tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS November 17, 2016 10:35pm-11:36pm CST
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city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) ? thank you very much! ( "enchanted" stephen ) audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: thanks so much. everybody in here, out there, all around the world, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. i'm so glad everybody is here right now. how's everybody doing? ( cheers and applause ) here's an even better question:
personally, i'm a little tired from all the chance we're giving him. it's exhausting. hope that works out. hope and chance. trump's transition is transitioning. don't know a lot about what's going on, but do know that his team has not yet called the pentagon, possibly because he knows more than the generals. or maybe he's never going to call them. he'll just launch a literal tweet war. "@pentagon, please bomb syria. #lyingnewyorktimes." l-lying! ( applause ) it's funny 'cause it's true. ( laughter ) or maybe the pentagon's line is down. i don't know.
let me just give them a little call right here. ( ringing ) >> hello, you've reached the united states pentagon. if you are calling about a country you'd like to invade, press 1. for hours of operation and status of ongoing wars, press 2. if you are president-elect donald trump, press nothing. seriously, do not presany button. please. i love my fe and kids. >> stephen: all right, seems give them a call. just give them a call. ( applause ) and if you're one of those folks saying, "i don't want to live in a world where donald trump is president," you might not have to because this was the hottest year on record. and trump wants to pull the country out of the global warming treaty which seeks to limit rising temperatures, desertification, extinctions of animals and plants, heat waves,
sounds bad, but at least fans of "mad max: fury road" won't have to wait long for a sequel. of course, trump doesn't even believe in the existence of global warming, having tweeted "the concept of global warming was created by and for the chinese in order to make u.s. manufacturing non-competitive," and calling global warming very expensive bull-( bleep ). of course, "very expensive bull-( bleep )" is also the ( laughter ) ( applause ) but now chinese officials have responded to trump's accusation with a strongly-worded statement, and i'm going to read th in the original mandarin. "nah-uh."
i hope i'm pronouncing that coectly. don't ow what it means, but -- addi, the chinese will continue to fight climate change, "whatever the circumstces." hold on. things have gotten so bad that china is telling us to care about the environment? have you seen beijing? no, you haven't because it's hidden behind their air. and there's another voting shock this week. the election came as a surprise to some people as the young lady noted before the show when we were talking. yesterday, boston red sox pitcher rick porcello won the american league cy young award over the tigers' justin verlander. there was some controversy over the vote count and verlander's fiance?e kate upton was not happy, tweeting, "hey @mlb. i thought i was the only person allowed to ( bleep ) @justin verlander?!"
somebody should wash her thumbs out. look, kate, i get you're disappointed, but there is a traditional wato react when you or a loved one loses an award. we've seen it a million times on the oscars and the emmys. the camera is on you and they announce the other person's name, and this is what you do. ( applauds ) ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: based on a true story. ( laughter ) speaking of awards, the oxford dictionary has named its word of the year for 2016: "post-truth."
first of all, that's not the word of the year-- that's the two words of the year. hyphens are for the weak. second, post-truth is just a rip-off of my 2006 word-of-the-year "truthiness" ( cheers and applause ) yeah. you hear that? you hear that? truthiness. >>on: that's right. >> stephen: which, according to this article, is "the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true, rather than concepts or facts known to be true." for the record, that's not the definition of truthiness, either. where's this article from? nbc? #lyinnbc. ( laughter ) if you want to know what truthiness means, you know who to ask: stephen colbert. "truthiness: noun-- the belief in what you feel tru tbe rather than what the facts will support."
