tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 1, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. i will say i'm surprised, i'm glad you made it in the door. we've had some serious wind here over the last two days. the whole city looks like a beyonce video.intense. one of the real house wives of orange county's eyebrows almost moved. that's how bad it was. it was a mess. satellite dishes i saw fly off roof, a satellite dish. hair extensions hanging from trees. my power went out last night just as rizzo was about to get a did she get the hickey? i didn't see that, good, all right. i pulled a real old man move. the wind was blowing power lines down.
there were kid in the street, five or six teenagers in the wind, hitting each other with swords. you know the ones? the nerds fight with in the look like toys but -- i don't know. they're like -- they definitely hurt. anyway, i told them to go in the house because it was too dangerous to play outside. and they're like, ugh, getyou old creep! they didn't say that but i could tell that's what they were thinking. speaking of old creeps, ton night was caucus night in iowa. the president have been camped out for what seems like weeks trying to get votes in what is the first real test of their electability. donald trump has been in and out of iowa. he had a rally at the airport iner the weekend. while waiting for him to show up one of his supporters led the crowd in the pledge of allegiance to the flag, even g there. >> since we don't actually have
too pretend like we haveok here. i pledge allegiance to the flag ited states of america -- >> jimmy: when he says we need to make america great again, that is what he's talking about. we need flags. the iowa caucuses are an important part of our election process.few key differences election. first one is, no one knows what a caucus is or how it works. even in iowa they don't know.ound nodding at each other. good, all right. and the republicans and democrats caucus differently. it's not the same thing. the democrats do it, they go into rooms, they divide, one corner of the room if you're one group, stand in the other corner, there's an empty chair for the martin o'mally they pick the candidate the same
everyone goes to their corner. the republicans do it privately, they write the names of their on a slip of paper and vote by secret ballot. we tape our show before the results are in so we don't know who won either primary yet. is that jeb bush lost. [ laughter ] right? poor jeb bush. [ cheers and applause ] a good job of marketing himself. first mistake, slogan was -- i guess to eliminate the word bush, the slogan was jeb! exclamation point, which is not a slogan, it's his name business upbeat punctuation. then "jeb can fix it" which local roto rooter or someone's uncle's youtube channel. this morning was reading an article, a popup adbush, it said, it's time for a president.
who can stop isis, who canming again. he's literally describing why we're having an election. well, four years are almost up, it's maybe it could be me but if not, no worries. i'll just go back into my house. ted cruz caused some controversy for a mailer his campaign sent howed up in the mail, election alert, voter violation, time-sensitive documents. inside was a report card listing names of other people in the nd giving them grades. all fs as you can see. they all got 55%. you are receiving this election notice because of low turnout in your area. your individual voting history public record. below. many of them will see your score as well.prove your score. imagine getting that. of course it's all bogus. the iowa secretary of state said
sarah palin, who's a friend of ted cruz, said the mailers were offensive and shameful. and donald trump said it is one of the most disgracefuleen in politics, then he said, all mexicans are drug dealers and that carly fiorina's face turns children to stone. but the it's been caulked, it's over. the candidates i guess go from me pretending to care about iowa to pretending to care about new hampshire next and so on. strong show for you tonight. two oscar win others the show from the movie "steve jobs." kate winslet is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from the tv miniseries f," richard dreyfuss is here with us. kate winslet and richard dreyfuss, the absolute last two people you'd ever want to get on together tonight. this is something fun.
where a priest is offeringce that i have not ever heard of before. now, they have children lining up for what they call a preventive exorcism.ven get kicked. he takes each kid by the head and shakes -- i guess it makesmething? then he'll do it to the -- not to the parents but to the kids. he gives them a little shampoo without the lather. andheir way. then i guess they all go home demon-free. it's almost like he caught them of the collection basket. get over here, you. maybe he's checking to make sure their heads don't spin all the way around. early tonight on abc, the lord with a new episode of "the bachelor." we're five weeks into "the botch
style tonight they added a bit of drama by adding a newted contestant. >> tonight -- eo change. >> there's a new contestant on the bachelor. >> this is iris. >> she's a cyclops. >> i know this is weird. >> and a psycho. totally playing these bitches. >> the date card drama. >> amanda? >> as iris keeps her eye on the prize. i steal him for a second? >> the group date that she never saw coming. >> you're all going to a 3d movie. >> >> "the bachelor: eye for an eye." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: for those who missed tonight's episode, or thosee to watch it, or dvr or whatever, i am going to
the best way i know how. with emojis. you don't have to speakerstand this. here we go. it's time for "the bachelor recap." it started tonight with ben. flying to mexico. then ben had a one-on-one date with amanda. the date wasde. they kissed on the balloon. they had dinner. he gave her a rose. then they kissed some more. the next day there was a group ben and the women had a mexican food cooking competition. before the competition, olivia -- here'seryone thinks is the devil. chose ben to be her teammate in the cooking competition, which made all the other women very unhappy.ee wound up winning the competition.
