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tv   News 4--- Today  NBC  February 10, 2016 5:00am-7:00am PST

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strange man. strange man. - [voiceover] robert young and jane wyatt with elinor donahue, billy gray and lauren chapin in father knows best. - oh that's very good betty, you say you've got the seventh highest grade in the class. - well i had planned on being the highest. - well after all, being seventh in a class of 50 is pretty good. - pretty good is the story of my life. i've never come first in anything. - oh i don't know, you were the first one born into this family. beat the other kids by a mile.
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look at my school record, i'm always second best. second beset on the debating team, fourth best on the tennis team, played second lead in the operetta, ranked 11th best in the scholarship. - well i'd say that's actually an enviable record. - well it's just not good enough for me. i'm getting sick of being a jack of all nothing. an alsoran. someday, somewhere, at some thing and i don't care what it is. i'd like to be the best. numbero uno, just once. and if i were you, i wouldn't go around mimicking a mediocre maude like me. (phone rings) - hello? yes she is. who's calling? just a minute. it's george caster. - oh him, tell him i just left. - i'm sorry she just left. - betty, i'm ashamed of you. - oh, i know why he called. to ask me for a date tomorrow night and i happen to know
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(phone rings) you see i'm even fourth choice on his list. - just a minute. it's your boyfriend, gordon. - oh, well him i'll talk to. hello gordy. no of course i haven't forgotten this is our our evening together. will your aunt be leaving the same time as usual? good. but uh, i want you to promise not to chase me so much tonight. - i won't chase you, i'm gonna disintegrate you. (laughter) - here, let me talk now gordon. - bring some new books over to read to me? ok. auntie wants to talk now. - sorry to bother you betty, but gordon insisted on calling. he does so look forward to your evenings with him. - tell him i'll be on time. alright mrs. wiggum. bye. how'd i get trapped into this sitter job? i did it one evening, merely to help out
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- well it can't last much longer. didn't you say his parents will be sending for him soon? - yes but how soon is soon? they're still in india. some kind of state department work. - boy. that goofy joyce, you know what? she's trying out for the college fencing team. - well that's not so goofy. she's a dancer and they say dancers can learn to fence quicker than others. and she'll have a good chance because not many girls go out for--hey maybe that's for me too. maybe i can be the best in that. - you? - well why not? you may be looking at the college's next fencing champ. ow! (laughter) - i suppose i really should give up my weekly club meetings, but you know-- - oh no, you need that. and don't worry about being late, i have plenty of studying to do and i can do it here as well as at home. that is if you don't get too frisky. - well, see you in a bit. - alright. you have fun tonight.
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- gordon? gordon? - you're disintegrated. - you know something, you're right. i disintegrated into an alsoran. - you're the fifth one i disintegrated today. - that figures. with my record, i couldn't possibly be the first one. what's this, something you're making? - you're not supposed to see that. - ok. first thing you better do is get on your pajamas. - read me first? is this for me? - no, no that's a history book for me. - this for me? - no that's for me too. it tells you how to fence. i'm gonna take that up. - fence? - oh, fencing. you know? dueling with swords? - oh like zorro? - better than zorro. i'm gonna be champion girl fencer of springfield college, you know that? - no. - well i am. there's a tournament in about 5 weeks and i'm going to win it. - read me how you do it? - well i don't know how yet. i have to take instruction first.
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think i'm to dumb to learn. - read me how you do it. - no, the first thing you better do is get your pajamas on. - read me first and then i will. - no. now you go or i'll drop kick you into the bedroom and you won't stop bouncing till' next tuesday. no go! (laughter) performing the lunge, the forearm is straight and shoulder high. in the recovery, the left leg is quickly bent,
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- that's better. uh. not so tightly. there's an old saying. hold the sword as though it were a little bird in your hand. firmly enough so that it cannot escape you but not so firmly as to crush it. - more like this? - ms. anderson, i thought you said you knew something about fencing? - well i read a book on it. - (laughs) must have skipped a few chapters. alright, the basis of the attack is the lunge. now, in executing the lunge-- - well i know the lunge. it's like this.
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- ms. anderson why don't you go out for the volleyball team? - volleyball? but i want to learn to fence. i intend to enter the tournament. - look, the tournament is only weeks away. now if i had several months to train you. - no use trying to discourage me. i'm not only going to enter the tournament. i'm going to win it. now, show me what to do. - you're pretty determined aren't you? - you bet i am. - alright. that's worth something. but i warn you, you have a long way to go and you will have to practice and practice and practice. - mom, save me. save me. - [mom] oh now bud. - [bud] three musketeers are after me. - now stop it, you're making practice with me. - now look, if this fencing is going to become a big issue, maybe you better drop it? it's just not as important. - well it is to me.
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- well you think of a way. - well whatever you're doing, you're not doing it in my kitchen. - backyard. come on bud, please. - well let me get ready first. - there's nothing to get ready. - yes there is. - really now, betty. you think this is worth while? you have plenty to keep you busy. what with your school work and your baby sitting and all. - mother, i have to prove to myself once and for all that i can be the best in something. well i have to live with me the rest of my life. i don't want to live with a second rater. - yes but. merely winning a fencing tournament is hardly-- - ok, i'm ready. (laughter) - keep your elbow down. keep your elbow down or you passe straight. no. parry, cease, curtsy, eee. no cover and cut.
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you see? you anticipate me. now, please parry corner the cease. cut, cease. again. the riposte immediately when you find the blade. that's better. not good, you understand? but better. - do you think i have a chance? - can't tell yet. but if determination makes a champ, you're a shoe-in. - then i'm a champ. what do you think i need the most work on? - everything. your attacks, your parries, your feints. and that riposte, don't forget that riposte. - wow. you're sure encouraging. - you asked. - me and my big mouth. you think i might get in some extra evening sessions? evenings maybe? - i'm willing to do anything to help anyone who really wants to learn. how about this evening? - wonderful! i'll be here about--
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- hm. it's none of my business but if i were you, i'd give up boyfriends until after the tournament. - well this one i can handle. he's fairly young. - that's the worst kind. - six years old? - huh? touche (laughs). - and so alice and her little brother roy packed their knapsacks and set out on their big camping trip. they'd gone less than a mile-- - what's camping? - well you know what camping is...they'd gone less than a mile-- - what is it? - you know, it's when you go up in the mountains and you put up a tent and you cook outdoors and-- well you've slept in a tent haven't you? - uh uh. only in apartments and hotels. - you mean you've never been camping? - uh uh. no. - well that's a shame. every boy should go camping. that's the best part of his life.
