. - don't mention it, old man. - i think they're in the den. (chuckling) - your bride has a great sense of humor, ward. i can always break her up.
in my briefcase. excuse me a minute, will you? - sure thing. - oh, say fred. you're sort of a baseball fan, aren't you? - i'll say, the hickory meeting the cowhide is music to my ears. - while i'm upstairs, you take a look at that baseball on the shelf. some very interesting autographs on it. some of the really great old players. - fine. (humming) "baby ruth"? - here we are, fred. oh, what do you think of the little memento? - you old jokester, you know i nearly fell for it. - fell for what? - "kiki gehrig", "augie dickey", "baby ruth". (chuckling) - oh yes, that's very funny, isn't it?
- oh, thanks. (chuckling) see you around the salt mines. and say goodbye to the little bride. - yes. - "kiki gehrig" (chuckling). (curious music) - what's the matter, dear? fred say something that upset you? - fred always says something that upsets me, but that's not what's bothering me now. beaver? beaver! - hey beaver, dad's calling you. - yeah, i know. - well, what's the matter? - [ward] beaver? beaver! - i thought i was getting away with something. but dad never hollers like that when you're getting away with something. - it's perfectly obvious how you feel, beaver. it doesn't mean a thing to you that i've had this ball since i was 17. it doesn't mean a thing to you
it doesn't mean that much to you! well does it? - no, sir. - "no, sir"? how can you stand there and say it doesn't mean anything to you? - because you just told me it doesn't. - alright, beaver. you can spend the entire day tomorrow in your room. and you can eat your dinner up there, alone. and everyday for a week. when you come home from school, you'll go to your room and you'll stay there. you'll have no company, you'll have no friends. and you won't watch television, do you understand? - yes, sir. - alright, go on to your room. dear, don't say anything. - i don't intend to. - what do you want? - well, i just thought that if the hollering was over,
- [larry] beaver! (whistles) hey beaver! - hi, larry. - hey beav, what are you gonna do today? - i'm gonna stay in my room today. and everyday for a week. and i'm not gonna watch television. and i'm gonna eat my sunday dinner up here too. - what are you gonna do all that for? - because my father found out about the wrecked baseball. - hey beaver, did you squeal on me? - nah. - i wonder if i would've squealed on you. - sure you would've! - yeah, i guess i would've. hey, does that mean you can't come out and mess around? - i don't think i'll be able to mess around for the whole rest of my life. - boy, what a jip! you know, you got a real scrooge for a father. - larry? - hello, mr. cleaver.
- well, i wasn't being company. i was just hollering up to him. - i heard what you were hollering. would you run along, please larry? - yes, sir. - i'll be seeing you, beaver. - be seeing you, larry. - beaver, close the window. - yes, sir. (melancholic music) - i just had to chase larry away. - i hope you weren't mean to larry. - i wasn't mean, dear. i was just firm. - gosh, dad. larry's just a kid. i don't know if he knows the difference. - wally, don't you think you should concentrate on your dinner? - oh, yeah i guess that's what i should concentrate on. - what's the matter, dear? - nothing. - oh, there must be something.
to have an empty place at the table. beaver always said such cute things at dinner. - yeah, he used to be real neat when he was around. - shall we try not to dramatize the incident any more than we have to? - yes, dear. - look, i know what you're both thinking. you're thinking that i lost my temper about the baseball. and i'm punishing him unfairly. isn't that what you're thinking? - well, gee dad. i wasn't thinking at all. i was just concentrating on my dinner. - alright, alright, so it was just a baseball. it didn't mean a thing to anyone but me. but where does this sort of thing stop? how does he learn to respect the possessions of others if we don't punish him? - oh you're right, dear. - well yeah, sure dad.
where are you going? - well, you two are probably right. i think the punishment was too hard. and all this is not worth having him hate me. i'm gonna go up and tell him to come out of his room. - excuse me, mom. hey, dad? - yeah, what is it wally? - well, dad, i'm not trying to be a wiseguy or anything, but i don't think you should tell beaver he can come out of his room after you told him to stay there. - why i thought you felt i was being unfair to him? - well, maybe you are. but i think you ought to stick with it. - really? - what brought all this on? - well, you remember a couple of years ago, when i was messing around out in the garage and i broke the window in your car? - yeah. - well, you told me i couldn't go to the movies for a whole month. and after a couple of weeks, this real neat picture was playing. i kind of moped around and whined around.
