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tv   North Carolina News at 500PM  CBS  November 22, 2016 5:00pm-6:01pm EST

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captioning made possible by paramount pictures corporation ? donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ?
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this telethon's gonna be a big success. well, i hope so, art. oh, here comes my co-chairman now. maudie findlay, this is dr. jamison, oh... the director of the gallbladder foundation. tell him what a great show we've got. he's a little nervous about the show. oh, doc, that's show biz, opening-night jitters. but like gallstones, this too shall pass. mrs. findlay, are we going to have "big stars?" of course we are! to begin with, we've got euell gibbons. oh, arthur, honey, i'm sorry. euell couldn't make it. no, he's back home in minnesota with a severe case of poison oak. got hold of a bad tree. ( inaudible ) yeah, but let me tell you who we will have, i mean a really top entertainer. are you ready? star of stage, screen and television-- mark spitz.
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g to drink a glass of milk on this very stage. you can thank me for that. mark owed me a favor. i gave his manager a double-discount on a hernia. "a double-discount," doctor? it was a double-hernia, doctor. oh. walter? excuse me, have you seen--oh, maude oh, maude--maude, i'm so nervous. i don't know how dina shore does it day after day. i could never be a big television star. i'm glad you feel that way, vivian. dina was worried. yeah. well, as you can see, lloyd, your gallbladder is in good hands. dr. jamison, i tell you this telethon cannot miss. this is going to be the greatest tribute to the movie since the 1927 tuckahoe film festival. right, and when our thermometer there, see, goes over the $6,000 mark, we've going to do our spectacular version of hooray for hollywood. mrs. naugatuck: ? hooray for hollywood ? ? that phony, super coney, hollywood ?
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better than that.
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ladies and gentlemen-- oh, i forgot, i gotta get on my mark. and now, as our salute to all those carmen miranda musicals, here's carol and the tuckahoe tippy-toe dancers doing, i yi yi yi yi yi yi i like you very much. ? all: ? boom chica boom chica boo boo b-boom ? ? boom chica boom chica boo boo b-boom ? ? boom chica boom chica boo boo b-boom ? ? boom chica boom chica boo boo b-boom ? ? i yi yi yi yi ? carol: ? i like you very much ? ? woo! i yi yi yi yi i think you're grand ? ? why why why you see ? ? that when i feel your touch ? ? my heart starts to beat ? ? to beat the band ? all: ? i yi yi yi yi ?
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? woo! you are too too too too too divine ? ? if you want to be in someone's arms tonight ? ? just be sure the arms you're in are mine ? ? oh, i like your lips ? ? and i like your eyes ? ? do you like my hips ? ? to hips-notize you? ? ? si si si si si si si ? ? see the moon above ? ? way way way way way ? ? up in the blue ? ? si si si senior ? ? and when i fall ? ? i think i fall for you ? chorus: ? boom chica boom chica boo boo b-boom ? ? i yi yi yi ? ? boom chica boom chica boo boo b-boom ? ? si si si si ? ? boom chica boom chica boo boo b-boom ? ? i yi yi yi see see ? ? that you're the one for me ? ( music ends ) was it all right? that was wonderful, carol. okay. oh, norman, how are you?
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maudie, mark spitz's manager! oh. stage manager: five minutes, everybody, five minutes to air time. hello, norman. what do you mean mark can't make it? he--he's snowed in? in honolulu?! hello? hello. ( tapping hook switch ) hello? i knew it, i knew it, i knew it! you knew it was gonna snow in honolulu? shut up, arthur. mrs. findlay, i have half a mind to withdraw the foundation from this telethon. oh, please, dr. jamison, full of talent. that's right, lloyd. like who? well, to begin with, uh, this is aldo formica, who is in his second year at tony's grotto, where his performance has literally thrilled millions. what does he do? he spins pizzas in the window. and, uh, this is dick winslow, the one man band. hi there! whatta you want? symphony? jazz? rock? just--
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this is regis bodine, who broke the color line by appearing as the first black santa clause. he does an extremely funky ho ho ho. hey, baby, what's happenin'! arthur, i think we're in trouble. no, lloyd, lloyd, don't worry. vivian! vivian, let's run down my number for dr. jamison. now, don't worry, lloyd. i personally do a number that i guarantee you every red-blooded american's gonna love. are we ready? ? ? i'm a yankee doodle dandy ? ? yankee doodle, do or die ? ? a real live nephew ? ? of my uncle sam ? ? born on the fourth of july ? ? i've got a yankee doodle sweetheart ?
