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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 19, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- bill maher." oscar nominee alicia vikander.trump rally. and music from nothing but thieves.
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and now, as luck would have it, l! lause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming.] i hope you're ready to party. i really do. hey, you know, tonight is mardi gras.lebration. mardi means tuesday in french. gras means fat. it is fat tuesday in new orleans right now. everybody is drunk. even the babies.ss on mardi gras. it's an interesting day in america today because we're voting for candidates for president in one state and flashing our nipples in another state. [ laughter ] today the first
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season, and they had a bit of fat tuesday action themselves. this is a pig, a 600-pound pig.rom a local farm. it made its way to a polling location. a school in pelham, new hampshire. it took the police about an hour to round the pig up. [ laughter ] officer appeared to be doing some kind of a square dance with the animal. swing your partner do-si-do. they got in touch with the owner.eventually came -- watch this pig tormenting the police. [ laughter ] the owner came, stuffed it in the back seat of his kia s safe back home on his farm. and no, the pig did not wind up at the polling place because hris christie. that is a rumor. and shame on you guys for even thinking that was true. [ laughter ] this is the -- this is the versary of the new hampshire primary. they've been doing this, this
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bernie sanders was 5 years old, [ laughter ] bernie sanders and donald trump were the winners tonight. i don't know. i think people are confused. you realize i made those jokes is fat and bernie sanders is old, right? [ laughter ] oh, okay, you -- i wasn't clear. anyway. in new hampshire. hillary clinton today spent the whole day quietly googling the words life expectancy for old man in snowy weather. [ laughter ]of snow in new hampshire. but the candidates, they didn't let that get them down. jeb bush and john kasich had fun.owballs. here's kasich throwing snowballs. throwing, those are the ones that don't have a chance in hell in this election. [ laughter ] jeb pulled out the big gun. he had his mother barbara out campaigning for him this week. they did a bunch of interviews together. to see. jeb sitting there being interviewed next to his mom, it looked like a parent-teacher
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and jeb's brother george is pitching in too. george bush narrated an ad that ran during the super bowl in new hampshire and south carolina where he made a strong case for why we should all be on team jeb. parents can't put food on their families, and our children still isn't learning. i know jeb. it's inside his body. next to other things like his stomach. which is where his snacks go. i know that. that experience and judgment count in the oval office, which is the room where the president works at his desk. that's where my little broere president. which don't bet on it but don't misunderestimate jeb either. he's got a cute little wle guy. and he knows how to open doors for america. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: nice.bernie sanders may be the old man in this race, but from an energy standpoint he's wearing some of his supporters in new hampshire out. in front of him at a rally in concord on wednesday. and yesterday at a rally in derry a woman went down for the count. >> whatever the issue may be, what i one issue out there -- as quite a reaction. almost krameresque. let's look at that again. >> one issue out there -- mad scientist. at least we know he's cool in time of crisis. [ laughter ] let's watch that one more time this time in reverse. here he comes.
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[ applause ] west is not currently running for president but he should. at this point he might as well because, well, last night on twitter kanye announced that e of his forthcoming album for the third time. first he announced it was called "so help me god." then he changed it to "switch.""swish to "waves." and now he changed it again. kanye changes the name of his dy changes the name of his name. it's really crazy. [ laughter ] last night he tweeted this. he said that's the new album, out the title gets ticket to season 3 and free yeezies, which are his shoes. and this is the mysterious acronym. new album title t period l period o period p. so the initials are t.l.o.p. t what that stands for and if we do we'll win. and i think i have it figured out. can i get a drum roll here? [ drum roll ]
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stands for tommy lasorda obviously poops. [ cheers and applause ] the shoes can be sent to the show. size 11. by the way, kanye also tweeted this about an hour ago. bill cosby innocent. [ laughter ]ble name for an album. it is. valentine's day is on sunday. that means the price of roses is about to go way up. only holiday where a plant suddenly becomes astronomically expensive and we're okay with it. it would be like if on easter g. [ laughter ] but we buy them anyway. the florida retail federation says this year consumers will 47 on flowers, chocolate, jewelry and other valentine's stuff. and that's in florida. so you can imagine how much they'll spend in normal states.ore. [ laughter ] this is interesting. somebody did a study about the
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couples have sex an average of . which it seems a little bit low, right? so i thought it would be fun to ask some couples here wandering ulevard how, you know -- what their number is. well, let's go outside to my cousin sal now.ousin sal. >> how are you doing? >> jimmy: we have a friend who's been marriedten years. he claims he and his wife have sex -- how often did he say, sal? >> dan sanborn? >> jimmy: yeah. >> he said four times a week. >> jimmy: four times a week month, which i think you should go to prison for that, right? [ laughter ] >> i don't believe him. he's already got six kids and he's balding worse than i am.again, we shouldn't mention his name. you already did. anyway, let's bring in our first couple. this couple has no idea what i'm going to ask them.n asked to stop and answer a question. okay. where are they? okay. there we are. hi. what's your name? >> hi.
