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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 28, 2016 11:05pm-12:07am CST

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tomorrow morning! all mememberof the academy who are eligible are invited to vote their nominations for best picture. in most other categories, the nominations are decided by a vote of the members working in that specific category. then the entire membership
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the recipients of the oscars. and finally, the results of all the secret voting are known only to the independentccounting firm of pricewaterhousecoopers
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why he's getting a third chance at redemption. stephanie: the stories that will make you believe we are iowa start in 90 seconds. brad/wx wall weather adlib:
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down ton down tonight a little bit with lows dropping back into the 30s. monday will be a pretty decent day with highs in the upper 50s before another cold front comes through monday afternoon and brings monday will be a pretty decent day with highs in the upper 50s before another cold front comes through monday afternoon and brings a chance for a wintry mix monday night. it will be windy once again, ssw winds at 10- 20 and gusts over 25, eventually switching to the north. it doesn't
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rain. one of the biggest nights in film... coming up on local 5 news at 10, the best of the best hit the red carpet, hoping to win the academy's top honors. nikki: iowans headed to the big screen to see which movies took home the oscars... we're wrapping up a watch party at fluer cinema. we'll talk about the winners next . jack: then--- two men bust out of a newton prison. who you need to be looking out for tonight. stephanie: but first, not many people are given a second chance let alone a third. hear the story of a sex offender and athlete who's getting another shot here in the metro. "if he could change it, would he go back and change things? of course. but, when it
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guilt around i think he's realized his number one job is to move forward and be a better person." stephanie: not an easy task for a former college standout turned convicted sex offender - so why is an iowa school giving andrew long a third chance at redemtion? stephanie/2shot college wrestling programs across the country are getting ready to compete in national tournaments, including the four time- defending n-a-i-a champs - grand view university. jack/2shot the vikings have made a name for themselves after competing in the sport for just seven seasons. this year, one of the wrestlers gaining national attention is 26- year-old andrew long, it's a story of an unlikely third chance for a man whose rise back to the top came after falling to the bottom. jack: local 5's elias johnson reports in a story you'll see only here on local 5.
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nat - espn broadcast 2009 ncaa championships "andrew long a freshman from iowa state performing on this sports biggest stage" some train a lifetime in hopes of achieving what andrew long has in the sport of wrestling nat - espn broadcast big10 championship "eventually persistance paid off and i wanted to ge that takedown more" two time all american, big ten champion and national runner up top the long list of accomlihsments but off the mat - long made headlines as well...with a criminal wrap sheet that overshadowed his biggest accomplishments nat - takedown wrestling "the fight network presents this program borught to you by kemin - this is takedown" few know long's life story better than takedown wrestling host scott casber, and close family friend steve foster. scott casber - host of takedown wrestling "its very unique when you se a kid live up to what you think he's going to be" steve foster - close family friend "sometimes in wrestling community, it demands so much in that sport - you've
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years meyself and it can sometimes get the around a little bit." from the cyclone program in 2010 where he placed second in the nation after several run-ins with the law, mostly related to drinking - but he found a new home as a nitany lion under cael sanderson who recruite long before leaving iowa state for penn state. steve foster - close family friend great success on the mat - andrew did - then he took off to penn state with cael his coach at the time at iowa state, still cheering for him as a human being, missed him not representing iowa state, but as a human still cheering for andrew strong. it was the kind of support andrew long would end up needing the most. following his third place finish in the national tournamnet, long was accused of rape after an off campus incident involveing a 55-year- old woman. long who doesn't remember the
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pleaded guilty to indecent assault and served 9 months in a pennsylvania prison. steve foster - close family friend "i tried to build him up and lift him up and he used to write me letters when he was in prison and i cherish those letters, i can tell you right where they're at in my house becuase they're filled with resiliancy, full of compasion for life, for getting back on the highway." elias johnson "what was the rock bottom for you and have you hit rock bottom? andrew long "rock bottom is when you decide to stop digging, you know? i mean when you're the one digging you can stop, but for me it was like dragging my family through a lot of the consquences that were of my own doing, you know i made these choices and now my family has to be the
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did that hurt the most and you saw how your parents were hurt by your decisions? andrew long "yeah. i'd say just having to explain, this is what i did, again, i don't want you to be mad at me, i don't want you to think of me as a failure, or something." nat - grandview wrestling room as long worked to escape from his bottom in life - one of the first to extend a helping hand as he completed couselling was grandview head wrestling coach, nick mitchell nick mitchell - grand view head wrestling coach i just started having some conversations with andrew and spent some time with him and really find out where he was as a person amd changes he's made in his life and once i got to the point where i rally serious about it we started talkingt o the admiinstration and everybody else. andrew long we want to give you another chance, we want to help you get your life back on track we want to help you succeed.
