tv Today NBC February 19, 2016 7:00am-10:00am PST
hey, opie. where are you? i'm out in the back here, dennis. hey, opie, look at this swell clock we found. hmm. could you fix it for us? yeah. well, maybe, boys. just leave it here and opie will work on it, as soon i get time. there sure are a lot of bees around here. yup, i got me some hives, and i'm gonna make-- you have? mm-hmm. boy, they sure do itch, don't they? mr. wilson got 'em last year from eating too many strawberries. and he-- oh, no, dennis. this is a different kind of hive. these are beehives. oh, that kind of hive. boys, boys, boys, don't go over there. you're likely to make the bees nervous.
boy, i bet those beehives are just full of honey, aren't they, opie? i wish they was. this late spring has got us messed all up. the late spring? yeah, the clover ain't bloomi'' and the fruit trees ain't either. you know what, boys? there's hardly enough honey around to keep the bees eatin'. well, if the bees can't find anything to eat, what'll they do? it's kinda hard to tell. sometime, they just swarm up and leave. leave? you mean for good? opie: yup. i might even have to leave with 'em, move to the country or someplace. jeepers, opie, don't move away. me and tommy will help, won't we, tommy? we'll help the bees find honey. sure, we will. how? well, maybe find some new flowers for 'em or somethin'. yeah. we got flowers in our yard. that's right.
and mr. wilson's got a yard full of flowers, opie. two spoonsful for this one-- hey, there's good old mr. wilson feeding the camellias their lunch. hello, mr. wilson. why do they have to bother me now? hi, mr. wilson. taking your nerve medicine? that's what it is, all right. it smells awful, don't it? yeah, he makes that stuff himself, don't you, mr. wilson? hey, mr. wilson, you wanna play football with us? yes, i'd love to play football with you, dennis. swell. catch. did you see him catch that ball, tommy? boy, you'd make a swell all-american, mr. wilson.
you hear me? let's keep it over in your own yard. ooh. oh, my goodness. what--oh, what did i-- oh, my. dennis, is this your football? sure, dad. you gave it to me for christmas, don't you remember? well, if you can't watch where you're throwing, i'm gonna put it away. you nearly knocked my head off. besides, you could have broken my glasses. anyone who throws a football without looking where he's throwing it-- mitchell, i'm terribly sorry, but dennis did not throw that. i did. you? i--i don't know what to say. i know it was a very foolish thing to do. boy, i'll say. you could have knocked his head off. yeah, and you might have busted his glasses. yes, i know. i--no harm done, mr. wilson. you should never throw a football without looking, mr. wilson, because you might-- all right, dennis, that's enough. run out and play.
i--say, these are beautiful camellias. are they new? oh, this is my experiment here, mitchell. this is a crossbreeding of the best camellias i've raised in the last five years. well, you've raised a lot of 'em. it must be a fascinating hobby. oh, yes. yes, sir. some exciting things can happen sometimes with this crossbreeding. you never know. but you said you needed advice. oh, yes. one of the men in our office is retiring and we've all chipped in together to buy him some garden equipment. i thought maybe you could advice me what i-- shoo. oh, these bees, pesky things are getting to be a nuisance around here. shoo. darn bees. jeepers, mr. wilson, don't hit 'em. they're opie swanson's bees. they're opie swanson? opie swanson's got some beehives. they're having a hard enough time trying to find honey without people hitting them.
[music] boy, it sure is a good thing we looked in the house. i'll say it was. there's enough flowers here for a barrel of honey. you don't think mrs. wilson will get mad, do you? heck, no. mrs. wilson loves kids and bees and besides, she's been seeing her mother in iowa. oh. mr. wilson's sister is keeping house for him, and she won't mind either, and mr. wilson said we could use his flowers. that's what he said all right.
bees. duck. boy, the bees sure are glad about us bringing those flowers out. they're buzzing all around them. hmm. you know what they're not buzzing around? those camellias. look at that. they don't even go near 'em. maybe they haven't got any honey in 'em. oh, i bet these big, fat camellias are just busting with honey. say, i bet i know why the bees don't try 'em. they don't smell like anything. you're right. they don't smell at all. if they smelled good like the honeysuckle and stuff, i bet the bees would go for 'em, all right. sure they would. hey, i got it, tommy. i know exactly what to do. yeah. come on. [music]
ohh, that's no good. boy, when i get through with those camellias, they'll smell sweller than any flower in town. it takes a lot of stuff to make your mom pretty. it does not. my mom was born pretty. she doesn't need all this stuff. why does she buy it then? she just likes to spend money, that's why. my dad said so. my dad says that, too. he says mom is gonna send him to the poorhouse someday. well, when my dad goes to the poorhouse, my mom will probably go with him, i bet. they go every place together. hey, this smells good. maybe the bees would like this. no, that's not perfume, anyhow. that's called hairlocker. hairlocker? mom uses it to lock her hair down, so the wind won't blow it. it's the only thing we got that'll hold this down. want me to give it a squirt? heck, no. it makes my head feel puckery.
hey, i know just the stuff, tommy. [music] boost me up, will you, tommy? mom said she's gonna throw this stuff away, but it smells real pretty. i bet the bees will go for this all right. i would if i was a bee. i bet they'll come zoomin' right at those camellias when they smell this. [music] plenty of bees around here, all right. these oughta show 'em where the honey is. that smells good. it smells kinda like my grandpa's apple trees.
'cause that's exactly what this perfume is: apple blossom. bees like apple blossoms. sure, they do. hey, look. here comes one now. hey, there's lots of 'em. we better get out of here and give 'em room 'cause we don't wanna make 'em nervous. no, sir, 'cause there's nothing worser than a nervous bee. come on. i certainly appreciate your help, mr. wilson. you really hammered merivale's prices down for me. oh, i always drive a good bargain with old merivale. he's tighter than a short shoe, but he never makes a dime on me. well, you're a tough dealer. gee, your garden smells good. yes. hmm. nature's own perfume. lovely. well, thanks again. i'll be seeing you. ah, see you later, mitchell.
oh, sis. oh, sis. are you home? i just got home, george. what is it? oh, come out. smell the garden. the flowers have never been better. they do smell sweet. hmm. what a variety of fragrance. smell that honeysuckle and those roses? mm-hmm, but, you know, the strongest odor seems to come from these camellias over here. oh, your nose is mixed up, sis. oh, camellias don't have any odor. oh, that doesn't have any odor, huh? oh, they may have a little springy smell, some of them, but no special fragrance. this is my own experiment here, these plants, you know? i've been crossbreeding these and i-- they do have a fragrance, beautiful fragrance. june, smell this. wait, george, i'm the one who said they had an odor, remember?
why, they smell like apple blossoms, don't they? you know, i think they do at that. why, this is-- yes. they're very nice, george. very nice. why, do you realize what i've got here? there isn't another camellia in the world like this. george, that's wonderful. what a triumph. somehow i've crossed just the proper type to breed a fragrance into them. george wilson fragrant camellia. that's a good name for them. lovely. why, every gardener in town will be excited about this. they'll all want one of 'em, of course, i'll-- every gardener in town--why, every gardener in the country will be excited about this. why, there's a fortune in it. but you haven't got that many. all right, i'll grow them or have them grown, acres of them. oh, this thing has unlimited possibilities. goodness. i didn't realize.
[music] well, merivale, are you satisfied now? by golly, wilson, i can't believe it. a fragrant camellia. it's a--it's-- sensational? well, let's just say it's a bit unusual. oh, no. let's say sensational. worth more money that way. well, i probably could make a few dollars with them if we handle them right. you see, it's not easy to-- why, merivale, you old fraud. why, i could get $100 a piece for these plants right now and you know it. oh, well, now, wilson, you don't--
we'll go in and talk. if not-- [music] well, i hope you're not gonna be too hard to deal with now, wilson. we've been friends a long time. friends? oh, say, if i didn't keep my mouth closed tight every time i deal with you, you would've had my back teeth long ago. oh, please, don't heckle me, wilson. i've had a bad day. good for you. to top it all off, that neighbor kid of yours has been twice today just pestering me to death. dennis? well, what did he want? oh, something about the flowers and honey, and would i leave the hot-house windows open so the bees could come in at night. oh, that confounded kid. [laughs] well, you just relax, merivale. now, you sit there and figure out your best deal on those camellias, then double it.
