tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 9, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
bill maher. from "the danish girl," oscar nominee alicia vikander. jake byrd at a donald trump rally. and music from nothing but thieies. with cleto and the cletones. and now, as s ck would have it, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ cheers a a applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. [ cheers and alause ] i hope you're ready to party. i really do. hey, you know, tonight is mardi gras. it's a big night of celebration. mardi means tuesday in french.
it is fat tuesday in new orleans right now. everybody is drunk. even the babies. nobody gets a pass on mardi gras. it's an interesting day in america today because we're voting for candidates for president in one state and flashing our nipples in another state. [ laughter ] in new hampshire today the first official primary of the election season, and they had a bit of fat tuesday action themselves. this is a pig, a 600-pound pig. it escaped from a local farm. it madeets way to a polling location. a school in pelham, new hampshire. it took the police about an hour to round the pig up. [ laughter ] this officerppeared to be doing some kind of a square dance with the animal. swing your partner do-si-do. they got in touch with the owner. watch this pig tormenting the police. [ laughter ] the owner came, stuffed it in the back seat of his kia sorrento and the pig is safe back home on his farm. and month, t pig did not wind
he was being chased by chris christie. that is a rumor. and shame on you guys for even thinking that was true. [ laughter ] this is the -- this is the 10th -- the 100th anniversary of e new hampshire primary. they've been doing this, this primary in new hampshire since bernie sanders was 5 years old, if you can imagine that. [ laughter ] bernie sanders and donald trump were the winners tonight. i don't know. ihink people are confused. you realize i made those jokes because chris christie is fat and bernie sanders is old, right? [ laughter ] oh, okay, you -- i wasn't clear. anyway. bernie is very popular in new hampshire. hillary clinton today spent the whole day quietly googling the words life expectancy for old man in snowy weather. [ laughter ] there was quite a bit of snow in new hampshire. but the candidates, they didn't let that get them down. jeb bush and john kasich had fun. here's jeb throwing snowballs. here's kasich throwing snowballs. those snowballs, they're throwing, those are the ones that don't have a chance in hell
jeb pulled out the big gun. he had his mother barbara out campaigning for him this week. they did a bunch of interviews together. which really was funny to see. jeb sitting there being interviewed next to his mom, it looked like a pare-teacher [ laughter ] and jeb's brother george is pitching in too. george bush narrated an ad that hampshire and south carolina why we should all be on team jeb. >> america needs help. parents can't put food on their families, and our children still isn't learning. i know jeb. i kn his good heart. it's inside his body next to other things like his stomach. which is where his snacks go. i know that. and i know that experience and judgment count in the oval office, which is the room where the president works at his desk. that's where my little brother would work if he were prprident. which don't bet on it but don't misundertimate jeb either. he's got a cute little wife, and
and he knows how to open doors for america. [ laughter ] jeb bush. [ applause ] >> jimmy: nice. you know, bernie sanders may be the old man in this race, but from an energy standpoint he's wearing some of his supporters in new hampshire out. a guy passed out in front of him at a rly in concord on wednesday. and yesterday at a rally in derry a woman went down for the count. >> whatever the issue may be, what i will tell you is there is one issue out there -- >> jimmy: that was quite a reaction. almost krameresque. let's look at that again. >> one issue out there -- >> jimmy: like a mad scientist. [ laughter ] at least we know he's cool in
let's watch that one more time but in slow motion and this time in reverse. here he comes. [ laughter ] like scooby doo saw a ghost. [ applause ] meanwhile, kanye west is not currently running for president but he should. at this point he might as well because, well,, last night on twitter kanye announced that he's changing the title of his forthcoming alblb for the third time. first he announced it was called "so help me god." then he changed it to "switch." then he changed it from "swish to "waves." and now he changed it again. kanye changes the name of his albums as often as diddy changes thname of his name. it's really crazy. [ laughter ] last night he tweeted this. he said that's the new album, anybody who can figure out the title gets tickeke toeason 3 and free yeezies, which are his shoes.