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o london ? ? just to ride the ponies ? ? i am a yankee doodle boy ? there are thousands of people who tremble and quiver with disease of the tummy, lunges, or the liver. americans give and never are gluttons. they share with the sick, and they wear their "win" buttons. ? yeah, i got ? ? a yankee doodle sweetheart ? ? she's my yankee doodle joy ? ? yankee doodle came to london ? ? just to ride the ponies ? ? i am a yankee doodle boy ? ? i am ? ? a yankee doodle ? ? boy! ? what? what? ( music ends )
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w-we'll drop it! we'll drop it! we'll cut it from the show! you can do anything you want with your show, mrs. findlay. the gallbladder foundation is pulling out. this is a fiasco! wait, lloyd! how can we have a telethon with no disease? oh-- maude! arthur, don't panic! i wanna panic! this is no time to panic. this is the perfect time. stage manager: stand by, mrs. findlay. the telethon's on the air. ( cymbal crashes ) ? hooray for hollywood ? oh... good evening, ladies and gentlemen. ? hooray for hollywood ? ( music stops, drum rolling ) and welcome, welcome to your first annual telethon for...
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? foggy day in london town ? lonely, ducks? like to come to my place? i can change a ten. ron cronin, my fiance! is it really you? i thought you were-- dead? yes. yes, the war office reported i was kill in action. you look wonderful. you certainly didn't let your self go
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it was ghastly. do you think we can ever be lovers again? i'm afraid love is a thing of the past for me. you see i was shot in the southern provinces. oh, well, it looks like a handshake instead of a kiss. gwendolyn. and i love you, ron. ? ( off key ) ? take thou this rose ? ? this little tender rose ? ? the rarest flower ? ? in all god's garden fair ? ? and let it be ?
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? an emblem of the love ? ? i proudly, proudly bear ? ? take thou this heart ? ? this heart that loves thee well ? ? your dear eyes tell ? ? god fashioned ? ? for oh ? ? for you, for you alone ? ( music ends ) oh, the--they're finished? yes. oh, where is the pizza twirler? oh, mr. formica, you're on.
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for our telethon. i know this is a small telethon, but pink eye is a small disease. let's face it, maudie, all the really good disease have been taken by the hollywood stars. this can't go on. it's illegal. you can't take money from people when you don't even know what the disease is. but why not? doctors do it all the time. please, mr. moser, just give us just give us a little bit more time. the telethon this way. all right, all right, all right! five minutes, but if you haven't found a respectable illness to sponsor this telethon, by then, i'm yanking it and putting on perry mason. oh, please, everybody think, think! put on your thinking caps. we need a disease! i demand that somebody do something. somebody, please! arthur, why don't you do something! i am doing something. i'm demanding that somebody do something. mrs. findlay, the pizza man's been out there a long time.
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ere is mr. fontazu? ( all shouting ) where is mr. fontazu? maude, why don't you do a number? walter, i am the producer. i'll tell you what i'll do. i'll go out and make another speech for funds i'm sure he'll be here in just a few seconds. listen, please keep phoning until you come down with something. i mean, come up with something. come on, everybody. let's all pitch in and get a disease for maude. thank you, thank you. mr. formica, that was truly ladies and gentlemen, your response has been heartwarming, and please remember that every penny you pledge goes to fight a malady that could attack your husband, your wife, or even someone you love. pst pst. pst pst. oh, oh, good, good. ladies and gentlemen-- ladies and gentlemen, you have all heard of that famous singer
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ul anka, huh? well your mystery telethon is proud to present, in person, tonight, on this very stage, mr. anka's own gardner, mr. amiel fontazu! singing one of mr. anka's all time hits. maude, fontazu isn't here! you go and get him and i'll just ad lib-- i can't, maude! you sing the song. oh, come on, walter. i can't sing the song. i mean it, maude. you sing it. walter, i couldn't possibly sing f-- ? regrets, i've had a few ? ? but then too few ? ? that i could men-- ? oh, walter, this is ridiculous-- go ahead! g'head g'head g'head! ? i did what i had to do ?