now, check out the definition of post-truth: "relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief." i personally believe i'm getting ripped off, but the experts have decided it's the word of the year, so i've got to be gracious about it. post-tru. ( applause ) ( applauds ) but everyone's coping with the results of the election differently, from having a drink before bed, to venting on social media, to screaming their fears
and some people are turning to-- how ould i put this? god's green herb. people on "team green." wacky way-safer-than-tobaccky. because this week, denver voters approved a law allowing bars and restaurants to give patrons the option to use marijuana alongside a cocktail or meal. that's right, waiters at denver restaurants will now say "do you want fries with that, and do you want to get fried with that?" ( applause ) now, you still can't smoke indoors, and you'll have to stay in designated toking areas. i assume, your dorm room with a towel under the door, orny van with a wizard painted on the side. and this might just be the beginning of colorado'pot business boom because the law also allows for non-service establishments, such as yoga studios, to set up pot-smoking areas. i knew it, yoga!
oh, no, it's healthy for you. i knew it! ( applause ) i have been to hot yoga. that smell couldn't have been just from the people ( laughter ) so marijuana-friendly bars are a go, and denver's tourism council is already rolling out their new ads. ( cheers song ) ? making your way in the today takes everything you've got ? ? take a break from all your worries, relax and smoke some pot ? ? don't just hot box in your car ? ? you can smoke it in a bar ? ? where everybody knows your name ?
smoke ? ? plenty of mary jane ? ser ?usly, though, one more time -- what's your name ? ? bob, larry ? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we've got a great show for you tight. ( cheers and applause ) amy adams isere, so stick around! my mother passed 2003, but she always told me i don'tt to be a great athlete or whatevebut, yoneed to make sure youget y. sometimes i call the house, just to hear her voice. (phone ringing) answering machine: hi, leave a message after the beep. (beep) hey mom, this is larry. i just want to let you know that uh, i fulfilled the promise that you held me to. love you.
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jon, i asked you this last night. i didn't check in again at the end of the show. >> yeah. >> stephen: are you coming to thanksgiving dinner this year? >> oh, yeah,ivy be there. >> stephen: excellent. do you have any allergies or anything like that? no, no food. >> stephen: we'll find out. ( laughter ) my first guest is a five-time oscar nominee who has starred in "enchanted," "the fighter," and "american hustle." her latest film is "nocturnal animals." please welcome the lovely and talented amy adams! ( cheers and alause ) ? >> stephen:ello. hi! >> stephen: nice to have you on. we haven't had a chance to chat before. i'm stephen colbert.
>> stephen: nice to meet you, too. >> my daughter wrote you a note. she's backstage. >> stephen: "hi. i'm vianna. nice to meet you. ." >> andhe drew you a little picture of a flower. >> stephen: hi, avianna -- is that right? >> yeah. >> stephen: back the only thing i know how to draw is snoopy. >> there you go. >> stephen: i made a friend. awesome. >> stephen: do i get to keep this? >> yeah. >> stephen: giv this to her daughter. >> we'll sort it out. >> stephen: i was talking to jon about whether he's coming to thanksgiving dinner with me this year. are you set for thanksgiving? >> i have plans, going to some relatives house. >> stephen: you have aig family, right?
choices. >> stephen: how many in your family? >> seven kids. i understand you're -- >> stephen: one of eleven. not a contest, but i'm winning. where do you fall? very important in big filies. >> mid. trouble. yeah, trouble. >> stephen: desperate for attention. >> we were all desperate for attention. >> stephen: i was desperate for seconds. >> oh mix god, right? i never ate f seconds. >> stephen: it's prison eating, this action right here. >> and still to this day if someone goes after my food, i get mad. like my husband, we cut the food in half. i' like, if you want some, there's your third. if he reaches over, he's really violated some pact. >> stephen: did your mom have a rule forow they cut and shared the kooky? we had a very specifics rule. whoever cut the cookie, the
right there. we were getting protractors and calipers to make sure the platonic ideal of the cut. >> no, we were more like "lord of the flies," one of the biblical books. >> stephen: is your husband from a big family? >> no, one of two. >> stephen: my wife, too. our big family swamps the holidays. >> yeah. >> stephen: ho y >> we have been dating two weeks. there was something about him. i was, like, well, before we can figure out if this is going to any further, i brought him to my sister's wedding and he survived. >> stephen: what number date was this? >> uh, i mean, you know, two weeks of hanging out. >> stephen: okay. my daughter's backstage. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i understand. i understand. but still, but still, just two weeks in.