sent -- where ben sent jubilee home. now jubilee was the only contestant on the show, so happy black history month, everybody. and then to make matters worse, ben gave a rose to the hated olivia. day ben had a one-on-one with lauren where they walked into -- in a fashion show, they were part of the fashion show. they had dinner together. they kissed. a rose. which was followed by a big cocktail party. where the women drank, they cried, they made out with ben, some more. olivia called amanda a teen mom. and then everyone cried to ben about how much they hate olivia. he wanted to speak with her. the women got excited because maybe he was sending her home. but before we learn anything the words "to be continued" came up
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the panthers are 5 1/2 point favorites to win. according to "forbes" magazineor a super bowl ticket this year is $5,160.49. the only people who can afford to go to the super bowl are tper bowl. ticket prices really are out of control. i'll tell you something, when bernie sanders is president? everyone will get to [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] are you betting on the game? >> guillermo: nothink is going to win? >> guillermo: panthers. >> guillermo: because they're favored. [ laughter ] >> jimmykes sense. you're deferring to the experts what is you're saying. >> guillermo: exactly. >> jimmy: all right. the sunday after the super bowl toronto this year. but you know, the united states and canada aren't the only places that have basketball this is from georgia.
state. game for their basketball super league, and these highlights from the all-star game will help toll it a super league. >> jimmy: the crowd ate it up. [ cheers and applause ] a very close game, the final score was 6-4.er less than stellar athletic achievement. this is from the cycle cross world championships in belgium yesterday. watch the guy in front. he's a cyclist from the czech probably would have won had he realized that he still had one full lap left to go. >> one lap of racing to go. tublik iso try and keep these belgians at
oh, no. he thinks he's won. >> no, no, no. >> no, it's one lap to go, it's one lap of racing to go.n't earned it. it's one lap of racing to go. he thinks he's won the world title. >> jimmy: i know who's second you know what, listen. if you think you won, you won. haven't you read "the secret"? it's called visualizing. held the much talked about iowa caucuses. they had them in iowa this year. which made sense. but a caucus is a term that's righte and electorate and other important words we pretend we know what they mean every four years. because when it comes to politics you don't want to seem like you're uninformed even if you are the iowa caucuses were undoubtedly the biggest story of the day. so we sent a camera crew out to hollywood boulevard to ask
in it.they did not. most people have to be in iowa to vote in the iowa caucuses. but if you believe you can do anything -- in your heart -- wind up in yet another mind-boggling edition of "lie witness news."s the first caucus of the presidential election. >> okay. >> a big day for politics. have you been able to get out and vote yet? >> yes, i have. >> where did you vote? >> i voted at an school by my house. >> have you been able to get out and vote? >> i absolutely have. >> and where's your polling place? >> it is the lutheran church in ow were the lines today? >> not bad. >> not bad? >> no. >> today is the first caucus of the presidential election, did you get out and vote? >> i did. >> where did you vote? >> i voted -- you want too i voted for? >> where? >> i voted at the school down the street.
>> very nice, very nice. >> did they offer cookies or they did. i think coffee and a doughnut. >> how was the coffee? >> i didn't have it. it was nice that it was offered. >> has anybody else rubbed it in your face that they've already ot -- unfortunately, no. but i see that they are getting free gifts though. >> what sort of free gifts? >> gift cards, free coffee, that. >> what do you have to say to people who didn't vote today? >> i think you guys need to get your -- cabooses oute. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show we have music from old dominion. is here. and we'll be right back with kate winslet. [ cheers and applause ] "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by digiorno. make the right call on game day with fresh-baked digiorno pizza.