- well, i thought you would like me for easing up on you. - yeah well, the guys know i wasn't supposed to go to the movies for a month. when we were sitting there, i knew that eddie and lumpy were thinking that my father was, well sort of a pushover. - oh. - yeah, gee i didn't want anybody thinking that about you. - well, you know wally. i never thought of it this way. i guess i would sort of be letting beaver down if i went back on my word. - i think so too, dad. - well, you go up and see if he's finished his dinner. - sure, i won't tell him anything.
- oh. wally, beaver's been sitting up in his room ever since he came home from school. why don't you go cheer him up, i'm sure your father wouldn't mind. - oh sure, mom. hi, beav. - hi, wally. - you want me to hang around and cheer you up? - uh-uh, i'm cheering myself up. - yeah, doesn't look like you're cheering yourself up. - well sure i am. i'm pretending i'm in the tower of london. and these guys are gonna come and chop my head off? - that cheers you up? - well sure. 'cause i got a whole big thing planned. i'm gonna change places with the bad guy. and then when they chop off my head, it'll be his and not mine. - that won't work. - well sure it'll work. or i'm gonna make it work,
- what are you doing in here? - just wondering what to do with this pedestal i had made for the baseball. - oh hey, it's a shame about what happened. - i guess you have to expect that sort of thing when you have children. that baseball was a real temptation. - i know what you could do with that. you could put your golf ball on it the day you break 90. - oh dear, i think i'll just save the pedestal and put you up on it. - well that was very sweet of you. - was it? it wasn't meant to be.
you're at the corner drugstore? well, a-all right, mrs. stephens. i'll expect you. bye-bye. good grief. esmeralda, who's mother goose? mother goose? well, now, let me see. mother goose was, um -- uh, mother goose was... [ breathing erratically ] mother... ah-choo! [ ding! ] oh, dear me. i've done it again. i've just got to knock off that sneezing. mother goose! oh. yes, i'm mother goose. but who are you, child? you can't be miss muffet. you have no tuffet. i'm tabitha. how did i get here? well, you see, i'm a witch, but my powers have sort of gone flooey.
the involuntary act generates abnormal powers which materialize the thought nearest my cerebellum. i knew there would be a simple explanation. mommy! mommy! what is it, sweetheart? look who's here! oh, my goose, it's mother stars! oh, i mean... how nice to see you, mistress mary! are you quite contrary? i'll say i'm quite contrary. you're mad. no, i'm just... ...mad. i don't blame you. i'm so embarrassed. oh! esmeralda, please don't go! i'll be right down!