acronym. at studio final versuss new album title t period l period o period p. sought so the initials are t.l.o.p. and we have to figure out what that stanas for and if we do we'll win. and i think i have it figured out. can i get a drum roll here? [ drum roll ] yes, thank you. kanye's new album t.l.o.p. stands for tommy lasorda obviously poops. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. size 11. by the way, kanye also tweeted this about an hour ago. bill cosby innocent. [ laughter ] which to me is a terrible name for an album. it is. valentine's day is on sunday. that means the price of roses is about to go way up. valentine's day is the only holiday where a plant suddenly becomes astronomically expensive and we're okay with it. it would be like ifn easter
but we buy them anyway. the florida retail federation says this year consumers will spend an average of $147 on flowers, chocolate, jewelry and other valentine's stuff. and that's in florida. so you can imagine how much they'll spend in nmal states. probably quite a bit more. [ laughter ] is is interesting. somebody did a study about the sex lives of married people. they concluded that the happiest couples have sex an average of four times a month. which it seems a little bit low, right? so i thought it would be fun to ask some couplesere wandering around on hollywood boulevard how, you know -- what their number is. well, let's go outside to my cousin sal now. now, sal and i -- my cousin sal. >> how are you doing in? >> jimmy: we have a friend who've been married more than ten years. he claims he and his wife have sex -- how often did he say, sam? >> dan sanborn? >> jimmy: yeah. >> he said four times a week. >> jimmy: four times a week which is 16 times a m mth, which i think you should go to prison
>> i don't believe him. he's already got six kids and he's balding worse than i am. >> jimmy: well, again, we shouldn't mention his name. you already did. anyway, let's bring in our first couple. this couple has no idea what i'm going to ask them. theye just been asked to stop and answer a question. okay. where are they okay. there we are. hi. what's your name? >> hi. karen pierce. >> and husband rob. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, what was your name? >> rob. >> jimmy: where are you from in. >> owensboro, kentucky. >> jimmy: wow. are you on vacation? >> yes. >> jimim: have you been robbed yet? >> hopefully not. >> jimmy: hopefully not. okay. good. yes. how long have you been together? may i ask? >> we've been marriedd5 years. we dated -- we were high school sweethearts. so dated five years before that. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] so you guys are probably really sick of each other's bodies, yes? [ laughter ] i'm going to ask you a question.
i want you to write the answer down. we're going goif you a paper. let's put new position sow can't see each other's answerer don't reveal your answer until i ask you to, okok? all right. the question is how many times per mth on average do you have sex? all right? just go ahead and write it down. don't think about it tow much. just -- okay. yeah. figure tout. so karen's writing -- looks like three digits, karen is writing. [ laughter ] rob, what are you up to? karen, are you drawing a diagram of how you do it? what's going on there? [ laughter ] all right. we're going to start with rob. rob, show us your number. rob says five. all right. and karen says -- 5-ish. [ applause ] all right. thank you. guys, cousin sal has a lovely gift for you. cousin sal, what do you have? >> yes.
you can share them. >> jimmy: that's nice. you can wear those on thth plane home. nice to meet you guys. let's bring in one more couple and see what's going on. now, this couple has not been listening in. they don know. you guys didn't hear -- oh, you don't have headphones are. so you literally can't hear me now. okay. be very careful. what's your name? >> theresa. >> jimmy: hi, theresa. >> fine, and you? >> jimmy: and is this your husband? >> it better be. david. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: david and theresa. now, did you guys intentionally wear the same shirt today or was that an accident? >> accident. >> jimmy: an accident. wow. how about that? you wound up on tv. [ laughter ] how long have you been married? >> seven years. >> jimmy: seven years. and it's been good, i assume? you're still vacationing together. >> yes. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> cincinnati. >> jimmy: cincinnati, ohio. hence the red, i guess. okay. i'm going to ask you a question. we're going to put you in a position where you can't see each other's answers on either side of that wall. don't answer it aloud. i'd just like you to write the answer down.