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oh, walter, come on-- i--i--i could in a million-- you're doing it great, maude. better than fontazu! better than fontazu? walter, do you mean that? how about sinatra? ten times better than sinatra! ( boldly ) ? yes, there were times ? ? i'm sure you knew ? ? when i bit off ? ? more than i could chew ? ? but through it all ? ? when there was doubt ? ? i ate it up ? ? and spit it out ? ? i did it all ? ? and i stood tall ? ? and did it ? ? my ?
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? for what is a woman? ? ? and what has she got? ? ? if not herself ? ? for she has not ? ? to say the words ? ? she truly feels ? ? and not the things ? ? of one who kneels ? ? the record shows ? ? i took the blows ? ? ? my ? ? way! ? carol: i don't believe it! maude, it was really good. oh... great, maude, we got 28 telephone calls during your-- arthur, 28 pledges?! no, 28 complaints
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it is imperative that you understand that a telethon without a sponsor is against the law. i could go to jail. oh, please, please, mr. moser, calm down. you are going to have a nervous breakdown. mm-hmm. i wonder. do they have telethons for nervous breakdowns? maude! maude! ( gasping ) it is incredible! the money is just rolling in! walter, that's marvelous. but who are we going to give it to? how the hell do i know? maude, you're trying to bring chaos! uh uh th--thank you uh, thank you, baton twirlers uh, thank you, uh--uh balloon person. uh, uh... ladies and gentlemen, you have just been absolutely lovely. i mean, look. as you can see, we are only now $312 away form our goal. and while we're waiting to reach that magic mark, i should like to bring out again
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this time, preparing a pepperoni pizza. while asking the musical question, c'e la luna mezz'o mare? ( piano playing ) oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen i should like to introduce my co-chairman, dr. arthur harmon. i have just a short announcement. stop that! i completely disassociate myself from this show. arthur, come-- uh, he's only kidding, folks. she has blackened my reputation with this silly telethon. silly telethon?! arthur, it's people like you who make telethons necessary. oh, yeah? oh, yeah! we need telethons to make sick people well because we do not have a national health plan. oh, nonsense, if people can get sick without help from the government, then they can get well without help from the government. walter, what are you trying to say? ( whistling )
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? hooray ? ? for hollywood ? ? that screwy, ballyhooey hollywood! ? ? where every office boy or young mechanic ? ? can be a panic ? ? with just a good-looking pan ? maude, we can't do this! not now, arthur. ? if i had a talking picture ? ? of you ? ? i would run it every time i ? ? feel blue ? maude, i gotta say this! don't say it, sing it! ? whoa whoa whoa ? ? you oughta be in pictures ? ? you're beautiful to see ? ? you oughta be in pictures ? ? my star of ? ? you are my lucky star ?
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tta talk to you! ? clang clag clang went the trolley ? ? ding ding ding went the bell ? ? you are my lucky star ? ? i saw you from afar ? ? you made me love you ? maude, this can't go on! this can't. ? i didn't wanna do it ? ? i didn't wanna do it ? ? you are my lucky star ? ? i saw you from afar ? ? mad about the boy ? ? i know it's crazy ? ? but i'm mad about the boy-- ? what is it, arthur?! stop it! stop the music! stop it! stop all this and all this, and all this. we're taking money here under false pretenses. people do not want to send their money to us. they want to give it to the charity of their choice. oh, come on, arthur, how could-- well, of course! why didn't i think of that? ladies and gentlemen,
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of your choice telethon. ? men: ? heaven ? woman: ? heaven heaven ? men: ? i'm in heaven ? woman: ? heaven heaven ? men: ? and my heart beats so that i can hardly ? women: ? speak to me ? ? lovely way to spend an ? ? even with a turkey ? ? that you know will fold ? ? you may be stranded ? ? out in the cold ? ? still you wouldn't trade it ? ? for a sack of gold ? ? let's go on with the show ? ? let's ? ? go on ? ? with the-- ? ? the cohens ? ? and the kellys ? ? the campbells ? ? and vermicellis ? ? they're all a part ? ? of our tenement sympho-- ? ...drove out to the airport to see him off.
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donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? we got a postcard from phillip.
