tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC March 21, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- jake gyllenhaal, paul reubens, musical guest rita wilson, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 437, t-o! woo! >> steve: and now, here he is,
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, come on! that's what you want, right there. that's exactly what you want. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. oh! great new york city crowd. welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you're here, you made it. [ cheers and applause ] you're at the show. welcome. about. of course, the big story is president obama's historic visit to cuba that's going on right now. i saw that after landing yesterday, obama immediately tweeted out, "what's up, cuba?" [ laughter ] and cubans opened up a window and yelled, "we don't have the internet! [ laughter ] it's like 1955 here! [ applause ] see my car? you think i have a smartphone?" meanwhile, donald trump tweeted that raul castro disrespected the president by not greeting him at the airport. seriously? our countries have been enemies
to pick me up at the airport. [ laughter and applause ] no one's going to pick you up at the airport. no, not going to make that, sorry. meanwhile, mitt romney announced on facebook that he will vote for ted cruz over donald trump in tomorrow's utah caucus -- [ scattered cheers ] -- because he doesn't believe john kasich can actually win. [ light laughter ] and if there's one thing romney's an expert on, it's not winning. [ laughter and applause ] so, i mean -- he knows his stuff. >> steve: he knows his stuff. >> jimmy: he knows his stuff. >> steve: 47% of it. >> jimmy: a lot of people actually think john kasich would make a good pick for vice president. but kasich said in an interview yesterday that he will not be vice president under any circumstances. when he heard that joe biden was like, "seriously? i did it for a $20 gift card to gamestop." [ laughter and applause ] fantastic. john kasich has actually been pretty vocal in his criticism of trump's antics. he also sasa trump should remember that he's not "running for the presidency of the wwe." [ light laughter ]
and most people would agree. you know, until they saw this. >> what are you saying, ben? >> you want some of this tonight? >> you want some? you want some? come on up here. >> hey, hey! oh, my! king! oh, my god! >> hey, look at this! donald trump! donald trump! [ applause ] >> jimmy: what? >> steve: oh, my -- >> jimmy: i can't wait until that video's in the trump presidential library one day. [ laughter ] that should be good. [ laughter and applause ] this is a pretty big deal. oh friday, hulk hogan was awarded $115 million in a a lawsuit against gawker for posting a video of his sex tape. gawker's lawyers say they are appealing, which is more than you can say for the hulk hogan sex tape. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: and pope francis launched his instagram account on saturday, and his first post was a picture of himself with a a caption, "pray for me." [ light laughter ] yeah.
pope is already writing vague posts just to get some sympathy likes. [ laughter and applause ] "having a rough time, can't talk about it." [ laughter ] what's wrong, dude? >> steve: what's up, pope. >> jimmy: no, i don't want to talk about it, man. >> steve: oh, come on. please. >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's no big deal. just never mind. [ laughter ] sorry i brought it up. picture of a sunset. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: mood. [ light laughter ] >> steve: hey, i totally got an emoji. >> jimmy: did you see this? nasa astronaut jeff williams just left earth on a six-month mission that will allow him to surpass the record for most time in space set by scott kelly. the men said it's not a a competition, they both hate their families equally. [ laughter and applause ] i think i left my wallet back up in the space station, so i got to go. [ light laughter ] >> steve: bye! >> jimmy: bye! that's what scott kelly said? >> steve: yeah, that's what he said on his way out. bye! >> jimmy: bye! yeah, i left my wallet up
bye! [ light laughter ] this is interesting. a new study found that the sound you make while chewing can affect the amount of food you eat. and significantly affect the amount of food other people eat. [ laughter ] you almost done with that banana, carl? [ chewing noises ] [ audience groans ] [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] not bad. not bad. not one rehearsal, either. that was fantastic. oh, finally, guys, this is great. it's very rare in hockey for a a goalie to score a goal in a a game. but this weekend, a goalie in a a canadian hockey league managed to do just that, and the announcer was pretty