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eers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight, from the brand new made for television movie "madoff" which premieres wednesday here on abc, the grehere. [ cheers and applause ] then, from nashville, tennessee this is their debut album, it's called "meat and candy," old ung stage. [ cheers and applause ]
tomorrow night, george clooney tomorrow. [ audience groaning ] >> jimmy: how do you think it makes the other guests feel?ng wild animals, and later this week jason sudeikis, regina king, lionel richie, channing tatum, [ cheers and applause ] ve music from kopecky and elton john. i'm sorry. owner of an oscar, an emmy, four golden globes and even a grammy award. later this month she may add to her burdened mantel for her work in the movie "steve jobs," whichary 16th on blu-ray, dvd, and digitally too. please welcome kate winslet!use ] immy: how are you doing?
>> jimmy: it's very nice to meet you. i have to say with all the awards i feel almost like a winner sitting near you. us. >> jimmy: this is the first time. >> this is our first time, guys. >> jimmy: i hope it isn't our last. >> this is our first time. >> jimmy: i know you have the oscars coming up, s.a.g. awards over the weekend. what was the first award you ever won? as an actor or showbiz, i mean in your life. what was the first honor you ever received? do you remember? >> i do, actually. >> i came second in a song and dance competition. and my song was "dingell dangle square crow."'m a dingell dangle scarecrow with a very floppy hat age 7. >> jimmy: okay, good. you were a child.
>> jimmy: wired thing as an adult. who was the winner?eat you in that? >> no, i think i killed her. no, i don't, i don't remember. >> jimmy: no one remembers. >> no one re look at me now. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dingling and dangling -- seemed like you were having fun at the s.a.g. awards. >> alarming the use of that world? sag awards? it's always struck me as being faintly amusing.gh about that enough. >> jimmy: it's funny because no one there has any sagging going on at all. >> you are right about that. and it's slightly unnerving. no, it was really a lot of fun. there's such a strange and wonderful time, you know. award season. i suddenly realized recently that we find ourselves in thisuation to have entered a competition that we did not choose to enter.
really wanting to win.t's happened to me? >> jimmy: do you really have that? >> i suddenly do a little bit, actually, if i'm honest. >> jimmy: wow. i like that. >> i think it's natural, isn't it, to want to great fabulous prizes. >> people lie and say it's not -- oh, i didn't write a speech. >> i'm done saying that. i'm done saying it's great to be nominated. . it's really great to win! [ cheers and applause ] it's so great! i'm so shameless.sgusting, isn't it. >> jimmy: this is a little victory at the s.a.g. awards over the weekend. >> yes. oh, that's nice. >> jimmy: i don't think he knows fully what's happening before him. >> i can tell you i'm feeling susan sarandon's tits. >> jimmy: oh! >> she'simmy: did you ask first?
it's like -- agh! kirsten wig's butt as well. >> jimmy: people were excited you were sitting next to or near leonardo dicaprio at the show. even though in a way you let the water. >> i agree. i think he could have fitted on that. >> jimmy: there was plenty of room. >> i know.ays are so excited to see leo and myself in the same space. which you know, at the end of the day, that's so lovely, isn't it. it's been 20 years.ll get -- [ cheers and applause ] it's so -- it's really, you know -- really quite endearing. we do laugh about it, we were giggling about it last night. my god, can you actually believe it, that people get so -- get so overwhelmed by the jack and rose thing? >> jimmy: well, yeah. first of all it's one of the biggest movies ever. really it's the first time we met you, you, but the first time --
>> jimmy: was that the first time you were nominated? time. disgusting. >> jimmy: it's hard to track. >> no, i have been -- i'd done a film called "sense and written the film. >> jimmy: right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> i was 19 years old. so i was 19 years old and find myself at thewith my parents. and all i remember is my dad got [ bleep ]. it's quincy jones! really was a game of spot the famous person. it was completely, you know, overwhelming and stills. >> jimmy: were they both sitting with you at this show? >> yes, they were. >> jimmy: they were, oh, boy. >> by my side. good old mom andt's good and also can be bad, right?