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it's just something that happens when she gets upset. she gets upset a lot. oh. well, would you mind telling me where i am? it's on the tip of my tongue, but i-i just can't think of it. you are in the 20th century. [ laughs ] oh, child, you jest. no. no, no, no, esmeralda sneezed, and you're here because of witchcraft. well... and in a moment, esmeralda will sneeze you back into your book -- i hope. yoo-hoo, esmeralda? excuse me, but what book? why, your book of nursery rhymes. these are my rhymes! as you can see. oh, how delightful! and they said, "hey diddle diddle" wouldn't last. well, what do they know? [ laughs ] yoo-hoo, esmeralda? [ doorbell rings ]
that's probably mother hubbard. i want you to stay out here with tabitha. please? well, certainly. will you recite me "hey diddle diddle"? hi, mrs. stephens. hello, samantha. my, don't you look nice. oh, thank you, samantha. i'm so glad you like my outfit. i bought it this morning. well, good for you. well, uh, what's the big emergency? it's all over, samantha. what is? my marriage, dear. i have left frank forever. again? uh...w-what happened? "what happened?" he's impossible -- that's what happened! oh. well, well,
if he wants to live in the past, that's his business. i am a woman of tomorrow, and i intend to dress like onenesamantha. oh, i see. i, uh, take it he doesn't like your new outfit. well, as a matter of fact, he doesn't. that can be very irritating. luckily i have you and darrin to stay with. stay with? oh, i wouldn't dream of imposing if you didn't have that fabulous esmeralda. [ chuckling ] oh, yes. esmeralda -- she is a treasure, isn't she? [ ding! ] "fabulous"? "a treasure," did someone say? oh, there you are! have you been here long? oh, yes, yes, right along. imagine not seeing a person when that person has been right next to you all along. imagine. [ laughs ]
um, would you excuse us for just a minute? of course, dear. i'll just sit and rest and -- and try not to think about...anything. oh, i do like your mother-in-law. yes, but a mother-in-law and a mother goose in the house at the same time are definitely too much mother. well, just be patient. mother goose will fade. my spells always do, you know, sooner or later. yes, yes, yes, i know, but it's the "later" that worries me -- when darrin gets home. should i make up the guest room? what for? your mother-in-law. one thing we know for sure -- she's not going to fade. that's comforting.
this is especially good sherry. have some more. oh, if you insist. you know, samantha, esmeralda is really remarkable. i-i could have sworn there was no one there. and then all of a sudden, there she was, out of the blue. esmeralda prides herself on being unobtrusive. i was just wondering -- oh, i didn't know you had guests. uh, mrs. stephens, this is my...aunt. your aunt? nonsense, child. i'm mother goose. and i'm little bo peep. but i thought you might be mother hubbard. oh, no! no, no, no. this is mrs. stephens-in-law. i-i mean, my mother-in-law. oh, i was wondering if you might have some curds and whey for little miss muffet and me. if -- if you'll go out to the kitchen,
lovely! ...in the refrigerator. icebox. uh, marked "cottage cheese." "cottage cheese" -- how odd. "mother goose" -- how odd. mrs. stephens, you'll have to excuse my aunt. she really does think she's mother goose. tell me something, samantha. is your whole family wacky? as wacky as witches, mrs. stephens. oh. [ doorbell rings ] oh, hi, sam. hi. forgive me for barging in like this, but i know phyllis is here. uh, what makes you think she's here? she left this forwarding address for the mailman in a place where i'd be sure to see it. where'd she leave it?
that's so you'd remember to drop it off when you went to the post office. goodbye. phyllis, i don't know why you're so upset. i honestly don't. that just shows you how insensitive men are. all i said about your new outfit -- frank, i know what you said. you said, "now, that's an outfit." well, it is an outfit. that is not what you meant when you said, "now, that's an outfit." i meant "that's not an outfit"? frank, you know very well what you meant, and it wasn't at all nice. now, if you'll excuse me... ...i'm going upstairs and have one of my sick headaches. women -- i think they were invented to confuse men. and who might this gentleman be -- the farmer in the dell?
this is my aunt, but her friends call her "mother goose." oh, i'm glad to meet you, mother goose. and i to meet you, kind sir. well. you know, there's a great deal to be said for the old-fashioned lady. oh, what a pretty compliment. would you like to come out into the garden with me while i feed miss muffet her curds and whey? i-i wouldn't miss it. [ door opens ] darrin: sam, i'm home. just what i needed -- little boy blue to come blow his cool. [ door closes ] well, uh, that -- that was a quick 18 holes. larry forgot to reserve our starting time. we didn't even tee off. aw, then you didn't lower your handicap. no. i just raised my blood pressure.