[music] there he is, tommy. hi, mr. merivale. we saw your truck outside. we're you looking for us? i certainly wasn't. have you changed your mind yet? are you gonna leave the windows open so the bees can get to the swell flowers in the nursery? oh, of course not. that's ridiculous. now, you boys run along. mr. wilson and i are talking business. boy, you must have to talk pretty loud. mr. wilson's not even here. he's in the kitchen. will you leave one window open? the bees can get in one window. no, i will not leave one window open. i--oh. [music] hey, would you like a banana? mr. wilson wouldn't mind. no, thanks.
yes, but i can't eat them today. i've got a nervous stomach. you have? tommy's cat's the same way. yeah, if you scratch his stomach, he bites. mr. merivale, if somebody scratches your stomach, do you bite? kids, for heaven's sake. don't you want me to talk about it? no. don't ever talk to anybody about mr. merivale's stomach, tommy. now, that's enough, boys. you get out of here. go and bother somebody else. okay. all right, merivale, time for another one. there now. you feeling better? yeah. thanks, wilson. much better. i say, look at that hand. that nerve medicine took the shake right out of it. oh, those kids. yeah, i know. yes, they used to bother me too, but this is my secret weapon.
mm-hmm. where'd you buy it? oh, this stuff cannot be bought. i make it myself. make it yourself, huh? oh, by the gallon. and old indian guide gave me the recipe many years ago. well, here, take it along with you. be my guest. well, fine, fine. thanks. well, wilson, now, about those camellias-- oh. the-- i tell you i was excited as a kid about this. why, there's no telling how much money we can make. oh my, that is exciting. that's wonderful, mr. wilson. of course, it's too big for merivale to handle by himself, but he's got this retired millionaire who he thinks might finance us. outside banking. good. of course, merivale says he's a crotchety old codger, but he's loaded with money and he's willing to invest it in anything that he can make more money with. my goodness. one of these days you may turn into a regular luther--
[music] i left the camellia with him last night. he said he'd be here for lunch at 1:00 today. well, it's almost 1:00 now. well, he'll be here. now, look, wilson, like i told you, stacy is a peculiar old duffer with a very snappish temper, so you better let me do the talking. oh, fiddle-faddle. he doesn't intimidate me. well, he was in a foul humor last night when i got out there, mad at the chauffeur or somebody. fact is, i wound up leaving that bottle of nerve medicine of yours. say, where are the rest of the camellias? you got more than this. oh, i put them out there behind the house. i want to see if the sun has any effect on their fragrance-- these are okay, tommy. they still smell swell. yup, the bees are finding them all right, see? yeah, it sure was a good thing i came over here early this morning though. these flowers didn't have one single smell on 'em. not any of 'em? no, sir.
right before breakfast. now, so there'll be no misunderstanding, wilson. let's go over our agreement again before stacy gets here. oh, good heavens, merivale, i know it by heart. if stacy wants to put up the money, we give him 40 percent of the deal. that leaves 60 percent: 40 for me, 20 for you. well, i think it ought to be even steven with you and me, wilson. well, okay, 40/20. well, naturally, i'll be president of the company. excuse me, mr. wilson. could you move your chair a little bit? oh, my chair. oh, yes, of course. and i suppose stacy will probably want to be the treasurer. so you can--dennis, what are you doing? what do you boys want anyhow? we don't want anything. thank you. we're just putting some perfume on the camellias again. oh--you what? you must have missed this one this morning, dennis. it doesn't smell like anything.
i mean--did you-- sure. we've been perfuming all of 'em so the bees would find them and get the honey. i--i thought i-- oh, no. you and your fragrant camellias. ha. the only thing about this whole deal that doesn't smell is your camellias. mr. wilson, mr. wilson, camellias don't smell like anything if you don't put perfume on 'em. you know that. dennis, home. home. george, your visitor's here. oh, come on out, sir. thank you. mr. wilson, i'm mark stacy. how are you, sir? oh, how are you-- stacy. how are you, merivale? well, i won't waste time, mr. wilson. you've got a great thing here. i'd like to talk business. well, mr. stacy, there's been a terrible mistake.
great scott, merivale, say something. oh, oh. well, wilson claimed the-- i mean, he-- sorry we bothered you. bothered me? well, i don't quite know how to say this. but you see, the-- the camellias aren't true, mr. stacy. i mean, they just aren't so. i mean, they don't-- camellias, that thing. that confounded potted plant caused my wife an allergy. i haven't seen her sneeze like that in years. but i--i thought you wanted to talk business. i do. i want to talk about this wonderful nerve medicine. my nerve medicine? yes, sir, i took some of that last night and my nerves haven't been calmer in 20 years. you sell me that formula on a royalty basis, and we're in business, mr. wilson. well, i'll be darned. my old nerve medicine. yes, sir, there's a lot of money in that. what do you say?
by golly, gentlemen, this calls for a toast. oh, mr. wilson, can we have some too? oh, dennis, young boys don't need nerve medicine. oh, it's not for us, mr. wilson. it's only for the bees. they're getting awful nervous. well, all right, dennis. if it hadn't been for you boys, this good fortune wouldn't have happened. i'll give you a whole bottle. a whole bottle? well, gentlemen, our toast. here's to mr. wilson's nerve medicine, good for what ails man and beast-- and bees. [music]
[music] tell dennis i'll bring him a present from chicago. he'll be so disappointed he didn't get a chance to say good-bye. i hate it-- what on earth? dennis. oh. boy, it worked. oh, dennis. why on earth did you do a thing like that? it's a burglar alarm for while dad's away on his trip. all i do is tie this string-- i see. but i don't think you have to worry about burglars. besides, i'll only be gone for two or three days. yeah, but mom gets scared at night. it'll be okay, mom. 'cause if any crooks run into my burglar alarm, i'll come downstairs and hit 'em with something.
that's very nice of you, dear. but we'll talk about it later. right now, your father has to get to the office. i thought he was going on a trip. i am, son, but i'll spend most of the day in the office then i'll take the train right from there. you got a train that goes from your office? well, i'll let your mother answer that question after i'm gone. [honking] the taxi's here, honey. bye, darling. goodbye. bye, son. you take good care of your mother, now. i sure will, dad. good. gee, honey, i'd give anything if i could be here for your birthday tomorrow. oh, as i said before, dear, don't worry about it. these things can't be helped. yeah, but you shouldn't be alone on your birthday. and this darned trip came up in such a hurry, i didn't have a chance to buy you a gift. you just take care of yourself. that's the only gift i need. it is? honey, you know what? i almost forgot my overcoat. oh, i'll get it. son, i'll send your mother some flowers from the office.
a little present from you. gee whiz, dad, that's only gonna be two presents for her. i know. but i'll bring her a present from chicago. now you see that she has a nice birthday, you know what i mean. sure, dad. this'll be the neatest birthday good old mom ever had. good boy. thank you, darling. [honking] i guess i better run. bye, dear. bye, dear. dennis: bye, dad. goodbye, dear. [music] there, i got it. there's your gum, tommy. how much money is that? well, this is the dollar my dad gave me, and this is the dollar my grandpa sent me for having the chickenpox, and this nickel and these two pennies, i saved myself.
yeah. how many presents you think i could buy my mom with all this money, tommy? you're gonna spend it all on her? yeah. i wanna get a whole bunch of presents on account of it's no fun just opening one. you think she'd like it if i got her a candy bar for a present? sure. you got a nickel? uh-uh. but i know where there's the pop bottle. come on, tommy. [music] when johnny comes marching home again-- when johnny comes marching home again who's ththe? it's us, mr. wilson. my only hope is someday, he'll grow up and go away to college. what? nothing. now, you may not watch me paint, you may not help me paint,
you may not test the paint to see if it's wet. gee, why'd mr. wilson say all that? 'cause sometimes-- before you even ask him. oh. all right, boys, i'm busy now. what do you want? we wanna ask you how we can get to some place. some place away from here? uh-huh. well, fine. i'm all ears. gee, no, you're not, mr. wilson. if you're all ears, you couldn't smell stuff. yeah. hah, yeah-- well, where do you wanna go? well, tomorrow's my mom's birthday. and my dad went on a trip. so dennis is gonna give her the best birthday she ever had. boy. hmm. but we don't know where there's a good department store so we can buy the presents. well, there are lots of 'em. there's dennison's, lacey's. yeah, except, we're not allowed to cross the street. hmm. well, that is a problem, isn't it? how about finch's?
well, actually it's a drugstore but they have all kinds of gifts and you don't have to cross any streets to get there. i'll tell you how to get there. you just go right down to the next corner, turn right, go down another block, turn right again. gee, that sure sounds a long ways off. yeah. my mom cries if i get lost. and if i get lost, my mom won't have any birthday at all. all you do is turn two corners. how in the world could you possibly get lost? real easy. it's up to you, dennis. although it seems to me, i have seen you at finch's many times with your mother. hey, is that the one with the yellow front to it, mr. wilson? yes. that's the one. oh, sure. i know how to get there. all you do is climb over to mr. wilson's fence then you go down the alley, then you go through margaret's yard-- yeah. and then you go through that lady's yard that has all them goofy cats. yeah. and then you go through that man's driveway that always yells at kids--
williams, i don't think i have to remind you about this birthday sale-- here comes trouble. oh, aren't they cute? two small boys alone without their mother in a drugstore are not cute. get rid of them. maybe they wanna buy something. they never wanna buy anything. they come here for the express purpose of reading comics, breaking toys, and putting their sticky fingers on the merchandise. mr. finch: don't touch that.
i wouldn't touch the dummy if i were you, boys. oh, we wouldn't have, lady. only, we thought her arm was gonna fall off pretty soon. it kinda swings when people go by. it is a little loose. makes her look alive, doesn't it? yeah. now, what can i do for you? well, tomorrow's my mom's birthday, and i wanna get about 20 presents. my goodness. and dennis has to buy 'em all by himself cause his dad gypped her by going away on a trip. i see. but we gotta get 'em from a man named mr. finch. cause he's a friend of mr. wilson's. well, mr. finch is right over there. oh, and, dennis? yes? if he's too busy, you come right back here to me. okay. hey, mr. finch-- you might as well know that you can't take the comic books to the soda fountain unless you pay for them. we don't wanna look at comics, mister.
