tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 10, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am PST
it's wonderful to have you here. today is -- for those of you who go to church today is ash wednesday. anyone have ash on their foreheads? do we have an audience entirely made up of heathens? ash wednesday is the official beginning of lent. i've noticed a lot of people use lent as an excuse to diet. they give up things like chocolate or carbs for 40 days. claim it's for religious reasons. pretty sure jesus didn't die to get you ready for bikini season. this year i decided for lent i'm going to give up watching football. it's going to be a long six weeks. i feel like -- as i'm sure you know there was a primary election last night. last night half the state of new hampshire declared officially they want the host of "celebrity apprentice" to run america and they weren't joking. donald trump and bernie sanders won their respective party primaries. it was a great night for loud men with crazy hair. there were some surprises. on the republican side, governor
to finish second despite the fact that no one has any idea who he is. according to the exit polls, trump and sanders were the number one choice among white voters and since that's the only kind of voter they have in new hampshire, it worked out well. ted cruz, who won the iowa caucus, finished third. jeb bush was fourth. marco rubio came in fifth. chris christie came in seventh. carly fiorina finished seventh. feeiorina and christie dropped out of the race. carly fiorina needed most of dalmatians. jersey. i would not want to be the family-sized variety pack of klondike bars hiding in his freezer right now. to get a sense of how -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. here's a map of the election results from last night. you see trump won the areas in red.
cruz is that little yellow square. and jeb bush is curled up in the hotel position underneath. jeb spent a lot of money to finish fourth in new hampshire. the bush campaign, i sa reports $1,200 per vote. the truth is that only worked out to be $6,000. for that much money, he could have sent every one of his supporters an ipad and a pair of lube baton lubitons. he's already pulled out all the stops. the only thing left to do now is stop. meanwhile, donald trump right now is on cloud nine, which he owns by the way, he bought it from the chinese. trump won new hampshire by a huge margin are he did particularly well among voters looking for a candidate who tells it like it is and among voters who don't at all care what it is, is. this is the scene at trump headquarters last night. >> -- are not getting the kind
>> zoom in on this guy. watch him go. because he really enjoyed himself. i don't know if they bothered to check i.d.s. [ cheers and applause ] that is how you make america great again. everyone in america gets two beers each. there was another good one. watch this one. >> it also had the function of bringing in a lot of voters from outside of massachusetts, iowa, even connecticut, the crowds were huge. >> jimmy: you want to wash that down. i think there's a guy walking around with an extra beer. but the mood in donald trumpville was ebullient. trump himself, usually when he gets on stage he insults people. last night he was so happy he had a thesaurus full of nice things to say. >> this is something very special. to the most imaginative --
we have very talented people -- they special, special people. very, very successful. so good and so fast and so strong, so big, so strong, so powerful. the finest, great, fantastic, beautiful, really great, fantastic, they're terrific. strong, incredible, fantastic. so beautiful. >> jimmy: look at that. grinch's heart grew three sides that day. meanwhile, over on the democrat side, bernie sanders beat hillary clinton 60-38. hillary accepted defeat graciously. she congratulated senator sanders, vowed to fight harder, then strangled an unfortunate intern who got a little bit too close to her when the results came in. bernie sanders gave his supporters an exceptionally enthusiastic victory speech. >> the government belongs to all of the people and not just a
pacs. [ cheers and applause ] >> feel the bern, feel the bern! >> jimmy: bernie sanders becomes the first man of both jewish and muppet descent to win a midge primary for a presidential party. tnt's nba coverage, gregg popovich, who is simultaneously the best and worst interview in all of sports, gave what might be his most brutally honest reaction yet. >> pop, your impresses of the first quarter? >> we're behind and they're ahead. >> why is that? >> they scored more than we did and we were pretty crappy on defense. it's been fun. >> do you want election results? >> who is it? >> sanders and trump. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can you guess the final answer to the question? this is college basketball last
georgia. this is why especially in the year 2016 you must never trust a fan in a fedora. >> jimmy: not one person tried to help but they all shot it on their phones. we have a very good show for you tonight. from "the brothers grimesby" sacha baron cohen is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] sasha has played a number of famous characters, borat, bruno, allie g., he was mike huckabee through the whole thing. he has something very special for us tonight. also a talented young actress and singer zendaya is with us. [ cheers and applause ]
[ cheers and applause ] -- band in mexico. just today they got a star on the hollywood walk of fame. guillermo, you're excited about this. >> guillermo: yeah, i know mana. >> jimmy: a fan. what is your favorite song of mana? >> guillermo: riando soul. >> jimmy: one of my favorites too. when i was a boy i didn't have big dreams. i never dreamed i'd be a baseball player or president or anything. i deeped one day i would get to hear the band mana sing the song "mana-mana." remember that from "sellsmy street" and "the muppets"? tonight that dream comes true. here now to sing it, please welcome mana, everyone! manamana
[ cheers and applause ] piano music. i'm glad you finally made it, dad. you have to experience this city. that's what you always say. you were right about the food. hi john. hey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut. one more. it's beautiful, isn't it? may gnaw man gnaw done! done. book priceless experiences around the globe with...