check this out. >> and try and get back in the game, they need the points. here's skinner, looking for the empty net. rolling, rolling! he scores! unbelievable! stewart skinner has a goal! oh, my! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i think that guy is still waiting for his pucks to drop. if you know what i'm saying. we have a great show. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody, it is monday! we're so happy to be back. we've got a big week of shows coming up. tomorrow night, my man don cheadle will be here. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: saoirse ronan will be here. [ cheers and applause ] and we're all going to play a a game of "catch phrase." it's going to be fun. plus, we have music from iggy azalea tomorrow.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. then later this week, ice-t will be here. ben affleck and amy adams will all be here. [ cheers and applause ] it's a big week. and we're going to have performances from comedian gabriel iglesias, zayn, and brett eldredge. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's all this week. >> steve: big week. >> jimmy: but first -- i love this guy. he's from the new film, "demolition." my man jake gyllenhaal is on the show. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who doesn't love that guy? >> steve: love him. i love every -- >> jimmy: he's a good guy. i'm going to catch up with him. and jake and i have something fun planned that you don't want to miss. it's silly. plus, he stars in the new movie "pee-wee's big holiday" on netflix. he's a comedic genius. pee-wee herman himself, paul reubens is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] ha ha, hmm-hmm, ha ha ha! hmm! and we have great, great music. i'm so excited about this. rita wilson is on the show. we've got music -- [ cheers and applause ] she can sing!
she can sing. guys, the other day i was smurfing the world wide weird. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: surfing the world wide web. and -- yeah. checking out the internet. >> steve: oh, the internet? >> jimmy: yeah. and i came across this article on the website mashable. it's called "ten hairstyles jimmy fallon should try that aren't 'ew.'" [ light laughter ] apparently, they think i should change my look. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah. not ew. so -- this is true. so they asked celebrity hairstylist rene fris to suggest some different hairstyles for me. and then they photoshopped them onto my head. i wasn't going to talk about it, but it got some decent pickup on the internet. so i thought maybe we could look at a few and you tell me. first rene suggested a a hairstyle called "just belieb." [ laughter ] >> steve: nice. >> jimmy: i don't know if i can pull that off. >> steve: need some tips. >> jimmy: she wants me to dye my hair as well? >> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: it's like a a justin bieber -- i don't know. this one is called "groovy baby." >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: interesting.
>> steve: yeah. john tesh. >> jimmy: this is an interesting one here -- "curl power." [ laughter ] i can't do that. but then this one really caught my eye. and it's a hairstyle called, "the nod to the rod." >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i actually kind of like that. rene might be onto something here. you know what? i have an idea. higgins, give me another intro, okay? i want to try something. >> jimmy: all righty. and here he is! you know him, you love him! grab your zimas! here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right! this feels good! thank you, rene! we got a great show for you tonight! we'll be right back with jake gyllenhaal! whoo-hoo!
uh oh. oh. henry! oh my. good, you're good. back, back, back. (vo) according to kelley blue book, subaru has the highest resale value of any brand. again. you might find that comforting. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. friends. tonight, i present to you a very special bottle. let's let it breathe. new classico riserva. with vine-ripened tomatoes, extra virgin olive oil and a hint of basil. classico riserva.
pepsi cola think you know t-mobile's coverage? think again! in the last year we've doubled our lte coverage. our new extended-range lte now reaches twice as far... ...and is 4 times better in buildings. see for yourself at t-mobile.com slash coverage. my house. my house, too! my bed, my squeaky toy... my goodness is that smokymeatytasty- bacon?? you like bacon? i do backflips for bacon! i make beelines for bacon! i'm gonna beat you to bacon! (vo) what makes dogs do the crazy things they do? beggin'
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award-nominated actor starring in a new film called "demolition," which opens in theaters friday, april 8th. please welcome the very talented jake gyllenhaal! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! >> look at you. >> jimmy: look at you? >> look at you. oh buddy. >> jimmy: i like looking at you. >> i like you. >> jimmy: you're a stud. come on, you're a movie star. we love you, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] congrats on everything. i love having you on, dude.