i don't care what--20? yes, sir. have you got any money? i got so much money, sometimes, i think my pocket's gonna bust loose. we got it out of his piggy bank, dollar bills and everything. i see. well, exactly what have you got in mind, my boy? i don't kinda know yet. can we look around? of course. hey, dennis, there's a neat stuff over there. boy, yeah. may i suggest, young man, that you get rid of that filthy bottle somewhere. okay, mister. holy baloney, what a bunch of swell junk. which one's you gonna get for your mom, dennis? i don't know. i think i'll buy a pair of swim fins. and a wading pool. boy, she'll sure like that. your mother likes the water, does she?
what else are you gonna get her, dennis? i don't know. what's that sign say? self-inflating life raft, birthday sale special. hey. do you think she'd like a raft for floating around in for when we go up to the lake? sure. oh now, just a minute. you're talking about a lot of money there. that--that-- that's rather expensive. you'd help us get whenever our money was worth. wilson? george wilson? uh-huh. oh, well, that's different. he's a lodge brother of mine. if mr. wilson sent you over here, i know everything's all right. now, let me see. swim fins, rubber dandy wading pool-- [knocking] oh, good morning ms. pompton. i'll see somebody waits on you immediately. be right back. this thing doesn't even look like it would float. hey, yeah.
what's this? hey, it's moving. wow. look at it swell up. now the inflatable rubber raft. i don't think we want it anymore, mister. why not? it's getting too fat. good heavens, somebody stop it. maybe it would go down if you stuck a pin in it, mister. keep your idiotic ideas to yourself. williams, come here, quick.
let me out of here. please let me out of here. williams, you get this boy away from me or-- come along, boys. [music] i hope you got insurance, buster. don't you think we ought to stay and help mr. finch get that man out of there? i think you'd both be smarter to stay here. by the way, you weren't thinking of buying that raft
uh-huh. mothers don't like that sort of thing, honey. you stay here with me and we'll see if we can find her something she really will like. [music] get it off, get it off, get it off. mrs. pompton, what is it? ants. williams. what is it? mrs. pompton has ants. there, all gone. is this your idea of a practical joke, mr. finch? no, mrs. pompton-- i am waiting for your explanation. mister? i'm busy. this bottle must have been left- i am a very highly- strung woman, mr. finch. i'm sure of that. i am also one of your very best customers. indeed, you are. mister? can't you see that i am busy?
that lady's arm finally fell off. [music] hello, mr. wilson. this is alice mitchell. i hate to keep bothering you, but i wonder if you've seen dennis lately. well, i imagine he's still doing that nice thing we were discussing a little earlier. oh, i think i know what you mean, mr. wilson. but just in case you do see him, would you send him home? it's getting late. oh, all right. oh, in fact, i have to go to the store for mrs. wilson, so i'll keep my eye open for him. and, alice... alice: yes? i don't think i'm giving away any secrets by saying a certain mother i know is due for a very nice little surprise. [music] here you are, dennis. i'm sure your mother will like that lovely cologne,
how many more presents can i buy for this much money, lady? well, one little one, maybe. only one? gee whiz, a birthday's no good with only two presents. i want my mom to get so many presents she'll be sore when she sees how much wrapping paper she has to clean up. you must remember, dennis, other people will be buying your mother birthday presents, too. no, they won't 'cause nobody else knows about it except mr. wilson. my mom sure is gonna have a dumb birthday. hey, dennis, look. dennis: hey, did he get his head stuck in those two little doors, lady? no. he's advertising our birthday. the store's birthday, that is. he walks up and down in front of the store and people see the sign and they know it's our birthday and they come in. just because they read the sign? that's right. i think i know how my mom can get more presents
dennis: get my mom a present. her name is mrs. mitchell. great scott. hi, mr. wilson. dennis, what in the world do you think you're doing? advertising. mr. wilson: oh, advertising. dennis, that's ridiculous. are you connected with this boy, sir? boy, i'll say, if it wasn't for him, my mom wouldn't have any birthday at all. in other words, he's your grandfather. you ought to be ashamed. madam, will you please stay out of this? now, dennis well, we'll see what the police have to say about a grandfather who indentures his grandson to a drugstore. get my mom a present. her name is mrs. mitchell. dennis: buy it right here. some of your work, mr. finch? no, i don't understand. wilson! listen, lawrence, this woman has called the police. don't try to pass the buck to somebody else, george wilson. did you or did you not send this little blond demon over here all day to punish me
poker. now, listen, lawrence. get my mom a present. get it right here. you put him up to that. his own grandfather to will you stay out of this? oh, stop ringing that stupid bell. here's what i'm gonna do with you, george wilson. i'm gonna get up at the next meeting of our brotherhood and expose you for what you are. now what? this is what i've been trying to tell you, lawrence.
alice. alice. henry. my darling. oh, what on earth are you doing home? just as i was leaving the office, i got a long distance call. the man i was going to see is coming here instead. oh, darling, that's wonderful. now, we can all celebrate your birthday together. where's dennis? he's out planning a surprise. oh. for you. oh, henry, you remembered how i love yellow roses. [phone ringing] hello. to the one and only girl in the world. alice, it's sergeant mooney. he's got dennis down at finch's jail. what? i mean, finch's drugstore. come on! so then i made the sign and started walking up and down in front of the store like that other man did, so my mom will get a lot of presents on her birthday. but the sign, dennis, how did you paint that? you can't write yet. i know, so i got a great, big boy to help me.
i'm sorry i said all those things to you, george. oh, forget it, lawrence. i didn't mean to yell at you. oh, it was my fault for calling the police. oh, that's all right. it spiced up the day a little. but, uh, i still don't get the part about the ants. well, i think he said this other boy had them in a bottle and that caused the raft to blow up. he said no such thing. well, he said the ants were in a candy bar. sgt. mooney: this scared the first lady, she jumped, and knocked the other lady's arm off. the dummy, not the other lady. watch your tone to me, mister. oh, now, mooney, he was- i own this store. i don't- well, i heard- just a minute, just a minute or i'll haul you all in. dennis. gee whiz, mom, this was supposed to be a surprise. hey, mom, there's dad. yes, i know, dear. he came home unexpectedly. dennis, what is this? i can explain, mr. mitchell. dennis wanted his mother to have a big birthday. well, start at the beginning, mooney.
well, the boys came into the store, you see? one at a time, one at a time. how can he understand? well, mr. wilson said it would be a surprise. he certainly was right. i bet you get presents from people you never even heard of. well, that's beside the point, dear. dennis. what is it? i think she got stuck with a pin or something. dennis, where in the world did you get the idea that your mother is 39 years old? well, i asked mr. wilson how old he thought mom was, and he said, "no woman is ever over 40." [music] what a birthday. yeah. when it's your birthday, dad, i'm gonna get a bigger sign. no, you're not. i know you meant to do the right thing, dennis, but that's not the way to get presents for your parents.
it's a lead pencil. "happy birthday, tommy." yeah, tommy bought you a candy bar first, but it melted in his pocket and he had to eat it. well, you tell him how much i appreciate it, dear. oh, it must be another present. don't pull it, dad! i told you not to pull it, dad. wasn't it swell of mr. finch to give you this nice raft? oh, and the paddles come with it. and, mom, i forgot to tell you happy birthday.
- want another cup of coffee dear? - no dear, i have to be a regular guy and have one with the fellows down at the office or they'll think i'm a company spy. - not because you don't like my coffee. - no, no, could have been a little stronger though. oh, say dear, beaver gave me a book of raffle tickets to sell for him down at the office. how about getting me off to a flying start by buying the first one? - beaver gave me a book to sell around here. how about getting me off to a flying start? - oh, well, i guess i can get rid of one book for you. this raffle's for the new hospital. how come beaver's so interested?
and he's sold three books already. - well i guess fred rutherford will buy a couple if i ply him with enough coffee and sweet talk. bye. - you save your sweet talk for me. - oh, sure. you're prettier than fred. (door slamming shut) - hey mom, you wanna buy a raffle ticket? - i see beaver enlisted you in the cause too. - yeah, i'm supposed to sell 'em around school. - at a dollar a piece? are there many boys that can afford them? - afford 'em? most of the seniors are driving better cars than their fathers are. - well isn't that nice. - hey mom, would it be ok if i quit high school? - well of course not! you just started your junior year and you're doing just fine. - well yeah but i saw this ad in a magazine. they got a course where you study at home for six weeks,
- don't be silly. - well yeah, but look at all the time i could save! if i got my diploma in six weeks, i'd have practically two whole years left just to goof around in. - and if you did that, you'd never get to college and be an engineer. - yeah, i knew there was a catch to it somewhere. so long ma. - hey mom! did you sell any tickets yet? - well no not yet, it's too early. no one's been around. - well when the milk man and the bread man come around, make sure you tell 'em the prizes. one all-expense trip to hawaii for two, one ranch mink coat, one sports car, three color television sets, 50 radios, and a hundred ball-point pens. - well alright i'll tell 'em, but i can't quite see our milk man in a mink coat. - gee mom, if he won that, he could probably trade it in for a couple dozen radios.
would you and dad be sore if i took wally? on account of him there's only one of him, there's two of you. - well honey i think we can wait and decide that when you win the trip. - yeah i guess so. (old 1950s music) - ma! - i'm in here. - mom, what's the matter? - nothing's the matter. - well then how come you're just sitting here listening to music? - i happen to like it. i remember seeing this opera in new york. - you mean, you went to the opera in new york? - certainly i did. i went to the opera and to plays. i even saw a fight in madison square garden. - holy mackerel.