parents are going to say to s true. and my dad can be quite sort of excitable and unpredictable. so actually you're right. >> jimmy: my dad will blurt things out sometimes that have no real he cornered one of the guys from one direction in the bathroom. >> really. what did he say? >> jimmy: "my niece is a big fan." >> that's brilliant, i love that. >> jimmy: as if he didn't know that. >> that is absolutely fantastic. >> jimmy: when we come back, we have something -- this is going to be fun. it's an ecessarily a game. because you will not win -- it's just something for us to do. there will be no prize for you at the end, i don't want you to get your hopes up. >> why ght, we'll give you something. >> i want prizes! >> jimmy: you can win my phone, i'll never be able to make a call again if you win this game. kitt winslet is here,jobs." [ cheers and applause ]
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everyone is waiting for the mac.t what happens when they find out that for $24.95 there's nothing you can do with it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kate winslet.ve jobs" is available february 16th on blu-ray, dvd and digital. this is a great compliment. it took me nine minutes to realize it was you when i saw you. >> give me some!. that was my plan. i wanted to -- i really wanted to completely disappear into her. i didn't want people to know that it was an that you played, you met it ? >> i spent time with joanna hoffman, such an extraordinary lah steve jobs. the stories she shared were incredibly helpful. that dialect. she was born in poland but raised in armenia, went back to poland, half her family spoke russian -- i mean, it wasrrifying, taking that on. the thing with the dialect as
you're only one step away from asketch. if you get it just a hair off, it can go the wrong way. >> jimmy: perfectly right, there are nine people a that know it's and she's one of them. >> it's true. >> jimmy: even to her she probably doesn't sound like she sounds because no one sounds like they sound. this was a complete waste of ou're right. [ laughter ] >> i could have just done it in my standard rp. >> jimmy: i enjoyed the movie. how many movies have you been ow. my 12-year-old often makes me count and we sit there going like this. 12, 13, 14. then we sort of lose count. somewhere around 30. >> jimmy: we're going to put you to the test. you've been in around 30 movies. >> i think is "name that you." the object of the game -- i'll show you a photograph of one of the of your
you have to tell us that character's name. >> good sglns we'll start with easy ones. we'll start -- you just said this one. >> joanna hoffman. >> jimmy: correct.es as well? >> jimmy: that would be nice. you'll get bonus points. >> some of them didn't have surnames. rose. >> jimmy: correct. "the reader." >> hannah >> jimmy: correct. next, "sense and sensibility." >> marianne dashwood. >> jimmy: all right, more recently -- >> janine matthews. >> tthews. >> correct. next up -- >> oh, wow -- >> jimmy: "contagion." >> what was her name? >> >> jimmy: correct! i don't know why i'm impressed. >> rita. >> jimmy: that is rita.
hannibal i'm gonna use samsung pay to get a katz's deli pastrami sandwich. (katz's employees) hey!!! hey what's up?with my phone? you mean like apple pay? we don't got that. no like samsung pay. kind of works everywhere. even on this janky old thing. he wants to pay with his phone. whadda ya want hannibal?th my phone. don't look at the cameras mike. you ready? it doesn't work. watch me. boom! oh! pretty much everywhere else.
nd applause ] >> jimmy: hi, welcome back. still to come, music from old dominion.st is also an oscar winner and one of the greats of all-time you know him from "jaws," "close encounters, "mr. holland's opus," and many more. next up, he stars as a villain named bernie in the tv movie "madoff," it starts wednesday :00 here on abc. please say hello to richard dreyfuss.
you feel any better we tell them not to stand because it blocks the cameras. i'm very happy to have you here. >> i am happy to be here. >> jimmy: talking to kate about the awards, were you really hoping to win?ere the youngest ever to win the best actor. >> i knew i was going to win and i was thrilled to death. >> jimmy: you knew? >> i knew you know? >> because i sussed it out. >> jimmy: you did the -- >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: calculations? >> my agent called me and n nominated. that was a shock. then i said, who else was nominated? when he told me who else i said, i'm going to win. [ laughter ]lause ] >> jimmy: i like that. and you were right. >> i had already won a great deal of money betting against myself a number of years would you bet with on these things?
>> jimmy: i see. betting against yourself. >> i bet against myself when i did "thehip of ditty kravitz." people said i was going to be nominated, i said no, they said yes, i said i bet you, and i was right and they were wrong. so then i richard gerton, marcelo mastrani, woody allen, john travolta. i'm a lock.an -- plauds applause [ applause ] >> jimmy: did you win any money? >> i won a lot of did. >> yes. then next year -- >> jimmy: what maniacs bet against you? >> the next year i won a lot of money betting -- quick, tell me who won the best actor and the answer was me. and nobody got it. that's how fast people forget.