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andrew, now 26, enroll at grandview and join the viking wrestling team. his physical ability was never in doubt but his past wasn't easy to overlook. elias johnson "andrew is a registered sex offender, is that hard for some people to look past you think?" nick mitchell - grand view head wrestling coach "i'm sure it is. i mean the term itself with all of us envokles a little fear there's a stigma attached to it. the best ting we did is we had a lot of pople envolved int his decision from our president to the vice president our members of the cabinet - each of them had tome to sit down and talk with andrew and that was the best thing we cold have done becuase it gave everybody a better sense as to who he was, the same thing i
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where he was in his life and i think thats the big ting that anybody who talks to him sees and can be comforatble with the situation and those red flags disappear." andrew long "as grace is sufficient i stand on alot of scriptures. if i have questions with ethical decisions or moral decision or whats right and whats wrong i'll just read that and discover the truth in there and that keeps me on the straight and arrow." after becoming the forst viking wrestler to ever win a midlands championship, andrew continues working to staff off his back on the mat, and more importantly- in life scott casber - host of takedown wrestling the story of wrestling is of second chances. there are so few undefeateds out there and so few gold
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third or fourth. so, lets face it the sport embraces second third and fourth and he is getting a second chance and some would say a third chance." steve foster - close family friend life is about getting restarted becuase life will put you on your back sometimes, it will put you on your back and that's what's great about the sport of wrestling is it teaches you to get off your back. andrew long "god's got the show now" elias tag on camera there's no doubt andrew is a phonomnal wrestler - currently ranked number 1 at 149 lbs. what would happen is someone without his talent, but still had a wrap sheet and wated to attend grand view as a student? university president, kent henning sent us this statement... "safety for the grand view community is a primary concern. whenever we become aware of any student (future or present) who has a current or prior criminal record, we assess the case on an individual basis to determine if that
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danger to the university community. andrew was treated no differently from any other student, athlete or not. after our research on andrew was complete, we came to believe that andrew has resolved his past issues, and he was admitted with some appropriate restrictions. as we do with all students, andrew is being given the support he needs to be successful." one of those restirctions is andrew is not allowed to live on campus. the iowa coalition against sex assault wants to remind everyone there will always be a victim in this story and what to know further treatment andrew is taking to aviod repeating his past. for local 5 i'm elias johnson - we are iowa jack: we want to know what you think about andrew long's chance to compete at grand view. let us know, we may use your comments on-air. you can post you thoughts on twitter and facebook. or send us an email or give us a call . the contact information is on your screen. stephanie/ram: new tonight...a jail break. two inmates are on the run after getting out of the minimum security prison in newton. now police are asking for your help to find and arrest these two men, michael amodeo and jessy foley. local 5's jacob peklo tells us how they managed to
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jacob peklo, weareiowa.com: "department of corrections officials say they realized one inmate was missing after a routine check around 9-30 saturday night. and then after taking a recount, discovered two men were actually gone." fred scaletta, department of corrections spokesman: "we know how they got out of the facility of course, but at that point, if they've gotten anywhere else we have no idea if they did or how that may have happened." the two men are both in for drug-related incidents and were close to being released, but that's all changed. fred scaletta, department of corrections spokesman: "if someone's going to take the risk of escaping, you have to assume that there is some threat. however, at the same time, there's some kind of hiding factor where you figure they don't want to get caught." jacob peklo, weareiowa.com: "after fleeing from the facility both could get five more years tacked onto their sentences, as well as a move to a more highly secured prison like oakdale. in the studio, jacob peklo, local five news. we are iowa." stephanie: if anyone has any information on the missing inmates, you're encouraged to call 9-1-1 immediately. jack/lam: hollywood's super bowl just wrapped up here on local 5. did your favorite movie or actor walk