say. >> jimmy: yeah, no, no, no. but now look, you're -- mr. gyllenhaal, is what you make me call you. [ light laughter ] >> no, i'm a regular guy, you know. >> jimmy: i'm just a normal dude, yes. >> just call me mr. gyllenhaal. >> jimmy: of course i will. [ light laughter ] i want to hear some stories about when it didn't work so well for jake gyllenhaal. like, i want to hear about -- give me an audition or a role that you didn't get that you wanted. just give us some scoop. [ light laughter ] >> i mean, everything just worked out -- >> jimmy: oh, bro. you are disgusting. [ laughter ] "i'm just blessed, man." >> i don't know what to say. i walked in there my first audition and -- >> jimmy: didn't you like -- you must have had some bad auditions. >> yes, oh my god, there were so many bad ones. [ light laughter ] like i -- well -- i auditioned for "the lord of rings." >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: for? >> frodo. >> jimmy: sorry, sorry. [ laughter ] of course. >> what do you mean, man? haven't you seen my feet?
really are, yeah. >> no, like, i got a call from all these agents. you know, i got like a a conference called call from like 14 agents. they were all so excited. and when agents are excited it's really intense. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and so they called me up, and they were like, "oh, guess what?" i was like, "what?" they were like, "they're making 'lord of the rings,' and peter jackson's making it, it's going to be three movies over three and a half years!" and i was like, "oh wow, cool." and they're like, "when they said they need a hobbit, we thought, jake!" [ laughter ] i was literally like -- >> jimmy: thank you? >> thanks. yeah, literally. so i went in. i went in -- but there was -- >> jimmy: you read for it? >> yeah, i read for it. and i remember going into this room. and i remember there was a lot of stage directions, so there were no lines. like, we didn't have any lines to say, really. it was just, like, finding the ring. and you go in, you like, are supposed to open the thing and there's a ring there. then it rhymes with something else. [ laughter ] there's sting, there's the ring there. and i remember i like -- i didn't really do it. because i didn't really understand because there were no lines.
and i sort of opened it up. and i wa like -- "is that good?" [ laughter ] and he was like -- literally, peter jackson was like -- "what?" then i had a scene with lines and i didn't have an accent. everybody has a british accent in it, and i didn't do an accent for it. and he literally -- he turned to me, he was like, "you are the worst actor. [ laughter ] did anyone tell you you're supposed to have an accent?" i was like, "no." he was like, "well, fire your agent." [ laughter ] but they were so excited, man! >> jimmy: but you make it -- >> i am a hobbit! >> jimmy: yeah, i'm -- i'm a hobbit from brooklyn over here. >> they literally had to pull me of there. "but i'm a hobbit!" and he was like, "get him out of here." >> jimmy: what was the one -- i forget. the "dude, where's my car" -- did you audition for that movie? >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. i had a session for that movie. >> jimmy: "dude, where's my car?" it's a classic. >> yeah, yeah. i auditioned for a lot of classics i'm not in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not that much of a classic. but you auditioned -- you had a a take on that that you wouldn't bend on? >> yeah, well, no, they said
make it like "bill and ted's excellent adventure." because you had read the script and it seemed like that. so i was like, "oh, i got this whole tape." like, i ahd this sibilate s. and i was like -- [ lisping ] "dude, where's my car?" [ light laughter ] like, but super serious. like super serious. and i thought -- >> jimmy: dude. >> yeah, like, just like -- >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> dude. [ light laughter ] dude. where's my car? [ laughter ] you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah, dude. >> you could deliver anything like that. >> jimmy: everyone would be doing that character. dude. where's my car? >> i was so psyched. i walked into the audition, and i was sitting next to them, and i was just like, "i got this." [ laughter ] there's no reason for you to even go in. i got this one. >> jimmy: i got this one. >> i got exactly what they want. and i walked in and i did it and i remember the producer going, "that's great, can we try that again without the accent?" [ laughter ] and i was like, "that's not an accent!" >> jimmy: that's my whole character! >> that's acting! >> jimmy: dude, where's my car? yeah. that's the whole thing. then yeah. you ended up not getting it. >> you want me to keep going? 'cause we could be here for hours. >> jimmy: no, i love that. we got to talk about -- i want to talk about "demolition." all these auditions bring you to where you are now. you get oscar nominated.