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some night, we'll ask your aunt to let you come home with me and we'll put up a tent in the backyard and we'll cook our supper outdoors and sing songs around a campfire and have a wonderful time. - can we do it tonight?
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- oh i don't know. what do you want to use it for? - well i wan't to give it to gordon. - ok. - i trapped myself into saying i'd take him camping some night in our backyard. - our backyard? that's no camping trip. - well it's better than nothing. poor kid he's lived in hotels and apartments all his life. he doesn't even know what camping is. well anyway i'm stuck. i don't know why i let myself in for these things. i be such a bother. - "such a bother", she says. she loves every minute of it. you'd think that kid was her own. - oh, say. did i tell you what the fencing coach said today? - he tell you to take up volleyball again? - no. he hasn't admitted i'm any good yet, but he said he'd work with me in some extra evening sessions. - extra sessions? oh now betty,
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- mother, i have to spend a lot of time if i expect to win. - but i'm afraid you're neglecting your schoolwork-- - no i'm not. - well you're losing weight. - i am not. - now? - oh maybe a little, but i needed to lose some. - oh now-- - mom, don't discourage her from extra work with the coach. that'll let me out. - oh no. i still need you too. - dear? - hey look joyce is going out for the team but she's not going through all this extra jazz. - she's not going to win either. i've got to get some sleep. goodnight. - well you know actually, the victory would do her a whirl of good. give her confidence in herself. which i think is really what she's looking for. - well perhaps. but considering how much she's nagging on this, i wonder what'll happen to her confidence if she doesn't win. - well i'll tell you this. the way she's going after this thing, i think she's going to win! - i don't want to do this. - guys be quiet! (overlapping talking) - ok. en guard. - oh you be quiet. - ready? - look at how professional you are. - play! (overlapping talking)
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(laughter) - oh bud. you're not even trying. - betty. i've got gordon on the phone. - tell him i haven't forgotten (mumbling). - bud. are you alright? (overlapping talking) - well he wants to know about the camping trip. - oh i wish i never mentioned it, that's all he talks about now. well, tell him i'll explain it tonight. - now listen gordon. i've told you that i'm too busy now. but as soon as the tournament is over, then we'll go camping. now, we have time for one short story. but you know the rules. no stories until you put on your pajamas. - i can't get them, i already packed. - then we'll just have to unpack them. now turn around.
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count 11. ok? now run. hurry. one...two...two and a half... (laughter) (swords clashing) - touche! good betty, very good. - think i'm ready for the big one tonight? - you're ready. and how you've made so much progress in such a short time. i don't know. but you've done it and this tournament tonight is strictly all yours.
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- don't worry about that. - you better get home now. don't eat too heavily and get some rest. you have been driving yourself. so you need to rest. i'll see you back here tonight at 7:30. ok? - ok. (instrumental music) - i really want you to win. - oh thanks (laughs). - she will. come on hun, we better hurry so we get good seats. mow them down tonight little girl (laughs). - don't be late-- - we'll be ready for you. don't forget, we'll see you over there. - ok. - (laughs) is this everything you need? - i think so. i hope so. - hm. here i'll carry it. - oh. alright. well get moving. i don't want to be-- (phone rings) hello? oh hello mrs. wiggum. what? oh, no.
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we received this telegram from his father. they're arriving in new york, so gordon and i are flying out of here tomorrow to meet them. so tonight's his last chance for that camping trip and he does have his heart set on it. - mrs. wiggum i can't do it tonight. i just... well i have this tournament and i-- i just can't do it. please make him understand. - oh. oh of course i will. i didn't realize your tournament was tonight. i'll try to make him understand, but perhaps you can drop around in the morning for a moment before we leave. gordon has a little going away present for you. - yes, of course. in the morning. uh, yes. goodbye.
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- oh why did this have to happen? i can't take gordon camping tonight, even if it is his only chance. i've worked too hard for this! - don't argue with me. i'm on your side. come on let's go. cathy's got stuff in the car. - dang-it. poor little sweet mutt. i suppose i should have at least talked to him.
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- and now we present a fencer of outstanding ability. miss betty anderson. (fanfare music) - thank you gang. i shall now give you a demonstration of my super technique in the art of fencing. watch closely. (playful music) - [cathy and gordon] (clapping) (laughter) - [cathy and gordon] (laughing) - oh. intruder eh? what's in today? en guard you rabid scallion! (laughter)
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(playful music) - [cathy and gordon] (laughing) - oh look, there she is. what in the world is she doing? (laughs)
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- oh no wonder she didn't show up at the tournament. look who her audience is. gordon. - [cathy and gordon] (clapping) (laughter) - (laughs) - [all] (clapping) (background noise covers voice) - and uh, now my friend, colonel baggy pants, will lead us in our goodnight song. colonel? - ok yous kids, let's hear them mellow tones ring out loud and clear. (harmonica note plays) - good night campers. - [cathy and gordon] good night campers.
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- [cathy and gordon] merrily we go to sleep. go to sleep. go to sleep. merrily we go to sleep and sleep the whole night through. - how'd this happen? we couldn't figure out why you didn't show up at the gym. - well your coach was very disappointed. so was i. - well, i found out gordon's leaving tomorrow. this was his only night. i tried desperately to brush him out of my mind, but suddenly i knew that he was more important than the tournament. or even the winning. - (humming). - good night campers. good night campers.
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- so i think you better take charge of your charge. looks like he's had it. - he's asleep. isn't he cute? - we better get him to bed. here, we better get this silly thing off first. - here let me take him. where's he gonna sleep? - look at this. - [father] huh? - [cathy] what is it? - i don't know, ashtray i guess. read what it says. - to betty, my best friend. - well, i wanted to be best at something. finally made it. - you made it long ago with us.
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just a second, let me take his hat. oh (mumbling). - ok? - yea. and jane wyatt with elinor donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin in father knows best. (lively music) - hi, kathy! - oh, hi patty. bud's picking me up, want a ride home? - gee, i wish i could but mother's picking me up. hey kathy, did i tell you? freddie madsen asked me to go to the community picnic with him saturday. - oh, you lucky! - anybody ask you yet? you better hurry, you've only got two more days. - well gee, what am i supposed to do?
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- well, i guess some girls appeal to boys and some don't. - oh, thanks a lot! - i didn't mean it that way kathy. i just mean that, well -- look at those girls over there talking to george wilson. now why is he over there talking to them instead of being over here talking to you? - are you kidding? the handsomest boy in class? he wouldn't even look at me. i bet he's never talked to you. - well he never talked to you! - well, he sorta did! once. he was behind me in line and i accidentally stepped on his foot and he said, "watch it will ya?" it was wonderful. - hi, elaine. - [elaine] hi. - (laughs) seems like every other girl has a boyfriend. - oh, hi freddie! like our folks always say kathy, your time will come.