the family wedding. >> i did, i took him to my sister's wedding. >> stephen: put handcuffs on him. >> i know. he survived in a wonderful way. they all liked him. he sat through a two-hour sing along. and anybody that can can put up with my family -- >> stephen: do they have a sing along? >> yeah. >> stephen: you have a lovely voice. my family loves to sing and everyone thinks they've got a great voice. ( laughter ) >> yeah, i know how that goes, too. >> stephen: you know what really helps? all the wine. to meet your family, his family? >> his family this year. we try to switch years. >> stephen: as a kid, big family car trips are really hard to do. how did your family handle seven kids. one car? >> one car. like a ford econo liner and we would all lay on the seats. my dad would leave at 3:00 in th morning to go to my
thanksgiving, and kids would lay one on the seat, one on the floor, one on the seat, one on the floor, two in the back over the suitcases, they built something, and then there was -- i know. can you imagine how much trouble we would get in nowadays? and then a gymnastics mat spread across the top where i would sleep. >> stephen: my mom would do the same thing. she would put a crib mattress back in the station wgon add stack us like cord wood, three this way, t line us up like in a tent and smoke the entire way there. awe would never have to be embalmed because my mother smoked us. >> a lot of people who don come from big families don't understand the road trip. >> stephen: we got there. exactly. >> stephen: you have a new move where called "nocturnal animals." >> i do. >> stephen: directed by tom
>> stephen: you play a somewhat sad, unlikable character, sus. >> i'll go with sad. i learned to like her, but i get what you're saying. >> stephen: you have to like your character. >> she's kind of a privileged person looking at her life and not really liking the choices she's made that led her to this particular unhappiness. >> stephen: and your ex-husband in t movie has written a book and sent it to you. >> yes. >> stephen: and you spent a lot of the movie readihe book. >> reading, yes, sir. >> stephen: and brilliantly. i really believe you know how to read. >> there's a lot more happening. ( laughter ) i just ran over you there there's a lot more than just me reading. >> stephen: yeah. uddenly i thought of all these people going, le, she just reads for t whole movie? ( laughter ) >> stephen: no, but you do a lot with your facing while you read the book. you're earning it. >> i'm earning it. stephen: we have a clip.
jim? >> you know me. i never sleep. my ex-husband used to call me a nocturnal animal. >> what ex-husband?didn i know you had an bandex-hus since when? >> a couple of years, in graduate school. it's weird, i have been thinking about him a lot lately and recently heent me this book that he's written and it's -- violent and it's sad and he titled it nocturnal animals and >> did you love him? yeah, i loved him. ( applause ) >> stephen: we're going to take a little break and be right back with more amy adams. ( cheers and applause ) ? are we on? ahem.
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( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: we're back with amy adams. she's the star of the new film "nocturnal animals." now, in this movie as we saw in the clip before the break, you and your husband have split up, and he was, in the story, you guys were childhoo he was your crush. >> yeah, he was my crush growing up. >> stephen: did you have a crush growing up? >> i did. i had a huge crush on leonardo dicaprio, not in titanic, but in growing pains. he was super young and really pretty. >> stephen: does he know or is this how you're telling him now? >> yeah, this is probably how i'm telling him. i worked with him. >> stephen: you never mentioned it on the set?