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>> and husband rob. what was your name? >> rob pierce. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> owensboro, kentucky. are . >> jimmy: have you been robbed yet? >> hopefully not. >> jimmy: hopefully not. okay. good. yes. together? may i ask? >> we've been married 15 years. we dated -- we were high school so dated five years before that. >> jimmy: oh, wow.] so you guys are probably really sick of each other's bodies, yes? [ laughter ]to ask you a question. don't answer it aloud. i want you to write the answer down. we're going to give you a paper. let's put you in position so youther's answers. don't reveal your answer until i ask you to, okay? all right. the question is how many times per month on average do you have sex? >> jimmy: all right? just go ahead and write it down.
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just -- okay. yeah. figure tout. so karen's writing -- looks like three digits, karen is writing. [ laughter ]e you up to? karen, are you drawing a diagram of how you do it? what's going on there? [ laughter ] all right.tart with rob. rob, show us your number. rob says five. all right. and karen says -- 5-ish.lause ] all right. thank you. guys, cousin sal has a lovely gift for you. cousin sal, what do you have? >> yes. so you can share them. >> jimmy: that's nice. you can wear those on the plane home. nice to meet you guys.e couple and see what's going on. now, this couple has not been listening in. they don't know. you guys didn't hear -- oh, you on. so you literally can't hear me now. okay. be very careful. what's your name? >> theresa. >> jimmy: hi, theresa. >> fine, and you?your husband? >> it better be.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: david and theresa. now, did you guys intentionally wear t that an accident? >> accident. >> jimmy: an accident. wow. how about that? you wound up on tv. [ laughter ]been married? >> seven years. >> jimmy: seven years. and it's been good, i assume? you're still vacationing together. >> yes. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> cincinnati.nati, ohio. hence the red, i guess. okay. i'm going to ask you a question. we're going to put you in a position where you can't see er side of that wall. don't answer it aloud. i'd just like you to write the answer down. be honest. and the question is how many rage do you have sex? okay? [ laughter ] theresa is writing her number.ting his. all right. theresa's now changing her number. [ laughter ]h david,
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so -- [ laughter ] hi, guys.king at your number with envy. all right. theresa, show us your number. your number is? five. what was the original thing? a drawing of the planet? [ laughter ] zero originally. >> jimmy: oh, really? five. all right. and david, your number is? >> boy. >> jimmy: 12? [ laughter ]nd applause ] >> it's okay. >> jimmy: i have very bad news. david is cheating on you. [ laughter ] wait a minute.of you can't count is what's happening here. [ laughter ] that's quite a discrepancy. david, are you counting your alone time here or what? [ laughter ] >> could be. be. all right. well, we do have a gift for you. >> condoms for you. here's a couple. >> jimmy: condoms, yes.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. there you go. thanks for playing.break. when we come back, we have something very special. our old pal jake byrd popped up at a donald trump rally in new if you're not familiar with jake byrd, he is the guy you will see behind donald trump in this clip. >> by the way, can you see in the back in they have the best view.it's really my hair? >> yeah! yeah! real hair! >> jimmy: all right. so when we come back, jake byrd takes new hampshire by storm. so stick around. we'll be right back.nd applause ] they say that in life, we shouldn't sweat the small stuff. but when y-benz, there really is no small stuff. every decision... every component...art of what makes the 2016 c-class one of our most sophisticated cars ever. because when you're setting a new benchmark for refinement,uff... that makes the
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the 2016 c-class. lease the c300 for $399 a month mercedes-benz dealer. ba da ba ba ba king. what if we did for mortgages what the internet did for buying music
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you wos into an easy one. you could get a mortgage on your phone. and if it could be that easy, wouldn't more people buy homes? buyers need to fill their homes with lamps and blenders and sectional couches with hand-lathed wooden legs?mean all sorts of wooden leg-making opportunities for wooden leg makers? and wouldn't those new leg makers own phones from which and easily secure mortgages of their own, further stoking demand for necessary household goods as our tidal wave of ownership ho now and isn't that the power of america itself now shrunk to fit the hands of a child,, a home-buying adult. anyway. that's what we were
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announcement: this storm promises to be the biggest of the decade. with total accumulation of up to three feet. roads will be shut down indefinitely. and schools are closed.'s soups go great with a cold and a nice red.
