tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC March 9, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EST
roots crew. >> questlove: 415, >> questlove san francisco! san francisco! woo! woo! >> steve: and now, here he is, >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: excited. i love it. oh, hey. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it, you made it. thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching. i'm your host jimmy fallon. you guys, we have a super bowl champion, peyton manning, on
[ cheers and applause ] and this is cool because of all the products he'll be mentioning in his interview -- [ laughter ] we don't have to run any commercials tonight. >> steve: yay! >> jimmy: no commercials, isn't that great? [ cheers ] so excited. peyton manning is on the show tonight fresh off his super bowl victory. give it up for peyton manning. >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fantastic. i'm sorry, wait, sorry. who is that guy in the audience who isn't clapping? what do you -- come on, give it up. come on, clap. what's your problem? peyton's here. peyton manning's here. have some respect. [ laughter ] >> steve: aw. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, of course, the big news is the new hampshire primaries, which were held last night, and i want to say congratulations to bernie sanders and donald trump on winning for each of their parties. [ applause ] in his speech bernie said he couldn't have done it without the support of millions of americans, while trump was like, "this was all me. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
>> jimmy: and we still have jeb bush, who's fighting to stay in the race. people say jeb may be finally hitting his stride. in fact, one reporter said that jeb was getting, quote, "very loose, and when he's loose, he's on fire." [ laughter ] jeb said he knows people want to see him get loose because the crowd is always yelling "looser, looser, looser." >> steve: no! [ applause ] >> jimmy: looser, you're -- one of the big surprises last night was ohio governor john kasich who came in second for the republicans. some celebrities are even starting to support him, even arnold schwarzenegger. however a spokesman for schwarzenegger said it's not an actual endorsement. when asked why, schwarzenegger was like, "because even i'm afraid of hillary." [ laughter ] "you vote how you want. i want to live." but schwarzenegger does really seem into john kasich. in fact at one point he even told kasich, "you are the terminator." [ light laughter ] might sound a little far-fetched, but kasich is actually a lot closer to being the terminator than any of the other candidates.
first, for the terminator, "hasta la vista, baby" is his catchphrase. for donald trump "hasta la vista, babies" is his immigration plan. [ laughter ] you see -- you see what i'm saying? they're -- >> steve: yeah. comparing him to the terminator. >> jimmy: all right, next, the terminator will stop at nothing to accomplish his mission. ben carson will stop at nothing in the middle of a hallway. [ laughter and applause ] "come out? no? come out? no. no." [ light laughter ] next, the terminator is befriended by human companions. ted cruz wishes he knew what that felt like. [ laughter and applause ] no, that's sad. >> steve: that's sad. >> jimmy: no, i like him, yeah. >> steve: it's sad. >> jimmy: i'm his friend. after that, the terminator is a a robot from the future here to kill john connor. marco rubio is a robot from the present here to kill his chances of being president. >> steve: oh, wow. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "i hope you have a a great day. i hope you have a great day." finally, the terminator is defeated by a guy from the year 2029. hillary clinton is defeated by a guy from the year 1929.
>> jimmy: there we go. [ applause ] as we mentioned earlier, hampshire primary last night. it's a big deal. but people still seem to having -- have trouble remembering his name. watch this. >> and the problem is the debates between her and barry sanders has been -- >> fox has predicted that donald trump has won the new hampshire primary on the republican side. on the democratic side bernie sandals -- sanders. sandals. [ laughter ] >> even both trump's particularly closing message and railing against pharmaceutical companies and the like. and bernie sandwiches -- bernie sanders has from the beginning. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what? what? >> jimmy: in related news, chris christie just dropped out of the race and endorsed bernie sandwiches. yeah. [ applause ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots right there!