sam, what's wrong? we have a small disaster here, too. to begin with, your mother's here. well, i'd hardly call that a disaster. i said "to begin with." your father's here, too. he's, uh, out on the patio. what's so terrible about that? well, i-i-i was reading to tabitha when adam started to cry, so i yoo-hooed for esmeralda to come over and read to tabitha. then your mother called and said she was coming over, and esmeralda sneezed, and all of a sudden there was mother goose and your mother. then your father arrived. if mother goose doesn't fade out right away, she can keep tabitha entertained. i bet you've never heard "jack sprat could eat no fat" as told by the author.
try "once upon a time." she'll love that. i sometimes wonder what we'd do for kicks if it weren't for the trouble your family gets us into. my family? now, just a minute. the reason we have a problem is that your mother had a fight with your father and took refuge in our house. okay, samantha, okay. it's my family's fault, and i'll handle it... good. ...with the direct, mortal approach. i am going out to the patio and tell my father to go upstairs and take my mother home. gee, i wish i had thought of that. read me another one, please. oh. oh, here's one. "jack be nimble. "jack be quick. jack jump over the candlestick." hello, everybody. i hope i'm not interrupting. hi. oh, now, don't tell me. let me guess. oh, georgie porgie -- that's who you are!
he's not georgie porgie. he's my daddy. and he's interrupting a delightful performance. dad, i have to talk to you. it can wait. how's mrs. stephens? oh, she's all settled in nice and cozy. and i think i'm going to fade. there's no need for you to fade, at least not until you've gotten rid of mother goose. you sure know how to hurt a witch. just don't fade! if it was your fault that your father-in-law was flirting with mother goose and your mother-in-law was practically passed out in the guest room, what would you do? well, when you put it that way... well, so much for the direct, mortal approach. my father is so fascinated with mother goose, he wouldn't even listen to me. that may be an idea. esmeralda, will you go get tabitha and take her up to her room? this may be just the thing to bring your mother to her senses. could you think that through a little slower, please? well, when she sees your father with mother goose,
my mother jealous of mother goose? darrin, believe me, you don't have to be a witch to be wise in the ways of wives... or something. come on. [ knock on door ] mother, may we come in? oh, darrin, i'm so glad you're home. a son can be such a comfort to a poor, wretched mother. how's your head? oh, don't ask, dear. why should i bore you with the details of my throbbing pain? i-i think what you need is a little fresh air. [ sighs ] [ bird chirping ] uh-oh.
uh-oh, what? uh-oh, uh-oh. do you think you could choke down a little milk toast? samantha, i want to know what you're uh-oh-ing about. uh, oh, nothing. people do not uh-oh about nothing. well, it's nothing that would interest you. is that funny aunt of yours still here? yes. as a matter of fact, she's out on the patio. with your estranged husband. [ gasps ] cute couple, aren't they? you know, i think i will try just a bit of fresh air, after all, for my headache. all in all, i've written well over 500 rhymes for children. i'm proud to say that they're still popular. oh, yes, yes. you know, one of my favorites was -- how does it go now? --
one thing you can say about frank -- he's polite, chatting with that old lady about "rub-a-dub-dub." actually, one of the very first i wrote was about jack sprat and his wife. would you like me to tell you how that came to be? well, yes, i would. [ tinkles ] [ ding! ] but first, let's talk about us. now, why did i say that? you were gonna tell me about jack sprat. well, you remember how the line went? "his wife could eat no lean." long-winded, isn't she? mother goose, this is fascinating. perhaps you'll tell me more... [ tinkles ] ...when we take a spin in my new carriage. that would be delightful. "a spin in my new carriage"? i don't have a new carriage. your old one will do. i don't even have an old one.