and the question is how many times per month on average do you have sex? okay? [ laughter ] theresa is writing her number. david is writing his. all right. theresa's now changing her number. [ laughter ] theresa, i meant with david, okay? so -- [ laughter ] hi, guys. oh, they're look at your number with envy. all right. theresa, show us your number. your number is? five. what was the original thing? a drawing of the planet? [ laughter ] >> she had a zero originally. >> jimmy: oh, really? five. all right. and david, your number is? >> boy. >> jimmy: 12? [ laughter ] [ cheers a a applause ] >> it's okay. >> jimmy: i have v vy bad news.
wait a minute. one of yououan't count is what's happening here. [ laughter ] that's quite a discrepancy. david, are you counting your alone time here or what? [ laughter ] >> could be. >> jimmy: it might be. all right. well, we do have a gift for you. >> condoms @or you. here's a couple. >> jimmy: condoms, yes. and? >> here's a basket of stuff. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. there you go. thanks for playing. we're going to take a break. when we come back, we haveve something very special. our old pal jake byrd popped up at a donald trump rally in new hampshire last night. now, if europe not familiarith jake byrd, he is the guy you will see behind donald trump in this clip. >> by the way, can you see in the back in they have the best view. can you see it's reay my hair? >> yeah! yeah! >> jimmy: all right. so whene come back, jake byrd takes new hampshire by storm. so stick around.
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simply by using your voice. live oscar sunday, february 28th on abc." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. alicia vikander and music from nothing but thieves is on the way. [ cheers and applause ] first the eyes of the nation were on new hampshire today because of the primary electi. they had a caucus in iowa, a primary in new hampshire, and then they'll move on i guess to some of the states where people live next. it is a big deal for the candidates. even though the winner in new hampshe doesn't necessarily go on to win the nomination. you know who won the new hampshire primary last time around? what's his name? from -- mike "the situation" from "jersey shore." [ laughter ] but all the candidates are there. their boots are on the ground. and so is our pal jake byrd,
trump supporter. jake spreads trumpthusiasm everywhere he goes. maybe you recall seeing him back in september at the trump rally in dallas. >> trump! trump! trump! trump! >> don't forget. i love this these people back here. >> and we love you! we love you! we love you, donald j.! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can see they love each other. it's a beautiful thing. yesterday jake braved the elements to file this special report from a donald trump rally on the eve of the primaries in manchester, new hampshire. 3w4r >> i think trump is the person who will go to washington and actually get things done. he'll hire good people to be in good positions then hold them accountable for these positions. >> he's going to get us jobs. he's going to get america working again. i'm going to get hired back no matter how many times i assault a customer. they have to.
>> and my -- >> i love your old-fashioned root beer. [ laughter ] >> i don't sell root beer. but that's fine. >> a country without borders isn't really a country, is it? >> this guy told me a great joke. he said hey, bernie, it's new hampshire, not jew hampshire. [ laughter ] too much. too much. too much. >> it's like live free or die. it's live trump or die. >> we're so disorganized. we've done about 100 of these -- >> s sll don't know what you're doing. >> we know what we're doing. everybody needs to- >> so you're a voblt. you volunteer. you work at the campaign? >> yeah.& >> and it's so disorganized. >> it's a house of cards. i don'n'want to say tha >> no, that's fine. house of cards like the netflix ow. are you going to throw someone on the train tracks like that guy? >> this is the number one campaign in the country.