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local 5's nikki davidson is out at fleur cinema, where metro movie buffs just finished up their watch party, nikki? nikki: many of the movies that took home oscars tonight actually enjoy extended plays here at fluer cinema... they say movie tickets are the peoples way of voting for an oscar here.. so it's only fitting that on the big screen they held a special watch party for the 88th academy awards. it was free and about 70 people came out... they also had their own ballots for who movie fans thought should win. i asked a few people which wins tonight that they agreed with the academy.... here's a look " i'm really glad spotlight won because it was probably the best movie i saw this year. i was really excited when alicia vikander from danish girl won, she did amazing" nikki: some of the big moments tonight.... - - - fluer cinema is going to have the winners of
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posted on thier fb tomorrow morning. in des moines, i'm nikki davidson, local 5 news we are iowa. jack: and for everything oscars, make sure to head over to abc dot com. stephanie: all eyes are set on march first as presidential candidates will be tested in these "super tuesday" states. stephanie: with only two days left to campaign, heavy mudslinging on the republican side. and a lot of it's being thrown at trump. stephanie: meanwhile, hillary clinton took south carlina by 50 points, giving her the upper had in the race so far. tune in tuesday night for the latest. jack: the fazzino murder trial resumes tomorrow morning. alexander fazzino is accused of murdering his wife emily back in 2012. friday, emily's father testified about the night before her death. in written testimony, he talks about her drug abuse, detox and a change in alex's demeanor. the medical examiner who did
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took the stand, saying she leans towards homicide over any other cause of death. stephanie: local 5 chief meteorologist brad edwards joins us now, and brad will we be getting another snow storm this week, or can we expect more spring-like temperatures? brad (adlibs about weather) brad:
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winds will calm down tonight a little bit with lows dropping back into the 30s. monday will be a pretty decent day with highs in the upper 50s before another cold front comes through monday afternoon and brings a chance for a wintry mix monday night. it will be windy once again, ssw winds at 10- 20 and gusts over 25, eventually switching to the north. it doesn't look like much snow is expected with less than 1/2 an inch expected along with some rain or freezing rain. most of the week will be cool with highs in the 30s and 40s, with another slight chance for some rain and snow wednesday into thursday. next weekend looks nice again, with dry conditions and temps warming back into the 50s! march is definitely coming in like a lamb.
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day with highs in the upper 50s before another cold front comes through monday afternoon and brings a chance for a wintry mix monday night. it will be windy once again, ssw winds at 10- 20 and gusts over 25, eventually switching to the north. it doesn't look like much snow is expected with less than 1/2 an inch expected along with some rain or freezing rain. most of the week will be cool with highs in the 30s and 40s, with another ight chance for some rain and snow wednesday into thursday. next weekend looks nice again, with dry conditions and temps warming back into the 50s! march is definitely coming in like a lamb. brad (brad wraps weather forecast) jack: still to come on local 5 news at
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continues for an autistic waterloo man. stephanie: plus, folks in prairie city need to be careful with their tap water. what you need to know after the break. take sot monday on good morning iowa... will hollywood's big night have any surprises? we'll recap the winners from this year's academy awards. and a look at if our movie gurus get their picks right for oscar! and sam has a look at your forecast ((:04 wx ad-lib)) that's monday on the all-new good morning iowa!
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in prairie city this weekend, but now a new issue has popped up. taking a look around iowa tonight... jack: the city's water tower started draining on its own causing a city-wide boil order. some people say they didn't just lose water pressure, they had none at all. the dnr says it needs to test the water as it returns. prairie city leaders say they hope to know more by tuesday. look to local 5 for updates on when the boil order will be over. stephanie: and in waterloo, a man with autism is missing... this is 22-year- old rashon
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friday night in waterloo, wearing a red coat and carrying a backpack. if you have any information , please call the police. stephanie: coming up next...an ankeny mother takes her child's bullying to a national audience. stephanie/ram: welcome back.