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- george, break it up! come on brother dear, we're waiting. - [bud] oh, kathy, this is shirley wilson. shirley wilson, my kid sister kathy. - [shirley] hi. - [kathy] hello. - oh, bud, this is my brother george. george! - hi, bud. - [bud] hi, george. - i'm sure you and kathy know each other. - oh sure, hello. - hello. - come on, get in! - oh! - excuse me. - [george thinking] kathy's kind of cute and i would like to talk to her. but what should i say? - [kathy thinking] if only he asked me to go to the picnic with him. how can i get him to talk to me?
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(doorbell rings) - bud, it's the front door! - well, betty's home, can't she get it? - no, she's upstairs dressing. (doorbell rings) - hang on dad, i've got to find some memory paper. - well, hurry up will you, this thing's fit. - [betty] i'll get it! - old tallulah (laughs) can't resist a telephone or a doorbell to the female fire horn. - ow! (laughter) - got some flowers here for betty anderson. - that's me! - you really got your boyfriend trained. - fresh. - hey, they are flowers i'll bet, who are they for? - they're from don burton. "to betty, from your constant admirer who's --" -say that's some box! what did he send you, a whole tree? -flowers! oh well open it, let's see! -oh, aren't they beautiful? - what a wonderful color. - [betty] don is such an angel. - george wilson is wonderful too. the other day we were in line and i was in front of him and i accidentally
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- [bud] hey, dad, i thought you were holding my distributor for me. - i am. what's the occasion for the flowers? -just nothing, don burton sent them. aren't they beautiful? - what, are you getting engaged or something? -don't be silly, he's just a good friend. - you don't have to be engaged to a girl to have a boy to have him send you flowers. why, before your father and i were married i used to receive baskets of roses. - [jim] who from? - oh, various admirers. then your father came in one day with one geranium, and i married him. later on i found out he picked it in my own front yard. (laughter) - [betty] won't be long before kathy will be getting flowers. - [margaret] from george wilson? - well, the other day at school we were standing in line, and i was standing in front of him and i accidentally-- - [bud] i gotta get going. i'm invited to molly clemens for dinner. - tonight? - [billy] yeah. say, where's the memory paper? - oh, it's in the buffet.
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i won't be here for tomorrow night either. there's a dinner dance over at westridge girls' school and janice invited me. - [margaret] well, what are your plans betty? - [betty] tomorrow afternoon i have a tennis date with don and tomorrow night
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- i hate you! i just hate you! you're ugly, fat, and stupid! nobody likes you! everybody else has boyfriends and girlfriends but you've got nobody!
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(crying) - [betty] kathy, what's wrong? (sobbing) what happened? huh, what happened? - nothing, i just felt like crying, that's all. - you can tell me about it kathy, that's what big sisters are for. (sobbing loudly) when we were talking downstairs you mentioned george wilson, does it have something to do with george? there's nothing to be ashamed of kathy. i was crying over boys when i was 12 years old. now tell me about george. is he your boyfriend? of course he is. i can tell by the expression on your face.
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- he's sort of my boyfriend. that is we've kind of been going around at school and everything. -oh naturally! so what happened? -well he likes me a lot you know. we had a fight. - oh, about what? - let's see. he was walking with this other girl and so i said, "well, if you want to walk with other girls it's all right with me." and then he tried to apologize but i just wouldn't listen. and i left him standing there. he's been trying to talk to me ever since
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- little sister, you're growing up. (laughter) don't you worry, you did exactly the right thing. now stop crying, everything's gonna be alright. this is your first boyfriend, and there will be lots more. more quarrels, more making up. it's wonderful. but you make me feel so old! - you know, i've been thinking about kathy. she's pretty much alone. bud and betty are growing away from her, they don't have much in common anymore. - well, you can't make time stand still, dear. - i'm quite aware of that. might try a little harder to keep the family intact rather than the kids taking off in seven different directions. - i'm for that. - now, you take the community picnic for instance--
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oh. why can't we go as a family? instead of betty and her date sitting at one table and bud and his date at another, and you and i and kathy sitting off alone in a corner somewhere. - oh, you are a lonely joe tonight dear. - i'm nothing of the kind. we've always been a stick-together family and i'd like to keep it that way. - father, can you please fix the buckle on this belt? - well, i've been fixing them since you put on your first dress. i guess i could manage. - poor little kathy. - [jim] hmm? - i found her up in her room crying as if her heart would break. you know what? she has a boyfriend! - so that's why she was upset. i wonder why she didn't tell us about it. - who didn't tell who about what? - [betty] kathy has a boyfriend, george wilson! - you're kidding! - no, i am not, she just told me. - well they sure keep it a secret. we gave george a ride home this afternoon and they didn't even look at each other. - well, they had a fight.
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- boy are those kids sick. lover's quarrel at age 12? - oh, now just a minute grandpa. when you were 12 years old you were the lochinvar of the bicycle set. - what's everybody doing in the kitchen? - [margaret] that's what i'd like to know. i was trying to get dinner. - what's all this jazz about you and george wilson? - oh, it's nothing, just another boy. - oh come on now kathy, tell the truth. - give us all the romantic details. - [jim] well i'll say this for old george, he picked the best looking girl in the class! - oh, daddy, stop it. - are you sure you aren't imagining all this? - i certainly am not! - kathy would never tell us anything that wasn't true. there you are dear. - oh come on, kitten. if i'm going to be father of the bride i want to hear the whole story. - [kathy] well, there's nothing really. it's just that-- - look, if you're going to be so modest i'll tell them. george wilson is simply crazy about kathy.
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that's right isn't it? - well, sure but-- - and they had a quarrel because kathy saw him walking with another girl, right? - yes, but-- - now george is just dying of remorse, he wants to apologize. but kathy is playing it smart. she's going to let him suffer for a while. - oh these calculating females. - sounds like a pretty tall tale to me. - it's true! you just don't believe anything good about me. george is my boyfriend and he likes me and he wants to take me places. - oh, yeah? - just like betty's boyfriends do. - and where would a 12 year old kid take you? what places? - lots of places! to the movies, to the malt shop, he even wants to take me to the picnic saturday. - [jim] oh, so george wants to take you to the picnic, huh? say, how's this for an idea? suppose i reserve one of those big tables out at the picnic grounds and we'll make this a super family affair. betty you bring ralph, bud you bring shirley,
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will be kathy and george wilson. guy: hey, sara. oh my gosh. he's so cute. how do you know him? c'mon donovan, do it like i taught ya. love the new tattoo, sara. let's go! dude. what? dude, that's sara. who's sara? the girl in the pink shirt. that's the girl i was telling you about. oh, that's sara. theater two on your left. hey sara, what color underwear today? hey sara. so, when you gonna post something new? announcer: anything you post online, anyone can see. family, friends... see ya later, sara.