- well, gee, a guy never thinks of his mother as having a good time. - wally, i wasn't born a mother. (laughs) you're home before your brother. - yeah i saw him over on grant avenue. he was stopping people in the street, selling 'em raffle tickets. - well, that was enterprising. - what do you mean enterprising? he's just too dumb to know that he's making a fool of himself. i sold a book of tickets for beaver at school. i'll go put the money in his drawer. hey mom, when you went to that fight at madison square garden, did you stand up and scream and holler? like everybody else? - course i did. - holy mackerel. (laughs) - if you take two of that book, gus, i get another one free. - well, let's see what this deal is here.
hawaii. i think i might be young enough to make the trip, but i might be just a little too old to enjoy it. - gee gus, what does that mean? - oh, nothing beaver. well let's see. one ranch mink coat. couldn't use that, i still got my old sheepskin jacket. hey now here's one: sports car! - it's real neat, i saw a picture of it, and it's got a red body with a top that goes up and down! - hey, that kinda appeals to me. i'd get me one of them checkered caps and one of them english pipes. and there wouldn't nothing hold me down. - you mean you'll buy a ticket? - i'll take two beaver. - gee that's neat gus. a guy down the street told me to get lost! - beaver you gotta expect those things. man might not have been feeling too good. lots of times in life, it ain't so much rudeness as it is a sour stomach.
(old 1950s music) - what is it sonny? - well, i'm not lost or i didn't steal or break anything. i wanted to talk to you. - what did you wanna talk to me about? - i wanna know if you'd like to buy a raffle ticket. to build a new hospital. - yeah, i don't know. - they cost a dollar and i got a card in my pocket that says i'm not a gypper or anything. - well i guess i could take one. - is that the pens they use to write tickets with? - yeah. here you go son. - gee thanks mister. and i hope i didn't interrupt you being mean to people. (laughs) - (mumbling) (old 1950s music) - did you sell beaver's book of tickets down at the office today? - sure did.
- i sold four of 'em around here. the hair dresser said she'd take the rest of the book tomorrow. - well fine. drawing's on monday isn't it? - mhm. beaver has 10 tickets of his own already. he's just sure he's gonna win. - (chuckles) well fred rutherford bought five tickets, and he's sure he's gonna win too. i guess childish minds all run in the same pattern. (doorbell ringing) - oh here i'll take this. - oh hello eddie, come on in. - good evening misses cleaver. - my, you look nice. - thank you misses cleaver. wally and i are escorting two young ladies to the movies this evening. - oh, who are you taking? - wally hasn't told me yet. - well why don't you go on up? i think he's in his room. - thank you. - oh hello eddie. - good evening sir. - what does he want? - he and wally have dates. - who with? - wally hasn't told him yet.
- hey wally. - oh hi eddie. - hey ya squirt, what did you do, rob a bank? - no this is my raffle money. - yeah eddie, here you wanna buy a ticket? - are you kidding? what are you peddling these things for? - on account of every time he sells a book of 10, he gets one free. he's got 10 tickets already. - and i'm gonna win something. maybe a trip to hawaii for two. - look, they have these things rigged so a kid can't win. you wait and see. they'll have some pretty nurse from the hospital win so they can stick her picture in the paper and get a lot of free publicity. - aw cut it out eddie. beaver's got just as much chance to win as anybody. - alright, so say he wins first prize, what happens? your pop will take it away from you. - what do you mean? - look, you don't think they're gonna let you skip school and go sailing off to hawaii, do you? believe me, if anybody's gonna be saying aloha in this deal, it'll be your old man. - look eddie, if beaver wins a prize, my pop wouldn't take it away from him.
if you'd been pushed around as much as i have. hey, who are we gonna take to the movies anyway? - i'm taking maryellen rodgers, and i got belinda mcgowen for you. - belinda mcgowen? aw come on charlie. - look eddie, don't complain. took me an hour to talk her into going with you. - alright, alright. - see ya beav. - bye wally. - so long chump. - what are you doing? - oh i'm rewiring this lamp. the old cord is worn out. - did it make a short circus? - (laughs) well not yet, but it was about to make a short circus. - hey dad, can i ask you something that isn't important? - uh huh. - well if i was in south america, and i was walking along, and i found a diamond mine, would you take it away from me?
- you know dad, you're pushing a lot more wire than what's coming out. - yes, i know beaver. must be stuck. - why don't you pull it from the other side? - because son, in order to pull it from the other side, i have to get hold of it first. - there's always something, isn't there dad? (laughs) you sure you wouldn't take it away from me? - take what away from ya? - the diamond mine i'd find in south america. - look, beaver i told you you could keep it, and i meant it. now, run along son, find something to do, huh? - yes sir. - (laughs) - dad? - what? - why don't you take a pencil and push it through?
(laughs) - dear? - what? - i wanna call the drug store. where's the pencil that was here? - it's stuck in the lamp. - what'd you put it in the lamp for? - because your son came in here and told me to. (old 1950s music) - ward, ward! - what's the matter dear? - ward they called 10 minutes ago. they called! - wait a minute, who called? - the raffle people from the hospital! beaver won! - a trip to hawaii? - no he got the third prize: a 3500 dollar sports car! - really? - really! - well for christ's sakes! well have you told him yet?
- well this is wonderful! maybe i ought to get the car and go look for him. - oh honey i'm so excited! - mom, hey mom! - we're in here beaver. - hi mom, hi dad. how come you're smiling all over the place? - because beaver, you won third prize in the raffle. - i won? - yes, a sports car. - boy i won, i won! - (laughs) - i won, i won! - isn't that great! - yeah! - even if i died right now, i'd still be happy!
- what? and be like you eddie? - listen wise guy, you wanna go home with your teeth in your pocket? - aw come on eddie, leave him alone. anyways, liable to hit you in the mouth. - yeah. - hey eddie, did you hear about me winning the sports car? - yeah i heard about it. your parents take it away from you yet? - i haven't got it yet. - he's gonna get it tomorrow, and they're gonna take pictures of beaver in the car and everything. - sure, and then they'll take it away from him. - they will not. my dad said he wouldn't even take a million-dollar diamond mined away from me. - listen squirt, parents can do anything they want. and they got laws to have you put away if you squawk. you better just keep driving this box, kid. 'cause that's all you're gonna get. - aw come on eddie. don't pay attention to him beav. - sure wally. - beaver, your dad wouldn't really take it away from you, would he? - course not. he said he was happy for me and everything.
(old 1950s music) - dear? honey, you better go up and talk to the beaver, he's so excited he can't even think about going to sleep. - (laughs) alright, i was going to have to go up and talk to him anyway. - about the car? - yeah, he obviously can't keep it. - oh i suppose not. - after all, what possible use can a kid in the fifth grade have for a 3500 dollar sports car? - you know, it's funny, i was talking to wally about cars the other day and he says that some of the boys in high school have better cars than their fathers. - oh, well i'm afraid we're just not that kind of a family. - i know dear. how are you gonna tell beaver? - well i'm just going to tell him that it's completely impractical for him to keep the car. i'll tell him that i'll sell it and put the money in a bank account and it'll be there waiting for him when he's ready to go to college. - ward, couldn't we call the hospital fund
and that he won the cash instead? no, i suppose we couldn't. good luck honey. - hey wally, you wanna look at a picture of my sports car? - nah, you already made me look at it a million times. - well it won't hurt to look at it a million and one times. - k i'll take a look at it. (knocking on the door) - hello fellas. - hi dad, i'm almost in bed. - hi dad. - hi. well that's fine beav, but i wanna talk to you about something. - yes sir? - son, you know your mother and i love you very much, don't you? - sure dad. - and you know anything we do is always for your own good, huh? - gee wally, i guess eddie was right. - yeah gee dad, eddie was telling the beaver that you're gonna take the car away from him. - he was?
he said you'd have me put away if i squawked. - well, now look beaver, let's leave eddie out of this for a minute and just look at this thing logically. now what on earth would a boy your age do with a 3500 dollar sports car? - gee dad, lots of things! - you couldn't drive it. - yeah dad, i know. but i could put it in the garage and sit in it when i came home from school. can i have it dad? it's the biggest thing i ever want! - no beaver i'm afraid not. - gee dad, he can't drive it, but you could drive him around in it. heck, he might even let you use it sometimes! - look fellas, the only practical thing to do is for me to sell the car and put the money in the bank for beaver's college education. what are you crying about beaver? - gee dad, i don't know. what if turned out to be a dumb kid and couldn't go to college. i'd be stuck with all that creepy money. (laughs) - look son, when you think about this,
i'll tell you what, maybe i won't put all of the money in the bank. we'll keep some of it and buy you a brand new bicycle. - no sir, i don't want a brand new bicycle. - well beaver, you've been asking for one for a long time. - no sir, you're gonna be mean to me. i'm not going to spoil it for you. (laughs) - alright beaver, then i'll just have to do what i think is best. i'm sorry you feel this way. - how'd you make out? - miserably. he just can't see why i shouldn't keep the car. - beaver? i don't think you gave dad much of a break. - some break he gave me taking away my sports car.