not in a bad way. >> stephen: you mean killed it in a great way? >> in a great way. that was over. but you get to know him and it's not like the fantasy of the person anymore. >> stephen: it's the real person. >> it's leo. >> stephen: you guys have something in common. you have been nominated five times for an academy award and haven't gotten it yet. >> yes. >> stephen: it's time, it's time. enough of the leo! >> i got to watch leo get his and that was cool. >> stephen: it's it's your turn now. >> lifetime achievement down the road. >> stephen: yeah. talking about before, while it's not the only thing you do in the movie, you read a book in the movie. you do a lot with your face. because we're experiencing the story that your ex-husband has written. >> yes. >> stephen: and you do so much with your face that sometimes we have people on that are so great at acting without saying a word, revealing their internal monologue. we like to play a game called
you're allowed to act from the chin up and eyebrows down. i'll give you one of these cards if you don't mind. i will read your internal monologue. jim, if you can get a shot at amy's face. i will read your internal monologue, and you will act out the thoughts that i am putting in your head, okay? these are your thoughts, but i am the internal monologue. ready? >> yeah. >> stephen: now it's time for ate show"'s eyebrow theater. can we have just a little bit of ft ( piano music ) ? >> stephen: i wonder if this person can tell i've forgotten their name and i'm just smiling and nodding politely? totally buy it. ( applause ) you read one for me. >> ready? wait a second -- what if everyone on westworld is a robot?
thrones" is a robot? ( applause ) >> stephen: okay, here we go. ready? you have a real emotional state here. >> okay. >> stephen: some anger here. ready? john? ? the next person who tells me flammable and inflammable mean the same thing is going to find out if they are. ( applause ) >> you've got a nice stillness at the end. i'm going to steal that move. >> stephen: i've never been nominated for an oscar, though. >> there's time. there's time. am i just happy to be here, or is that a gun in my pocket?
>> stephen: okay. if the characters in "nocturnal animals" are in a novel within a movie, what if us watching that movie or ourselves just characters in a novel watch ago movie about a novel that people are watching right now? ( laughter ) oscar! oscar! ( cheers and applause ) "nocturnal animals" is in select cities tomorrow and nationwide december 9. amy adams, everybody! we'll be right back with simone biles.
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my next guest is a five-time olymc medalist and the most decorated american female gymnast of all time. her new memoir is "courageo soar". please welcome the extraordinary simone biles. ( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: so happy to meet you! >> thank you. >> stephen: thank you so much for being here! ( cheers and applause ) i'm just hap to look at you. i have so many happy memories associated with you. are you still high off the olympics? >> i think so just because there is there hasn't been time to show everything down yet. >> stephen: wow, i'm still high offer your olympics. let's explain what you've achieved.
individual, team, all around, bronze medalist beam, won the individual all-around by a 2.1 margin larger than the 1980 to 2012 combined scores, tee-time all-around world champion. how has your life changed since your olympic debut? because you were already a big deal before the olympics. what's that next level like? hodoes it feel? >> i gue me everywhere i go, but i try to keep everything the same and i haven't changed everything i've done. >> stephen: so you walk down the street, do people say, don't flip! >> i get different reactions wherever i g >> stephen: what's your favorite. do you have a favorite reaction you've gotten from somebody? >> some will cry and scream but i'm like, it's okay, it's okay.
might be this one here? there is president obama attempting to do a split. >> yes. >> stephen: with you girls on the tea >> yes. >> stephenhow did he do? did you give him scores? >> i think he got a 10 because he's not used to doing it and he tried it in a suit so that's bonus points. >> stephen: yeah. # i'm guessing he got like a 7.5 from the russian judge, though. ( laughter so youe just finished a tur. champions. >> y. >> sphen: kellogg's tour of what's thatike to be on the road? how long are you out living sort >> dream? >> stephen: that the dream to go out there? >> afterwards, i guess so. we were gone two and a half months. >> steph: so two and a half months in a tour bus? what's that like?