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. sacha baron cohen, zen day that, music from mana is on the way. cleto brought his big saxophone out, you know things are getting real around here. i mentioned the new hampshire primary was yesterday. voters turned out in record numbers in new hampshire to cast their votes most hi for bernie sanders and donald trump. every
news organization in the country was there. they do these exit polls with the people as they come out of their polling place. so we thought it would be fun to join them. we sent a camera crew to a real polling location in new hampshire to have fun with the folks who agreed to stop and chat with us. the result is our inaugural
support? >> chris christie. >> okay. were you surprised when you heard bernie sanders' admission he tried marijuana when he was a kid in the 1920s? >> in the '20s? i'm surprised. my grandfather was from the '20s. if it had been the '60s i'd have said, okay. >> do you believe him when he says if he could go back he never would have bought that hashish from the traveling gypsy? >> i think so. most people who have been involved with marijuana thought it was a mistake. >> you've seen the photographs from the diner yesterday. chris christie mannered edleaned over and stole pancakes from an old woman's plate. what were your feelings when you saw those images? >> if chris christie would lean over and take food off an old lady ace plate she can kiss her social security good-bye. as she's willing to do that to an elderly lady, then the youth needs to worry. >> carly fiorina this morning was seen paying homeless people
what was your reaction to that news and are you one of these homeless people? >> i'm not one of the homeless people. but, i mean -- to pay somebody to vote? i don't think that's -- that's fair. >> have you ever been homeless? >> i have not, no. >> a lot of people are accusing hillary clinton of leaning too heavily on her gender after her comment, "i'm freezing my tits off." >> she said that? >> yeah. >> she ought to go pack to arkansas and climb back into the hole she came out of. >> were you offended by donald trump's recent gaffe when he referred to lake winnesocke as lake pontchartrain issock? >> this is the granite state, the home we love, that's disgusting. >> would it be disgusting -- >> on his part because there's no piss in the lake.
trump bible, the bible with the donald trump face on the cover? >> people want religion. there's only one god, it ain't trump. i guarantee you that. >> do you think the fact that jeb bush is offering free back massages to people who will vote for him is crossing a line? is that too much lex nears? >> oh my gosh. that's not even true. >> well, i mean, none of this is true. >> yeah. >> like i'm lying about the whole thing. >> yeah, i know. >> it's not just us here in california. we have a fun show. music from mana, convenient day zendaya is here, and sacha baron cohen. stick around! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by mountain dew kickstart. three awesome things combined. dew, just, caffeine.ously, it's, it's really fine. you don't want to be seen with your dad? no, it's..no..
crazy? >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the show, she's a singer and a disney channel star with a song from finding neverland. zendaya is here. then, a very popular band from guadalajara. their album is called "cama incendiada" which, in english means do not drink vodka and smoke in bed. stage! [ cheers and applause ] mana.