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for bud and his date, betty and his date, and george and me. - oh i wouldn't be you for anything! what are you going to do? - i don't know. - hi, george. - oh, hello. - do you think i could ask him to go to the picnic with me? - oh, don't be silly. he only goes with the popular girls. besides, you can't just walk up and ask him. - i've got to, the picnic's tomorrow. come on, walk over and stand beside me while i ask him. -[patty] i will not! he'll think we're a couple of feather brains. you've got yourself into this mess, you're not going to get me into it too. - i can't walk over to him alone, i'd die! - if you can't walk over to him without dying how are you going to talk to him? - oh, i wish i'd never been born! - i've got an idea. when bud takes you and george home in his car maybe then you can ask george. - i can't go home with him. bud think that george has already asked me. (car honks loudly)
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- come on george, let's go. - hurry up! - there's bud and shirley. - come on, i don't want them to see me. - what are you pushing me for? - well you've got to stay here and help me! - help you? - shhh! - hi. - where's kathy? - [george] i don't know. she was over there a minute ago. she probably forgot her books or something. - [shirley] look, bud's waiting. you could go and find her you know. - well if i found her what would i say to her? - [shirley] little brothers. - the way i hear it, you aren't exactly strangers. - what do you mean? - well, you asked her to go to the picnic saturday, didn't you? - [shirley] george ask a girl for a date? he'd rather be shot. - you mean you didn't ask her? - i've never even talked to kathy. except once, we were standing in line but she was in front of me and she stepped on my foot and i-- - i know, i heard about that. why that little fibber. oh, hi , patty, say, where's kathy?
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let me see... oh, yes i know. she had to stop at the store and buy some things. - what store? - how should i know? kathy made up these excuses, i didn't. - hey friends, i picked up a beautiful girl on the way home. - hello, dear. - [jim] hi. - kathy you were supposed to come home with bud. - i couldn't. well i had to go to the store and do some other things. - well, everybody all set for the picnic tomorrow? - yeah, i am, i talked to ralph and he said it's fine with him. -[jim] good. - what about shirley? - [bud] it's all right with her. - kathy, are you all straightened out with george? - do you have your date, kitten? - oh sure! george said he'd love to take me to the picnic, and he's real excited about it. but i just remembered, i don't think i can go. - i have a dancing lesson tomorrow.
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we can postpone that 'til next week. - well, it's all nailed down then. i reserved the table today, got that big one under the oak tree, right beside the lake. - we'll have to leave here about 11 tomorrow. kathy, you better phone george and tell him to be here, oh, about quarter of, huh? - that's right. - i don't think he's home yet. - yeah, he's home. i delivered him myself. - [margaret] oh, you better call him, angel, so there won't be any confusion. - you don't want george to be late for your first date particularly when he's been looking forward to it for so long. (dialing phone) - hello, may i speak to george please? hello, george? this is kathy. i'm calling about tomorrow, you know, the picnic? yes, that's right. oh, you can't go! oh, george, i'm so sorry. of course, i understand.
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if only it would rain. i know i did a terrible thing, and i ought to be punished, but please can you punish me later, and for now, just send some rain? it's very dry and the farmers need it, and i need it. you don't have to send an awful lot of rain just enough to cost this picnic. - [betty] kathy? kathy, you're not even dressed. - well, we might not go. that is, if it rains, and it looks pretty cloudy outside.
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-[voiceover] interrupting this program for the latest weather report for the springfield area. - (laughs) how's that for timing? -[voiceover] clear and sunny, slightly warmer with a high of 70. perfect weather for the community picnic. - it's not going to rain so you don't have to worry. now get dressed. george should be here any minute. you did call him last night, didn't you? - sure. - and told him to be here at quarter to 11? well, then hurry up. (music box playing) - hey, who's holding up the parade? - [margaret] our two guests of honor haven't appeared. oh, bud, go upstairs and tell kathy we're waiting. - yeah, go on. (crying) (crying) you do all this research on a perfect car
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- come on, kathy, folks are waiting for you downstairs. - i can't go down there, you know why i can't. - yeah, i know. i know you were fibbing about george right from the beginning. - then why didn't you tell on me? you just wanted to torture me, didn't you? - no.
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what a mess you can get yourself into by telling one little lie. i may not show it all the time, but i'm kind of proud of betty and you. i think i got a couple of real nice sisters. the kind that if they happen to make a mistake or tell the folks a lie, well, they'd be big enough to know they'd done wrong, and they'd go square themselves. - how could i tell them? - just go down and tell them. i know that's tough.
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but take my word for it, if you go down right now, and tell them exactly what happened, all your worries are over. i guarantee it. how about it? - okay, if you'll come with me. - sure, i'll come with you. - we can't get everyone together. - no sign of old george. - something for you and your mother there. - thank you. - we're certainly getting their romance off to a flying start. - thanks, dear. kathy! bud!
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- kitten, you better get on the phone and find out what happened to your boyfriend. - angel, oh, you've been crying. what's the matter? - i have to tell you something about george. it's awfully hard to explain. - well, what is it, kitten? - well, when i told you that i -- you see (doorbell ringing) - hello, there. - hello. i'm george wilson. i have a date with kathy for the picnic. - [jim] yes, come on in, george. i'm kathy's father. - [george] hi. -that's the rest of the andersons,
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-betty, and bud, and i'm sure you know kathy. - hi, kathy. - hello, george. - i'm out back. come on everybody, let's go! (group chattering) - got a wonderful table, george, - under a big tree right by the lake. - bud, wait! - quit pulling on me. - you got george to come. you did it for me, didn't you? - well, you're such a little knothead somebody's got to look out for you. - bud, you're the most perfect, wonderful brother that ever lived. i love you! you're just the greatest! how can i ever repay you? oh, bud! bud! - remember how they used to fight when they were little? - well, they're growing up, honey, and aren't we glad.
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[ ] [ ] [ ] hazel, look. aren't they beautiful? oh, they sure are, missy. say, that green thumb of yours is getting greener all the time.