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hot show. hot crowd. we have a giant show tonight. from the new movie "zoolander 2," the lovely, the talented, penelope cruz is here. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: plus, this guy's having a good week. he won his second super bowl ring on sunday. denver broncos quarterback peyton manning is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] who doesn't love peyton manning? >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: he's fantastic. we're gonna talk about the broncos super bowl win last sunday. and then we're going to be joined by another all-time sports legend, five-time nba champion magic johnson is here. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: then -- then things are gonna get crazy. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: peyton manning is facing off against magic johnson in a game of "egg russian roulette." [ laughter ] [ applause ]
and you don't wanna miss it. it's gonna be -- that's legendary already and it didn't even happen. i'm so excited about it. and we have a great performance from halsey, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] there she is. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: that's her right there, yeah. taking in the sun, man. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: wearing your fur coat and hanging out on the beach, man. that's what it's all about. >> steve: blue hair, pink coat. >> jimmy: that's what it's all about, dude. she's fantastic. it's gonna be a jam tonight. guys, as i mentioned earlier bernie sanders won the democratic primary in new hampshire yesterday. and after the polls closed, he gathered with his supporters and did a victory speech. this seemed like he was pretty excited. check this out. [ cheers ] >> enough, enough! enough with the clapping and enough is enough. good evening. i'm bernie sanders, and this microphone isn't even on.
i want to start by saying i have already begun to reach out to republicans to make this a a positive campaign. in fact, i even asked marco rubio to help me with my speech tonight, but he just handed me a piece of paper with the words "good evening" written on it 800 time. he's losing it. [ laughter ] but that is neither here nor there. nor anywhere. [ laughter ] i'm speaking tonight to claim victory in the new hampshire primary over she who must not be named. [ cheers and applause ] enough! that's too loud! now, of course, i have to thank the good people of new hampshire. i saw -- i saw thousands -- i saw thousands of people come out for my support.
winnipesaukee to the woods of lempster. from fitzwilliam to hancock, effingham to dixville notch, new hampshirites showed the world that you are good, decent people, even though you live in towns that sound like 18th century porn stars. [ laughter and applause ] you have spoken and your message is loud and clear. you want the candidate who looks like a scooby-doo villain before his mask is removed. [ laughter ] anyway, the point is we won. and i feel like a million bucks. [ cheers and applause ] enough! stop with the clapping and the loud. stop, please! a million bucks, which, of course, means i will now evenly distribute myself among the middle class.
but right now i want to celebrate with my wife, and let's just say that afterwards, she will be taking my ass to red lobster. cue the music. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bernie sanders, everybody. that was bernie sanders. we'll be right back with penelope cruz, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] hey there, can i help you with anything? hey siri, what's at&t's latest offer? oh, i don't think that siri can... right now, switch to at&t for an iphone and get one free. wow, is that right? yeah, it's basically... yes. that is the current offer from at&t. okay siri, you don't know everything. well, i know you asked me to call you the at&t hostess with the mostest. okay, shut her down. turn it off.
can you say i love it? oh love it? can you say hey? hey! that's the spirit! oooooh. ooh ooh wooh ooh wooh ooh sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes. ooooh oooh. every little thing. what's the most awarded car company of the year? ranking from top to bottom. luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded. there better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right. the final answer. chevy. the most awarded car company two years in a row. wow, it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean it's like, this is chevy? current qualified gm lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this chevy cruze limited for around $179 per month. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. when laquinta.com sends craig wilson a ready for you alert the second his room is ready, ya know what he becomes? great proposal! let's talk more over golf. great. how about over tennis? even better. a game changer!
inside the rack houses of jim beam, thousands of barrels lay silent. but that doesn't mean they lay idle. in fact, inside each and every jim beam barrel, the bourbon is aging, building a fuller, smoother flavor, that only comes from being aged four long years. at jim beam, our history is made from the inside.
[ indistinct conversations ] always set a place at the dinner table for good manners. stay seated, napkin on your lap and elbows at your sides. and remember, mealtime is for nourishment, nothing more. let the music play, he won't get away just keep the groove, and then he'll come back to you again let it play
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award winning actress who stars alongside ben stiller and owen wilson in "zoolander 2", which opens friday. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the lovely penelope cruz. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: uh-huh. hey, welcome, welcome. welcome to the show.