[ laughs ] do you mind? oh, not at all. you know, i've been thinking... i'll bet you have -- about the new life waiting for you. new life? oh, yes. after the divorce, you'll get an exciting job. job? probably in electronics. i don't know anything about electronics. ah-choo! [ ding! ] oh ho ho. [ laughs ] what i saw could not possibly have happened. what did you see? mother goose just changed into a goose! oh, it must be the sherry.
oh, no, no, samantha, let's face facts. i-i-i'm starting to see things. mother goose? mother goose, where have you gone? oh, dear, i wonder if i sneezed another no-no? another no-no. [ ding! ] mother goose? mother goose? [ hisses ] it's all right. we only think we're seeing a pair of glasses hanging in midair. [ hisses ] we only thought we saw a pair of glasses hanging in midair. [ ding! ]
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frank?! frank. daddy bear is here, sweetheart. frank, i want to apologize. i don't want to be the woman of tomorrow. i just want to enjoy today. oh, phyllis, i'm glad to hear you say that. it may be later than we think. frank, did -- did you see a goose on the patio? i thought i did. then there's only one thing to be said, dear -- if we're going over the hill, it's nice to be going together. [ door opens, closes ] they're only going over the hill. i'm going off my rocker. yoo-hoo. esmeralda? samantha, what are you doing? well, i'm just trying to get esmeralda back so you can thank her. for what?
she was a tragic figure -- her marriage beyond repair -- and now, thanks to esmeralda, two happy people just walked arm-in-arm out of our front door onto the -- not one more word. -- captions by vitac -- www. good morning, sweetheart. i'll bet you don't well, let's see. it's too late for groundhog day and too early for national frankfurter week. what day is it? it's exactly 3 days, 8 hours, and 45 mi since your mother last inflicted herself on us. oh, now, darrin, i-i know mother can be a bit difficult, but --
oh, i like her a little... very little. very little. i guess is the way she barges in without any advance notice. well, i -- oh. "advance notice -- endora." darrin, for once, try to be agreeable. no matter what she s okay. but believe me, it won't help. [ ding! ] samantha, my love, how are you? oh, i'm sorry if i disturbed your stupor. good morning, endora. how nice you dropped you're a sight for sore eyes that brightens an otherwise bleak morning. keep that up, and you'll be a monkey's uncle.
yes, but it's wo endora, won't you sit down and rest your weary bones? that does it. now he's saying i'm too decrepit to stand. sweetheart, you can't win. why don't you go to work? okay. bye, sweetheart. bye, endora. ohh! you lay a lip on me, and i'll put you in orbit for the rest of your life. i was just reaching for my paper. oh, what in the name of all that's witchly has gotten into him? nothing. darrin happens to be everyone thinks so -- his business associates, his friends, ev now, don't you think why? columbus was the only one that thought the world was round, and he was right. oh, it's no use. [ doorbell rin excuse me, mother.
[ chuckles ] so agreeable, is well, if he really were, he'd take a nice, long, one-way trip, or maybe... yes! i'll zap him into such an agreeable state, he'll be utterly sickening! that was mrs. kravitz. she had this crazy civic-improvement petition. i told her i wouldn't sign it without consulting you. i'd better duck ou and i'm gonna give adam his bottle. bye-bye. bye.