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show.ander and music from nothing but thieves is on the way. [ cheers and applause ] first the eyes of the nation
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because of the primary election.owa, a primary in new hampshire, and then they'll move on i guess to some of the states where people live next. it is a big deal for the candidates. in new hampshire doesn't necessarily go on to win the nomination. you know who won the new hampshire primary last time around? what's his name?ation" from "jersey shore." [ laughter ] but all the candidates are there. their boots are on the ground. byrd, who's a very passionate donald trump supporter. jake spreads trumpthusiasm everywhere he goes. back in september at the trump rally in dallas. >> trump! trump! trump! trump! >> don't forget. i love this these people back here. >> and we love you! we love you!onald j.! yes, yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can see they love each other. it's a beautiful thing.raved the elements to file this special report from a donald trump rally
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manchester, new hampshire. >> i think trump is the person ton and actually get things done. he'll hire good people to be in good positions then hold them accountable for these positions. >> he's going to get us jobs.ica working again. i'm going to get hired back no matter how many times i assault a customer. they have to. donald trump says i do. >> and my -- your old-fashioned root beer. [ laughter ] >> i don't sell root beer. but that's fine.hout borders isn't really a country, is it? >> this guy told me a great joke. he said hey, bernie, it's new hampshire, not jew hampshire. [ laughter ] too much. too much. too much.s like live free or die. it's live trump or die. >> we're so disorganized.
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doing.e know what we're doing. everybody needs to -- >> so you're a volunteer. you work at the campaign? >> yeah. >> it's a house of cards. i don't want to say that. >> no, that's fine. house of cards like the netflix show. are you going to throw someone on the train tracks like that guy? >> this is the number one y. we're the [ bleep ] -- nt to tell you. if she has the baby tonight in new hampshire, that guarantees victory tomorrow. please, ivanka, have the baby tonight. >> have the baby! have the baby!e're going to bring education back locally. no more common core. >> i don't know what that is. [ laughter ]have people dying on the streets. we're going to get them into a hospital and take care of them -- >> and die there. [ laughter ] in a hospital. in the hospital.re going to build ourselves so strong -- nobody.
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nobody is going to play with us. we don't want to use it.me over to play! no playmates, no play dates! >> walls work. just ask israel. walls work. i mean trump walls. >> trump walls! the best walls! the best walls! dtf! forever! dtf! donald trump forever! dtf! donald trump forever!s going to pay for the wall? >> mexico! [ laughter ] >> some people -- she just said a terrible thing. you know what she said? don't want to -- >> [ bleep ]. >> she said he's a [ bleep ]. that's terrible. terrible. >> whoa! ] language! oh my gosh.
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donald! >> that's terrible. >> wow. wow!you're going to get hurt and if you're going to drive like a maniac, do it tomorrow after you vote.e and visit you in the hospital. >> you promise? [ laughter ] you better! i'm going to wreck my car right now. >> thank you very much, new hampshire. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> teat the country is facing? >> right now personally for me how i feel personally right now for me personally, the biggest threat i'm facing is finding a bus back to the hospital in the snow. you know? mean, one of the -- >> he stood up to cher, he'll
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it's a winter wonderland!use ] >> jimmy: unfortunate ending. but thank you, jake byrd, everybody. >> i'm still freezing! [ laughter ]lause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. we have music tonight from nothing but thieves.e. we'll be right back with bill maher.
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight, she is an oscar nominee for her role in the movie "the danish girl." she is nominated for best supporting actress, e. [ cheers and applause ] then, all the way from essex, which is all the way in england, this is their self-titled album.ut thieves," from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night we'll have a good show. sacha baron cohen will be here. and we'll have music from mana. join us then. it doesn't matter if you're
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president or pope, if our first re up to, he will make sure you know it. he's the host of "real time with bill maher," which you can watch friday nights on hbo and you canrage in las vegas march 12th and 13th. please welcome bill maher. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] ank you for being here. i know this is an important night for you. >> it's an important night for you. >> jimmy: why? >> because you're on and i'm not.t. i'm here. because you are my favorite talk show on the west coast. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. wait --ou're the only talk show on the west coast.