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yeah, i'm gonna slide it under her door so she sees it as soon as she wakes up. i'll take it up. i have to finish packing. oh, okay. but, listen, honey...honey. please, sweetheart, don't disturb her. the poor child needs her sleep. hello, mother! boy, does she need her sleep. uh, carol, honey, aren't you, uh... overdressed a bit to go out for the morning paper? mother, i'm not going out for the morning paper. i'm just getting in! all right, come on. come on, come on, come on! carol, don't you have a little news for me? sure! here. oh, carol! okay, okay! i know you're dying to find out, right? you're dying! (coughs ) mother! ( laughs ) i'm in-- love with a wonderful, marvelous, fabulous man, and he loves you! yes, mother! and--
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mother! because la-- because last night, he told you he loved you, and you're going to get married. carol, i said, "because last night he told you he loved you, and you're gonna get married." mother, where were you last night? in the back seat of his car? no, but i suspect you were. ( laughs ) attention: are you eligible for medicare? the medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. changes to medicare plans could impact your healthcare costs. are you getting all the benefits available to you? new plans are now available that could increase your benefits and lower how much you pay out of pocket. to update your coverage- or enroll for the first time -- call healthmarkets. we'll help you make sure you have the right medicare plan. hi, i'm doctor martin gizzi. it's a new medicare year. that means more changes... and more confusion. here's what i tell my patients...
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carol... this is for you. oh, mother... you're giving me grandma's vase? on the day you marry.
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your great-grandmother gave it to grandma, and then... grandma gave it to me, and now i'm giving it to you... my daughter. the future mrs. harold what's-his-name. carol, you haven't told me what harold's last name is! it's harold loftus. harold loftus. ( vase breaks ) she just couldn't stand the excitement g her a son-in-law! she's also given me a daughter-in-law! harold loftus is married! ( china cracking ) grandma's vase! the hell with grandma! at least she doesn't have to clear up the mess! no! forget the vase! it's you i'm interested in! oh, oh, no! mother, mother, it's all right. it's all right. harold and his wife have been separated for nearly a month. they're getting a divorce! oh, come on! harold and marilyn
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than most people change their socks! they'll be back together within a week! but it'll take us a year to get your heart back together, carol. oh, mother! stop the melodramatics! look, harold says this time they really are getting a divorce. honey, harold loftus is a womanizer! every chance he gets, whenever we play canasta, he reaches under the table and puts his hand on my knee. mother, the marriage is already shut. oh. now, please, just butt out! i mean, i know you're trying to help, but you can't be objective about this. you're my mother. carol, i'm not only your mother. i am your friend, carol. your best friend. well, you can't be my mother and my best friend, too. yes, i can! no, you can't! don't contradict me, carol! i'm your mother! well, i don't need a mother right now! you say you're my friend, be my friend! all right. i will speak to you as a friend.
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mother. friend. knock it off! knock it off? you can say that to me, carol? me, who loves you, who cares for you, who is only interested in your welfare? you tell me to knock it off? yes! and to think i threw 37 tupperware parties so i could afford to get your teeth straightened. ( sighs ) oh. there has to be some way to get through to you, carol. nna find out how. ( sighs ) mrs. naugatuck, am i so wrong? well... well, carol, i know how you feel. i also know how she feels. she thinks you're making a mistake. and she loves you too much to let that happen. well, what do you think? well, i can only say i was involved with a married man myself,
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if it was so diabolical, why didn't you stop seeing him? stop seeing him? i was the one he was married to! i've got it. i have finally figured it out. i know how to get through to you. i am going to call marilyn and let her tell you they're not getting a divorce. mother, don't you dare! now, harold gave me his word, and that's enough for me. the last thing i want is my mother calling my fiance's wife! augatuck. look. i know we're living in an age when children are not supposed to listen to their parents. but, mrs. naugatuck, you've been around. you know that i'm right. will you please tell her what you think? yes, mum. carol, i think your mother should not interfere and mind her own business!