>> i just want to tell you. if she has the baby tonight in new hampshire, that guarantees victory tomorrow. please, ivanka, have the baby tonight. >> have the baby! have the baby! >> we're going to bring education back locally. no more comomn core. >> i don't know what that is. [ [ ughter ] >> we're not going to have people dying on the streets. we're going to get them into a hospital and take care of them -- >> and die there. [ laughter ] in a hospital. in the hospital. >> and we're going to build ourselves so strong -- nobody. i'm telling you. nobody is going to play with us. we don't want to use it. >> nobody's going to play with us. [ laughter ] play dates! no play dates! >> walls work. just ask israel. walls work. i mean, serious walls. i mean trump walls. >> trump walls!
the best walls! dtf! donald trump forever! dtf! donald trump forever! dtf! donald trump forever! >> who's going to pay for the wall? >> mexicic [ laughter ] >> some people -- she just said a terriblething. you know what she said? shout it out because i don't want to -- >> [ bleep ]. >> she said he's a [ bleep ]. >> whoa! [ laughter ] language! saucy language! wow. wow! >> if you're going to get hurt and if you're going to drive like a maniac, do it tomorrow after you vote. and i promise i will come and visit you in the hospital. >> you promise? [ laughter ] you better! i'm going to wreck myar right now. [ laughter ] >> thank you very much, new hampshire.
[ cheers and applause ] >> right now personally for me w i feel personally right now for me personally, the biggest thre i'm facing is finding a bus back to the hospitaln the you know? of the -- >> he'll stand upo isis! come on, let's stump for trump! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unfortunate ending. but thank you, jake byrd, everybody. >> i'm still freezing! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. we have music tonight from nothing but thieves. alicia vikander is here. we'll be right back with bill
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by mountain dew kickstart. three awesome things combined. dew, juice, caffeine.y. to prove it, i switched from an expensive contract plan by popping a sim card into my phone. now it's a straight talk phone. and i get to keep my same number and network for half the cost. that's money we can put toward your college fund. oh, i'm not going to college. i want to be...a magician. invisibility, now! i can still see you... your phone, your network, half the cost. unlimited talk, text, and data is just $45 a month. find out more at straighttalkop.com. what's the most awarded car company of the year? ranking from top to bottom. luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded there better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right. the final answer. chevy. the most awarded car company two years in a row. wow, it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean it's like, this is chevy? current qualified gm lesseeses can get a sign and drive lease
alicia vikander is here. [ cheers and applause ] then, all the way from essex, ich is all the way in england, this is their self-titled album. it'salled "nothing but thieves," from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night we'll have a good show. sacha baron cohen will be here. zendaya will join us. and we'll have music from mana. join us then. it doesn't matter if you're republican or democrat, president or pope, if ourirst guest doesn't like what you're up to, he will make sure you know it. he's the host of "real time with bill maher," which you can watch friday nights on hbo and you can see him live at the mirage in las vegas march 12th and 13th. please welcome bill maher. [ cheers and applause ]
i know this is an important night for you. >> it's an important night for you. >> jimmy: why? >> because you're on and i'm not. i'm not working tonight. i'm here. because you are my favorite talk show on the west coast. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. you're the only talk show on the the. >> you're the only y ck show on the west coast. >> jimmy: are you all right? >> why, what did you hear? >> jimmy: you got surfifi or something. right? >> who told you that? one of your show business cronies. >> jimmy: your publicist told us. bill can't come. he got hit in the face way surfboard. [ laughter ] is that not true? >> that's not ue. i went to hawaii. this year i brought david spadede and jeff ross. we had a fabulous time. eddie vedder performrm with us. it was really fun. >> jimmy: nice. >thanks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't address him. >> i'm from new jersey.
chris christie fans? [ laughter ] and you know,ometimes the wave face planted me. and yes, my face was too [ bleep ] to appear. [ laughter ] happy you got that out of me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i love we can say that now. remember when we started in show business you couldn't swear. now they just bleep it out. no one gives a [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, i don't kno what people were so hung up about. i think because w everybody's cursing on every other channel. >> trump. >> jimmy: you think it was trump? >> no i -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> no, but he's running for presidentnd he says [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's crazy. >> it is crazy. >> jimmy: do you like that or do you dislike it? >> i like that -- i mean, i always say donald trump and i are a little -- a little like the detective and the serial killer. you know. we're not so different, you and i. [ laughter ] i certainly don't agree with hardly anything he says politically, but i love the fact
i used to have a show called "politically incorrect." [ applause ] show? >> well, i got thrown off the air for being too politically >> jimmy: my god. guy. >> jimmy: fat guy, right? >> no, not a fat guy. just a guy who wouldn'n' piss people off. and yeah. but yeah, that's donald trump. breakfast. i have yet to find something thisan can say that will turn his fans off. i mean, wee all thought it was over when he said john mccain not a war hero. we thought, oh, well, that's -- come on. no. but great, whatever. and then he went to megyn kelly, you're on your period. carly fiorina, you're an old woman, too ugly to run for president. hey, who wants to see my impression of a cerebral palsy guy?