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daughter are taking their story of bullying infront of a national audience they're guests on tomorrow's steve harvey show. morgan sellers had been bullied repeatedly by kids at school, and one day her mother, alisha, had enough. "nobody was doing anything about it, so at that time i had to take it into my own hands and go to the school...and confront the bully" stephanie: hear their story tomorrow afternoon at 2 on local 5. jack: sports director jon schaeffer is here now-- and jon the hawkeyes just can't figure things out. jon: yeah jack an ugly one today for
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coming up on local 5 sports fran mccaffery has multiple levels of madness-- today we saw defcon 2... a couple more losses and we might hit defcon 5... we'll hear from fran next. " now, local 5 sports
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three weeks ago iowa appeared to be well on its way to a big ten title and according to some, the #1 overall seed in the tournament. how quickly things can change. 3 losses in 4 games, now leave the hawkeyes a game behind indiana in the big ten. today things didn't go any better for the hawkeyes. it could be fatigue, it could be mental breakdown, or it could be this team isn't as good we thought they were. plain and simple-- iowa has a lot to figure out in the next two weeks if they want to make a deep run in the ncaa tournament. let's see what happened today. hawks taking on a dangerous buckeyes team on the road. 1st half, was the dunk contest featuring mike gesell. off the steal, gesell finishes with the flush. then check out the crossover and the one handed slam!! worth another look. the boy can flat out jump out of the gym! iowa up 2. but osu would answer on the next possession. (kate-uh) bates diop with the hoop and the hack. buckeyes up 5 at the break. 2nd half, peter
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that's iowa's first 3 pointer of the game!! then later on it's jarrod uthoff, his first 3 of the game puts the hawks back on top hawks up 6 with 5 to play. but the buckeyes' kam williams hits the 3, refs call it a two. then in the corner this one counts as a 3. buckeyes on a 10-0 run. one last chance for the hawks, mike gesell to the rack, gets stuffed! iowa loses for the 4th time in 5 games. 68-64. fran mccaffery not too happy today after the game. "everything went wrong. we didn't execute we didn't defend we didn't rebound. he makes a big impact for them a lot he certainly did this game. it wasn't like we didn't mark hiim. you know we just didn't play him right. anymore questions? fran walks off. " women's hoops drake hosting bradley on senior day! only one senior, emma donahue. 1st half, drake down early. but lizzy wendell cashes in the three to go up by 1. more from wendell.
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good. bulldogs up 2 after 1. 2nd quarter, bradley takes the lead on this ugly shot by kat yelle, it's effective. braves up 1. but drake put the foot on the petal and didn't look back. maddy dean to wendell on the back door cut. then check the moves by caitlyn ingle up and in for two more. bulldogs go up 17 at the break. and they send the fans home happy, jon/3shot (wrap sports) stephanie: jack: we'll be right back... you're watching local five news at 10. brad: weather adlib: the winds will calm down
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lows drotonight. " " "definitely the
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and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"! >> how do you think it went? what did you think of j-law's dress? whicwhite people did you go after, bro? >> chris, over here, did you to us! >>jimmy, jimmy kimmel, what are you doing out here? >> jimmy: my mom got me this
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>> don't you have the "after the oscars" special tonight? >> jimmy: y yeah, but- did you get a gift basket? can i get some of that nourishing lotion? yo, chris. did leta rock it tonight? chris, who are you wearing? chris! i didn't find o out who you're wearing! i need to know who you're wearing! >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"! tonight - ben affleck, tracy morgan, henry cavill, jesse isenberg, j.k. simmons, will arnett, nathan lane, matthew broderick, mike tyson, and less. plus we go live to the governors ball. presented by samsung. with cleto and the cletones. and now --
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here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. i'm jimmy. thanks for watchining. thanks for staying up. i know it's late for a sunday night but welcome to our 11th annual after the oscars special. the statues have been handed out, the speeches have been spoken, and once again i was not invited to any of the after parties so here we are together. [ cheers and applause ] making the best of it. it was a night of controversy. it was a night of awareness. it was a night of a lot of uncomfortable famous white people trying to make sure they clapped when the cameras were on them as you know there were no black nomiminees in the acting
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tonight's oscar hopefuls were whiter than the line to buy t-shirts at a micichael bolton concert. the only way a black or hispanic or asian octoberer was goingngo win an oscar was if they let steve harvey announce the winner and that didn't happen. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmymy: t show went mostly as expected, there weren't a ton of surprises. the biggest surprise was learning there's actually a movie called "the 100 year old manho clied out the window and disappeared." it was an interesting show. the sound cut out on one of the guys who won best sound design. true. i think the person -- the kid who intduced best short was short. so that was good. and the woman w won best costume design showed up dressed likeke this. >> this is the second oscar and tenth nominatn for jenny bevin.