>> jimmy: tomorrow night on the show, "scandal" is back and tony goldwyn will be here. from "pardon the interruption" michael wilbon and tony kornheiser will be here and we'll have music from alessia cara. please join us then. our first guest tonight is an oscar and emmy-nominated man of many accents. you know him as borat, bruno, ali g and now, a nobby. his new movie, "the brothers grimsby" opens in theaters march 11th. please welcome sacha baron cohen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look so handsome and normal. which is unusual. >> it is. thank you very much. are you coming on to me? i should hope so. >> jimmy: translate it however you will.
on television as yourself. and you will soon find out why. no, i think i've been on about twice, think, overall. >> jimmy: you were on our show once many years ago promoting ali g. then you did borat here. is it a weird thing if i refer to your characters with you in the room? do we predebd they're real -- >> i don't know who you're talking about. lahter ] >>im: yeah. usok stick heard. >> jimmy: yes, he did come. >> i t crumb? >> jimmy: he did. >> that was a surprise. apparently he said it did not taste nice. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no guy's ever done that to me. >> they've never said it tastes nice? that's how they get on the show,
[ audience groaning ] >> it's hollywood, come on relax. >> jimmy: he's talking about you, guillermo. >> guillermo: no, no. >> jimmy: this movie "the brothers grimsby" is your first action comedy. >> that's right. >> jimmy: although technically there's always a lot of action in your comedyes. in this case it's scripted action. usually the people trying to kill you are really trying to kill you. >> yes. >> jimmy: because you're doing crazy things to them. >> yes, yes. that's the slight downside with doing the kind of reality-based film. >> jimmy: is it a downside or is it kind of thrilling? >> it's usually not very pleasant, actually. i don't know if you've ever had a few hundred angry hassids chase you down the street while you're wearing a kind of camp hassidic outfit. it's not always that pleasant. >> jimmy: i've never been chased by hassids. i've been chased by "star wars" fans. >> fair enough. >> the lightsabers and
>> we had one time i did a movie >> jimmy: yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> i was playing this gay austrian fashionista. and it was a romantic comedy. the normal boy meets girl, boy falls out with girl, boy ends up together with girl, except it was a boy and boy kind of >> jimmy: right. >> at the end, the boy ends up with the girl in a baseball game and everyone cheers, it's put up on the jumbotron? we thought i should end up with my boyfriend in a cage match in arkansas. and the idea was, you know, we would start making out. and kiss and everyone would be happy. >> jimmy: that was the idea, huh? [ laughter ] >> that was the theoretical idea. the problem yous can't actually cross a state line to incite a
and the idea of the movie was actually to end it with inciting a riot in arkansas while me and my costar made out on stage. >> jimmy: so that's the last line of the script? >> yes. >> jimmy: "riot ensues, we make out." >> exactly. so i have a lawyer, actually, who moved to sri lanka. and he has about 15 guys who work with him who are the experts in constitutional law and they'll go, you know, in mac mccain versus arkansas 1964 there was clearly this -- and they'll reference every single -- >> jimmy: they're in sri lanka, they know about american law? >> yes, they've just very cheap, that's why we use them. >> jimmy: i see. [ laughter ] >> in case you think that's an offensive accent, it is the one i used for king julian in "madagascar." that's based on that lawyer. [ cheers and applause ]
whatever you do, do not challenge anyone to a fight. so i'm in this cage. and my boyfriend comes into the cage. and there are 2,000 locals from texarkana. i don't know if you know texarkana. >> jimmy: i do, yeah. >> they're interesting locals. a few hundred of them have just been released from jail. nice swastikas on their head. that kind of friendly little symbol. >> jimmy: fans. >> yeah. not exactly fans. and i have the fight with this boyfriend character in the movie. and they start booing me. and i panic. and when i panic i often do not very rational things. and so i said, okay, who of you want to fight? i gonna beat you up! thinking i'm in a cage and no one's ever going to get into the cage and there are all these -- we have 15 members of the arkansas state police there as
who made it very clear that if we contra viened any of the 12 statutes of indecency that i'd be arrested by them. it was a twist on being arrested or just being kicked to death, essentially. and, you know, on the phones, my lawyers, "you must remember, whatever you do, you can touch the nipple." can i place a hand on the buttocks? yes, but do not let the hand go within three centimeters of the rectum. you know. so i'm there making out with this guy. i'm making out with this guy and my costar tries to put his hand in my rectum. no, no! i'm pulling it back. then somehow one of the guys in the audience, i don't know how you'd refer to them in a positive manner. managed to saw through some of the metallic stakes that were used to hold down the chairs. and started throwing in metallic chairs. anyway, i'm kissing the boy.
