tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 23, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for joining us. i'm glad i'm here. this may sound a little bit odd but i'm starting to think my house is trying to get rid of me. i mentioned last night on the show on, monday night i accidentally ate a handful of sea sick medication because i thought they were breath mints. i have no idea where they came from. last night about 2:00 in the morning. i'm in bed and i think i hear a chirping sound. my wife who wakes up any sound. every time i let out even half a snore, she wakes up. she's sound asleep. so i assume i'm dreaming. then i hear it again. and i wait and i hear nothing. i lay my head back down.
this happens again and again once every five minutes. really, i don't know how much. it could have been 20 minutes, it's possible i was there for days. i don't know. i was half asleep. finally i get up to investigate. first i go into the bathroom to wait for the sound. and i'm just standing there waiting. and of course, i don't hear anything. i wait. just when i'm about to go back to bed it chirms again but not as loud. so i know it is not in the bathroom. now i move to the bedroom. i stand there waiting. i wait. i don't hear anything. i'm like -- okay, just when i relax, i hear it again. now i know it is from outside the bedroom. he sow i repeat this in every room of the house. it is like i'll playing hide and seek with a bird. i'm waiting. each time it gets me a little closer to what turned out to be the smoke detector at the end of the hallway which is mounted on
and i think it is important to note. that i'm naked. i'm completely naked. so, i have to get up there to stop this. i grab a little stool that is not deseasonable for a 185-pound human to stand on. i don't care. there's no way i'm going down to the garage to get a ladder. at this point i rather go to the emergency room than the garage. i climb up there. i'm still woozy from sleeping. probably from the sea sickness pills. i get up there. and just as i get up there, my wife walks out. she shrieks a little. i'm at the stool eye level with her face shelf gets started which scares me and i almost fall off the stool. but i get down. i start over again. at this point if i had had a gun, i would have shot my smoke detector, killed it. blasted it through the ceiling and dwelt the damage in the morning.
unless i got this thing down, there is no way we're going back to sleep. i get up there and i stretch and i reach. i just wrench it off with my finger tips. i pull it down and i pull out the batteries like a little monster's heart or something. i get the battery out. i then put the smoke detector on the stool. and i throw the battery in the garbage and i go back to bed. wouldn't you know it. i go back to bed. the thing beeps again. no battery no, power source of any kind. i'm convinced it was running on spite at that point. so i took, this is true. i took it downstairs and i put it in the refrigerator. why did the smoke detector always die in the middle of the night? it never happens at noon. i feel like they're making them in for the korea to torture us. this is a technology i've recently discovered.
have you heard of the masquerade app? it is an app that superimposes masks over your face. it is very bright here. now i'm, that's my head with leonardo dicaprio. i do look better as leonardo. snoop dogg. you know what i'm saying? that's right. you can move your head around. look at that. there's the joker which is scary. there is a monkey. guillermo, you should do it also. get something up here like a monkey or something. let's see what you look like. oh, look at that. it's the joker. oh, that's barack obama. wow!
el presidente over there. he can point it at the tv, too. let's try it with donald trump here. we're going to play a clip of donald trump. i'll get real close. >> i want everything. short people, tall people. >> there he is. harry potter. black people, skinny people. highly educated, okay educated, and practically not educated at all of isn't that the greatest thing ever? all right. you can hold this. that's way better than a smoke detector. i'll tell you that. it was a big day for donald trump. the nevada caucuses took place. voting in the state of nevada is a little different. in nevada you pull the lever first and then you find out who you voted for. it is more exciting. donald trump was heavily favored to win. not just by donald trump. by other people too. marco rubio and ted cruz are in a fierce battle for second
ted cruz is very trumpy lately. he just released an ad. he promises to sell off or give away all of nevada's public lands, national parks, forests and monuments which is a great idea if you're a cult leader or the founder of a polygamist sect. if you're raeg citizen, maybe not. he said the "o'reilly factor," if he is elected, he would not allow aliens to return. but ted cruz says, he is so strict on immigration. he says if he is elected president, he will even deport himself back to canada. thank you. on msnbc. they had a live report from an indoor gun range in reno which really gave us some insight into the current mood among gop voters.