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now, i don't know ho but those benches are terribly uncomfortable, and we of the civ feel that they should be upholstered. upholstered bus benches? yes. wouldn't that be nice? oh, i agree. wh would you be inter in circulating one of these petitions? of course. now, if you'll excuse me, mrs. kravitz, i've got to get to w uh, i'm sorry i held you up, but these things are terribly important. oh, i know. i couldn't agree more! hi, larry. oh, new clubs? yes. you know me. i'm always trying to improve my game. you ought to try cheating. it's cheaper. ha ha. i thought we might g before shotwell arrives. i'm anxious to turn this account over to you, but it's got to be handled delicately. darrin, you've got to be diplomatic,
larry, i agree with you 100%. you do? that's great. you know how much i respect your integrity, but let's face it -- sometimes you go overboard. you're right, larry. i do. well, i'm glad to hear you admit that for once. [ intercom buzzes ] yes? woman: mr. shotwell is here. oh, ask him to come right in. oh, just one last th he claims he doesn't like yes-men, but the truth is he hates people who disagree with him even more. so i want you to be -- mr. shotwell! g this is darrin stephens. heard a lot of good things about you, young f any of it true? have a seat, mr. shotwell. i certainly hope so. and larry has and inspiring person you are. that's a lot of baloney. it certainly is. [ chuckles nervously ]
but you know these geniuses. frankly, i find geniuses a pain in the neck. so do i. they're also the only ones who come up with original ideas. exactly! the world needs geniuses. apparently, there's one thing they didn't tell you about me, stephens. i don't like yes-men. oh, i'm well aware of that, sir, and i happen to share that feeling. let's get down to business, shall we? you know my feeling that the advertising campaigns of shotwell pharmaceuticals can use some new blood. that's why i brought he's roughed out som and i'll turn the floor over to him. you think our approach has been too conservative, do you? yes, i completely well, i don't. you're absolutely right. what?! listen, why get bogged down in semantics, huh?
and show him some of your layouts. certainly. first of all, let's take a look at your slogan -- "oldest pharmaceutical establishment in america." now, that's a dignif but in today's jargon, the word "establishment" has negative connotations, particularly to the young people. 3/4 of our customers are over 40. yes, and that's why i say never change your slogan. well, i have just one thing to say -- if you're that anxious to get off my account, i'll make it easy for you. you'll have the letter of cancellation in the morning. n-now, wait a minute, mr. shotwell. never mind stephens! i'll stay on the account myself, and i promise you i'll do everything -- congratulations. in three minutes, you managed to destroy a 21-year relationship.
lot of times, being a teenager means living with labels. you know, like the ones other people give you. and the ones you give yourself. but what happens when you're labeled as someone you're t? "stop!" wearing a label you don't want... or find yourself labeling other people? it can be so frustrating... sad...lonely. if you're feeling overwhelmed by problems at school... "watch it!" at home, or anywhere else, you don't need labels.
who can help you take control, help you heal, help you win. you need to call the girls and boys town national hotline. (tdd# 1-800-448-1433) 24/7, they're here with help and hope when you need it most. the girls and boys town national hotline. change your label. change your life. help is just a phone call away. then he suggested i take a little vacation till he cooled off. how long a vacation? a year or two. darrin, i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've been fired. yeah, i know. what happened, exactly? well, larry pleaded with me to be diplomatic. he said shotwell hated people who disagreed w and, well, i guess i went a little overboard. actually, then larry's just as much to blame as you are, isn't he? you're right. maybe it's time you made a change.
as a matter of fact, i know where there's an opening -- stone, frasier, hmm. they don't sound like they have room for anyone else. one of the top outfits in the country. i see. i've got to check around to see if anyone can drop my name with washburn. he's the one that counts. sweetheart... as, uh -- as lo do you mind if i go out for a little while? i have a few errands to run. no, go ahead. okay. see you later. [ ding! ] bye, sweetheart! [ ding! ] [ ding! ]
oh, mr. washburn? the mayor's on the phone. tell him i've left for lunch. i'll call him back later. [ tinkles ] where will you be lunching? the usual place. [ tinkles ] well, i'll see yo and enjoy your darrin stephens. what? i said enjoy your lunch. how long has it been since wiley's had a vacation? she just came back from one. must have had a wil let me see that list of candidates. oh, yes, sir. parker, party of two. [ ding! ] [ tinkles ] darrin, par [ coughs ] oh, uh, table for one?
well, why isn't he? he's far and away the best man for us. [ ding! ] [ ding! ] [ ding! ] darrin: sam? hi, sweetheart. you want to hear a fantastic coincidence? washburn just called me -- the agency i told you about? i start tomorrow. he hired you over the phone? yes! he seemed very insistent about it. well, that's marvelo i certainly hope that -- mrs. kravitz: hi, mrs. stephens. i just came by to tell mr. stephens the good news. oh? what's that? i've just been made chairman of the "save the starlings" committee. well, this is really your lucky day. see you at the meeting. bye.