southwest. >> jimmy: congratulations, >> thanks, man. thank you. e [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great director. who's the director again? >> jean-marc vallee. >> jimmy: yes, who did "wild." >> "dallas buyers club." yeah. good stuff. naomi watts, chris cooper. >> jimmy: and an interesting plot i would say, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i don't know a movie >> yeah. has this traumatic experience. and then -- but it's -- but then he decides he's going to kind of take apart his life, in order to sort of discover it again, and he literally takes apart everything in his life. literally. he demolishes his entire house and a lot of other things around his life. >> jimmy: yeah. it's very, very interesting. i want to show a clip. here's jake gyllenhaal in "demolition." take a look at this. [ bang ] >> what are we doing again? >> we're taking apart my marriage.
>> jimmy: whoa! [ crashing noises ] >> jimmy: whoa! [ cheers and applause ] how much fun is that? >> but jimmy fallon's on that tv! >> jimmy: i'm available also. now we can watch that on an ipad too. >> i had all doubles for that. that was not me doing anything. >> jimmy: jake gyllenhaal. [ cheers and applause ] "demolition" hits theaters april 8th. stick around, jake and i have something fun planned when we
buy one take one is back at olive garden choose one delicious entr\e at our place and another for yours starting at $12.99 may all your tomorrow's be as delicious as today olive garden if you have moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis like me, and you're talking to a rheumatologist about a biologic... this is humira. this is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira helping me reach for more.
humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to ra symptoms. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. talk to your doctor and visit humira.com.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! i'm here with jake gyllenhaal -- [ cheers and applause ] star of the new movie "demolition" which opens april 8th. it's always good to have you on here. we've been buddies for a while back, here. and a lot of people might not know this, but we actually were in a tv show together. >> oh, yeah. you mean "point pleasant police department"? >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. it was a cop show and it took place in lovely point pleasant, new jersey. we played two detectives who couldn't see eye to eye, and so we get into a lot of arguments. >> yeah. and i've had some pretty intense roles, you know? [ light laughter ] but this is -- this is the most intense. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: our two characters were constantly yelling at each other. and well, we seemed to end up in some messy situations. >> i remember those. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] i think we have a clip of the show. do you -- >> oh, yeah? >> jimmy: i just got -- >> you pulled that out of the archives. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. let's take a look and go down
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's even more intense than i remember. >> yeah it's like -- like -- really, like, in your face. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. we actually have another clip. [ laughter ] >> what? >> jimmy: sorry. i had a little -- i had some food earlier. [ laughter ] i saved it. i saved it. that's why. i'm on a new diet. >> oh. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: we actually have another clip from the show. take a look at this. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> pete, what's wrong? >> jimmy: milk mustache.
>> i took some -- [ laughter ] [ laughter and applause ] [ muffled speaking ] [ laughter ] >> what? >> jimmy: we'll spit -- wait, let me say the word "what." >> oh. [ laughter ] >> poppycock! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's better. that's better. pipe down! [ audience ohs ] we're still partners! plus, what's on your plate? [ laughter ] >> right there. >> jimmy: oh. >> i prepared some -- [ light laughter ] -- sweet potato pie. >> jimmy: what? >> sorry. [ laughter ]
[ cheers and applause ] >> you look like it's really bringing you back. >> jimmy: i mean, that got me teared up. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that got me -- that got me emotional. to see how young we look. [ laughter ] >> how young we looked. we -- >> jimmy: i think we have one more clip. [ laughter ] this one -- this one took place during the writers' strike, do you remember this? >> oh, i do. >> jimmy: you don't realize how important the writers are, but fortunately they let us improvise on this one. >> yeah, i do remember that. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: let's take a look.
aflac! isn't major medical enough? no! who's gonna' help cover the holes in their plans? aflac! like rising co-pays and deductibles... aflac! or help pay the mortgage? or child care? aflaaac! and everyday expenses? aflac! learn about one day pay at aflac.com/boat blurlbrlblrlbr!!! can you say i love it? oh love it? can you say hey? hey! that's the spirit! oooooh. ooh ooh wooh ooh wooh ooh sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes. ooooh oooh.