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>> why, what did you hear?ing or something. right? >> who told you that? where do you hear these things? one of your show business cronies. >> jimmy: your publicist told us. bill can't come.n the face with a surfboard. [ laughter ] is that not true? >> that's not true. i went to hawaii. go every year. it was great. this year i brought david spade and jeff ros. eddie vedder performed with us. it was really fun. >> jimmy: nice. >> thanks. [ laughter ]address them. >> i'm from new jersey. i body surf. [ applause ] chris christie fans? [ laughter ], sometimes the wave face planted me. and yes, my face was too [ bleep ] up to appear. okay? happy you got that out o >> i love we can say that now. remember when we started in show business you couldn't swear. now they just bleep it out. no one gives a [ bleep ].immy: yeah. i mean, i don't know what people were so hung up about. i think because now everybody's cursing on every other channel. >> trump.
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trump? >> no, i -- [ laughter ]oh. >> no, but he's running for president and he says [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's crazy. >> it is crazy. >> jimmy: do you like that or do you dislike it?i mean, i always say donald trump and i are a little -- a little like the detective and the serial killer. you know.so different, you and i. [ laughter ] i certainly don't agree with hardly anything he says politically, but i love the fact t. i used to have a show called "politically incorrect." [ cheers and applause ]pened to that show? >> well, i got thrown off the air for being too politically incorrect. >> jimmy: my god. >> and then they got this other guy.ht? >> no, not a fat guy. just a guy who wouldn't piss people off. and yeah.d trump.
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breakfast.nd something this man can say that will turn his fans off. i over when he said john mccain not a war hero. we thought, oh, well, that's -- come on. no. but great, whatever.gyn kelly, you're on your period. carly fiorina, you're an older woman, too ugly to run for president.o see my impression of a cerebral palsy guy? like what does this mean have to do?ace? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that would be something. >> he's like a movie monster.oing to destroy him just makes him stronger. you know? >> jimmy: you endorsedident. [ cheers and applause ] and you feel good about that
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but not as much as bernie. we've never had a leftist in my lifetime. a true leftist. the table no one ever put on the table before. that's why we don't know. now, is he probably going to win in the south? probably not.ho's 100. [ laughter ] but you know what? people have never seen this product before.ow they wanted an iphone until they put it in the window and everybody bought it. we've never had -- i call it the new deal. like fdr's new deal.be more like a western european democracy where you pay a little more taxes but look what you get.lth care. go after the banks. this stuff has never been on the table. we'll see what happens. i think he deserves for what o at least get the benefit of the doubt. [ cheers and applause ]d then if we go back to the old rules,
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i've told my audience, my fans. i said look, i'm for bernie and a lot of you are too.ood. it's like when you're on a plane if you don't get your first choice, eat the chicken. [ laughter ] he democrat, then the nearest abortion clinic will be in london. >> jimmy: do you like any of the republican candidates?vote for one of them -- >> i'd kill myself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but if you had to voteere anyone in your mind -- who do you think is the worst among them? >> ted cruz is always the worst. >> jimmy: why do you say that? ] >> because they laughed. that's why. [ laughter ] i said it because he is. because he's smart and evil.e dummies. like rubio. you know, he doesn't know what he's talking about. he just says the words. but ted cruz is diabolical. he's smart.y hate about him. and this is what a true cynic
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he's smart but he knows what to say to his dummy base that they will believe.gs like -- here's my favorite. he said, you know, before 9/11 i was a fan of classic rock.elf switching to country music. [ laughter ] because as we all know the worldked by three dog night. [ laughter ] or the thing about new york values. remember that a couple of weeks ago?sure. >> like he doesn't have new york values. he clerked for the supreme court. he went to princeton and yale. and he's like, do i even own shoes?n he plays the [ bleep ] kicker card like, oh, i did it again.here. his show is "real time." he's in vegas march 12th and 13th. we'll be right back.
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so my kids don't have toy a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep.t think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? hat kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me. but only if you have a brain.