of that ridiculous committee? well, because she a suppose she asked you to jump in a lake. there's no lake near here. you know something? either you're having a nervous breakdown, or my mother has struck again. tell me -- did you and mr. washburn agree on a salary? oh, yes, and it's only a few thousand less than i'm making n that does it. mother?! i thought i'd be hearing from you. take it off. in mixed company? now, mother, you know very well what i am talking about. you put a spell on darrin to make him agree with anything or anyone. and you object? mother, the depth of your lack of feeling is not to be bel has cost darrin his job? oh, samantha, stop making so much ado about nothing! sam --
lleps eht esrever. what kind of an incantation is that? oh, samantha, i refuse to stay here and bicker! [ ding! ] [ ding! ] uh, are you all right? it's none of your business. what?! don't stand there ga oh, no. mother? mother, what have you done to him? [ endora laughing ] "lleps eht esrever." lleps eht e-- hmm. lleps...
eht... [ ding! ] ...esrever. [ ding! ] oh, good grief, it's "reverse the spell" backwards. what the devil ar [ ding! ] [ doorbell rings ] would you get that, hi, sam. is darrin -- oh, there you are! i was just driving by on my way home, and i thought i'd drop in. this isn't on your way home. darrin, i think larry's trying to make a gesture.
well, i'm making one, too. goodbye. well, of all the ungracious, disagreeable -- this morning you fir who said i fired you? what do you call a so i lost my temper. now i'm apologizing. not interested in your apology. sam, for the sake of your family, you ought to have a talk with him. jobs like his don't grow on trees. larry, i wish you'd gotten here a few minutes earlier. well, shotwell didn't call me till -- shotwell called you? uh, yes. he liked the layouts, right? well, to be perfectly frank... yes. well, well, well. now, why don't you stop this, both of you, and admit that basically you have a great affection
darrin, i'm sorry. i'll see you first thing in the morning, right? wrong. he's starting in again. [ ding! ] all right, mother, you've had your kicks. now, you better or you're gonna hear a lot of yelling. mother! [ ding! ] samantha, you're such a killjoy. really! mother! i'm doing it. i'm doing it. bee's knees and bell's knell, i order you to remove the spell! return this mortal to his normal state. if this doesn't work, i simply can't wait! [ ding! ] [ ding! ] [ chuckles ] what was i saying? how good it is to have darrin back. oh, yeah. good to have you back, old friend. good to be back, larry. you can't bust up a team like ours.
we have our differen and a lot of relationships might not survive them. but with us, it only serves to sharpen our appreciation of each other, because we know that deep in our hearts, we have that kind of [ violin music playi and all this adds up to one thing, darrin -- the team. yeah. the team. you and me.
but do you think in time she'd learn to ignore me? sweetheart, and we're all se so let's just put mother out of our minds. there's only one way to do that. mmm! we've got to put mother out of our minds more often. mrs. kravitz. where are you going? out to dinner. oh, you can't! you promised to address the "save the starling" committee! when did i do that? this afternoon. mrs. kravitz, when i agreed, i really didn't know what i, uh -- what darrin is tryin is that when he said he was really under... under... yes? sweetheart, why don't you go over there
you'll come? oh, good! oh, i'll just run over and tell them you're on your way. sam, i don't know anything about starlings. then you're even they don't know anything about you, either. [ giggles ] -- captions by vitac -- www. jeannie. [clears throat] uh, jeannie. oh. good morning, master, darling. oh. morning, jeannie. are you ready for breakfast? no, i'm gonna have to skip breakfast this morning. i'm giving a lecture. oh. the kind you always give me? [chuckles] no. no.