there are lots of folk here who believe the second amendment in this country is under attack. [ gun fire ] >> they say a short din away -- [ inaudible ]. >> the second amendment drowned out the first amendment. and he was too scared to turn around and tell them to shut up. meanwhile, the democrats have a primary in south carolina this weekend. and bernie sanders who has had trouble attracting african-american voters just got a high profile endorsement from spike lee. spike lee taped a radio ad. he just threw a garbage can through hillary clinton's pizzeria window. it is a weird election when spike lee is endorsing the oldest whitest man the world has
isn't confusing bernie with deon sanders? so as you probably know, the oscars are sunday here on abc. then please stay up for our 11th annual after show. this is the time of year when movie lovers scramble to see all the nominated films. as a public service, we asked our friend to review some of the nominees for best picture to help you decide what to see. if your time is limited, you want to know what to see before the big show. tonight, a review on a movie i refuse to see for personal reasons. but here's the movie, the martian. >> action! >> action? action. i'm talking about the movie. his name is martini. go with the group to the moon. and everybody come back and
it is directed to the whole crew. play it. >> i'm alive. alive. >> i hope matt damon won oscar for that movie. he won oscar before with ben affleck. very nice guy. the movie very good. all in the desert like star war. action in that movie, a lot of actor in that movie. they got the guy, the president -- >> i'm the director of nasa. >> his name jeff. in the movie dul and dahmer. the haid with the red hair. in the movie. named jessica. and also in the movie. the american african. he is in the movie 12 years a
his name, the guy from africa. good luck for matt damon. good luck watching the movie, guys. action. >> thank you. when we come back, a visit from kim and kanye's son, the girl scouts are selling cookies in front of marijuana shops and never before seen, never imagined footage from the walking dead. so stick around. t hi, i'd like to make a dep-- scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. pvo: it happens so often pyou almost get used to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. tvo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. tvo: ...takes some getting used to.
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from "the walking dead", kim kardashian yesterday. she posted the new photo of her newborn son shelf posted a photo of his hand earlier this year and this is the rest of him. he is very cute. up until now he was hidden. he was available only to title subscribers. he is not your ordinary baby. the reason his arms are over his head is because he can fly. and in fact, he is here tonight. please welcome st. west, ladies and gentlemen. look at that. wow!
we're lucky he didn't have a full diaper. that could have been a mess. in portland, oregon today, a very enterprising young girl scout decided to sell her cookies in exactly a spot where you should sell cookies. in front of a pot shop. someone tweeted this. girl scout cookies being sold in front of a marijuana shop on foster in southeast portland. why? what do you mean why? that's the only question i don't have is why. obviously she knows what's going on. because she wrote, satisfy your munchies on the thing. the kid is very smart. this is a real problem. there is no way a little girl is going to be able to lift all that money. she'll to have get help. i wonder if she'll get a special badge for this. if the girl scouts are selling cookies outside marijuana stores, the brownies should be selling brownies, right? we have a very good show
ellen pompeo is here tonight. the new movie, triple 9. and the walking dead, norman reedus is here. and the enormously popular show, he plays darrell on the show. the new season is really great. they're updating the walking dead to bring in more modern stuff. and in fact, norman has provided us with a scene from next week's else that has not been seen anywhere. and i think it is a very good
"the art of hustle." yo gotti featuring travis barker from the samsung stage. i don't know if there's a grammy for record album cover of the year but that's a good one there. that's spectacular. tomorrow night, our guests are gordon ramsay, jurnee smollett-bell, and we'll have music from wolfmother. billy brown, and music from tinashe and snakehips featuring chance the rapper. >> jimmy: and on sunday night, the oscars are on abc. annual after party -- "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars." cordially invited to our star-studded event, with ben affleck, j.k. simmons, mike tyson, matthew broderick, nathan lane, henry cavill, jesse eisenberg, tracy morgan, and surprise guests as well. before shonda rhimes owned 80% of this network's prime-time real estate and hit shows began
volcano in east hollywood, she created a little show about an attractive group of doctors, one and, almost 11 years later, it continues to be one of the most popular shows on television. >> okay. what do you think it is? >> i don't know yet. it feels like a tumor. >> i watched him place the clip. the clip didn't slip. >> the clip slipped. >> i'll get her to ct. >> meredith! >> what? >> she's my patient. she came back. >> she was derrek's patient. now she's mine. >> when he had all the interns chasing their tail for the answers. >> yes. >> and he was chasing your tail? watch "grey's anatomy" thursdays at 8:00 here on abc. please welcome ellen pompeo.