that's a true that change your life? immediately? when you won that -- >> the bet? >> jimmy: no, not the bet. [ laughter ] the trophy itself. i mean, what was theimpact? >> honest to god? you can actually kind of see this on the tape. i went -- i took the award fromllone and i turned and i went -- and it took me about 15 years to figure out what that was. i didn't know or care about anyone in that audience. and i hadn't -- i felt like a complete outsider. that i had won it easily 25 years too soon. >> jimmy: really. >> and i felt this kind of stab of anxiety. at thatmy: why do you think you won it too soon? >> because i had nothing to shoot for.
you know, when i say nothing,ally mean nothing. but that was no longer ahead of me. >> jimmy: what about all the sex, though, you know? >> that made [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that takes a little of the sting out of it. >> anonymous men throwing themselves at you on central park west -- it heals. >> jimmy: if you'd brought me to the awards i would have put it in perspective for you id you bring to that show? >> i brought my girlfriend at the time. and my mother was there. >> jimmy: all right. >> andate levitated out of her chair when that happened. >> jimmy: so at least one person you cared about in that audience at that time. >> exactly, exactly two. >> jimmy: i have to say, when "close encounters" came out. [ cheers and applause ]
it 40 times, i love that movie. do you get tired of hearing about? about "titanic." people get a kick out of seeing her and leo. i imagine you can't eat mashed potatoes in public. you can't goe of "jaws." i mean -- >> yeah, that's why, after awhile, movie stars don't leave their house.se iconic things they can no longer do. >> jimmy: i saw you once. it was 1987. i was on my first -- >> i remember you in the my: in the airport, that's right. >> i remember. you were heavier. >> jimmy: you don't remember. i was actually much thinner. there was a group of baggagecreaming "tin man" at you, everyone screaming "tin man," you were cracking up laughing. at that point i'd not really met any celebrities. i'm like, wow, this is a crazyhas.
and a triple danexpert. we used to walk around new york together. one day this kid on a bicycle screeched right in front of me.robert all of a sudden was in front of me and in the posture and argh! and i -- whoa! all the kid was saying, "hey, jaws!and i thought robert was going to kill him. victim. this bernie madoff story, i watched this, so e's so many things i didn't know about this guy. i had -- you know, i should read more. i maybe he was a guy that got in over his head. but he really was a very bad -- is a very bad guy. >> bad.gical, crippling sick, psychotic man.
this is going to end badly. i mean, he must have known that it was going to end badly. >> no, heuld probably outlast the world. as a matter of fact, we had a scene at one point where it was the towers. the day the towers fell. bernie saying, "this is how it all ends. everybody dies. and i get away with it." >> jimmyt he thought. and he didn't care whether he didn't or not. it's like in othello, to the audience, looks up at the gods, and says, i love doing this! i love it! and i'm going to keep doing it because it's so much [ bleep ] fun!'t care what happens, i'm going to bring him down, her down, everybody! that's thiago, he does it for
he does it for pure evil. for the same reason. >> jimmy: i wonder if he has television in that jail cell. i imagine he'll be able to watch you. >> if he doesn't, someone else does and he can get it from immy: yes, yeah. yeah. it's great to have you here. [ cheers and applause ]es wednesday a miniseries, it starts wednesday night -- >> two-nighter. the 3rd and 4th of february. and it's so good, it really is so not a joke story. it's not -- >> jimmy: not at all, yeah. >> it's desperately serious and people were desperately harmed by this man. including his ownand when you watch it, remember that the head of abc took it from its original date in december and put it in the
hit the spot with me come on skip a couple rocks with me gimme any of ght ain't no reason that we need to be apart tonight i got somethin' we could start tonight lookin' at you girl it's hard to fight those stars need to be wished onneeds to be kissed on my eyes baby they're fixed on you in your snapback t-shirt of your checkin' your make-up in my ray bans breakin' hearts like only you can in your snapback woah oh oh oh woah oh oh oh in your snapback come on baby shoot a smile at me midnight selfie on a balcony for my lock screen you're burnin' a hole in my pocket and we got the beat let's drop it those stars need to be wished onneeds
my eyes baby they're fixed on you in your snapback tattoos cutoffs and converse singin' along to the song with the every move you make baby it works in your snapback woah oh oh oh woah oh oh oh woah oh oh oh in your snapback those stars need to be wished on your skin needs to be kissed on my eyes baby you in your snapback t-shirt of your favorite rock band in my ray bans breakin' hearts like only you can in your snapback woah oh oh oh woah oh oh oh woah oh oh oh in your snapbackwoah oh oh oh