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category -- >> jimmy: she looked like sammy hagar in sturgis. i guess she doesn't take her work home with her. "spotlight" won best picture. brie larson won best actress. [ cheers and applause ] leonardo dicaprio won best actor. leo d been nominated six types. until tonight he never won but everyone kept saying, this is his year. and it was. but you knknow, the n has had se with a different victoria's secret model every night of -- every year of his year. from 1991 on has been his year. and it was a special night whether youe a fan of movies, movie stars, or the ryan seacrest men's wear collection. we still have many great moments in store yore rou. ben affleck is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bad man versus superman." he's batman. yesterday was ben's 4-year-old son's birthday party and guess what costume his son made him wear to entertain the kids at
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we'll find out how that went. it's not all glamorous, this hollywood stuff. one day you're on the red cacarpet, ne day 15 preschoolers are beating you with pinata sticks. right now the stars are heading to the governors ball, the post-oscars party across the street. our man guillermo is there standing by live via our big cisco screen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll get go to him now, guillermo, what's it like, are there any big stars around? >>. >> yes, there's a lot of the big beautiful women too. >> jimmy: why don't you have any of them? >> oh. they at the bar right now. >> jimmy: they're at the bar, all right. see who you can ruell up for us and we'll check back in later. how many drinks have you had? >> about 40 shots of tequila. >> jimmy: okay, great. perfect. so he's readyo go. that's actually less than he typically has on a sunday night. thank you, guillermo. we'll check back in with you later at the governors ball. one of the most critically acclaimed movovies of the year
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for best picture was "cred," the story of rocky balboa training the son of one of his greatals. oscar. it would not be a movie without a sequel. the wororld premiere trailer for the much-anticipated followup to "creed." this is my one shot. i was born to do this. can't nobody stop me! >> you got no business being here. >> the other fighters are fighting for their lives. look at you. eating a hero sandwich. >> it's a hoagie! >> get the hell out of my gym! >> look at this.
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you got caught with a right uppercut. you're sounding like a dolphin with a itchy blow hole. hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! >> how do you know so much about that fight? >> that was my pops. >> junior. >> that's what marty povis told us. i need you to train me. >> train you to do what? >> what do you think i'm talking about, fool, to ght. >> you don't look like fighter. >> i been fighting my whole fe. the people who said i couldn't fight -- >> ha ha ha! >> fighting my demons. >> hey, baby. >> fighting that lady in the wendy's drive-through because she wouldn't give me extra dipping sauce. >> quheerls my dipping sauce? >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard! aahhh! >> i'll teach you to fight, kid.
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because we got work to do. come on. >> all i asked for was extra honey busmuard. >> come on! come on now! oohh! >> one. >> come on, chicken, come over here! >> boxing isn't justbout strength and conditioning. it's about heart. brains. >> and fls and wings! >> over, under, rouound and through. meet mr. bunny pull it through. you're not focing. you've got to focus. beat that meat like e you meant! harder! harder! you've got to kill him! give it to him! what the hell are you doing? whoa, whoa, whoa!
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no! no! got it? you've got it. you've got it! [ cheers and applause ] >> it's the fight nobody thought would happen. >> this is a fight nobody thought should happen. this is a disgrace to the sport of boxing. but i can't wait to see it. >> this is our last round, you need this one. >> i keep thinking it's gum. >> focus, kid, you need your edge out there! >> rrrow! hey, get me some. honey mustar you remembered! >> that's right. now go get him. >> that was clubber. >> i know, i know. mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. love you so much. i got hair in my teeth.