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they're always on television. what? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with bill maher. [ cheers and applause ]earing in las vegas at the mirage hotel. you know, i grew up in las vegas. you like playing vegas? >> i love vegas. you know, i first played there. it but [ bleep ], i am. [ laughter ] in 1982. >> jimmy: wow.6, and i opened for diana ross. and that was -- yeah. >> jimmy: was that at caesars palace? >> caesars palace. it's what i called the dead ball era in vegas. it's like after the rat pack buted as something hip and cool. so it was tough. you know, and i was a young comedian. no one you knew who i was or wanted to see me.na ross. now it's great. it's hip. hip people come out and see it.
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i can play on christmas week.u don't play christmas if you're a personal appearance act. people are spending their money on christmas. vegas could give a [ bleep ] about christmas.w christmas exists because then people will feel guilty about losing the house money. >> jimmy: hey, by the way, happy birthday.thday. [ cheers and applause ] i know you had a big birthday party.do you keep it quiet? >> yes, i say how old. i shouted it out. 60. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like to have a party when you don't worry about it. some people get bummed out by this stuff. >> first of all, you can't hide anymore.y, i'm 48? [ laughter ] so i made it into an event on my show and i used it as a reason to get obama to appear on my show, because it's been a sore point.parently our invitation to him has been lost in the mail for seven years. he's done every show. he's done your show, right?
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every show. [ laughter ]of all, how dare you? and secondly, you gave his super pac a million dollars. >> yes. and he treats me like i owe him money. [ laughter ]n mention that because that shouldn't be the reason why. >> jimmy: you'd think he'd know that already, though. >> soave a thing at the white house that if you get a petition that is signed by 100,000 people, they have to respond to it already. so we had a petition out there.hin 38 hours, we had the 100,000 signatures. and it just says do our show or tell me why. just tell me why.there are people in the white house who say never do that show. bill maher, he's a comedian, atheist, pot smoker who never got married. [ laughter ], all decisions i'm really good with. [ applause ] >> jimmy: have you considered -- here next week for fund-raisers.
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you shoot the show and maybe he'll show up. [ cheers and applause ]what the president does, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what he did here. he just appeared like santa claus. it was a miracle. >> yeah. we'll see what they say. >> jimmy: well, it's very good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] you know what? i told you this a million times,ege i saw you do stand-up and i think people forget that you're one of the great stand-up comics and if you want to go see bill march the mirage hotel -- >> las vegas! why didn't we talk about las vegas? >> jimmy: bill maher, everybody. we'll be right back with alicia
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ssup? i'm hannibal i'm gonna use samsung pay to get a katz's deli pastrami sandwich. (katz's employees) hey!!! hey what's up?with my phone? you mean like apple pay? we don't got that. no like samsung pay. kind of works everywhere. even on this janky old thing.with his phone. whadda ya want hannibal? i want to pay with my phone. don't look at the cameras mike. you ready? it doesn't work. watch me. boom! oh! y is here and
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we're back. still to come, music from "nothing but thieves." our next guest has had a productive few weeks.hoice award, the s.a.g. award. on sunday she was named mvp of the super bowl. nominated for best supporting actress for her role in "the danish girl." please say hello to alicia
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[ cheers and applause ] ur name. i said it a million times to myself before. alicia vikander, right? >> yeah, that was right. >> jimmy: yeah, except i didn't say it like that before.t. >> jimmy: at the oscars, like in john travolta has to introduce him. it's going to be a disaster. [ laughter ] well, hopefully one of the good things about being nominated for -- one of the many good things is people hear your name over and over again and you have maybe a little less of that. >> yeah. to give him the swedish version and then -- >> jimmy: what is the swedish version of your name? >> alicia vikander. >> jimmy: yeah, forget that. [ laughter ]g thing in sweden? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it is? >> it is. -- i came finally to the age when she would allow me to kind of set the alarm clock and go up at 2:00 a.m. and sit by the tv and then later on i even had like friends and
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wearing pajamas and ate popcorn and watched the oscars and talked about all the dresses.ly must have been very, very excited when you got nominated. >> yeah, and the thing was they were actually outlobes. for the first time in l.a. and visiting me. and they came with me to set. i was filming in vegas.ws when i was there. >> jimmy: wow. >> and it was great because it was like -- we were all in track.m. in the morning and we could just pop the champagne and that was totally normal. >> jimmy: that's right. it's las vegas. you can do that anytime.earing track suits? [ laughter ] >> i'd just woken up. and it's also on film shoots. people aren't just --ing the same thing every day. i do have several options. so it's not like i don't wash but you go to work, you just change.er on some shoots you've been together with