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if you wanted a yes-man instead of an housekeeper, you shoulda hired a parrot. believe me, even with a parrot, the house would've been cleaner. oh. well, a parrot would've done a better job talking to your daughter! butt out, naugatuck! who are you to tell me to butt out? your employer, that's who! oh, no, you're not! oh, yes, i am! not anymore, you're not--i quit! here's my feather duster! i'm sure you know where you can put that! now you see what you've done? because of you, i've just lost a housekeeper. how can you blame that on me? you're right, it's harold loftus's fault. you see, i told you he was no good. ( sighs ) mother, i come home, i tell you i'm in love with someone,
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carol, it was destroyed before it began! ( sighs ) tsk. what's the use? this started out to be the happiest day of my life, and you ruined it. you just ruined it. carol, i only did it for you. mother, i-i'm sick of this. i am sick of arguing. i am sick of defending myself. if i had any sense, i'd move out! carol, if you had any sense, you'd face up to the truth about marilyn and harold! he is no good! he has been no good for her, that does it! i'm moving out! maude... what's going on? what happened? oh, walter, you won't believe it. what? carol is moving out. she's furious. what happened to "she's in love with a wonderful guy"? the wonderful guy turned out to be-- are you ready? harold loftus.
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love to stay and help you figure out something, but i got this plane to catch! oh, come on, honey. do you really have to go? i got to--i'm the keynote speaker. maude, i got an idea. why don't you come along? maybe my speech will cheer you up. oh, maybe so. it's called can the appliance industry weather the economic storm or triple-digit profits during double-digit inflation? good-bye, sweetheart. well, i hope everything works out. so long, sweetheart. i'll phone. ( door closes ) mrs. naugatuck-- i'll send for the rest of my things! good. they'll be out on the front lawn. good-bye, dear. "good-bye, dear"? i wasn't talking to you! i was talking to the plant! i'll be back to pick up my things as soon as i find a place to stay. carol, carol, hon--
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plea--carol, you're my daughter. mother, we've already talked too much. good-bye. ( door slams )
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john, we're giving you a raise. that's fantastic! but i'm gonna pass. are you ok? honey, you got another present. no thank you, dad. who says no to more? time warner cable internet gives you more of what you and those little data hoggers want. like ultra-fast speeds up to 300 megs. that's 50x faster than dsl. this internet speed is sick. get 50 meg internet starting at $39.99 a month.
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oh, maude. i'm so glad you came over. listen, you make the salad. come on. come on, come on! keep your hands busy. there... oh, viv. i know, i know... oh, viv, my own daughter. i've driven her out of the house. radishes. my own daughter.
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i told her i didn't wanna be a meddling mother. i just wanted to be her friend. green pepper. i know, i know. viv, i don't mind her leaving, but not under these conditions. bamboo shoots. oh, viv, i guess i'll just never learn to keep my big mouth shut. i know, i know. oh, vivian, i love you dearly, but one more "i know, i know," and so help me! i-i do know. maude, carol told me. carol told you? yes. so, i invited her to stay here. vivian! oh, we--just until i can find her an apartment. vivian, she is my daughter! and i'm the one who's in the real estate business! all right, if that's the way you feel,
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oh, shut up, vivian! i'm just trying to help! it's sweet of you to try. i know, i-- oh, vivian, it's not her fault. it's all my fault, all my fault! all her life, i've taught her three things. i taught her never to take candy from strangers, and never to eat hamburger in a drugstore, and... always wear clean underwear in case you get in an automobile accident. the one thing i neglected to tell her about was harold loftus. ( laughing ) i think he's cute. cute? yeah. vivian, he's a lecher! he goes after anything in a skirt! he made a pass at me once. that proves my point. listen, maude, i think it's carol's life, and you have no right to interfere. oh, honey. i know that, viv. and if harold were free to marry her,
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i would only be her friend. i would keep my feelings to myself. why don't you just call up marilyn and ask her if she's going to give harold a divorce? oh, because carol does not want her meddling mother to call marilyn. oh. who you calling? marilyn. but, maude, you just sai-- i lied! hello, marilyn? maude findlay. no, dear, i'm vo-- no, honey, i'm not sick. no, listen. i have something to ask you. i sound terrible? i always sound terrible. no, i assu-- marilyn, that won't be necessa-- ma-- ( hangs up the receiver ) wouldn't you know it? she's on her way over to my house, with chicken soup, probably. oh... well, good luck. i hope things turn out well. carol's such a sweet girl. she really deserves the best. oh, vivian. ( sighs ) vivian, i am so lucky to have a friend like you. oh...