only those who dare drive the world forward. introducing the first-ever cadillac ct6. turns out lemon juice doesn't cure pink eye. hi. how are you doing today? that's how i am. red head fred. ultra rare. i collect these too. nah, these are for my dog because he can never decide which one he wants until he gets home, so... american express presents the blue cash everyday card with no annual fee. cash back on purchases. my only concern is that this is where we put food. a dog's foot is cleaner than a human's mouth. that's what they say. is it? cleaner than my mouth. backed by the service and security of american express. brandon thinks hellmann's is heaven in a jar. that's because our ingredients come from... farmers committed to responsibly sourced oils... blended with ingredients
mmm. heaven. real ingredients. that's how we're working to bring out the best. [anthony] last year, i didn't go to h&r block. but this year, i can go to block and pay half, what i paid my other guy. you can switch to block and pay half too. [richard] switch to block and pay half. offer ends march 31st. there are two billion people who don't have access to basic banking, but that is changing. at temenos, with the microsoft cloud, we can enable a banker to travel to the most remote locations with nothing but a phone and a tablet. everywhere where there's a phone, you have a bank. now a person is able to start a business, and employ somebody for the first time. the microsoft cloud helped us to bring banking to ten million people in just two years.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest -- i smell like a bag of garbage right now. [ light laughter ] coffee, what is it, kernel cream, so weird. our next guest is a great actor and the man behind all things pee-wee herman. he and pee-wee are back in the new movie "pee-wee's big holiday", which is now streaming on netflix. everyone, please welcome paul reubens! [ cheers and applause ] >> i love you! why don't you marry me! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do people come up to you and say it. i know you are, but what am i? [ laughter ] >> no, never. >> jimmy: it's the first time
but you have so many catch phrases you made. i know you are, but what am i? the laugh. >> i love that story. >> jimmy: i love that story, it's the best one. >> that's one of my favorites. i got new ones in my new movie. >> jimmy: abbreviations? >> "lattihtbt." [ light laughter ] look at the time, i have to be going. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's very -- all the kids are going to be saying that. absolutely, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i like "i love that story." >> i love that story is a good one if you're ever in the middle of a real story in real life. this comes in handy all the time. tell me if you've ever been here. you're telling a story. halfway through the story you realize, this story has no ending. there's no punch line. so if you're in that situation ever, all you do is you just wait till you finish the story, you wait a beat, and then you say, i love that story. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it works every single time. >> it turns it into a show. >> jimmy: a little tip for everybody. congrats on the movie.
back. >> me too. >> jimmy: it's the greatest. oh, it's so fun. joe manganiello plays a big role in the film. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: did you guys know each other before? >> i've known joe about five or six years. we met at a post-emmy party. >> jimmy: ooh-la-la. >> hbo party and it was in a a giant tent. and i looked across the room and joe looked across the room, we went like -- and just like walked toward each other and he came up to me and he said, "i'm a huge pee-wee fan," and he started doing pee-wee material. we exchanged numbers. >> jimmy: joe manganiello's a a big pee-wee fan? >> jimmy: he's a big one. >> yeah. really, really big. line. in fact, one night we were filming in a park late at night. pitch dark, no light at all. and a guy walks by who was doing me a big favor and was in the background on a scene. and joe went, "excuse me, excuse me!"
he was like, "are you by any chance chip from big adventure?" the kid, the guy, the actor was 15 in "big adventure." this is 30 years later. >> jimmy: wow. >> pitch dark and he recognized the guy. >> jimmy: wow, he's a giant -- he's almost as big -- >> i love that story. >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ cheers and applause ] no, no, no. joe is coming on our show -- this week? right? >> oh, oh, oh. i'm so glad you reminded me. i have something i want to hide on the set for joe. is that okay? >> jimmy: sure, you can do that. >> everyone turn around, close your eyes, please. [ light laughter ] everybody. close your eyes. yeah, you can't know. >> jimmy: are you done? >> yep. >> jimmy: okay. perfect, you did it. he'll find out friday what it is. >> if it doesn't smell until then. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, we had -- we had an animal expert on our show once. and he was showing us these giant roaches. and he left one here. remember that? and we were just doing rehearsal.