like what does this mean have to do? fart in jesus's face? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that would be something. >> he's like movoe monster. whatever they think is going to destroy him just makeshim stronger. you know? >> jimmy: you endorsed bernie sanders for president. and you feel good about that now? >> look, i like hillary a lot. but not as much as bernie. we've never had a leftist in my lifetime. a true leftist. he's putting things on the table no one ever put on the table before. thal's why we don't know. now, is he probably going to win in the south? probably not. he's a socialist jew who's 100. [ laughter ] but you know what? people have never seen this product before. people didn't know they wanted an iphone until they put it in the window and everybody bought it. we've never had -- i call it the
like fdr's new deal. he is saying we could be more like a western european democracy where you pay a little more taxes but look what you get. free college, free health care. go after the banks. this stuff has never been on the table. we'll see what happens. i think he deserves for what he's done so far to at least get the bebefit of the doubt. [ cheers and applause ] and then, you know, and then if we go back to the old rules, fine. i've told my audience, my fans. i said look, i'm for bernie and a lot of you are too. but hillary is still good.. it's like when you're on a plane if you don't get your first choice eat the chicken. [ laughter ] because if you don't get the democrat, the the nearest abortion clinic will be in london. >> jimmy do you like any of the republican candidates? if you were forced to vote for one of them -- >> i'd kill myself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but if you had to vote
in your mind -- who do you think is the worst among them? >> ted cruz is always the worst. >> jimmy: why do you say that? >> because they laughed. that why. [ laughter ] i said it because he . because he's smart and evil. the other ones are true dummies. like rurio. you know, he doesn't know what he's talking about. he just says the words. but ted cruz is diabolical. he's smart. what i really hate about him. and this is what a true cynic is. he's smart but he knows what to say to his dummy base that they will believe. so he always says things like -- here's my favorite. hu said, you know, before 9/11 i was a fan of classic rock. after 9/11 i found myself switching to country music. [ laughter ] because as we all know the world trade center was attacked by three dog night.
what the hell does that mean? or the thing about new york values. remember that a couple of weeks ago? like he doesn't have new york values. he clerked for the supupme court. he went to princeton and yale. and he's like, do i even own shoes? i love when he plays the [ bleep ] kicker chord like -- oh, i did it again. >> jimmy: bill maher is here. his show is "real time." he's in vegas marchch 12th and 13th. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] sweetheart, don't look at me like that, it's gonna be amazazg. this is a disaster! who's the genius who puts a girl in heels on a subway grate? miss monroe, eat a snickers. why? you get a little cranky when you're hungry. better? much better. this scene will never make the cut, morons. oh hello, deadpool here.
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>> jimmy: we're back with bill maher. [ cheers and applause ] bill maher will be appearing in las vegas at the mirage hotel. you know, i grew up in las vegas. you like playing vegas? >> i love vegas. you know, i first played there. it's going to make me sound old, but [ bleep ], i am. [ laughter ] in 1982. >> jimmy: wow. >> i was 2626 and i opened for diana ross. and that was -- yeah. >> jimmymy was that at caesars palace? >> caesars palace. it's what i called the dead ball era in vegas. it's like after theat pack but before it got reinvented as something hip and cool. so it was tough. you know, and i was a young comedian.. no one you knew who i was or wanted to see me.