you know you're too young to drive that car. you know you can't let it sit in the garage and rot until you're 18. dad's just doing all of this for your own good. - yeah i know that. - well then how come you're making such a big fuss, and crying and everything? - just 'cause it's for my own good doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. - hi dad. - hi. well where's the beaver? - oh he came down and ate early. said he wanted to eat by himself. - well, don't tell me my son's avoiding me. - sure is dad. last night he said he wasn't going to talk to you 'til he was dying. this morning he wasn't even sure about that. - well ward we can't let him act like that. you go on up and talk to him. - what, go up and tell him he has to talk to me? no sir, i think he's being very foolish, but if he's not going to speak to me, i'm just going to ignore it. - gee dad, if you guys aren't speaking to each other, who's gonna yell at the beaver
heck, you can't just hit him without saying anything. (laughs) - wally, i think your father and i can handle this by ourselves. - ok ma. - ward i think... - hi mom, i'm going to school now. - well, goodbye beaver. - yeah take it easy beav. - sure wally. oh and mom? would you please give this note to my father for me? thank you. - well this is getting silly. now he's writing me notes. - what is it? - for sale: a red sports car with an up and down top which is brand new. the car was won in a contest by theodore cleaver who is too young, so is going to college instead of having fun.
who is selling it for my own good. well i, i don't know quite how to take this. - gee dad, he's not trying to be a wise guy or anything. he wanted to tell you he was sorry, but just couldn't. i think this is kind of his way of showing it. - oh. - are you gonna fix it up and put it in the paper? - no sir. i'm gonna put this in the paper just the way it is. (laughs) (old 1950s music) (door opening and shutting) you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage. right into your wife's car. with your wife watching. she forgives you... eventually. your insurance company, not so much. they say you only have their basic policy. don't basic policies cover basic accidents? of course, they say...
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- oh that's wonderful. - you know i must have had 40 calls today? i think that boy may have a career ahead of him in the advertising business. - back to normal. he came home happy, wanted a glass of milk, and he wants to know if you'll help him with his arithmetic tonight after supper. - oh, well you wanna know something? i'm really looking forward to inverting fractions with him this evening. - you know i've been thinking ward. every contest or raffle that comes along, beaver always enters in it. guess this one's cured him for good. - hey beav, if you want, i'll help you invert those fractions and junk. - no i'm saving that to start talking to dad on. - hey you're not doing your homework. - no i'm entering this contest in this magazine. - gee, you wanna go and win something they have to take away from you again? - wally, the way i figure it: sooner or later i've got to win something they'll let me keep.
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they were there to take care of us in a beautiful way. [ female announcer ] call the hartford at... to request your free quote. that's... or go to gethartfordauto.com today. get this free calculator just for requesting a quote. - what is it, dear; what do you want? - dear, i've just been in the garage. who has been at my tools? - well, i wouldn't touch 'em. i know what an old grouch you are about them. - right - wally, wally, where are you? i don't know; i can't keep track of - - i'm right here. - well, if you're right there, didn't you hear me? - he had the washing machine going. - yeah, i put my new blue jeans in there again to make 'em look old. - oh, well, wally, how many times have i told you boys
- a couple million times, i guess. - then where is my rake? - gee, i wouldn't take it; i don't wanna get clobbered. - ward, beaver has it. he has a job raking leaves over at miss landers' house. - oh, that's right. i told him last night he could take it. - yeah, you did all that shouting for nothing. - yeah, dad, it sure is a shame you wasted that nice big mad like this. - well, i wouldn't worry about it. i could always use the practice. - hey, mom, how much is miss landers paying the beaver to rake leaves? - i don't know, wally. all i know is he and whitey are doing the job together. - he's always had a crush on his teacher. i bet he'd do it for her for nothing. - i don't know about that, wally. - you don't think he spent half an hour this morning cleaning out his ears for whitey whitney, do you? - it's pretty neat raking leaves, huh, whitey? - yeah, it's okay, but what if some of the guys saw us working in the teacher's yard? - so what?
- sure, she's a neat teacher, and she's pretty, and she's fair, and she smells good, and she's always doing neat things. - sure, she is, but you don't catch me falling for that kind of junk. - hey, whitey, will you go around back and get a basket for the leaves? - i don't like goin' in back yards. a lady threw a bucket of water at me once. - there's no lady back therre. - okay. - hi, sonny. - hello, mister, are you looking for somebody? - i sure am. - are you lookin' for miss landers? - how'd you guess? (doorbell buzzes) - hi, alice. - hi, tom. - all set?
- beaver, are you doing a good job? - yes, miss landers. - say, i don't believe i've met your gardener, have i, dear? - oh, i'm sorry, tom. theodore cleaver, this is thomas brittingham. - how do you do, theodore? - glad to meet ya. - tom's my fiance. - yes, ma'am. - beaver, when you and whitey finish here, you'll find your money on the kitchen table, and there's some milk in the refrigerator, and i left out some cookies for you. i guess alice knows what you little fellas like, huh, teddy? - yes, mr. brittingham. - bye bye, beaver. - bye, ted. - hey, beaver. - what, whitey? - wasn't that miss landers gettin' in the car with her legs all stickin' out?
- the car with that guy drivin' it! - don't be goofy. what would miss landers be doing in a car with a guy in it? - yeah - let's put the leaves in here. - ehh! - what did you do that for? - i'm just mad at leaves, that's all. - hey, mom, how come i got stuck to help you with the dishes instead of dad? - wally, it's not a matter of being stuck. you should be very happy to do some work around the house to contribute to the welfare of the family! - oh, you mean like on "wagon train," huh, where they all chip in to kill the indians? - that's the general idea. - you have a date tonight, wally? - yeah, i'm takin' mary ellen rogers to the movies. i sure hope she doesn't smell these fancy soap suds on me. she's liable to think i'm puttin' on the dog or something.
- in the den. beaver asked him to help him with some homework words. - you're kiddin', mom. he never did homework on saturday night. either he's goin' flaky or he's up to something. - wally. - all right, beav, what's the next word? - satellite. - well, you know what a satellite is. it's a body that orbits around another one. - yes, sir - transistor. - a transistor is a sort of radio tube, but it's very small. you see, they replaced the regular ones so that - - fianshay. - huh? - fianchay. - well, i haven't finished with transistor yet. - you finished it enough for me, dad. what's a fianshay? - fianshay? do you by any chance mean fiance? - i mean like when somebody's a fianshay to somebody else. what does it mean?
- like when mom engaged that lady to do the laundry? - (laughs) no, not exactly; it means engaged to be married. - does it ever mean anything else? - no, a fiance is someone who's engaged to be married. - then i must have the wrong word, 'cause the person i'm thinkin' of would never do anything like that. - what kind of homework is this anyway? - it's a new kind of homework that you think up yourself. - oh. - well, we finished in the kitchen. you finished in here? - yes, mom, we're all finished in here. - ward, you shouldn't help beaver with his homework if you're going to upset him. - i wasn't upsetting him. i was just giving him the meaning of those words. - oh, well, there are no words on there. - gee, dad, what's the matter?
- (laughs) you see, mom, i told you he was goin' flaky. - ward, do you know that beaver's been up in his room this whole evening and i haven't heard a sound out of him? - yeah, i know. when a boy spends a whole saturday evening without having to be told to stop whatever he's doing, it just doesn't seem right. - maybe we ought to go up there - (phone rings) - i'll get it. hello. - hello, mr. cleaver, this is whitey whitney. i wonder if i could talk to beaver, if you're not busy yellin' at him or anything. - why, yes, i think so. just a minute, i'll call him. - beaver, telephone! voiceover: okay, dad! - he'll be right here. - it's that little friend of beaver's - you know, the one who always talks like he's just been frightened by something.
- precisely. - thanks, dad. hello, oh, hi, whitey. - hey, beaver, did you get the sunday paper yet? - gee, no, whitey. we never get tomorrow's paper until tomorrow. - yeah, we always get tomorrow's paper tonight. my pop said he'd rather read tomorrow's stuff tonight instead of waitin' 'til tomorrow. - yeah, what's up? - there's something in the paper about miss landers. - there is? - yeah, and it's real horrible. you want i should tell you tonight, or do you want to wait 'til tomorrow and see it yourself? - i think i'd better wait until tomorrow. - don't even want i should give you a hint? - no, i don't want you should do that.
- ward, i think you ought to speak to the beaver. you know he's upstairs acting moody again today? - oh, he's probably just a little under the weather. - what do you think we ought to do about it? - when i was a boy, my grandmother used to put me to bed and dose me with a tonic. (laughs) boy, it was the most evil-smelling bitter - it tasted a little like it was made of a ground-up innersole. - did it help? - no, but it was certainly an incentive to get better.
you tell about your boyhood. - you know, sometimes i have trouble really believing they happened myself. hi, wally. - hi, mom, hi, dad. - hi - has the beaver said anything to you to explain why he's acting so strangely? - gee, mom, he's acting pretty normal. i asked him to stop using my washcloth, and he told me to quit shoving him around. he'll be okay, mom, he's got his kooky friend whitey up there with him now. i'm gonna go out and mess around with eddie; so long. - so long. - ward, i wish wally wouldn't use words like flaky and kooky. - well, dear, you wouldn't want all his friends to think he was creepy, would you? - you're a big help. - local girl to wed. - i didn't wanna show it to you while your brother was in here, beaver. - boy, whitey, i never thought miss landers would go and do anything like this. - it's right there in the printin'.