came out and i go, oh my gosh! this giant thing, he just left it here. and we called him, did you forget a roach? oh, yeah. i think i did. >> oh, there it is. >> jimmy: oh there it is, that roach, yeah. sorry about that, yeah. this movie has so many laugh out loud moments in it. so many good comedy gags. i mean -- do you just write them down when you think of an idea, "that's good, i've got to write that down?" >> yeah, you know the one i'm working on right now is the cup. when you're a little kid and you like, suck a cup on your face and it like, sticks on your face? >> oh, yeah. >> and you just walk around with a cup on your face? >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's my new fascination. >> jimmy: that's your new obsession? you're going to turn that into something? >> i'm going to turn it into something. i don't know what yet. >> jimmy: but it's so -- gosh, it's just so good. it's just mind blowing. i just love how -- i can't even describe your movies except to say fun. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: they're just fun and just brilliant. [ cheers and applause ] he's crying! i knew i'd make you cry. you were talking with joe and
promotion, it would be fun if you were on the cover of "muscle and fitness" magazine together. >> oh, at joe's wedding. that's where it was. it was at joe's wedding. we out by the pool in the day right before the wedding. he had a cover of "men's fitness," "men's health," "muscle and fitness," one of those magazines. and i saw it and said, "oh, when our movie comes out they should put us both on the cover." that was it, that was all that happened. but then after the wedding at the reception i hear like, "pee-wee, pee-wee!" i turn around. arnold schwarzenegger is coming towards me. he's going i want you to meet my girlfriend. and he walks up to me, and he says, i understand you want to be in the magazine. you probably do him way better than me. >> jimmy: if you close your eyes it sounds like schwarzenegger's right here in room. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: not arnold schwarzenegger, jerry schwarzenegger. >> i love that story. >> jimmy: what'd he say, though? did he have something to do with "muscle--" he must, right? i guess? >> i said, how do you know? he said, "i understand you want to be on the magazine cover." i was like, how do you know
he said, "i'm the publisher." >> jimmy: oh. >> and so joe told him about it. >> jimmy: you got to do this. that would be a great thing, you've got to be on the cover! [ cheers and applause ] stop yelling, arnold! >> while he's talking to me and saying that, i feel something. and he stuck his hand under my jacket and is pinching my quote-unquote love handles. [ light laughter ] he's pinching me right here. i go -- i almost let out a a squeal like a pig. it was so -- it caught me off guard. it was so weird. no one's ever done that to me ever, in my entire life. >> jimmy: it's a little odd, yeah. >> i hope it never happens again. all this -- i go like, are you pinching me? and he's like, "yeah, you've got to work out if you're going to be on the cover." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you never ended up doing it, but then joe -- >> joe mocked one up and sent it to me. >> jimmy: and it's very funny. i want to show -- there you are, look at this. [ laughter ]
>> all right. it's that simple. [ as arnold ] >> jimmy: i don't think you need to work out! you don't need to work out at all. >> not from that. look, i'm completely shaved. >> jimmy: come on. just naturally hairless. i'm trying to think of -- i don't want to spoil anything. because there's a thousand funny jokes. >> yes. >> jimmy: the scream is funny. you know what i'm talking about. and then pee-wee plays the balloons. >> yes. >> that's -- for fun. it's an instrument, he plays the balloons. >> i did it in my broadway show and i got a lot of practice. i did it for ten weeks every night. but, in the movie we did two takes of it. and it's all real production sound in the movie. and -- >> jimmy: it is unbelievably funny. >> it was fun. a lot of fun. >> jimmy: i've never seen anyone do it. would you mind treating the audience -- >> really? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: let's take the thing off. >> oh, yeah. now, i don't want to spoil anything, but in the movie, i blow it up myself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: spoiler alert. >> you're missing that part. >> jimmy: you are missing that part. here we go.