>> sometimes. but it's good because you're touring the country with your best f.riends >> stephen: do you have groupies? guys hanging around backstage waiting for you to finish with flowers and stuff like that? >> actually, sometimes, yes. >> stephen: that'shy you have security. >> exactly, we do. ( laughter ) >> stephen: now, can anyone learn or do you have such a unique body type that you are sort of built if you were my height and musculature, could you do any of the stuff you do because i have trouble doing setups sometimes. >> stephen: it would take a lot of work but i wouldn't say you n't do it. itould just maybe take longer. ( ughter ) >> stepheni don't have that must have time left. so now you have a book called "courage to soar," a body in
>> yes. >> stephen: okay. how hh do you go? ( applause ) i assume this title is because you're so famous for the heighth you get when you tumble. how high do you go is this. >> probably twice my body length. i'm not tall, so about ten feet. >> stephen: what do you think about when you're up there? because you stay up there for a long time. >> i don't know. sometimes it just goes blank. i don't know. >> stephen: do you ever get distracted when you're about to do a the things we're watching thinking, oh, my god, i would kill myself if i tried that, after you've done it for the hundredth tim are you thinki, what am i going to have for dinner tonight? >> all the time. >> stephen: really? i'm, like, pizza, let's go. >> stephen: wheno you d a flip, let's say on the balance beam, and you land on curled toes because i've seen that happen, is it as painful as it looks?
but you try not to show that si. you just keep going and pretend it didn't happen. >> stephen: i understand the pretending part, but it's actually very painful, isn't it? >> sometimes. sometimes i want to jump off the beam and curl up in a blut i don't. you don't see it. >> stephen: the judges usually take off .2 a point for curling up in a ball. >> yes. ( laughter ) >> stephen: one of the things you talk about in this book is you're very open about your life and how you were raised. you were raised by your >> stephen: you included the stories here about your motherhood, your blogical moth who are had substance abuse problems and the fact you had an experience in foster care in your early life. why did you want to include that in the story? why is that important to you? >> i think it's important for kids to know that you don't have to grow up in certain environments to make something good out of it. i was in a foster home and now i'm, like, an olympic gymnast, so i feel no story is perfect, so i think that's important for
of whatever you have. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, can you do something for me? i want to lea one thing. >> okay. >> stephen: is there one thing anybody could learn? something you could teach me, a tumbling move or some part? what's the easiest thing? >> since you said you didn't show you how to stick something. >> stephen: okay, show me how to stickomething right hoar. here. what's the sticking part? >> the girls do something different from the guys. >> stephen: okay. a stick it is when you land it perfectly at the end, right? >> right, and then do your salute. >> stephen: what do the guys do? >> the guys do like this and scream like crazy.
copy you, all right? ( cheering ) can i jump down from this? >> yeah. ( applause ) >> stephen: aaahhh! "courage to soar" is out now. simone biles, everybody! ck with jeff watson! then i'd say expand your horizons. i'm very open-minded! no no, expand your horizons. it's the name of a smoothie. yeah, i see they have bee pollen. two of mfavorite allergies. trust me, john grows half this stuff in his own backyard. it's true. two of my usuals, please. add spirulina. is that a... noodle? it's his first time. mmm. that's almost as good as a milkshake. cheers!
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( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) this gentleman right here is myt uest and he's been a bear handler for 28 years. he stars in a new series on animal planet called "project grizzly." >> it's strange, even i can look at a bear in the wild and it really doesn't seem to have a personality to me, it'sust a bear. but you live with them, and you', like, that bear has a
human like, if you will. easy, bob. easy, bud, easy. easy, bud. m talking nays about you. be nice to me. easy. i'm not saying bad things, so don't do that. if people think i'm afraid of my bears, i kind of am. >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome t bear man, jeff watson! jeff, thanks for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: all right. is wrong wh you? how much time do you spend with these bears? >> enough. enough to stay alive. as far awhat's wrong with me? i went to muhamad ali's house and i took a big kodiak named brody -- >> stephen: you took a bear to
>> does that sound strange? i put my head in the bear's mouth and he said, you crazy! when muhamadli tells you you're crazy, you're probably crazy. >> stephen: how do you get started working with bears? what is the work you're doing with these bears? >> well, in the past, iid a lot of commercials and tv shows, but my interest was always in interacting with them. projects. that facilitated feeding the bears. they're expensive animals. we're taking two captive born and raised bears and seeing if i can release them into the wild. can i teach them what they need to know and what instinctively will come to them when they get to the wild? >> stephen: how did you get started with the bears? these are two grizzly bears you have now? >> yes. >> stephen: do you work your wayp? do you start with gummia bears and work your way up?