- yeah, i guess that's even worse than bein' a fianshay. - you know, when my brother got married, they had a picture in the paper of his wife just like that, only she was wearin' a whole lace dress that cost $200. - hey, whitey, after your brother got married, he and his wife had some babies, didn't they? - sure, i'm a two-time uncle even. - do you think miss landers might have any babies? - sure, she might. - boy, whitey, all these years i've been thinkin' teachers were something special. now they turn out to be nothin' but parents. (laughter) - wally, beaver, hurry up; you're gonna be late! - where's the beaver? - gee, mom, he's sick. - he wasn't sick at breakfast. - i don't think it was anything you cooked for him, mom. when he came up to get his books,
- oh, well, honey, you run on to school and i'll go up and see what's wrong. - okay, mom. i don't know why he should wanna be sick, though. he's got all his homework done and everything. - so long. - bye. beaver's sick, he went back to bed. - he's probably been coming down with something all weekend. want me to go up and see what's wrong? - oh no, honey, i'll take his temperature and if i think it's anything serious, i'll call the doctor. - hmm, sick on monday morning. you know, i remember when i was a boy - - dear, won't you be late for the office? - oh, yeah. - have a nice day. beaver, aren't you going to eat anything? - gee no, mom, i don't feel like it. - well, you don't have a temperature. - i'm really sick, mom, honest i am. - well, all right, honey, you stay in bed today, and we'll talk about school tomorrow, all right?
i'm sorry i couldn't eat my soup. maybe you can freeze it up and give it to wally for supper. - i don't think so, beaver. you rest now, beaver. (beaver sighs) (phone rings) - hello? oh hello, miss landers. - mrs. cleaver, i wondered if anything was wrong with theodore this morning? - no, he just doesn't feel too well so i thought i'd keep him home in bed today. i'm sure he'll be back in school tomorrow. - oh well, i thought on my way home this afternoon, i could drop off his homework assignment and his new arithmetic book. i wouldn't want him to get behind the rest of the class. - oh, that would be fine, miss landers. i know beaver would be happy to see you. - all right, see you this afternoon.
- come on, beaver, hurry up and drink the orange juice. mom wants to wash out the dirty glass. hey, beav, if you're not sick in the head, and you're not sick in the stomach, what kinda sick are you anyway? - i don't know, wally. i just feel awfuller than i ever felt before. - come on, beav, you can tell me what's the matter. i won't laugh or anything. - well, it's somethin' to do with miss landers. - you mean miss landers, the teacher that you're always actin' mushy about? - yeah, you know what she went and did? - gee, what? - she went and got fianshayed up to get married. - boy, is that all? - i thought she croaked or somethin'! - she's gonna marry a guy named brittingham, and he plays tennis, and he calls her dear, and he even went and called me teddy! - well, what are you gonna do about it, beav? you're gonna have to go to school sometime.
as long as i live. - y, how do you think you're gonna get through the fifth grade without lookin' at your teacher? - what are you gonna do, wear a bag over your head? - it's not funny, wally! - yeah, i guess i know how you feel. once there was this movie called "roman hoiday," and i kinda got a crush on that audrey hepburn. - you mean that skinny lady in the movies? - yeah, but that was a long time ago before she got old. - well, i don't care if i ever see miss landers again after what she went and did to me. i might even go to a different school or somethin'. - look, beaver - (knock on door) - beaver, look who's here to see you. - hello, beaver. - well, beaver, aren't you going to say hello to miss landers? - hello, miss landers. - how are you, wally? i hear you're doing very well in high school.
it's real nice of you to hear stuff like that. - beaver, beaver, miss landers brought you your homework assignment and she brought you a book. wally, why don't you and i go downstairs, huh? - sure, mom. well, good luck, beav. oh, it was real nice to have seen you again, miss landers. - well, how are we today, beaver? - not so good. - i'm sorry; we have a new arithmetic book, and our assignment is right here. beaver, you're not even looking at it. - no, ma'am, i'm not. - what's wrong, beaver? - like mom said, i'm sick.
and i think it's something else. now, do you want to tell me what it is? - this is what it is. - this is what upset you? - yes, ma'am. - beaver, lots of people get engaged and get married. - yeah, but i never thought you'd go and do anything like that. - beaver, a teacher has as much right as anyone to fall in love and get married. - gee, now you're makin' it worse. - beaver, i think you've built up a picture of me that no one could live up to. - gee, you were livin' up to it real good, and then i saw you in that tennis suit. that guy called you dear. it said in the paper you're betrothed, and whitey said you might even have babies. - well, what's wrong with that? - gee, i wouldn't want anyone to see you in tennis pants,
about you gettin' married and havin' babies and everything. - beaver, let me tell you something. falling in love and getting married are nothing to be ashamed of. it's the people who do the giggling and the whispering who should be ashamed of themselves. do you think you understand that? - well yeah, i guess so. - and even if i am a teacher, don't you think i'm entitled to be happy? - yeah, i want you to be happy. i just wish there was some other way you could do it. - beaver, you're gonna like my husband. he's a wonderful person, and you'll get along with him just fine. - oh, and he played football in college, and after we're married, i want you to come over and rake the lawn the way you always have. - no foolin', would you really want me to? - yes, i would, beaver. - miss landers, when people get married,
- yes, they do. - well, do you think you could get mr. brittingham to promise not to call me teddy? - i think you can count on that, beaver. - thanks, miss landers. - shall we get to our homework? - sure, miss landers. - june, june, i'm home! - hi, dear. what's that, diamonds, rubies? - ice cream. i remember when beaver was a little fellow, he used to always ask for ice cream when he was sick. how is he tonight? - oh, he's fine. i found out what was wrong with him. beaver's been disappointed in love. - what, at his age? you're kidding! well, he had quite a crush on miss landers. - miss landers? - yes, and now she's running out on him and getting married.
- well, it's all straightened out now. she came over and she had quite a talk with him. he's even planning to go to the wedding. - well, even so, i think we'd better just give him his ice cream and say nothing about it. - is that what your parents would have done if they'd found out you had a crush on your teacher? - of course not, they'd have put me to bed
- i don't mean now. i mean all that junk that happened to you over the weekend. you got a big crush on your teacher. you meet her boyfriend; you find out she's engaged. then you crawl back in bed and act like you're sick. - gee, wally, when you were my age, didn't stuff like that ever happen to you? - i suppose so. i guess when you get grown up, you forget about all those dumb things that happen when you were a kid. - i hope when i'm grown up, i won't forget about this. - sure, you'll forget about it. in a couple of years, you'll go to high school. then you'll go to college. you'll meet a whole bunch of girls. you'll probably marry one. then, you'll have a whole bunch of kids, and a job and everything. if you met miss landers on the street, she'd be an old lady, maybe 40 years old, and you probably wouldn't even recognize her. - gee, wally, what did you go and say that for? can't you let me get over the weekend before you mess up my whole life? (laughter)
darrin, you're pacing. what? you know, toing and froing and toing and froing. i wasn't even aware of it. i guess it's because i feel a little guilty about dropping the whole barrows umbrella account in larry's lap. sweetheart, we are in salem on a vacation... sort of. now, we plan to take a nice drive up the coast to gloucester and have some lobster and -- [ telephone rings ] and that's probably larry. don't worry, sweetheart. i'll get rid of him. [ ding! ] [ sighs ] [ ding! ] larry talk you into going to boston? absolutely not. i was firm.
too bad? yes, i've been called to an emergency meeting of the witches' council. terrific. well, i'm sorry, sweetheart, but mother's giving a special demonstration of incantations, past, present, and future. maybe you could call him back. before i'd call him back, i'd go sightseeing alone. serena: why alone when serena's ready, willing, and able? [ ding! ] hi, little cousin! hi there, tall, dark, and mortal. if you don't mind, serena, you're one oh! the charm-school dropout is in rare form today. [ laughs ] serena, the hotel doesn't allow pets or helicopters in the room, so would you mind getting rid of it? that can be arranged. and when you get rid of it, be sure you're in it. that's cute. darrin, there's no reason to be rude. i'm sor but i got involved in the world kite-flying championships in india. guess what? what?
disqualified?! on a mere technicality. instead of flying [ laughs ] oh, that's a shame. i wouldn't have disqualified you. you wouldn't? of course not. the longer you're in the air, the more chance you have of hitting a tree. sweetheart, in the best interests of keeping peace in the family, why don't you reconsider and go sightseeing with serena? i have to go to the meeting anyway. two's company, except when she's one of the two. i could meet you at the gloucester house for lunch. absolutely under no circumstances will i go any place with her. oh! he's such a darling! and since the invitation comes straight from the heart, i accept. good. i'll meet you there about noon. i think i missed something somewhere.
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"they that go down to the sea in ships." who is this cat, anyway? don't you know anything? this is the famous fisherman's memorial. oh, and what a knockout of a memorial he is. just dig that weather-beaten face and those powerful arms. [ gasps ] what a ball to be steered by him! well, serena, this is the closest that you're going to get to this cat... unless you turn yourself into a seagull. dum-dum, i wouldn't bet my plantation on that if i were you. pride of gloucester, sentinel of the sea, i deem you come alive and swagger down to me. [ ding! ] [ ding! ] still think he's for the birds?
you might call it fun and games. well, i call it insanity. serena, put this statue back or -- oh, he is not a statue! he is here. touch him. touch my person, and i'll thrash you within an inch of your life! you can touch me. him, no. serena, i'm not asking you. i'm telling yeah, fine wench. it's been 50 years since i've kissed a lassie. oh, whoopee! you know something? they're better when they're aged. serena, i'm finished with you. well, i'm not. goody. serena, i by the time i count to three, there's going to be trouble. dum-dum, you are absolutely right. start counting.