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- huh? - what did you put in there? just the radish tops. oh you should catch it with eggshells. [disposal whirs] - stuck again. - that's the third time this week. oh, for pete's sake. here, stand aside, missy. i'll see if i can pry it loose/ hazel, you're not going to struggle with this anymore. this time we're gonna let george do it. okay. i second the motion. - oh, thanks, son. - ooh, boy! [laughing] you want me to help you unload the rest of the stuff, dad? good, boy. what did i tell you, missy? i knew he'd do it. knew i'd do what? hazel said if you went to the store hungry, you'd buy everything in the market. hazel, i'll admit i bought a few extra items, but nothing that won't keep. tuna fish? well, they were having a special on it, so i, bought 12 cans. twelve? george, we already have eight cans of tuna.
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i'll find a place. mr. b., i'm warning you, there ain't room for another thing in that cupboard. oh, nonsense. george, now look what you've done! - i think i broke my foot. - no, just the shelf. it's a good thing there wasn't any bottles up there. hazel, i'm concerned about my foot. if it isn't broken, i can fix that shelf anytime. oh, brother, that hurt. well, i guess it's all right. i'll go get the tools and fix it. before you start on something new, you'd better fix the garbage disposal, george. - what's the matter with it? - it's stuck again. - for the third time this week, mr. b. - oh, no. that's the way hazel and i feel about it, george. look, why don't you let me call the plumber and have him-- wait a minute, dorothy. call the plumber on saturday and pay time and a half? when i'm trying to save money stocking up on grocery specials?
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well, mr. b., you might as well face it. you know, this old kitchen is falling apart, piece by piece, bit by bit. the only thing you can do is completely remodel it. - "remodel"? - hazel's right, george. dorothy, whoever heard of remodeling just because a few things need to be fixed? do you know how much it would cost to remodel the kitchen? no. but do you know how many things need to be fixed? and besides, george, you can just fix things for so long, and then you reach the point of no return. you're a smart man, mr. b. you're the first one to agree that it doesn't make any sense to throw good money after bad. hazel, dorothy, now, i've heard enough. there can't be that much wrong around here. [disposal whirs] [clattering]
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you didn't happen to buy a broom when you was at the store, did you, mr. b.? hazel, if we don't have lunch pretty soon, it'll be time for dinner. well, so much has happened since you got home, i guess it just slipped my mind. come on, son. we'll get the tools and fix that shelf. i wish george weren't so stubborn. it would take months to convince him to remodel this old kitchen. - oh, no, it won't. not if my plan works. - what plan? well, of course, i didn't think it up all by myself. hazel, you know george just isn't a man who makes quick decisions about spending money. no, but he is a man who believes in doing the right thing in the end. oh, if "the end" weren't so many exhausting arguments away. well, that's where my plan comes in. you see, i found a way to convince him when he can't talk back. just think of all the time and energy that'sonna save us. hazel, the only way to keep george from talking back about anything is to hypnotize him.
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it's sort of a sleep teacher. i'll explain it to you later. here we go, son. - hazel... - huh? what in the world is this mess? what mess? i don't see any mess. i'm referring to these two dozen items you have coming out of one electrical outlet. oh, not two dozen, mr. b. there's just the toaster and the coffee percolator and the radio and the waffle iron and the egg poacher and the knife sharpener and the blender. seven appliances plugged into one outlet? what are you trying to do, blow a fuse? well, that's the only outlet in this room that i can use. are you sure? i'm positive there's another one in here somewhere. oh, sure, we got another one, but it's very un-handy. - what do you mean, "uh-handy"? - it's right over here, behind the refrigerator. oh, i... i see what you mean. well, uh, maybe i can bring an extension cord
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no, that wouldn't work. well, i'll think of something. - hazel. - hmm? why aren't you using that new automatic carving knife i bought? because i like the old carving set better. that's ridiculous! where is it? oh, it's down there in the second drawer, george. one of the most efficient devices ever invented, and you let it lie there idle in a drawer. hazel, you just watch this. now, i'm going to show you how easy it is. it makes slicing so simple and twice as quick. well, i ain't in that much of a hurry. hazel, all you have to do is guide it. now, watch. dorothy, are you watching? [gasping] oh, mr. b.! that's all right. don't worry. we're going to have new linoleum anyway. aren't you going to fix the shelf, dad? after lunch.
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yeah. we're gonna have to find a way to get him out of the house tomorrow. oh, that's easy. he's playing golf with harry noll. oh, that'll give us plenty of time to make our recording. recording? what recording? yeah, the one you and me is gonna make on his tape machine.
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[ ] george? [hazel] old george baxter had a house ee-i-ee-i-o but in this house there was a kitchen ee-i-ee-i-o with no cabinet space here no cabinet space there here a break, there a break everything beyond repair
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ee-i-ee-i-o what... dorothy? did you say something? more coffee, anybody? hmm. does that mean "yes" or "no"? yes, please. - george? - hmm? did you sleep all right last night? oh, i'm sorry, dorothy. what'd you say? i was just wondering if you rested well last night.
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- "died"? - hazel, what i mean is that when my head hit that pillow, i was dead to the world and everything in it. that far gone, huh? wild horses could've raced through that bedroom, and i would've never heard them. oh, that's just perfect. and what's more, hazel, i feel terrific this morning. and when a man feels this good, there's no problem too big to conquer. oh, that's the way i like to hear you talk, mr. b. then maybe you figured out a way we could remodel the kitchen. i didn't mean that. i case you didn't get the message before, i solved that little problem saturday. oh, but i thought maybe you changed your mind. a man has as much right to change his mind as a woman does, george. i haven't changed my mind. and i've seen kitchens a lot worse than ours. you have? where? hazel, when i... when i think of the wonderful meals my grandmother used to prepare on a wood-burning stove. and the only running water she had is what she pumped from the well.
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fed it to the pigs. well, since our disposal is on the blink, maybe we ought to get pigs too. all right. hazel, i'll call the plumber and have him fix the disposal this morning, but that is all. that's what i was afraid of, missy. he was too far gone last night. we never got to him. [door opens] hi, george. you finish checking that jameson land option yet? on the last page now. sit down, harry. [humming "old macdonald had a farm"] ee-i-ee-i-o well, i just thought i'd join in. you were humming, and... oh. was i? [chuckles] this is okay with me, harry. i told jameson not to worry about a thing. we'd fix it up just the way he wanted it. it's obviously the only sensible thing to do.
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against jameson buying more land? harry, how much do you think it would cost? about $400 an acre. no, no, i'm not talking about that. you see, dorothy and hazel want to redo the kitchen. now, it's seen good service, and, well, when you start fixing this and start fixing that, you finally reach the point of no return. - you understand what i mean? - no. well, harry, it's like constantly repairing an old car. there's no point in doing that if it's more economical to buy a new one. you're right. you're right, george. yeah, but where do i begin? i can introduce you to an automobile dealer who'll give you the best offer in town. harry, i'm talking about my kitchen. oh, i thought you were talking about your car. no, i'm talking about my kitchen. i'm a pretty good repairman, but i'm not quite up to repairing a whole kitchen. well, what you need is a contractor, george. i know just the man for you.