i have to finish the movie. i'm lying there kissing this guy. meanwhile, the metal chairs start landing. so i think, if i lie on my back i can actually just dodge the chairs. anyway. meanwhile i hear, nogo, go, go! our security guards said get out of there. >> jimmy: you give 130% for these films. >> i have probably a mental problem, actually. >> jimmy: when we come back we're going to talk about your new movie in which you are not killed, correct? >> i survive. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unfortunately i want to say something -- i do have a little -- we were going to show a clip. you are unable to show the clip. >> what do you mean? this clip, the one that we just -- >> jimmy: our standard practice got passed by mpaa -- >> they wanted to give us nc-17,
it's now an r-rated clip. >> jimmy: standard practices here atbc, which isour network censor, said we cannot run the clip. >> listen, i don't want to get in between you and standards and practices. but i just think you should show us the clip! >> jimmy: well -- >> show us the clip! show us the clip! >> jimmy: all right, we'll figure something out when we come back. >> i'm call my lawyer in sri lanka? you call the guy in sri lanka. i'll talk to my guys. sacha baron cohen here's. we will not be seeing the clip. [ cheers and applause ] derate to severe crohn's disease is tough, but i've managed. except that managing my symptoms was all i was doing. and when i finally told my doctor, he said humira is for adults like me who have tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. and that in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. and many achieved remission.
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>> jimmy: all right, we are back with sacha baron cohen. here's the best we can do. okay, so we have a clip. it is unacceptable for broadcast television. we can show a few seconds -- >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: we can show just a few seconds of the clip. but what we can do is we can show the clip to our studio audience. and then we can watch -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: then the home viewers can watch the studio audience watch the clip. >> wait a minute, you're saying i've come on this show for the first time in 12 years, and you
watching my clip but the people at home will not be able to watch the clip? >> jimmy: exactly. exactly. >> okay. >> jimmy: is that okay? >> it's not okay. but i have no other option. >> jimmy: you don't have an option. i've been instructed to warn our studio audience -- i know you think we're kidding but we're not. that the scenes you're about to see are very graphic, potentially offensive. if you want to leave right now, you have the option of doing that. if you want to leave during the clip, you may do that as well. >> so should i explain what the movie's about? >> jimmy: s. >> so basically -- >> maybe i'll go in the audience so i can watch while you explain what it's about. guillermo, i want you to watch it. [ cheers and applause ] >> all right, then. >> jimmy: all right, excuse us, thank you, thank you.
>> okay, so -- this is a clip from "the brothers grimsby." there is a -- i've taken over your job. okay. so it's basically a james bond-type. i play his brother who's kind of a football hooligan. we end up on the road. we were in south africa in this bit. and -- something bad has happened. and something worse is about to happen. please enjoy watching them watch it. >> there's nowhere to hide. >> i've got an idea. >> oh, great. >> because your ideas have been
>> jimmy: well done. that's one of the craziest things i've ever seen in my life. >> well, at some point i will show you the eight-minute cut before the mpaa got it. >> jimmy: whatever they cut, they didn't cut enough. that was completely insane. the movie is called "the brothers grimsby." it opens in theaters march 11th. go see sashacha baron cohen,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. still to come, music from mana. our next guest is only 19 years old she has a show on disney channel called "k.c. undercover." and she's a recording artist, too. her new song is from "finding neverland." every wish is our command when we find ourselves in neverland
clip to show people. can we say hello to zendaya! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you see any of sacha's clip? >> i did not, i'm a little afraid from the reaction. >> jimmy: you should be afraid. >> okay. >> jimmy: what's the first r-rated movie you saw, do you remember? >> yes, i remember it was by accident. well, technically -- the title speaks for itself. "deuce bigelow: european gigolo." >> jimmy: that was the first one? >> that was the first one, i went with my dad and my mom freaked out when she found out. she was like, what did you take my daughter to see! know what i mean, it was daddy/daughter date, it was an accident, it happened. >> jimmy: what does that mean an accident? >> i don't think she knew how bad it was going to be, know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: i see. how old were you? >> i don't know. too young to watch it. >> jimmy: i see. >> i didn't really get all the