you didn't just jump into a pit with bears, right? >> well, my high school counselor didn't say i would be a bear trainer. i had a disease that paralyze medhen i was 20 years old. i had a mid lif crisis at age 20. i had an opportunity to get a bear cub. a guy had one. i got one. i grew up and i thought i could do that. they didn't tell me that's how grizzly adams died. nbc lied to me about that. you might want to watch your contract, they don't tell you everything. >> stephen: which one of your bears is going to turn on you? >> none of them. >> stephen: that means both of you've got a healthy fear o them, right? you have to have a healthy respect for them. >> well, i have a healthy respect. >> stephen: how big are these bears. >> about 700 pounds apiece. >> stephen: is that big?
>> stephen: well, can they get bigger than that? >> sure. i had kodiaks. that's the biggest brown bear in the world. i had brody and he was 1200, 1300 pounds. but can't kill you any deader than a 700-pounder. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i'm just wondering what part of this conversation i'll play back at your memorial. ( laughter ) why do you think people are fascinated with bears? iconic -- i'm afraid of bears. people thought my old character was, like -- he was afraid of bears. that's one thing he and i have in common. i dream about bears. if things are going bad in my life, i'll dream there's a bear between me and a goal i have. why do you think bears are so iconic? >> they're like us. they have forearms like us,
bipedal, walk heel to toe. the native americans said i'll follow the bear and see what it's. 80 to 90% are omnivorous dt. a lot of things about the bears are like us, so i think that's why we hold them in high regard. >> stephen: let's say i'm out in the wild. what kind of bear would by safer running into? i don't want to run into either kind, but if i g into a bear in the wild, wt do i want to run into? >> one that's already eaten, already had lunch is good. >> stephen: is it a grizzly or -- a black or brown bear more likely to come at me and eat me? >> statistically, you have a greater chance of being struck by lightning in a national park than attacked or killed by a bear. black bears tend to attack you more in a -- they're more
offensively. brown bears tend to attack you defensively. let's say you're in yellow stone park and surprise a grizzly mother with cubs. she perceives you as a threat and may try to eliminate the you, so you play dead.ry to kill black bears rarely attack when you surprise them. black bears, it's a rare case where a blackberry wantso kill and coume you. play dead with a brownear. >> stephen: i lie down -- you don't want to just lie down and say, come get me. ( laughter ) >> stephen: obviously,ip not trying to seduce the bear. does that work at all? >> i've never tried it. no. >> stephen: all right. pretty intimate photogra. i don't know abouthat t >> gets lonely in the woods. >> stephen: that's second base
( laughter ) now, you've got kids. >> yep. >> stephen: you've raised bears and kids, how would you compare them? ich isasier? >> kids can embarrass you at wal-mart, bears can eat you. so figure it o. >> stephen: it's a coin toss. yeah. >> stephen: thank you so much for being here. >>hank you, sir. >> stephen: nice to meet you. "project grizzly" airs saturday nights on animal planet. jeff watson, everybody! we'll be right back. ?
( cheersnd applause ) >> stephen: that's it for the "lat," ee showrybody! tune in tomorrow when my guests will be william h. macy colin quinn and musical guest drive-by truckers. now stick around for james corden and his guests, eddie redmayne and jessica chastain. good night! ( cheers and applause ) captning sponsoredy cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wggbh.or ? are you ready to have some fun ? feel the love tonight don't u worry 'bout ? wre you come from it's gonna be all right ? it's the late, te show all the way from right exactly