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oh, if i had any remodeling to do, he's the man i'd get. his name's clyde clifton. - or is it clifton clyde? - never heard of him. i handled a law case for him last year. got to know him pretty well. how about if i send him over to your house to give you an estimate? well, is he reasonable? i mean, i only have just a few things to do. just tell him what you want to have done, and he'll tell you how much it costs.
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- mr. baxter? - yes? - i'm clyde clifton. - oh, yes, yes, mr. clifton. come on in. nice of you to drop by. harry noll said you wanted some remodeling done. - that's right. my wife. - how do you do? - and miss hazel burke. - how do? well, what do you want done in here? oh, well, not in here. we just would like to modernize our kitchen. "kitchen"? [whistles]
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oh. well, it's right this way. missy, did you notice? he's a whistler. - what's a whistler? - oh, you'll see. every one of them whistles is for a reason. he just wants you to realize how hard it is to do everything that you ask him to do. oh. well, he seems harmless enough. oh, until you get his price. oh, never trust them whistlers. they'll do you in every time. come on. we'd better get out there. [whistles] uh, mr. noll told me your specialty is modernizing. sure is. i can have the wrecking crew and equipment here by monday. - how's that suit you? - "wrecking crew"? the way i see it, first we'll knock out that back wall. give you a lot more space in here, you know? then we'll take and we'll move this whole section right-- oh, no, no, no! wait now just a minute. i want to modernize, but i don't want to demolish and rebuild. you mean you don't want to extend?
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if they do anything. it's the thing to do, you know? well, that's isn't exactly what i had in mind. you see, i thought we would put in a new sink and a new disposal and counters and... well, all right. [whistles] george, don't forget the extra electrical outlets. oh, yes, all along over here. and storage space for appliances-- toaster, waffle iron, and things like that. as a matter of fact, we'll need as much additional cabinet space as there's room for. [whistles] we would also like to put in a new refrigerator and electric range. with two ovens, so hazel can broil and roast at the same time.
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when he finds out what this joker's gonna charge him. and then of course the floor will have to be all done over with linoleum or some kind of tile. [whistles] [chuckles] well, i guess that about does it. what about the cabinets? you want the wood natural or painted? natural, i think. "natural." [whistles] mr. clifton, how soon can you give me an estimate of what it'll cost? it won't take long. better sit down, mr. b. um... give or take a couple of hundred, and not including the disposal, stove or icebox,
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five thousand bucks. five... five thou... and that ain't including the disposal and the cabinets and the linoleum... hazel, i know what it doesn't include. look, mr. clifton, i'll, uh... i'll have to think this over. well, don't think too long. prices of material are going up all the time, you know. and labor costs... [whistles] uh, i'll let you know. - and i'll show you the way out. - thank you, hazel. [whistles] george, his price is ridiculous. holy mackerel. i had no idea it'd be so high. there's no reason why it should be. but harry noll said he was so very reasonable. i tried to tell you, mr. b., never do business with a whistler. they'll take you every time.
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at least let me get an estimate from him. i ought to have my head examined for even considering a modeling job. okay, dorothy. you take over. [whistles] oh, that ain't a whistler's whistle. that's a relief whistle. i was afraid you'd changed your mind. [ ] you didn't take clyde clifton? no, i didn't, and for a very good and simple reason-- he tried to take me. - good old clyde? - good old clyde. tell me something, harry, how could you recommend a guy like him to a friend like me? well, he is a building contractor, george. hah! i wouldn't let him remodel smiley's dog house. not at his prices. i don't know why i ever handled that law case for him. would you believe it? he still owes me $1,500.
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all right, george, i admit it. that's why i recommended him. and i thought we were friends. well, i figured if you gave him the job, i could slap an attachment on him and get back the money he owes me. now, there's nothing unfriendly about that, george. is there? if you want to punch me in the nose, i won't fight back. no thanks, harry. after all, clifton showed me how foolish i was not to have let the remodeling of the kitchen go to hazel and dorothy in the first place. oh? and what do men know about kitchens anyway? well, there've been quite a few who knew how to use them. scoferier of paris, oscar of the waldorf, sam. - "sam"? - sam schwartz of the hofbrau,
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you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage. right into your wife's car. with your wife watching.
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ththy? - in the dining room, darling.
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silly, we're remodeling the kitchen, remember? well, i remember that part, but... nobody told me anything like this was going to happen to the dining room. oh, well, you must've expected a few inconveniences while the work was being done. oh. well, i never thought about that. [chuckles] it'll only be like this for a few weeks, darling. then think how wonderful everything will be afterwards. harold! harold, where are you going with that sleeping bag? hi, dad. this is the only way i can get to the back yard now. harold, i told you i don't want you to sleep outside tonight. aw, gee. i thought it'd be fun to camp out while the kitchen's all torn up. i wish i could feel that way about it. i'm beginning to think we'll all be camping out before this remodeling's finished. [door opens] oh, come on, folks. let's eat it while it's hot. i got fried rice, chow mein, beef and pea pods and fortune cookies.
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[ ] hazel, how much longer do you think it'll be? i don't know, mr. b. you're the barbecue expert. i'm not talking about the steaks. i want to know how much longer it'll be before we have our kitchen. oh, it'll be finished any day now, and you'll see how nice it's gonna be. at this point, i'd be ready to settle for the old one if i could get it back. hazel! oh, i'm sorry, mr. b. [ ] dorothy? hazel?
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[noise-makers blowing] welcome to the grand opening of the new kitchen. - ain't it a doozy, mr. b.? - y-you mean it's really finished? and the balloons are my idea, dad. well, i must say it doesn't look like the same old place. - look at our new stove. - ho-ho! beautiful! and the oven has a show window in it, dad. - how do you like the shutters? - terrific. george, look. aren't these cabinets beautiful? - ain't it something, mr. b.? - i sure like this new refrigerator. it's swell! you know, i've always wanted to qualify for membership in the wine and food society. - i think i'll become an amateur chef. - oh, no. you can't do that, mr. b. not in this kitchen. just a minute, hazel. i think i have a right to use my own kitchen if i want to. oh, sure, you have. that ain't what i meant, mr. b. i meant, with a new stove and everything else new in here, you can't be no amateur chef. you can't be nothing but an expert.