now it's great. it's hip. hip people comeut and see it. it's the only place in the world i can play on christmas week. everywhere else you don't play christmas if you're a personal appearance act. people are spending their money on christmas. vegas could give a [ bleep ] about christmas. they don't wt to know christmas exists because then people will feel gpilty about losing the house money. >> jimmy: hey, by the way,y happy birthday. i know you had a big birthday. [ applause ] i know you had a big birthday party. do you say how old or do you keep it quiet? >> yes, i say how old. i shout td t. 60. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i like to have a party when you don't worry about it. some people get bummed out by this stuff. >> first of all, you can't hide anymore. what aim going to say? i'48. [ laughter ] so i made it into an event on my show and i used it as a reason to get obama to appear on my show, because it's been a sore point. i mean, apparently our
in the mail for seven years. he's done every show. he's done your show, right? >> jimmy: it's crazy. >> see what i mean? every show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: first of all, how dare you? and secondly, you gave his super pac a million dollars. >> yes. and he treats me like i owe him money. [ laughter ] i didn't even mention that because that shouldn't be the reason why. >> jimmy: you'd think he'd know that already, though. >> they have a thing at the white house that if you get a petition that is signed by 100,000 people they have to respond to it. so we had a petition out there. our beautiful fans withihi38 signatures. and it just says do our show or tell me why. just tell me why. and i'm sure that there are people in the white house who say never do that show. bill maher, he's a comedian, atheist, pot smomor who never got married. [ laughter ] by the way, all decisions i'm
>> jimmy: have you considered -- week for fund-raisers. tell him you're having a fund-raiser at the address where you shoot t t show and maybe he'll show up. >> that's whahathe president does, jimmy. he just shows up. >> jimmy: that's wha he did here. he just appeared like santa claus. it was a miracle. >> yeah. well, we'll see. we'll see what they say. >> jimmy: well, it's very good see you. [ applause ] you know what? i told you this a million times, but when i was in college i saw you do stand-up and i tnk people forget that you're one of the great stand-up comics and if you want to go see bill march 12th and 13th in las v@gas at the mirage hotel -- >> las vegas! vegas? >> jimmy: bill maher, everybody. we'll be right back with alicia
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[ cheers and applause ] i know i screwed up your nameme i said it a million times to myself before. alicia vivinder, right? >> yeah, that was right. >> jimmy: yeah, except i didn't say it like that before. at the oscars like if john travolta has to introduce your category, god help him. it's going to be adisaster. [ laughter ] well, hopefully one of the good things about being nominated for -- one of the many good things is people hear your name over and over againin and you have maybe a little less of that. >> yeah. and then i'm going to give him the swedish version and then -- >> jimmy: what is the swedish versionf your name? >> alicia vikander. >> jimmy: yeah, forget that. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: it is? >> it is. i remember when my mom -- i came finally to the age whwn she
the alarm clock and go up at 2:00 a.m. and sith by the tv and then later on i even had like sleepovers with my friends and we kind of stayed up a were wearing pajamas and ate popcorn and watched the oscars and talked about all the dresses. >> jimmy: so your family must have been very very excited when you got nominated. >> and the thing was they were actually out here for the golden globes. for the first time in l.a. and visiting me. and they came with me to set. i was filming in vegas. so we got the news when i was there. >> jimmy: wow. >> and it was great because it was like -- we were all in track suits, and it was 9:00 a.m. in the morning and we could just pop the champagne and that was totally normal. >> jimmy: that's right. it's las vegas. you can do that anytime. but why were you all weaeang track suits? [ laughter ] >> i'd just woken up. and it's also on film shoots. i'm actually just wearing the same thing eveve day. i do have several options.
but you go to work, you just change. so i even remember on some shoots you've been together with your colleagues for like three months and then you end up having like a night when at the wrap party it's the first time you actually -- look at you. jeans and a t-shirt. you look so well. >> jimmy: yeah, that is a funny thing becse when people come here on our show from "game of thrones" or "downton bey" or something i'm always shocked to see them in normal human being clothes. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and with you it's kind of the posite. >> yeah. >> jimmy: will you bring your family to the oscars with you? >> i am. >> jimmy: you are. oh. you have to get them tickets or how does that work? >> yeah. i just -- i got them tickets the other -- >> jimmy: will they embarrass you by talking to famous people? >> i hope so. >> jimmy: you hope so. you're okay with that? >> yeah. my dad has a bit of a crush on kate winslet. so i kind of prepped her. my dad's coming. please be ki. and she was.