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oh... so sympathetic... what the hell is she doing here?! oh. i'm your new next-door neighbor. she--she needed a job! first my daughter, now my housekeeper?! what are you running here, vivian? a home for wayward girls?! she insulted me! that means she still loves me. oh. i know, i know. harold? no, babe, i found an apartment. sure you can help. okay, bring the station wagon. we'll load it up. i love you, too. ( door opens ) honey, you're back. carol: hello, mother. oh, carol. oh, carol, honey.
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but mother-- carol, you know, i was just remembering when you were six years old, and i gave you a nickel r the wishing well, and you threw it in the well and you said, "i wish i could always live with my mommy." mother, i just came to get my things. i found an apartment. i want my nickel back. oh, carol, please come back. carol-- mother, i'm sorry, but i really have made up my mind. marilyn, marilyn! oh, please, lord, let her still be at home! ( doorbell rings ) nobody listens to me! hello, maude. marilyn, we must do this again some time. but mau-- maude, you said you wanted to talk to me. yes, i wanted to talk to you and see if we could arrange it for another time. but--but maude,
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i--i--i really got it for my mother, but then i didn't wanna come empty-handed, so i erased her name from the card and put yours in. can you tell? well, i can make out the "o" and just a part of the "t"-- look, uh, marilyn, i do have something to ask you, but i'm in a terrible rush. we don't have much time. carol: mother, who is that? uh, nobody! let's talk in the kitchen. oh, bu-but, maude. look, maude... i--i--i know why you asked me over here. now, i can tell something is bothering you. yes. well-- n tell me, maude. i may be overly nice, but i'm solid. yeah. yes. i'm like a piece of the rock. well, what i wanted to talk about, marilyn... ( sighs ) is divorce. oh, maude, you're getting another divorce. marilyn! maude, you poor, poor thing! oh, poor maude! you're a born loser. look, marilyn, heh, marilyn, you are a saint and an angel,
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now, look, what i wanted to ask you, marilyn-- are you and harold getting a divorce? well, to tell you the truth, maude, i--i was gonna give him a divorce, but then i found out he's running around with some floozy. floozy? i'm really-- how-- what makes you-- i mean-- well, i mean, just because, huh-- just because some girl is--is dating harold ( laughing ) doesn't mean that she's a floozy. o-on my honor, uh, uh, uh... maude... you're the floozy! me?! you don't have to lie to me, maude. really, i'm very understanding. here, have a piece of my mother's candy. uh, marilyn, i assure you i am not having an affair with harold on my word of honor!
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but-- honey, i'm sorry i have to rush you, but i'm expecting 55 for dinner, and i have to start peeling shrimp. oh, anything i can do to help? yes, just get out. oh, but y-- harold! marilyn! darling! you co-come back later! marilyn: maude! yes, you're right, marilyn! i am the floozy that harold is having the affair with. but, maude-- marilyn, what are you doing here? marilyn! carol! d i wish i was dead. uh, marilyn, i-i-i'm really sorry this had to happen this way. oh, good grief. she's the one. oh, no. now, look, marilyn, it--it is not carol's fault. believe me. she would not hurt you for the world. oh, maude... do you think for one minute that i would blame this innocent child?
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mother, how could you do this?! look, carol, just listen! marilyn, harold, are you or are you not getting a divorce? yes. no. no? yes. now, wait a minute, mar. we settled this whole thing last tuesday night. tuesday night? you told me you play handball on tuesday nights. well, i do, uh-- i--every tuesday night, i stop by and see marilyn first, and then i go play handball. that's right. first thing after breakfast on wednesday morning. you lied to me! honey, i have to see marilyn on tuesdays. it's the only time we have to discuss the divorce. it takes you all night to discuss a divorce?! the way we discuss the divorce--yes. marilyn... every tuesday night. marilyn, you really are too nice. oh, thanks, maude.
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carol, try to have a little understanding! understanding? harold, you lied to me! and i trusted you! harold: carol, i'm telling you i'm getting a divorce! harold, do you think for one minute that i would give you a divorce now, and let you spoil that poor child's life? i'm much to nice for that. good-bye, maude. enjoy my mother's candy, maude. i'm back. the crock next door drove me crazy. even with all the windows open,
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welcome back, mrs. naugatuck. i wasn't talking to you! i was talking to the plant! hi. ( chuckles ) want some coffee? yeah. okay. one lump. carol, speaking of lumps, honey, i have one in my throat. so do i.
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