but i think -- i have a cool dad. my parents are like, if you want to see something, it's r-rated, it scares you, whatever, it's your fault, you wanted to see it, know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: you still live with your parents? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: you're not dying to move out? >> no, most teenagers, they're like, i'm gone. for me, honestly, i enjoy the free trips everywhere. they drive me places. i get to sleep. as much as possible. what else? i mean -- >> jimmy: they do your laundry? >> no. >> jimmy: they do not? >> they don't do my laundry. but it's just nice to have them around. you feel protected. you feel safe. i have someone who can wake me up in the morning. know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: sounds like you're never moving out. >> never. it's full service. >> jimmy: they drive you places, do you not have a driver's license? >> no. since the last time i saw you i have gotten a driver's license. >> jimmy: okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: why are they driving
do you not have a car? >> i have a car as well. >> jimmy: okay. >> because i like to sleep in the car. >> jimmy: while you're driving? >> not while i'm driving. i like to sleep. so i let them drive so that i can sheep. >> jimmy: these are not parents, these are your servants. you have a lot of followers on twitter. you have like 6 million followers on twitter. 20 million followers on instagram. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which is a lot. but you have -- i know that you've got your fan group, your fan club i guess they call it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the name is something that you're trying to change, correct? >> yeah, here's the thing. my fandom name is east swaggers. swag was a phase, swag is now over. >> jimmy: it was trendy, now it's not. >> it's not the cool thing to do, right? >> jimmy: never really was, never really was. >> you know, so we're in a phase of transitioning. trying to figure out what our new name is.
i can't do that. i can't be aholic of anything. no on that one. zoldiers. z-force is one of them. >> jimmy: sounds like medication, zoldiers. ask your doctor about zoldiers. >> i didn't think about it like that. >> jimmy: i thought of a few of them for you today. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: this is what i was working on this afternoon. how about the z-pack? think about it. >> it would be healthy. >> jimmy: it's good, antibiotic, it's nice. >> it's healthy. >> jimmy: the zen-dayquils could be something. the zen-day laborers? the zen-detta. what do you think of that one? >> it's interesting. >> jimmy: zen-dateline nbc. >> oh, i like it. >> jimmy: you like that one? >> i like it. >> jimmy: i like z-pack. >> i like it too. >> jimmy: you get to decide or they decide? >> it's them.
>> jimmy: good, maybe you can do a poll. >> yeah we can do some type of voting system. >> jimmy: i think people are going to love to be part of the z-pack. >> is that what you're pitching here? that's your favorite? >> jimmy: yeah. >> all right. >> jimmy: well -- >> you heard it here first. >> jimmy: you're probably not going with zen-dayquils so second to that is z-pack. you are part of the "finding neverland," which is -- you have the song and the album. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a show, a broadway show as well. in your video, bryan cranston makes an appearance in your video. >> so cool. >> jimmy: which is pretty great. >> so cool. he's incredible. literally he showed up to the video with a script of the beginning and end he prepared. hey, i want to pitch this to you. i'm like, yo, you're heisenberg, whatever you want. >> of course, of course. >> jimmy: were you intimidated by him? >> a little bit. of his work. and him as an actor. of course i was intimidated. him.
3:00 in the morning. and he stayed there even after his part because he read his line lines for me on the reverse. that's a real actor right there. >> jimmy: that's a real actor and somebody that clearly has nowhere to go. [ laughter ] >> know what i'm saying? he had no plans. >> jimmy: it's a really good music video. bryan cranston and zen day that, "finding neverland." it's called "neverland" on "finding neverland" the album. tawn for being here. very good to see you. one other quick thing. i bet $1,000 on you to win "dancing with the stars." and you finished second. i did win the money, i lost $1,000. >> about that? >> jimmy: which means you owe me money, young lady. you know what? if i can't get it from you i'm going to get it from the z-pack. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, we'll be right back with music from mana! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel
presented by samsung. they're one of the wall street banks that triggered the financial meltdown -- goldman sachs. just settled with authorities for their part in the crisis that put seven million out of work and millions out of their homes. how does wall street get away with it? millions in campaign contributions and speaking fees. our economy works for wall street because it's rigged by wall street. and that's the problem. as long as washington is bought and paid for, we can't build an economy that works for people.