>> jimmy: yeah, it was good. nice to see you. we didn't -- we didn't get cut there. cause i almost -- earlier, i said hi to you. >> yes. yeah, i hurt you. >> jimmy: yeah, you hurt me by hugging me. that's how fragile i am. yeah. but your earring almost cut me. >> sorry. >> jimmy: no, no. no, please. [ laughter ] i will risk it again. i loved it. thank you for being here. congrats on "zoolander 2." >> thank you. >> jimmy: i want to say it was super funny, made me laugh. the premiere in new york was last night. and you all dressed up in character in the premiere. and i just love it. i mean, look, you guys just go for it. [ laughter ] come on, it's fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] how much fun? right? >> it was crazy, because i got off the plane, and it was a a long flight from europe. and i got off. and i run there, i put that outfit, and i was out there with derek and hansel and mugatu. and i thought i were hallucinating, really. >> jimmy: yeah. you totally -- i mean -- just like anytime you hang out with will ferrell. it's always like that. [ laughter ] i follow you on instagram, and i didn't see this in the movie.
explain this photo of you and owen wilson and will ferrell. what happened there? >> derek started to get too close to cara delevingne, and he posted some weird pictures in instagram. and then i got really -- me or my character, i don't know anymore who it was. [ laughter ] started to get really angry and jealous about it. so i invited them both. and then they got too -- too close to each other. so -- >> jimmy: yeah. and now they're dating. owen and will are now dating. >> i don't know where they are now. but i think they're still in their hotel room. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love all this. i love all the press going into it. congrats on the cover of "vogue" with derek zoolander. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i got to -- i got to show this photo. this is one of my favorite pictures. >> yeah, it's so absurd. >> jimmy: i've never seen -- yeah. that's it. [ laughter ] i mean the guy -- the guy goes for it. it's a comedy, guys. [ cheers and applause ] that's what you do when you put
>> so great, yeah. >> jimmy: well, it turns out perfect. and it's -- you play valentina valencia. not too shabby. that's a cool outfit right there, yeah. and you want to explain who your character is? [ applause ] what your connection is. >> my character works for interpol, but for the fashion division. [ laughter ] and i'm here to find out who is killing the pop stars in the world, and some of the most beautiful people in the planet. and she's -- >> jimmy: by the way, justin bieber is fantastic in this movie. >> he's so funny in the movie. >> jimmy: he's -- he's -- everyone's probably seen -- >> he's great. >> jimmy: -- he's in the beginning of the movie. but gosh, he makes me laugh. >> yeah, yeah, i was really happy that he was part of it. and then, i have to, you know, figure out who is behind this. and i need derek zoolander and hansel, and they need me for something else. because i can see that all of these artists, all of these great stars, before they die, they have these expressions on their face that reminds me of blue steel. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> and they -- they help me on this mission. >> jimmy: you do a blue steel? >> not as good as ben. you know? but i've been seeing it for months now. >> jimmy: can i see it? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> can i see yours? >> jimmy: no, no, no. you got it. yeah. >> can i see yours? >> jimmy: no, you do it much better. [ cheers and applause ] >> perfection. >> jimmy: this made me laugh, because i was -- i was talking to your publicist backstage and i was saying, oh, my gosh, that is really cool, and all the action scenes you do. because it's an action packed movie, too. it's a great movie. it's got comedy, it's got romance, it's got good jokes, and it's got a lot of action. and she showed me a picture of your stunt double. >> yes. who has a beard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a man is your stunt double. look at this. this is real. [ laughter ] that really made me laugh. [ cheers and applause ] gosh, that really made me -- that was one of the funniest things i've ever seen.
here's penelope cruz and ben stiller in "zoolander 2." take a look at this. >> will you call the police, though? >> they'll never get here in time. who says swimsuit models are useless. >> wait? what are you doing? >> how long can you hold your breath? >> what? >> take me from behind, derek. grab me like your life depends on it. not like this. like this. to safety -- >> wait, what? >> we are swimming back to rome. >> oh, okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's fun for safety, yeah. we love the app dubsmash on our show. we play with this thing -- >> i love that so much. >> jimmy: it's -- you know -- you know the app dubsmash? it's got like a thousand sound bites from movies. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tv shows, songs and you can record yourself lip syncing to them. well, i've found a dubsmash that you've done.
and i was just wondering if you don't mind, if we could just show it on the show tonight. i don't know what this is from, this quote. but it's, it you being -- just watch. penelope cruz. >> do you think i'm cute? yes or no? yes? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't even know what that's from. >> you know where that -- i was in rome shooting "zoolander." you know, one of those times where you are there waiting for two or three hours, and i think i did a hundred of those. >> jimmy: would you like to do one tonight? can we do one together? >> with you? i would love to. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think that would be fun. i have the app. i have the app here. i have headphones for you here, so we can hear what the quote is going to be. and then, it's a special one. so i actually got -- >> this is my favorite thing to do in the world. >> jimmy: before you put those in, i have something more special to -- this might help out, the dubsmash. if you could -- >> perfect. >> jimmy: if you could put this on. >> but whereabouts?