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[ ] [ ]
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hi, george! neighbor. [chuckles] hi, neighbor. hazel! oh, i'm sorry, mr. b. i didn't mean to block the door, but i pinched my finger and went to get a band-aid. what are you trying to do? well, there was a little mix-up at the furniture store, mr. b, and they didn't send the nolls' bed, so i told 'em they could use this. didn't i tell you there'd be trouble when you got my partner interested in that house next door? but mr. b, we ain't using it! put it back in the basement. but what'll they sleep on? put it back in the basement,t, they can go to a hotel. he can afford it. i know, he borrowed enough off me this morning.
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dorothy, this old bed of ours stays in the basement, you understand? oh, george, you're absolutely right. it would be so much easier for harry and his bride - to sleep in our guest room. - what?! well, you know, they're having their bed custom-made and it might take two or three weeks, but surely we can put them up for that long. hazel, never mind. let go, let go. i won't have you straining yourself with this bed. this is man's work. i'll carry it over to harry nolls myself. dorothy, this dinner has been a lifesaver. anybody for more coffee? - no thanks, hazel. - i'llave some, please, hazel. dorothy, once again let me tell you how much we appreciate your inviting us over for dinner tonight. oh, the pleasure is all ours. of course it is. rita shouldn't have to cook after all that work moving into a house. of course not. on moving day, most people go to a restaurant. and incidentally, there's a very good one on the other side of the park.
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fortunately, living next door like this, we can have the pleasure of your company. and we certainly appreciate your letting us have that bed. boy, am i gonna sleep tonight! me too, i'm bushed! i mowed the lawn all day! - all day?! - yes, hazel, i noticed that. - you cut that lawn once, you cut it ten times. - i'm a perfectionist. she wanted to see what the moving men took into your house. okay, so i'm curious. well, if you'll excuse us, i think we'd better be getting back next door. we've got a million things to straighten out and put away. it's terribly rude to rush off like this, but everything over there is in such a shambles. don't feel guilty, we understand. now don't forget, dorothy, i'm depending on you and your good taste to help me decorate my home. i'm looking forward to it. - good night, all. - night. oh harry, you go on. i'll be along in a minute. hazel, before i go,
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uh, privately? oh, oh yeah, sure. let's just step into the den. - you'll excuse us. - oh, certainly, rita. hazel, i want to ask you for your help. oh, sure, anything i can do, just name it. george! the idea! for years, you've been criticizing hazel for eavesdropping, and now you're doing the very same thing yourself. come on. dorothy, you know what rita's gonna try to do, don't you? she's gonna try to get hazel to do a lot of her house work, on my time. well, harry and i have only been married a few weeks, and i do so want to make a success of this marriage. one year. that's how long i give that marriage, one year. george, that's a horrible thought to have for a newly married couple. a guy who's been a playboy all his life suddenly marries a professional singer? they're just not geared for domestic life.
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marriage is something so new to me. i've already had my success as a singer. now i want to be a success as a wife, and that's why i need your help. oh, well, if hazel's gonna help, six months. that's how long i give that marriage, six months. i want our marriage to be like george and dorothy's. i want you to help me be like dorothy. isn't rita sweet? and i want you to do for harry what you've done for george. i'm very fond of harry, but i don't want to wish that on him. you've created an atmosphere in their home. atmosphere? is that what they call it? i thought the word was catastrophe. it's true, their marriage is the most important thing in the world to me. i suppose every now and then i get under mr. b's skin, but really down inside, he knows i love him. - he knows. - oh, sure, he knows. it ain't the sort of thing you can put into words,
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it's love, and he knows. well, let's get the dishes off the table.
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switch to liberty mutual and you could save up to $509. call liberty mutual for a free quote today at see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. darling, we can't just sit here like this all day. why not? because we've got all these things to put away. we've got all the rest of our lives to do that. mmm, no. why don't we get hazel to do it? because hazel works for george. she's got enough to do to run his house. now, harry! look, this chest of drawers that you brought from your bachelor apartment. it simply won't work here in the bedroom. there isn't enough room for it. we'll put it in the guest room. - let's transfer your things to the new dresser. - all right, dear.
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why did you wait so long to get married? i was waiting for you. you really can't expect me to believe that. it's true. all my life, i lived like a hermit, just waiting for you. [chuckles] harry. you know, i wasn't born yesterday myself. i know there've been girls in your life. i suppose i should be ashamed of it, but until you, there's never been any real romance in my life. no, not a hint of it. i buried myself in my law work. pretty girl happened to pass by, i was too busy even to notice it. i-- you what, dear? you what, dear? where are you going? i think i heard the telephone ringing. - what telephone? - i better answer it.
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hi mr. noll, i brought you another trash can. ain't that something? so in love, he don't know anybody else is alive. dorothy, our phone hasn't been installed yet. - may i use yours? - of course harry, right there. i'll use the one in the hall. it's personal. and how, it's personal.
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mr. noll's office. susan, this is mr. noll. oh, hello, harry. please, susan. since i'm married, not harry. mr. noll. yes, harry. i mean, mr. noll. susan, i let you and your roommate use my apartment for a month while i was in europe, remember? naturally i remember. they were redecorating our place, and when you-- did you or your roommate leave a chiffon negligee in the bottom drawer of my chest of drawers? you found it! then you did! we couldn't find it any place. my roommate thought your cleaning woman took it, but we didn't say anything about it because we didn't want to get anybody into any trouble. oh, you didn't want to get anybody into any trouble. oh, good morning, hazel. good morning, mrs. noll. look at this. - where'd you get that? - in the trash can. really?
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well, it--it's very beautiful, isn't it. oh, sure, it's real "amour du jour amour" stuff. you didn't wanna throw it out, did you? sometimes these things get mixed in with the trash. mmm. i sorta had a hunch mr. noll made a mistake. hmm. hazel, i have a hunch your hunch was right.
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dear.
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that negligee was practically new. mr. noll must have picked it up with some other stuff and dumped it in the trash can. for heaven's sakes. boy, he ain't much of a lawyer if he ain't more wide awake than that. boy, that musta cost 30 or 40 bucks if it cost a dime, that negligee. well, if george ever did a thing like that to me, he would never hear the end of it. fortunately, i was on my toes. and i guess after this, mr. noll's gonna be, too. did rita get mad at harry for doing such a thing? no, she had the sweetest smile when i told her. not a cross word.