[ ding! ] [ ding! ] don't forget, it was your idea. shiver me timbers. what's that? oh, that is a car. it's used for transportation and air polluting. listen, me ancient mariner, why don't we split to someplace more romantic so you can catch up on all you've been missing these last few years. split? leave, embark, set sail. i'll have none of it if i have to sail there. well, "set sail" is just an expression. besides, what have you got against water. nothing. it just scares me out of my wits. well, that's ridiculous! you're an able-bodied seaman. you forget, i stand for all those able-bodied seamen that drowned. okay. heave to and we'll fly there. the only water you'll see is the kind you pour over your scotch.
what do they call this paradise? i haven't named it yet. it's just a little something i whipped up to make myself comfortable in salem. [ laughs ] come, come. say, uh, how about sitting down and resting those strong, magnificent sea legs of yours? let's not get too close to the water, please. who's that? oh, it's just an ex-friend of mine. he got stoned one night, so i left him that way. [ laughing ] oh. ooh! ooh.
[ gasps ] darrin, is that you in there? oh, sweetheart. i don't know what to say, except i have a cousin who makes lucrezia borgia look like shirley temple. but don't you worry. i'll figure out a way to get you out of there. the hotel clerk said they're having lunch at the gloucester house. i'm sure we'll find him there. i hope so, mr. tate. as a matter of fact, there's mrs. stephens now. where i'll say one thing, though -- if you have to be a statue, this is a nice place to be one. over there, talking to that statue. huh? i mean over there by that statue. oh. darrin's probably around some place.
young volunteers have a winning spirit that we think is worth celebrating. middle and high school students: ask your school principal about applying for a prudential spirit of community award. volunteer! larry: hi, sam. [ laughs ] am i glad i found you. oh, well, hi, larry. what are you doing in gloucester? hopefully having lunch with you and darrin. oh, mr. barrows, this is mrs. stephens. how do you do? how do you do? mr. barrows is head of barrows umbrellas, and he's just dying to hear some of darrin's new ideas. that's nice. where is he? who? darrin. oh. [ laughs ] well, he's hanging around here somewhere. ms. stephens, tate here speaks very highly of your husband. he's got him on some kind of pedestal. oh, well, that's nice. darrin's very comfortable on a pedestal. [ laughs ] yes, sir. well, sam, let's go find him,
oh, o let's just go to lunch, just the three of us. the three of us? oh, it'll be fun! sam, you all right? no. i mean, uh, i get a little light-headed when i'm hungry, and i am just dying for one of those lobsters. larry? come on, larry. come on. you know, it's funny. i've never seen this statue before, but it looks very familiar to me. wait. this is the fisherman's memorial. it's dedicated to the more than 10,000 fishermen who lost their lives at sea. come to think of it, he looks more defiant and ferocious than i remember him. oh, he looks ferocious all right.
is that all you can see? huh? you know, it's amazing. the face of this statue looks a great deal like stephens. sam, can't you see the resemblance? no, not really. i mean, examine the chin. that is not darrin's strong chin. yeah, his chin is kind of weak. very. well, now that we decided the statue doesn't look like mr. stephens, suppose we take mrs. stephens to lunch? uh, why don't you two go on without me? but you just said you were starving. yes, i did, didn't i? well, um, why don't you two go to the glouceste and i'll wait here for darrin? but we don't want to take a chance on miss why don't we all wait here? oh, uh, larry, i don't think that's such a good idea. why not? yeah, why not? because i suddenly remembered that darrin said he was going to take a walk and he wanted me to meet him at the gloucester house. [ chuckles ]
yes. i told you, i get a little light-headed when i get hungry... especially for lobster. all right, tate, let's go. all this talk about lobster's making me hungry. [ chuckles ] may i help you? we're looking for mr. darrin stephens. uh, we have a reservation for mr. stephens, but i don't believe he's arrived yet. well, ing him up. i hate to think. larry, why don't you and mr. barrows go to the table? i'll join you in a moment. right this way. mr. barrows. bartender, set them up for everybody. i'm buying. [ ding! ] and forget the little lady who was just here. she must be a toteetaler -- teetotaler.
whom i thought might be here. one is -- oh, you mean that pretty girl and that nutty-looking sailor? they're the ones. not that i watched, mind you, because it was none of my business, but they was holding hands and kissing and whispering to each other. you want to know what they was whispering? uh, no, thank you. i ju well, i turned back to my clipping, like this. [ ding! ] and when i turned back, like this, they was... gone. just like you. when john paul potter iii drinks, everybody drinks. another round for the folks. [ ding! ] well, the little toteetaler is back. how about a little nip, sweetie? oh, well, thanks, uh, but i think you're doing just fine for both of us. cheers. [ laughs ] fisherman: ...blow the man down
give me some fellows who follow the sea ah. there you are. sam, look who we ran into -- serena and her...boyfriend. i can't imagine what's keeping darrin. no offense, mrs. stephens, but i'll give him five more minutes, and then i l serena, i think you and i should have a few words together. excuse me, my little chicken of the sea. oh! whoo! chicken of the sea. that's me. serena, i don't want to know how and i don't want to know why. i just want a fair exchange -- darrin for your seaman. well, okay, coz,
potter's springing. so's serena. [ ding! ] i think the party's over. [ ding! ] [ ding! ] so long, dumbo. [ ding! ] sam, what's happening? shh, shh! fisherman: blow the men down, blow the men down whoa-ho i hate to interrupt your good time, but if the pirate of penzance isn't out of here immediately, barrows u [ ding! ] where did he go? he was [ laughs ] come on. come on! all right, tate, let's get my hat and umbrella and go. but, mr. barrows -- gentlemen, look who i found waiting outside.
mr. barrows, this is darrin stephens. mr. barrows. darrin, i've just been telling mr. barrows that the only reason you're at salem is to work on some ideas for barrows umbrellas. mr. stephens, i've had a very difficult and strange day, and i no longer have any interest in any of your ideas. mr. barrows, if you don't want to listen to darrin, would you listen to me? mrs. stephens, i'm a businessman most of the time, but i'm a gentleman all the time. please sit down. thank you. now, tell me about it. well, darrin's idea is to use the fisherman's memorial as a symbol for barrows umbrellas. that's why w uh-huh. mr. barrows, what percentage of umbrellas are bought by women? about 80%. aha! the men don't seem to want to buy them, right?
is to make the umbrella more attractive to men by associating it with a masculine symbol -- the fisherman's memorial. hmm. mr. barrows, i'm sure if you hear darrin present his idea, it'll be more impressive. i like that idea. but i doubt it. samantha explained it so beautifully. tell us the rest of it, young man. picture this -- the helmsman standing in the face of a fierce storm, one hand on the wheel, the other holding a barrows umbrella. i love it! "even the men who go down to the sea in ships carry barrows umbrellas." stephens, it's sensational -- sensational! you were well worth waiting for. i told you he would be.
i set it on the table. thank you. just what we needed -- another package. here. thanks. oh, darrin, look at the darling teapot that larry sent us. larry. by special messenger? i wonder what his angle is. does there always have to be an angle where larry is concerned? there have been times when he's done something nice without an ulterior motive. when? i wonder what his angle is. esmeralda: hello, samantha, mr. stephens. i'm sorry to bother you, but -- esmeralda, you're not all here. [ ding! ] she's not all there, either. darrin. oh, dear. i always do that when i'm rushing. is anything wrong at home? oh, no. everything's fine. how's the vacation?
but, uh, who's with the children? oh, i got aunt hagatha to sit with them while i checked with you. i was worried because tabitha wants to change the baby. what's wrong with that? she wants to change him into a rabbit. absolutely not. well, i guess i'd better get back and relieve aunt hagatha before mrs. tate gets there. mrs. tate? louise was kind enough to say she'd drop in and check on the kids from time to time. what's all this? that's samantha's famous parlor trick. she takes a month's pay and turns it into a lot of packages. and that's before lunch. i'll just take them back with me. oh, no, don't bother, esmeralda. it's no trouble, samantha. no, no, e-esmeralda, please don't. [ ding! ] sam, since the subject of change has come up, i'd like to propose one. [ ding! ]
sweetheart, i've planned the whole afternoon. after the peabody museum, we'll go visit the pioneer village, and then we'll drive to sturbridge and - [ telephone ringing ] hello? larry. don't let him talk you into anything. by the way, sam and i want to thank you for that teapot you sent us. we both think it's -- oh? it's not for us? well, that old teapot may help us swing the greatest deal since the alaskan purchase. larry, he's still in boston.
i decided to stay over because i've run into a wonderful opportunity for you. larry, i hate to point this out, but when one is on vacation and one starts working, one stops being okay, okay. we'll discuss fine. in the meantime, i'll send you a postcard. bye-bye. i'm proud of you. i don't know. he gave in too easily. boston's only a half an hour from here. we'd better get going. oh! have to get my purse. [ gasps ] [ laughs ] just as i thought -- trying to pull a fast one and sneak out. but, being a bit sneaky myself, i was one step ahead of you. i called from the lobby. larry, whatever it is you're up to, forget it. don't turn me down without a hearing.