>> jimmy: yeah, okay. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] okay. so we'll do it. are your headphones in? yeah? >> but they keep falling. >> jimmy: okay. >> oh. >> jimmy: sorry. these are for normal people's ears. not meant to cut other people. all right, we're going to do this. let me just try. all right. all right, there's that. ready? is that good? all right. [ laughter ] all right.
much like me think think again [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. thank you for doing that. you are the coolest. penelope cruz, everybody. "zoolander 2" opens friday. [ cheers and applause ] super bowl winner peyton manning joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. i think that's one of my favorites. [ cheers and applause ] trolling for a gig with braindrone? can't blame you. it's a drone you control with your brain, which controls your thumbs, which control this joystick. no, i'm actually over at the ge booth. we're creating the operating system for industry. it's called predix. it's gonna change the way the world works. ok, i'm telling my brain to tell the drone to get you a copy of my resume. umm, maybe keep your hands on the controller. look out!! ohhhhhhhhhh... you know what, i'm just gonna email it to you. yeah that's probably safer.
new schick hydro versus the lube strip. with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. sorry, lube strip. schick hydro . free your skin . today's the day! oh look! creepy gloves for my feet. see when i was a kid there was a handle. and a face. this is nice. and does it come in a california king? getting roid rage. hemorrhoid. these are the worst, right? i'm gonna buy them. boom. i'll take them. impulse buy. ommmmmmmmmmm. american express presents the blue cash everyday card with no annual fee.
cash back on purchases. here we go! backed by the service and security of american express. hey, need fast heartburn relief? try cool mint zantac. it releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. nexium can take 24 hours. try cool mint zantac. no pill relieves heartburn faster. my house. my house, too! my bed, my squeaky toy... my goodness is that smokymeatytasty- bacon?? you like bacon?
i make beelines for bacon! i'm gonna beat you to bacon! (vo) what makes dogs do the crazy things they do? beggin' because, bacon! can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free!
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are joined right now by the national football league's all-time leader in touchdown passes and passing yards. he's a 14-time pro bowler. last sunday he won his second ring leading the denver broncos to a 24-10 victory in super bowl 50 over the carolina panthers. please welcome one of the best to ever do it, the sheriff, mr. peyton manning. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we love it, man. they love you. take it in. come on we love you. yeah. [ cheers ] they're happy you're here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and thank you for bringing -- some of your teammates came with you today to the show here.
>> jimmy: they're sitting in the audience. there they are. hey, guys, what's up, dudes? [ cheers and applause ] i like that they had -- they had to give you a standing ovation, too. oh, really? >> part of the deal. >> jimmy: he's getting more attention. >> that's part of the deal. that's just what i need, yeah. >> jimmy: congrats on the super bowl win. everything was perfect. you know, it was just great. i loved it. i loved watching you. >> no, it was like -- you say, great, special, all those words. >> jimmy: i gotta ask what was your brother eli -- what was the -- [ laughter ] what was going through his mind? everyone else in the box is screaming, people are lifting children up. it was like a cartoon. could we show it again, this is eli? i just gotta to -- yeah, yeah, he did it yeah. he's like, eh. best the best stare into the camera. >> i honestly -- [ applause ] eli and i've always supported each other. i think eli's analyzing the game and kind of into the game
playing it. and so he was just as happy. but it's funny. when i saw that clip, jimmy, i've seen that look before, i recognized it. [ light laughter ] at some other big moments in my life he kind of had that similar expression. >> jimmy: we actually have a a cutout here of that. [ applause ] you can see that. >> i can remember -- i can remember 18 years ago calling the night before the draft, said, eli, guess what? the colts are gonna draft me number one in the nfl draft tomorrow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: eli, i got us front row tickets to see adele! we're gonna go see -- yes! [ light laughter ] >> you know, i've never -- you know, almost five years ago, eli, ashley and i are expecting twins. you're gonna be an uncle. [ laughter and applause ] >> yeah, and then like four years ago, coming off this i was like, eli, guess what? my neck is finally healed. i'm gonna play football again. >> jimmy: wow. the big moment.