think you know t-mobile's coverage? think again! in the last year we've doubled our lte coverage. our new extended-range lte now reaches twice as far... ...and is 4 times better in buildings. see for yourself at t-mobile.com slash coverage. get 30% off every guest every ship in the caribbean but hurry, this offer won't last long come seek the royal caribbean book today at 1-800-royalcaribbean. owen! hey kevin. hey, fancy seeing you here. uh, i live right over there actually. you've been to my place.
it's your resume with a 20 dollar bill taped to it. that's weird. you want to work for ge too. hahaha, what? well we're always looking for developers who are up for big world changing challenges like making planes, trains and hospitals run better. why don't you check your new watch and tell me what time i should be there. oh, i don't hire people. i'm a developer. i'm gonna need monday off. again, not my call. (boy) ma, pa - why do we settle for cable? (mom) because we're settlers and that's what we do. (girl) but with directv and at&t, you can get your tv and wireless service from one provider. (dad) are not we your providers? do we not provide you with this succulent jackrabbit pie? this delicious graywater soup? and a single lick of the family lolli every harvest moon? (vo) don't be a settler, get a $100 reward card when you switch to directv.
that's what you always say. you were right about the food. hi john. hey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut. one more. it's beautiful, isn't it? how about a baseball game next time? done! done. book priceless experiences around the globe with... ...your world mastercard. only at priceless.com. the candy man can 'cause he mixes it... need some help, guys? yeah. no. living for tomorrow, lost within a dream let the sun shine through to lift your spirits once again 'cause love makes the world feel good and it feels so good oh yeah and it feels so good the candy man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good let's go. what? you didn't even move your hands! another game! i've got a table ready at 6:00 o'clock.
female voice: the fastest route is 45 minutes to downtown. jason, get in the sidecar. (engine rumbling) my house. my house, too! my bed, my squeaky toy... my goodness is that smokymeatytasty- bacon?? you like bacon? i do backflips for bacon! i make beelines for bacon! i'm gonna beat you to bacon! (vo) what makes dogs do the crazy things they do? beggin'
rita wilson! [ cheers and applause ] get off the couch and put your ray-bans on won't need your wallet leave your phone at home the only pictures that you take will be the memories that you make my wheels aren't shiny but they'll get us there right now don't want to hear how life's not fair used up my lemons and today i'm only sipping lemonade doesn't really matter where we're going half the fun is all about not knowing oh ohh roll the windows down let your hands wave in the air
oh ohh if you don't think that we won't fly come along for the ride and if it rains we'll bring our own sunshine 'cause having fun is just a state of mind you know you're gonna go insane if we don't get a little crazy doesn't really matter where we're going half the fun is all about not knowing oh ohh roll the windows down let your hands wave in the air and let the music blare oh ohh if you don't think that we won't fly come along for the ride those plans
won't happen anyway i'm standing here so what you say oh ohh roll the windows down let your hands wave in the air and let the music blare oh ohh if you don't think that we won't fly come along for the ride roll the windows down let your hands wave in the air and let the music blare oh ohh if you don't think that we won't fly
at devry university's college of business, we're looking for what the companies you'd want to work for, are looking for: the go-getters. students who want to go places, in the business they're in now, or the start up they haven't even started yet. at devry we teach, what's been business-world tested. so if you want to learn today, and make an impact tomorrow- you're our kind of student. our kind of different. devry university's college of business.
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jeff daniels, star of "younger," actress sutton foster, author cynthia d'aprix sweeney, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applaus] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers.
how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. pope francis joins instagram over the weekend and set a new record for the fastest person to reach 1 million followers, as opposed to jesus who was the slowest person to reach 12. [ laughter ] and we're off. [ laughter ] a new study shows donald trump speaks with the poorest grammar of any presidential candidate. trump says, "it's actually the poorliest." [ laughter ] donald trump announced over the weekend that he will release a list of judges that he would consider appointing to the supreme court if he's elected president. though, you can get a speak peek at the list by checking out tv guide. [ laughter ] any one of them. democratic national committee