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- where's george? - harry, what-- - where's george? - he's gone to the office. - i have to talk to him. - i don't think he's there yet, harry. how soon will he be there? well, it depends on whether or not he stops somewhere on the way. mr. noll, i'm fixing some chicken noodle soup for you and mrs. noll for lunch. it'll be ready just as soon as the water boils. oh good, that's just what i need. some more hot water. hazel thought she'd cook it here and then bring it over. she wasn't sure whether your gas was on. take my word for it, the gas is on. harry, what's the matter? you're not your usual cheery self. that negligee she gave my wife belongs to my secretary! your secretary?! what was it doing in the trash can? that's what i've been trying to explain to my wife for the last half hour. - oh, mr. baxter! - yes, susan? - thank goodness you're here. - why? what's the trouble? judge cafferty called about ten minutes ago and wanted to speak to mr. noll, but i can't reach him.
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well, what was it about? do you know? he wants to examine the pre-trial testimony of the wilson versus hamilton case. he needs it right away. oh. well, technically mr. noll is still on his honeymoon, so i'll handle it. bring the testimony in here. i'll check it and see that judge cafferty gets it right away. - that's the trouble. - what do you mean? we don't have a copy of the testimony in our files. well, where is it? it's at mr. noll's home. at his home? i just came into the office! don't tell me i have to go all the way home again. - i could go get it for you. - no, there isn't time for that. i have to check it, then judge cafferty has to read it. i can go with you, and when you finish, i'll take it to him. that's a good idea. - come with me. - thank you. besides, i'm curious to see what his new wife looks like. well, if anyone else is curious about meeting the newlyweds, just tell 'em to drop around my house any time, night or day. they're always there. did mr. baxter say where he was going? i see.
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he came in the office and went right out again. oh, i'm terribly sorry, mr. noll. when i found the negligee, i didn't have the slightest idea-- you're not the one that needs the idea. i'm the one that needs an idea! - i think i've got it. - what is it? well, suppose you two go over to my house, to sort of help rita straighten things up, you know. she's been asking questions about my secretary, but she's never seen her. suppose you casually start to describe my secretary. - mention the fact that she's 62 years old. - harry! 62 years old. mention that she's been with the firm since it was founded, back in 1800-- wait a minute, if she was with the firm back in the 1800s, she must be over 62 by now. good, good, the older the better! and you don't have to overdo it. just describe her as an attractive gray-haired woman with a moustache, sort of like mine. harry, don't be preposterous. describe her as the motherly type.
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now listen, harry, you said that you let your secretary and her roommate use your apartment while you were in europe. yes, theirs was being redecorated. well, one or the other left a negligee by mistake. there's nothing wrong in that. unless you make something wrong out of it. where you pulled a boner was trying to hide it. as you see, you created suspicion where there was no need for it. i know your secretary, harry. she's a very lovely girl. just because she called you by your first name don't mean it's a great big romance. my secretary is 62 years old. no, harry! you have to go over there and get everything straightened out with rita. yes, and tell the truth. oh, yes, i suppose it's the thing to do. the only thing. admit that susan is pretty. i'll do it. so she's young and pretty. what's the harm in being young and pretty? i'll do it. we'll go over with you and back you up.
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keep everything open and above board. she'll admire you for it. i'll do it. if i once start lying, i'll never be able to stop. i'm going to get this marriage back on an even keel. rita, darling. don't forget, harry, tell the truth. and nothing but the truth. i know. it's the only way. oh, hello, dorothy. hazel. mrs. noll, your husband's got something he wants to tell you. i'll bet. darling, about that negligee, i'm going to tell you precisely what happened. it ain't as bad as it seems, you know. it ain't even bad at all. when i was in europe a few months ago,
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her own was being redecorated. somehow or other, she left her negligee in my dresser. it was all perfectly innocent. especially when you consider that my secretary is 62 years old. oh? i didn't know that. we never thought it was necessary to mention it. she's been with the firm for years and years and years. and years. she knows how valuable she is to us. in fact, she knows more about what's going on in the office than any of us. last year on her birthday, when she was 72, all the fellows in the office chipped in-- 72? i thought you just said she was 62. well, you know how ladies are. sometimes they shave a few years off. 72 is the correct figure.
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hazel, will you stop punching me?! - dad! dad! - what is it, son? i saw your car drive up just as the phone rang. it's your office, they want to talk to you about something real important. oh, all right. come along with me. oh, harold, son, will you ask mr. noll to come over to the house? - tell him i wanna see him. - okay. what on earth is the matter? the three of you are staring at that front door as though you expected a tornado to hit. [doorbell rings] it's hit. - hello. - hi, harold. dad just got home from work. he wants mr. noll to come over to the house right away. all right, i'll tell him. mrs. noll, you got any smelling salts?
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72 years old? harry, i don't care what kind of a jam you're in at home. i want that pre-trial testimony in the wilson-hamilton case. you told your wife i was 72 years old?! not you, i said my secretary was. i've got to let you go and find a 72 year old secretary. oh, you can't do that, mr. noll, it ain't her fault. you'd fire me to back up a lie you told your wife? i have to! if a man has no integrity, he has nothing. when i tell a lie, i stick to it. mr. baxter, i'm warning you, if he fires me on grounds like that, every secretary in that office will walk out. - now wait a minute-- - they will!
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- he's not firing you! - i have to, george! i have to have a 72 year old secretary. if i go, every secretary will go with me. will someone please tell me who started this mess? i just hope i never see another trash can as long as i live. i know what his secretary looks like. there, there's a picture of her in his album. the two of them in bathing suits. oh, rita. well-preserved for 72, isn't she? i hope i look that young when i'm that age. he wanted to hide anything, he should've hidden this album. rita, i know his secretary. i know her very well. she's a really lovely girl. i don't doubt it. that's not what i'm mad about. why did he have to tell me she's 72 years old?! he wanted to tell you the truth. he tried to tell you the truth. he just couldn't get up the nerve. now that's what i'm mad about. he's acting as though i'm some kind of green-eyed, shrewish, jealous monster. it's a reflection on me.
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i want that pre-trial testimony. judge cafferty is waiting for it. - now get going! - i'm going, i'm going! if you won't introduce your secretary to your wife, i will, and let the chips fall where they may. i'll be right back with the testimony. and the chips. george, we left them kissing and making up. oh sure, everything's gonna be peachy. rita knew all along susan was young and pretty. she saw your picture in harry's photograph album. now all he has to do is explain the other 20 girls in the album. [all laughing] well, i've checked all the testimony. now get this over to judge cafferty as soon as you can. oh, yes sir. bye mrs. baxter, hazel. good-bye, susan. and after all, george, rita had asked hazel to help them make their marriage as successful as ours has been. so i talked some sense into them. yup, i got 'em all figured out. i'm just gonna drench that house with love.
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