just all the big moments in your life, he's always there for you. that's what -- that's what a a brother is for. >> exactly right. >> jimmy: i met you and your brother years back. do you remember? >> i do remember that. kentucky derby, right? >> jimmy: we're at the kentucky derby. and i was on stage and i was singing with kid rock. and we were doing this whole thing. >> no, you singing up on stage? no. >> jimmy: doesn't sound like me? >> it's not like you. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so i was just running and then i came down and you and your brother were there with a bunch of the colts. >> yeah, the colts had just won the super bowl. and we were there hanging out. and uh -- your wife was there. >> jimmy: my girlfriend at the time. >> girlfriend at the time. and if i recall she was out-drinking all my offensive linemen. >> jimmy: she was like chugging a bottle of vodka. and i go. >> i remember that. a proud moment. it was a good moment. >> jimmy: you said, dude your girlfriend is so cool. and i go, oh, thanks. and i go, what are you doing? she was like holding a bottle of vodka and was like hanging with the manning brothers. and i got, oh, these guys know how to party. they're giant huge football players. you can't hang with these people. >> it was impressive. >> jimmy: well, thank you. i appreciate that, yeah.
but you have this story, i wanna make you tell this story. 'cause it's a great story. it's -- i'm not gonna say who it's about. but -- you were on the colts at the time. >> oh, right. >> jimmy: a charity thing. >> charity, yeah. it was my rookie year. i just gotten drafted by the colts. so, a lot of attention, lot of fanfare. i was at a charity bowling tournment hosted by reggie miller. the great indiana pacer. and so walked through and i'm kinda signing autographs and try to navigate to my lane. and i get there and he had a a band there playing for the after-party. but this guy comes up to me. he's wearing like denim on denim. like jean shorts, jean jacket seems like. and he's like, hey peyton, my name's justin, i'm from memphis. i'm a huge fan of yours. not exactly a very specific introduction. justin from memphis, big fan of yours, right? i went to tennessee. you know, so i was like, hey, bro, i appreciate it. i'm like, man, hey, there's a a lot of people here. i'm like, i'm a size 13. shoes for me? i'll be right here. i thought he worked at the bowling alley. bowling alley. i mean why -- i mean, nothing gave me any -- >> jimmy: hint or. >> anything else, yeah.
at the bowling alley and turns out. >> justin timberlake. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: justin timberlake. yeah, of course. [ applause ] >> yeah yeah. >> jimmy: never heard of him. that's the best story i've ever heard. >> he was not happy. he was not happy. >> jimmy: have you seen him since? >> i have seen him since. he reminds me of that all the time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he brings it up? >> he did not get the shoes for me. >> jimmy: no, of course not. no, yeah, of course. now, we -- i don't know if you've ever seen our show, peyton, but we do a segment on our show called nfl superlatives. >> i have seen it. i have seen it. matter of fact, our coach, like, shows it in these saturday morning meetings and you've ripped all of our players. [ laughter ] you're a popular guy on the broncos. >> jimmy: yeah, a lot beat me up. >> exactly. >> jimmy: yeah, i mean, we -- but we it's all in fun. but i mean, let me just show a a couple examples of what we've shown of you. i mean, you've won a lot of awards. most likely to explain to a a rookie what a vcr was. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i remember that one. i remember that one. [ applause ]
that's a good award. it's rare. they don't give them out much. >> the old jokes. >> jimmy: this one i love. this one here, yeah. oldest vanderbeak. >> "varisity blues" great quarterback. >> jimmy: "varisity blues," good quarterback. >> good arm. good arm. >> jimmy: yeah, this is the most recent one we did, yeah. most likely to get sacked and say help, i've fallen and i can't get up. [ laughter and applause ] these are just fun, you know, poking fun and having fun, having fun and laughing with. >> it's funny 'cause we were celebratin' last night after our parade. and i told some of the teammates that i was coming to the show, and last night we actually wrote a few superlatives for you. if you -- [ cheers and applause ] kind of, you know, kind of depending if you were a a football player kind of what your head shot would look like. >> jimmy: you mean pretending. >> yeah, well. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, can i read 'em or are you gonna do them? >> jimmy: go for it, yeah. i've not seen these. so, i'm just gonna pick them up and then you read them. >> okay. first, you were voted most likely to wear a jockstrap over his pants.