you look fantastic. i love your outfit. >> thank you. you look fantastic too. >> jimmy: everything all right? >> my feet don't touch the ground. >> jimmy: you'll get taller. >> is that what happens when girls sit next to you? >> jimmy: our drummer is pretty drunk right now. so am i so it's okay. >> jimmy: 11 years this show has been on the air. do you remember the first episode? do you remember when you were first shooting it, what you thought about what might happen? >> do i. some things. i remember thinking, we have no idea how to act like doctors. but that's okay because the interns are not supposed to have any idea how to be doctors. so it's okay if we mess up and look like idiots. we're supposed to be. >> jimmy: i see. interesting. i don't think it's true. i think the interns have done like a lot of medical training by that point.
enough to make it work. and have you been shooting in that same spot the whole time? >> we have. we shot the pilot at veterans nol northridge. which we don't use anymore. yes, we do shoot in the same spot. our stages are in the same place. >> jimmy: do you have rituals lying a daily routine that you go through when you're shooting this show? >> yeah. i come in. i complain and moan. >> jimmy: to whom? >> myself. anybody who will listen. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter. you decide to be an actor. you get on a hit, a huge hit show and everybody loves it and everything goes great for 11 years. and yet as human beings, we still time thing on complain about. >> we love it. i don't know if she is behind this now. i've heard some mixed things. someone makes the cast of how to get away with murder and scandal
you guys seem to have escaped that. >> we certainly started before the whole social media thing. >> jimmy: before twitter, yes. >> so when that came to be, we were like so frekd out by that notion of having that direct inaction with the fans. >> jimmy: yet if you had been asked to do it when the show started, it would have been confusing because twitter did not exist. it would have been a completely unreasonable request. >> that doesn't mean completely unreasonable requests don't happen. >> jimmy: that's true. yes. >> you like to be cooperative. >> jimmy: yes. >> and we're proud of the show. and i do like the excitement of the fans. it is fun. so occasionally when they ask you to come talk to jimmy kimmel or a live tweet, you like to seem like a cooperative person.
>> jimmy: you're here be. >> u. you're here begrudgingly but pleasantly. >> yes. >> jimmy: that turns out the to be the case with a lot of women in my life. i was interested to see the taylor swift comment. >> she is a fan of the show. and her cats are names, one is named over live. i can't i learned that from twitter. i would never know this if it were not for twitter. >> jimmy: so she announced she would name the cat after your character. >> the twitter fans know everything about her. so they knew this so that's how i found out. then somebody called. >> jimmy: your attorneys contacted her. >> yes. they said would you like to be in this video. yes. that would be so fun. there's an old lady section, i'm down. >> jimmy: do you feel like
>> i do not. no. i feel like i have the ass of a 20-year-old. >> jimmy: you're sitting. how would we know that? >> when she gets up to leave, don't to go commercial. you won a vma form video. >> yes. and a moon man which i haven't picked up. so so graciously invited me over to get it. i was working. >> jimmy: did you neat cat? >> no. and i'm super allergic to cats so it will be awkward. >> jimmy: i have something a little special that i want to do with you. you've been playing a doctor for 11 years. i was wondering if you would know the name of common and maybe not so common tools that doctors use. okay? i'm going to pull out some things. some of them are harder than others.