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>> pop? >> quit your jibber jabber, fool! >> how a i doing? >> good. yeah. there will be a sequel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break but it will be worth it, stay there. we have many stars and many surprises on the way. it's our biggest show of the year. our 11th annual "after the oscars" special - we'll be right back aer this. [ cheers and applause ] why can't i buy this weird, shaved-meat sandwich with my phone? why can't my battery last long enough to navigate me through these scary woods? ugh. eh, probably fine though. [lightning strike] why can't my phone have enough memory to hold
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ke that one with the action and the martial arts. you seen that one? why can't my phone take high quality low lht photos instead of this big, expensive camera? [police siren] why don't you come down from there sir? you got it! why doesn't my phone work after i pour this expensive champagne all over it? how am i 'sposed to show people how rich and carefree i am? why did i have to wait so long in this commercial to do a celebrity sports person cameo? [scoreboard buzzer] why don't i ever get asked to be the spokesperson in the commercial? ha, ha. good question. introducing the only water-resistant, fast, wireless-charging, best camera having, memory expandable, pay almost anywhere, samsung galaxy s7 edge. vr experience ended. man, i would have made a great spokesperson. [sigh]
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hi, i'd like to make a dep-- scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. vo: it happens so often you almomost get ed to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. vo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to. join the natation. nationwide is on your side representative. so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep.
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you think a resume's enough? who'lltep up when things get tough? dodon't you nt that kind of brain? a degree is a dedegree. you're gonna want someone like me.
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>> jimmy: hello and welcome back to our 11th annual "after the oscars" special. batman is on the way. first let's check in withh guillermo on the wall of america at the governors ball happening across -- look at this, guillermo, you did it! i asked you to get us a big star, you got us a big star, sacha baron cohen, hello! [ cheers and applause ] >> hello, america. >> jimmy: hey, you had a pretty quick costume change there, i guess. >> i don't know wt you'r're talking about that wasn't me. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. i forgot. >> the academy would never let somebody le ali g. come out. i went to the toilet, it was done. >> jimmy: is it true that sacha -- you were supposed to present and instead ali g. wound upup filling in as a surprise? >> that is true. that is true. i was very displayed because i was getting ready -- nature called.
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next thing i knew, i hadd been usurped by ali g. and made a fool of. >> jimmy: ali g. presented by olivia, did she know ali g. was coming out instead of you -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm real sorry. >> i'm not aware. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sacha, i apologize, there's some idiots in the back. >> yeah, there's a lot of complete pardodon my french [ bleep ] walking around. >> jimmy: yeah, there are people jumping around in the back like - -- >> they're just trying to get famous. a lot of people are here upset th didn't win tonight. >> jimmy: you know, this is really a shame that we put so much work into the show and then people just show and up they ruin it like that. >> bad losers. >> jimmy: well, you know -- sacha, you have a mie "the
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>> that's right, that's right. mamarch 11th >> jimmy: and again, i apologize for what's going on here, very unprofessional. guillermo, you're the one that should be watching for what's going on. get the guy behind you out of the e shot! >> who is -- >> jimmythank you very much. >> dim wit. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. >> stay away, please. >> jimmymy: there no excuse for at. i apologize again. some people are just gross. but thank you very much. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sacha baron cohen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stay away. >> jimmy: thank you so much, guillermo. >> statay away next year. >> jimmy: thank you. keep rounding people up, will you, guillermo? no -- >> hey, jimmy -- >> jimmy: thank you very much. much. [ cheers and applause ] it just really pisses me off, that's all. so back to the movies. this is the reason why we're watching television tonight. is on car nht is a night to celebrate great films.