>> jimmy: that's where it goes. that's where it goes isn't it. >> it's not where it goes. the other one, this is our center matt paradis. because you killed him all year. you've ripped him hard. and so -- >> jimmy: i -- >> he wrote this one. he wrote this one. most likely to miss the first quarter of the super bowl trying to get a selfie with lady gaga. [ applause ] >> jimmy: priorities, man. priorities. huge fan. i'm a giant fan. i love lady gaga. >> and then, of course, because you've been pretty tough on the younger brother tonight, you were also voted most likely to get his ass kicked by two guys named eli and peyton. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. that's enough, that's enough right there. >> we're even. >> jimmy: my thanks to super bowl champion peyton manning. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations, buddy. magic johnson joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. you're the best, man. this is a body of proof. proof of less joint pain. and clearer skin.
...with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage and clear skin in many adults. humira is the #1 prescribed biologic for psoriatic arthritis. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. want more proof? ask your rheumatologist about humira. humira.
we wonerere. and here. and here. here. and here. uh, here. also in here. back there. behind here. even next to these guys, here. in the nation's largest, independent study, rootmetrics just named verizon number one network for the fifth time in a row, here. so when the other guys claim they're the best, remember: there's only one, number one. and now we'll pay up to $650 to switch to the best network. this one right here. hi, i'm captain obvious. when i heard there was a race for president i decided to run. and i'll be running all over america.
or don't. we live in a democracy. supported by hotels.com during the lexus command performance sales event... [sportscaster vo] there's always a cause for celebration. [sportscaster vo] with extraordinary offers on our most powerful performance line ever. including the exhilarating is... the thrilling gs... and the powerful rc coupe. [sportscaster vo] because thrills like this... only happen during the command performance sales event. this is the pursuit of perfection. (donkey sound) (elephant sound) there's a big difference between making noise, (tapping sound) and making sense. (elephant sound) (donkey sound) when it comes to social security, we need more than lip service.
please give a tonight show welcome to an olympic gold medalist, 12-time all- star, 5-time nba champion -- magic johnson, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. come on. this is what -- this is what -- this is what dreams are made of. right? this is fantastic. you guys are here. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: thank you so much for coming on the show. >> come on. i came to see you and my boys over there. you know, the roots. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. you gotta see the roots. >> questlove still got the fro, that's my man. that's my man. i used to have that fro. >> jimmy: yeah. >> when i was in high school. >> jimmy: well, thank you for lending it to quest. [ laughter ] he appreciates it yeah. you remember, i met you years
>> yes. >> jimmy: the magic hour. >> it wasn't a talk show. >> jimmy: it wasn't. >> this is a talk show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you were great. i loved -- >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: no. i had a great time there. >> no, no. >> jimmy: i was there because my friend barry silver was doing something with you, then some bit or something. and i snuck in. and i was like oh, my gosh, i got to watch the show. and jay leno was there, just watching and like, kind of like -- watching and checking out the competition and giving you advice, i guess. i guess it worked. >> thanks for trying to make me feel good. [ laughter ] it was great to see you man. >> no, no. i'm excited for this man. >> jimmy: come on, right. look, two legends. peyton manning, magic johnson. [ applause ] did you watch -- did you watch the game? >> oh, yes. oh, yeah. i wanted to come, but i had to be here to work monday morning. but i flew here early so i could watch the game. and this man, you know, him and i play the same way. he made everybody on his team better. and i tried to do the same thing on my team. that's why he's a champion, a
>> peyton: thanks. >> and one of the greatest that ever played. >> jimmy: yeah, i totally agree. >> peyton: yeah, i appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's a bad boy right there. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> and so are you. >> jimmy: no, no, come on now -- i never did anything for anybody. >> no. no, the way you did bernie sanders just then. [ laughter ] >> you had me back there rolling. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's all i wanted to do my whole life. make magic johnson laugh. that's what i'm talking about. cause i love -- i loved seeing you, also, at games. every time you're there you go, whatever game it is,. doesn't even have to be basketball, could be football, you just get a standing ovation. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and now i heard that you get one of the first people to get season tickets to the l.a. rams. >> that's right. >> jimmy: they're back. >> and i tried to talk somebody out of retirement. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and come to the rams. but that man, if you play again. >> jimmy: yeah. >> come to the rams. >> jimmy: yeah, that's interesting, yeah. >> i was working on him backstage. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> i will even chip in some money. >> jimmy: peyton, you don't have to decide tonight, but
colors. >> peyton: i'm getting embarrassed. >> jimmy: is l.a. excited about getting the team back? >> oh, we are so excited. >> jimmy: i mean, this is a big deal. >> i mean, the first day they announced it, it was like 45,000 fans signed up for season tickets. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i was the first in line. >> jimmy: yeah, you were number one. >> yeah, i was number one. because i used to be a season ticket holder for the rams back when they were there as well as the raiders, because they were in l.a. at the same time. >> jimmy: and then everything left. and now you're stuck with nothing. >> nothing. but we've been cheering, you know, for others. you know. peyton is my man. >> jimmy: but not next year. >> but next year no. i want -- to cheer for him on the -- if he don't retire -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- as a ram. >> jimmy: yeah, and again, peyton, no pressure. >> i got my recruiting hat on right now. >> jimmy: yeah, no big deal. it's just -- magic johnson asking you to do something. >> peyton: keep it on magic. keep it on magic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ah -- magic, your thoughts on the nba all-star game. that's coming up. >> i'm excited because kobe bryant, this is his last game. 20 years, wow.