>> come on. a stethoscope. >> jimmy: correct. all right. let's do something else easy. let's go with -- >> harder. come on! >> jimmy: this. >> mets. >> jimmy: that's a baseball team. >> a clamp. that's a clamp. >> jimmy: well -- >> it is a clamp. >> jimmy: it's a hemo stat. >> that's what pot smokers used to call them. >> jimmy: okay, okay. we're drawing on your experience okay? this is similar. a bigger version of it. >> oh, this is -- hold on. it's a -- actually, it's not what i think it is. i've never seen this. we don't use this. >> jimmy: what do you mean you
those are forceps. you hear about them all t time. >> not on grey's. >> jimmy: don't worry, we have a lot more to go through. we're going through a couple of hundred. okay? >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: do you know what this thing is for? >> yes. that is a rib spreader. >> jimmy: yes. absolutely correct. do we know what this is? >> that's a scalpel. >> jimmy: yes! a scalpel. do you know what this is called? >> an otascope. >> jimmy: absolutely right. >> this is a little bit harder. what is this? >> this is anesthesiologist use this is to gas you to sleep. i don't know what it is called but i know what it does. >> jimmy: that's all that
do you know what this thing is? >> that i know is to measure breathing. i don't know what it is called though. >> jimmy: i apparently have no lung hour whatsoever because it is not moving. this is a nebulizer. >> okay. >> jimmy: i feel like you're calling my things into question. >> of course i'm a woman. i'm going on question everything you say. i had asthma. so i know what a nebulizer is. >> jimmy: now you do. >> the medicine gets hooked up to. i used a different type. >> jimmy: and let's go with one more. >> i'm not going on admit defeat ever. >> jimmy: there's no needle on this. what is it called? >> a syringe. >> jimmy: that's absolutely right. but suffice to it say, if there is an emergency of any kind, i am not going to turn to you. >> that's no fun. come on! >> jimmy: all right. i'll turn to you. your blood is on my hands.
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r something delicious is happening at dunkin'. come in today to get any sandwich for $2.99 after 12:00 p.m. america runs on dunkin'. plain >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel and this is a lala yogurt smoothie. not only is it delicious and nutritious, you can drink it literally anywhere. even on a bench. but don't take my word for it. here is our pal guillermo with a death-defying stunt he has no idea he is about to participate in. >> action guillermo. hi, i'm guillermo. today i'm going to jump over a
drinking a lala smoothie. >> we gave him a script. he is going to be jumping over a tank of live snakes. >> oh! >> don't you need a strong guy to do that? >> no. it has to be you. >> if i don't make the jump i'll go inside the snakes. this is a terrible idea, eh? one is coming out. >> dealing with a snake in the past like when you were a kid? >> oh! my pants. >> my name is loco. i'm going to drink this lala smooth three and jump across the
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savin' you five hundred i'm savin' you five hundred we have auto-tune, right? oh, yeah. that's a hit! all: yeah! can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! hurry.
that's the job. and she's the one who's proven she can get it done. ...securing a massive reduction in nuclear weapons... ...standing
up against the abuse of women... ...protecting social security... ...expanding benefits for the national guard... ...and winning health care for 8 million children... the presidency is the toughest job in the world and she's the one who'll make a real difference for you. i'm hillary clinton and i approved this message. >> jimmy: every sunday, our next guest fights flesh-eating zombies with nothing but a crossbow and a grenade launcher. he plays "daryl" on "the walking dead." and starting friday, you can see him in the new bank robber
please welcome norman reedus! good to see you. how are you doing? >> i'm doing great. >> jimmy: i know you just flew in from london. you were if a fan convention in. >> it was bananas. did i the skit with you, went to london and came back. >> jimmy: unbelievableful are the fans of the walking dead more reserved than the fans here in the united states? >> better. >> jimmy: i was going to say better behaved. i think more reserved seemed more appropriate. >> they're equally as crazy. >> jimmy: does that surprise you? >> no. we had andrew lincoln there as well and he doesn't do a whole lot of those things. they went crazy. >> jimmy: this particular incident that i'm going to mention is something that is above and beyond anything i've heard about happening at one of
you were, true or false, bitten by a woman at a convention. >> that's true. >> jimmy: what happened exactly? >> we took a picture, right? and she started off, she came out and she goes, sometime i like the pretend that we're married. i went, oh, okay. yeah. and then to tell you the truth, i was so tired at that point it didn't really register she said that. and then we took this picture. then she sort of morphed into a werewolf. she started to shake like that. and then she went up like this and sort of how old. she came down and bit me on the breast. chest. and then howled again. and michael was there and he said what the [ bleep ] and then officers tackled her to the ground.
and then she came outside. and she goes what happened? and they said ma'am, you just bit norman. she goes, i did? >> jimmy: she tweeted the photo. i guess this was just before the attack. so that's yourwife? >> no. >> jimmy: i'm still not clear what happened. >> she is now. >> jimmy: did she draw blood? >> no. but she left her teeth prints on me. >> jimmy: when the moon is full, does your hair turn red? >> no. but remember that movie total recall? and the woman pulls her head off and throws it? it was sort of like that. she was a nice lady. >> jimmy: sounds great. >> she had an episode, you know what i mean the? >> jimmy: have you ever bitten a celebrity? have you ever been that fired up? >> did i once.