i'll give it to you in three words -- sir leslie bancroft. that name doesn't ring a bell? i don't even get a tinkle. you get any vibrations from british imperial textile mills? he owns it. lock, stock, and dividends. sir leslie's just in from london, and do you know why? darrin doesn't care why. do you, sweetheart? that's right. i don't care why. why? to find the proper agency to devise a tasteful campaign to introduce his product to the american market. and i think i've convinced him we're the ones to handle his account. how did you do that? that's where the teapot comes in. the old silver fox found out that sir leslie's a revolutionary war buff. can you imagine how grateful sir leslie will be when you present him with an original paul revere teapot? that's an original?
that's original. forget it. sam and i have plans. so have i. and they include our joining sir leslie, who's waiting in the park right now. forget it. you mean you intend to persist in this stubborn, hard-nosed attitude of yours? i do. all right. i don't need you. i'll take my teapot and go. i don't mean to be impatient, but i'd like to have my teapot, please. well, the truth is, uh, it's not here. that's the truth, all right. exactly where is my teapot? that's a good question. oh, uh, i-i'll bet the maid p-put it in the bedroom. i'll get it for you. i'll help you. well, just hurry it up.
when she took the rest of the packages. you stall. i'll pop home and get it. first make sure louise isn't there. okay. [ beeping ] stephens residence. [ din yes. she's out on the patio with the children. uh, well, i was calling to find out if you t it's a square box, and it has an antique paul revere teapot in it. oh, wait a minute. i'll look for it. here it is. chec i found it, and i'll send it right back to you. maybe you'd better do that.
[ ding! ] let me see. how does that go again? uh... oh, yes. pheasant, finch, and a fat, white gander. add a spotted salamander. season, baste, add return the pot of paul revere. oh! good grief! and who are you, mistress? a-and what manner of place is this? uh, m-mr. revere, please, uh, be patient. i-i'll explain it all in just a minute. hello? hello. operator. operator, get me esmeralda quick! sir leslie, this is darrin stephens, my associate. how do you do? how do you do? i've heard some rather splendid things about you. [ chuckles ] larry's always exaggerating. your country owes a great deal to roger conant. i'm well aware of that heroic english seaman.
i see you're a history buff yourself. oh, ever since i was a little boy. you weren't exaggerating about your young man, not in the least. now, sir, i'm most anxious to hear your ideas on how to introduce my product to your country. well, i, uh, haven't worked out anything in detail. uh, so let's go back to darrin's suite and chat, hmm? he has an early american teapot he's anxious to show you. young man, how old is your teapot? oh...it's old. could have been made by paul revere. jolly good. let's pop along and have a look at it, shall we? you're a what?! a witch. but a good witch. i see. darrin: sam? i'm back with larry and sir leslie. sir leslie? so, you are in league with the british. i must ride to warn my countrymen.
there is no need for you to ride at this time. y-y-you stay here. trust me. i-i'll let you know when it's time to make your ride. it will go ill with you if i am betrayed. don't worry. i'm ill already. sam? excuse me. oh, sam. uh, sir leslie, this is my wife, samantha. oh, h-how do you do, sir leslie? how do you do? it's a great pleasure. sam. hi. did you, uh, get the teapot? are you ready for a joke? they lost the key to the storage room. you'll excuse me if i don't collapse with laughter. but it will be here as soon as they make a new key. there's no point in getting into a flap about it. we'll just wait. oh, well, sit down. ah, thank you. as a ma to hear some more about your ideas because my people tell me to expect stiff competition as we invade the american market and establish british imperial as top dog for all time.
what's the use? i'm tired and i've got a splitting headache and my throat is getting hoarse. [ rattling ] [ neighs ] a saturation campaign will capture the american -- [ horse neighs ] [ horse neighs ] you'll never succeed, britisher! don't point that at me! h-he's the britisher! you'll be opposed by every man, woman, and child, sir! uh, uh, si revere, sir -- paul revere! yes, of course. delighted, i'm sure. who is this anyway? it's paul revere, isn't it, sam? y-yes. m-matter of fact, it is. courtesy of e-esmeralda. who? well, a-actually, uh, mr. revere is the head of a rock group. he lives his part. surely you've heard of them --
i've heard of the group, but i thought they were younger. oh, well, yeah, they -- they were when they first started. but, u you know how it can age you. i've heard enough! you don't think i'd sit idly by and listen to your treasonous plans! open excuse me. you too. the british are coming! the british are coming! samantha: oh, no, no! wait, mr. revere! wait a minute! oh, my stars.
well, that is [laughs] british imperial textiles is coming here, taking the country by sto i see! then this whole thing was an advertising stunt. [ chuckles ] what did i tell you about this boy? there's your campaign in a nutshell. you'll have the public eating out of your hand! sir leslie? why are you putting on your hat? i always do that when i'm leaving. i run a business, not a circus. you and your wild ideas -- "the british are coming." small correction -- the british are going. the british are coming! the british are coming! to arms! to arms! i'll say this much abo they put on a great show!
a fraternity-initiation stunt? the truth is that during the revolutionary days, there was an organization called the sons of liberty that was headed by... paul revere. uncle charlie takes that organization very seriously. you mean he thinks he's paul revere? you mean he's... oh, yeah. [ clicks tongue ] just a moment, ms. stephens. clancey! did you call me? let the lady have a couple of minutes with that weirdo we just... i'm sorry. with mr. revere.
go ahead. i don't blame you. no. no, mr. revere, i am not going to laugh at you. you were telling me the truth. the world has moved on -- a w all i did was to play the fool. don't say that. your ride is history. there was just no reason for you to ride again. could you send me back now? well, i can't. esmeralda's working on it. but before she does, there's something i'd like you to see. take my hand. we'll make a quick trip to boston. [ ding! ] sorry, folks, but you're -- they're gone. how did you let them get past you, clancey?! i didn't. i opened the door and they disappeared. what am i talking about?! you saw them disappear! i didn't see anything.
but -- and it's not gonna look good for you at all. look familiar, mr. revere? why... that's me. "paul revere, "american patriot, whose perilous midnight ride "brought warning to embattled farmers "and fused these lovers of liberty into an emerging nation." [ bell tolling ] and the old north church. after one if by land, two if by sea. aye. that was the signal, all right. i can't get over it. a comely miss like you, a witch? well, we're not all hags, you know. [ ding! ] how strange. n-not really. it just means that esmeralda's spell is working.
no, no, no. this teapot -- i made it. it has endured all these years. i-i beg your pardon, mr. revere, but it's a reproduction. you see, it doesn't bear your mark. but of course not, and you'll read no mark at all. this is the teapot i was working on the night i was called to ride. i couldn't expect my country to while i put my mark on a teapot. in the days that followed, there was much confusion. somehow, it disappeared. here. allow me. for you, dear lady. oh, thank you, mr. revere. you may call me paul. well, y-you'll be leaving any moment. it was a great pleasure meeting you, mr. -- paul. [ ding! ]
of all the dim-witted, lamebrained ideas. you're repeating yourself, larry. yes, and i'm going to keep right on repeating myself. thanks to your lamebrained, dim-witted i-- sir leslie. sam. well, h-how about this for a coincidence? sir leslie and i met in the lobby. my teapot. l-larry, wait a minute. i think there's something -- i want you to have this, sir leslie. a gift from me to you. but, larry -- but i thought it was mr. stephens' teapot. that's right. a gift from stephens to you. what is it, sam? oh, uh, nothing important.
now, i've been thinking about that idea of yours. oh, forget it. it was all a mistake. i was running a high fever at the time. it's too late. i've already seen the full-page ad. the full-page ad? what full-page ad? you know, the one sir leslie saw. and loved. "the mystery of the daylight ride of paul revere." you know, the more i think about it, the more i realize that this ad is exactly what the doctor ordered. paul revere on the highways and the byways, on the wireless, on the telly, in the newspapers, informing the american public that british i it's truly an inspiration. i don't think that's quite the word. of course that's the word -- an inspiration! i never doubted it for a minute. i knew you'd come through, sweetheart. and the chap that played the part --
yes. he wasn't bad, was he? perhaps he could -- mr. revere is in retirement permanently. pity. great scott! this is a-a genuine paul revere. well, naturally. you don't think stephens -- genuine? no doubt about it. here's h oh, i ca it's worth a fortune. well, in that case -- you keep your teapot, mr. stephens. now, i shall be getting back to boston. will you be handling the business elements? yes. then let's get back to my hotel, mr. tate, and start working out the details of our deal. yes. mrs. stephens, so nice meeting you. sir leslie. thanks again, young man. my pleasure. wow. -- captions by vitac -- tony: and there it is, 'iolani palace.
jeannie: oh! it's beautiful, master. yeah. it says, "the cornerstone was laid," um, "december 31st, 1879. the palace is a monument to the era of hawaiian monarchy." how about that? [banging] roger, what are you doing? are you gonna eat that thing or are you gonna beat it to death? i'm trying to get it open. i wonder how many hawaiians starved to death waiting for their breakfast. well, it says in this book that king kamehameha could open a coconut with just two fingers. two fingers? oh, you can't believe everything you read. he must have been a very powerful man. oh, yeah. he was a great man. "kamehameha nui was the most--" i thought we were talking about king kamehameha. oh, yeah. well, uh, nui means "the great" in hawaiian. it says here, "over 200 years ago, "he defended these islands against the invaders and drove them over the pali." i sure would have liked to have met him. i did say i wish i could have met him, didn't i? yes, master.