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months and then you end up having like a night when at the rst time you actually -- people say, look at you! jeans and a ll! >> jimmy: yeah, that is a funny thing because when people come here on our show from "game of thrones" or "downton abbey" or something i'm always shocked to see them in normal human being clothes. >> yeah.th you it's kind of the opposite. >> yeah. it's a pretty dress. >> jimmy: will ythe oscars with you? >> i am. >> jimmy: you are. oh. you have to get them tickets or how does that work? >> yeah. i just -- i got them tickets the other -- barrass you by talking to famous people? >> i hope so. >> jimmy: you hope so. you're okay with that? >> yeah. my dad has a bit of a crush on kate winslet.er. i was like, my dad's coming, please be kind. and she was. she was like oh, my god, that's cute.my: wow. that's funny. but i guess your dad, your dad's probably my age now that i think
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i was like, that's a little bit but yeah, your dad -- it probably makes perfect sense that he would have a crush on kate winslet. >> i do have a crush on kate winslet.all the women who are nominated with you in your category? >> it was funny, i actually finally got to meet rooney mara,een sitting at many of these events. and i mean, i've looked up to her and admired her as an actress for a long time. we've been waving across the room. this we had the oscar luncheon. we were put next to each other for this class photo. >> jimmy: does anyone eat lunch at the luncheon? eating. >> it's the first proper event where they actually eat. normally at the golden globes i was sitting there with a plate nd everyone else but the food never came. isn't that weird? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's called the hollywood diet. >> yeah. [ laughter ]s like is this every year? this is not a miss, this is actually -- >> jimmy: yeah, it's a very traditional l.a. thing.
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[ laughter ] >> yeah. and then you drink.goes -- >> jimmy: in sweden does everybody speak english? >> yeah. everyone speaks very good english in sweden.chool from about 9, 10. but it was not until i got here when you actually start to speak it, you know. >> jimmy: and you realize that there are different ways people peak. >> you mean accents? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah, we do have them -- we have them in sweden too. >> jimmy: you have them in sweden? >> yeah.at funny? because really our knowledge of sweden and swedish accents comes from a muppet who cooks. [ laughter ] >> yode, yode, yode. know him. >> but to me he sounds more norwegian. >> jimmy: oh, he does? [ laughter ] wow, so that's not accurate, wow, surprising. yeah, wow, more norwegian. that's a real shocker. that's a scandal [ laughter ] so are you excited about the oscars?
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of winning.elf? you know you can. you're working in las vegas. ed how to play the craps. >> jimmy: yeah. the craps? [ laughter ] how did you do? h that stupid matt damon, weren't you, in las vegas? >> yeah. i'm so happy that you actually see him -- you're telling his true colors. i that he's the sweetest dude. >> jimmy: but he's not. he's a nightmare. >> yeah. >> jimmy: thanks. finally someone confirms this for me. [ cheers and applause ]e still have one week to go. >> jimmy: number one, we learned that the swedish chef is a fraud. and number two, we learned -- well, something i knew for a amon is evil incarnate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, thank you. congratulations. we'll see you at the academy awards, the oscars, which are on 28th, 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific. and of course your movie, which was great. "the danish girl" comes out on
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but thieves. [ cheers and applause ] e "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is
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>> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: thanks toander and apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first with their self-titled album here with the song "trip switch" nothing but thieves! [ cheers and applause ] sharing secrets with another world rubbing shoulders with some unknown lovers ves through the
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itch make a wish and i'll count to three press the button and we'll both be happy sending signals is a dirty trick i get my love in a digital packet trip trip switch switch h what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down what we do when the er's out what do we do when the lights go down down down d go down down down down down down the lights go gimme data ' cos i need a hit ic numbers information i've been craving it gimme yours then and gimme all switch what we do when the power's
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power's out what do we do when the lights go down down down down down s go down down down down down down when the lights go ooh they put out the lights put out the lights put out the lights they put out the lights when the lights what do we do when the lights go down what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down down down down down wn down down down down what we do when the power's out
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go down what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down down down down down down down down down down down down when the lights go down this is "nightline." >> tonight, the pta president framed by fellow parents. how escalated into a nightmare lasting more than five years. >> they're not mine! >> tonight the california mom speaking out after winning ges. the demand for illegal drugs here in the u.s. is fueling the drug war in mexico. >> this is a war that we're responsible for.

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