and martin short was in front of me. and i was too nervous to say hi. so i took a picture of the back of his head. and then the plane got up to wi-fi level. and be some sent me a picture of the back of my head from the same plane. so i mean, i get it. i do it too. >> jimmy: and you didn't get a chance to speak to or nibble on him? >> no. but he's martin short. >> jimmy: i think it probably would have been a pleasant experience. it is better to take a picture of the back of a person's head. when you travel, do you ever go on a plane with the blood and the dirt and that kind of stuff that you have on the show? >> you know, i go through atlanta airport quite a bit with blood all over my neck and my arms. i'm waiting in the line to go hand them my passport or my driver's license and i'm wiping
and people are looking at me like i'm crazy. >> jimmy: did we lose his microphone? i feel like we lost my microphone too, right? ever. >> jimmy: we'll just yell at the audience in here. it is not like i'm not loud enough to hear me. i thought your movie triple 9 was very exciting. i really end joyed it. this is a bank robber movie. about you. can you say anything about your part in the movie? >> yeah. i have a certain skill set with the character. >> yeah. i'm a fan of all of them. we had this skill set to pull off something that needs to be done. thing. if you need it done, we band together but we do it in a very, very horrible way. >> jimmy: which will make more sense to people as they see the movie. night. he's in the flil.
>> jimmy: you knew each other before the movie? >> for a long time. we play brothers in this movie. i've done the brother thing quite a bit. usually the younger brother. now i'm the older brother which kind of pisses me off. him and clifton collins, casey affleck, kate that winslet. >> jimmy: wood yip haralson is in the movie also. it is very good to see you. i'm sorry no one here can hear anything we're saying. you're very understanding. [ applause ] "triple 9" opens in theaters friday. and when we return, music from >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by
t they're one of the wall street banks that triggered the financial meltdown -- goldman sachs. just settled with authorities for their part in the crisis that put seven million out of work and millions out of their homes. how does wall street get away with it? millions in campaign contributions and speaking fees. our economy works for wall street because it's riggedt by wall street. and that's the problem. as long as washington is
bought and paid for, we can't build an economy that works for people. sanders: i'm bernie sanders,
from travis barker, yo gotti! i see your girl post her bm so i hit her in her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em yeah this your man i hate to be him it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down i tell her snapchat me that boo if it's cool boy my dm poppin' dm poppin' my dm just caught a body i got celebs in this dm who they breaking news if they see them but naw we don't do no talking we see sucker too often i see your girl
so i hit her in her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em yeah this your man i hate to be him it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down i tell her don't you hate when you get screenshot petty that dm wasn't for everybody rules i love the gram i love tha gram i love tha gram i'm addicted to it i know i am i know i am and i just followed angela simmons boy i got a crush on angela simmons they like damn gotti you bold ima let the world know i see your girl post her bm so i hit her in her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em
it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down i tell her snapchat me that boo if it's cool i tell her snapchat me that boo if it's cool i see your girl post her bm in her dm all eyes yeah i see 'em yeah this your man i hate to be him it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm it go down it go down it goes down in the dm it go down it go down in the dm
[ cheers and applause ] don't trust no chick that's messing with yo dog that law if you come up that law i'm a street so it's the law if you broke the law don't trust no chick that law if you come up don't forget about yo dog that law i'm a street so it's the law if you broke that should be against the law i'm a real hustler so don't knock it that law it's all about the re-up and the profit that law can't be in the club without no bottles that law we gon ball today that law i be in the kitchen whippin' tryna cook the sauce if you sat down and talked then you the law
i'm fresher than a dog i'm so freshhat should be against the law i'm living my life like the rules of the game and this is "nightline." >> tonight news from the showdown in nevada. it's the first contest in the west for the republican presidential hopefuls. and abc news is projecting that donald trump will finish first in the state's caucuses. can anything slow down his campaign? and we go into the wild to the front lines of a modern war to save an ancient animal from extinction. we're with the rangers risking their lives to track poex here's kill for the coveted rhino horns.