>> let's give it up for kobe bryant. i mean, he's amazing. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he must love hearing that -- you say nice things about him. >> i love him. because the man's brought, you know, the los angeles lakers five championships. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and he has that mentality that we both have, which is to, you know, be a champion, the will to win, discipline, his work ethic is off the charts. and so for us to see him one more time at the all-star, we can -- be very good for all nba fans. >> jimmy: i have a great idea tonight, make a little history. and this is, talking about the super bowl. this is a really big, important game. i said in my head, "what would be the best one on one thing in the whole wide world?" oh, yeah, peyton manning versus magic johnson in a game of egg russian roulette. >> oh, my goodness. >> jimmy: that is a fun game. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to see who wins. it could be anyone's game. there's a lot of skill involved with this. and the world wants to see this. so when we come back,
magic johnson are playing egg russian roulette. stick around, it's going to be fun, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the nissan roguewith intuitive all-wheel drive. take on the unexpected. can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free!
get 30% off every guest every ship in the caribbean but hurry, this offer won't last long come seek the royal caribbean book today at 1-800-royalcaribbean. if i want to go up... hello. or if i want to go down... no. but then if i want to come back again... yes. it's perfect. my favorite part is to be able to lift your legs up a little bit and it feels like i'm just cradled. (vo) change your sleep, change your life, change to tempur-pedic. we got another one. i have an orc-o-gram for an "owen." that's me. you should hire stacy drew. she wants to change the world with you. she can program jet engines to talk and such. her biggest weakness is she cares too much. thank you. my friend really wants a job at ge. mine too. i'm a wise elf from a far off shire. and sanjay patel is who you should hire. thank you. seriously though, stacy went to a great school and she's really loyal. you should give her a shot.
with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. sorry, lube strip. schick hydro . free your skin . so, where are we going for dinner? it's a surprise. ok, but it better not be too pricey. don't worry, we've made some smart purchases lately. alright, i'll see you soon. do you take walk-ins? i'll make an exception.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to "the tonight show," everybody. i can't believe you guys agreed to do this. i'm here with super bowl champion peyton manning and nba hall of famer magic johnson right here. [ cheers and applause ] they are about to face off in a a game of egg russian roulette. now, here's how it works. in my hands, i have a dozen eggs. eight of them have been hard boiled, four of them are still raw. [ laughter ] you two will take turns selecting one egg at a time, smashing it on the top of your head. you won't know which eggs are raw and which are hard boiled. once you choose an egg, you must smash that egg on your head. no put backs. [ laughter ] first one to smash two raw eggs on their head, loses. peyton, since you're the champion -- why don't you go
>> oh, my goodness. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you sure? how does it feel? are you confident? >> i had dreams growing up that i would maybe have a chance to play magic one on one someday. i never thought -- >> jimmy: this is it. >> -- it would be in russian egg roulette. >> jimmy: dreams -- just dream come true. good to see you, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: thank you so much for coming. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. well, that's all the time we have. when we -- >> hey, peyton -- >> jimmy: yeah, no problem buddy. magic. >> he can't go back to the nfl. [ laughter ] they're going to kill him now. >> jimmy: they're going to kill him now. >> oh my -- >> jimmy: peyton, i can't
>> jimmy: feeling confident? >> i'm feeling -- i don't know. [ cheers and applause ] [ sad tuba ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what is going on? this never happens. this has never happened in the history of the game. i can't even believe that this is real right now. oh, my gosh. >> thanks -- thanks a lot. >> jimmy: i'm so happy. thanks for coming here. the next -- next -- the next raw egg -- >> oh, my goodness. >> jimmy: loses. choose your egg wisely. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. >> oh, my goodness. >> jimmy: are you feeling good? >> who won the super bowl? >> jimmy: i know. you were the winners. >> you won the game. >> jimmy: you were a champion. you were a champion. >> this is not -- couldn't even be happening. >> please let it be yours. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ]