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the movie "the producers" you know it is one of the best comedies ever. [ chee and applause ] >> jimmy: the producers" is a classic, won an oscar for mel brooks, record-breaking 12 tony awards when mel made it into a broadway musical starring nathan lane and matthew broderick. it's been almost 15 years. now thehey're bac with a diabolical new scheme to unleash their most spectacular disaster yet. >> they were a pair of political consultants on needed a break. >> that's it! we're finished, throh, kaput! >> don't say that, max. >> let's face it, bloom, we haven't had a winning campaign in years. >> max, do you realize under the right circumstances it might be possible to make more money from a losing candidate than from a winner? >> what did you sa >> first we find a bad candidate, then we raise money like crazy and promise all the donors ambassadorships to italy or sweden or armenia. then when the public figur out
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drops out of the race -- >> and we keep all the dough! oh, darling bloom, glorious bloom! you bloody genius you! >> max, don't. >> but wait, wait. this candidate. he's got to be the worst candidate in history. a rl train wreck. schmuck, puttz, gold-plated ncompoop. whwhere wou we find a buffoon like that? >> and n now a message from the board room. >> people have been asking about my desk and the fact that i have so many papers on my desk. it's actually very neat. but if you look around, i mean, there's a lot of stuff. i've noticed over the years -- people have a lot going on on their desk. >> hand me the phone! the phone! >> my desk is a very important pa of me -- >> yes, yes, yes. hello, hello, operator? >> -- that's a good thing --
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you know which one. innocence thens they had a foolproof plan. >> there a new horse in the race for the white house. his name, donald j. trump. can he beat the establishment? who will support him? fiscal conservatives? the religious right? or crazy oldemi-racist white people? >> they're sure h he can win? >> oh, mrs. comisky, donald trump is the ver definition of a winner. >> just read the pin. >> oh. >> bless you, mrs. comisky, bless you. thank you. thank you. yes. i keep the checkie, thank you. thank you, mrs. comisky. yes, good-bye, mrs. comisky. here we go. that's a girl. oh, oh! beautiful, beautiful. we're going right out the door. all right, easy now. easy, we don't have time fo that. easy. all right. don't worry, it's only six flights.
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>> bye. >> thank god for citizens united. >> 22 ambassadors to france so far. >> and 255 million bucks, bloom. i have to tell you, running trump was smart. but your idea about building a wall across the mexican border? brilliant. >> not as brilliant as y yourdeaa about making the mexicans pay for it. >> he won't last the week! >> oh, look, max, this is it. >> i will build a great, great wall on our southern bordernd i will have mexico pay for that wall. mark my words. we're in the money we're in the money >> announcer: but they pick the wrong fool. >> good news for donald trump. the whole world has gone stark raving mad for him like these two looney birds, these numb skulls, even in whack a doodle. >> you ready for someone who
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job and go kick isis' ass? >> he's still in the lead, max. >> how could this happen? >> well, i hear he's a pven sinessman who knows how to get things done. >> yeah, he'll stand up to the mexicans. >> i can't believe this it's not possible. >> where did we go right? >> i don't know. >> wait a minute. wait a minute -- did he question john mccain's war heroism? >> yes. >> did he say we should kick out 11 million i immigrant >> yes. >> did he propose banning all 1 billion muslims from entering the u.s.? >> si! >> did he say heidi klum was no longer a 10? >> yes, yes! >> nothing is working, max, nothing. >> oh, no! no! >> announcer: just in time for the election, it's a story that starts off funny and then gets really, really depressing. [ cheers and applause ]
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the stump a frumpy grumpy named donald j.j. trump he's building a wall a thousand fee tall don't worry cause the mexicans will pay for it all >> announcer: from t producers of "the producers" comes a movie that will make america great again. nathan lane, matthew broderick, and cloris leachman star in -- you've been trumped >> maybe he won't be such a bad president. >> bing bing bong bong bing bing bong bong. >> whoa, what have we done? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a lot to come including we have tonight on the show never before seen footage from "batman versus superman." [ cheers and applause ] the "after oscars post show." we'll be right back with ben
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[ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: jimmy kimmel aft the oscars is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmielive to o se guilillermo nursed in a virtual world using a samsung v-r headset. [ panting ] i focused on being prepared. [ gasp ] i saved your life by bringing you here. i knew this day would come. [ alarm sounding ] it's not safe out there. [ scream ] [ gasp ] something's coming.

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