over there. >> you're good. >> jimmy: magic, not looking good for you now. >> you let me down, bro. >> i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not looking good, man. >> oh, my -- okay. abracadabra. let's go to the end. let's go to the end. >> jimmy: okay. here you go. best of luck -- >> oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he felt confident in that one. [ laughter ] the odds are not in your favor, mr. manning. choose wisely. [ laughter ] >> i know. i know. [ cheers and applause ] [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: there you have it! magic johnson is the egg russian roulette champion. my thanks to peyton manning, magic johnson. we'll be right back with a a performance from halsey. stick around everybody.
there are two democratic visions for regulating wall street. one says it's okay to take millions from big banks and then tell them what to do. my plan -- break up the
big banks, close the tax loopholes, and make them pay their fair share. then we can expand health care to all, and provide universal college education. will they like me? no. will they begin to play by the rules if i'm president? you better believe it.
>> jimmy: welcome back. we love our next guest. she enjoyed critical acclaim for her debut album "badlands" and will close her headlining tour this august with a a sold-out show at madison square garden. that's right. [ applause ] performing "colors," please welcome halsey! [ cheers and applause ] your little brother never tells you but he loves you so you said your mother only smiled on her tv show you're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope i hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old you're dripping like a saturated sunrise you're spilling like an overflowing sink you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece and now you're tearing through the pages
everything is blue his pills his hands his jeans and now i'm covered in the colors pulled apart at the seams and it's blue and it's blue everything is grey his hair his smoke his dreams and now he's so devoid of color he don't know what it means and he's blue and he's blue you were a vision in the morning when the light came through i know i've only felt religion when i've lied with you you said you'll never be forgiven 'til your boys are too and i'm still waking every morning but it's not with you
a saturated sunrise you're spilling like an overflowing sink you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece and now you're tearing through the pages and the ink everything is blue everything is blue his pills his hands his jeans and now i'm covered in the colors pulled apart at the seams and it's blue and it's blue everything is grey his hair his smoke his dreams and now he's so devoid of color he don't know what it means and he's blue and he's blue
and you liked me 'cause i was blue. but you touched me and suddenly i was a lilac sky. and you decided purple just wasn't for you. everything is blue his pills his hands his jeans and now i'm covered in the colors pulled apart at the seams and it's blue and it's blue everything is grey his hair his smoke his dreams and now he's so devoid of color he don't know what it means and he's blue and he's blue everything is blue
is blue everything is blue [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! thank you, pal. halsey! [ cheers and applause ] "colors." loved it! "badlands" is available now. my thanks to penelope cruz, peyton manning, magic johnson. halsey once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody!
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, jason sudeikis! actress and model, kelly rohrbach. academy award-nominated director matthew heineman. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's good to hear. let's get to the news. valentine's day was yesterday. so, if i look like i didn't get much sleep, it's because the couch was really uncomfortable. [ light laughter ] republicans and democrats are fighting over whether president obama should be able
successor. democrats say that he should, whereas the constitution says that he shall. [ light laughter ] the ted cruz campaign has pulled a new ad after it was revealed that the actress in it has appeared in softcore porn, and now jeb has hired her to teach him how to act like he's enjoying something. [ laughter ] [ applause ] a little energy. oh, yeah. good question, moderator. [ light laughter ] at this weekend's debate, marco rubio accused ted cruz of not being able to speak spanish, but it didn't help that cruz then used spanish to accuse rubio of being a hungry mailman with a good job at a book store. [ light laughter ] that's right, marco rubio accused ted cruz of not being able to speak spanish, but when he heard this, jeb bush