>> jimmy: wow. that's funny. but i guess your dad, your dad's probably my age now that i think about it. that's a little bit weird. your dad -- but yeah, your dad, it probably makes perfect sense that he would have a crush on -- >> i do have a crush on kate winslet. >> jimmy: do you know all the women who are nominated with you in your category? >> when i actually finally got to meet rooney mara, because we've been sitting at many of these events, and i mean, i've looked up too her and admired her as an actress for a long me. we've been waving across the room. and finally when we did this we had the oscar luncheon. we were put nexto each other for the class. >> jimmy: does anyone eat lunch at the luncheon? it seems like body's eating. >> it's the first proper event where they actually eat. normally at the golden globes i was sitting there with a plate in front of me and everyone else bu the food never came. isn't that weird? [ laughter ]
hollywood diet. >> yeah. i was like is this every ye? this is not a miss, this is actually -- >> jimmy: yeah, it's a very traditional l.a. thing. you just eat the air. [ laughter ] >> yeah. and then you drink. and then it all goes -- >> jimmy: in sweden does everybody speak english? >> yeah. everyone speaks very good english in sweden. we learn it in school from about 9, 10. but it was not until i got here when you actually start to speak it, you know. >> jimmy: and you realize that there are different ways people all over the country speak. >> you mean accents? [ laughter ] >> yeah, we do have them -- we have them in sweden o. sweden? >> yeah. >> jimmy: isn't that funny? because really our knowledge of sweden andnd swedish accents comes from a muppet who cooks. [ laughter ] >> yode, yode, yode. >> jimmy: s you know him. >> but to me he sounds more norwegian.
[ laughter ] wow, more morenorwegian. that's a scandal to hit sesame street. [ laughter ] so are you excited about the oscars? if should be a fun night. i think you have a good chance of winning. do you gamble on yourself? you know you can. you're working in las vegas. >> i did go and -- i learned how to play the craps. >> jimmy: yeah. the craps? [ laughter ] how did you do? you were making that movie with that stupid matt damon, weren't you, in las vegas? >> yeah. i'm so happy that you actually see him -- you're telling his true colors. i know everyone tells everyone that he's the sweetest dude. >> jimmy: but he's not. he's a nightmare. >> yeah. >> jimmy: thanks. finally someone confirms this for me. [ applause ] >> we still have one week to go. >> jimmy: number one, we learned that the swewesh chef is a fraud. and number two, we learned -- well, something i knew foror a long time. matt damon is evil incarnate. [ laughter ] congratulations.
sunday february 28th, 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific. and of course your movie, which was great. "the danish girl" comes out on dvd and blu-ray march 1st. we'll be right back with nothing but thieves. [ cheefs and applause ] >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. is fresh florida shrimp and clams, served over rice! it's simple to create a seafood delight. visit freshfromflorida.com for more scrumptious recipes.
everyone's a winner with thiflavor packed meal. for more delicious recipes visit freshfromflorida.com >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is prented by samsung. >> jimmy: i want to thank bill maher, alicia vikander and apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first with their self-titled album here with the song "trip switch" nothing but thieves! [ cheers and applause ] sharing secrets with another world rubbing shoulders th some unknown lovers making waves through the universe starting wars with
trip switch trip switch make a wish and i'll count to three press the button and we'll both be happy sending signals is a dirty trick i get my love in a digital packet trip trip switch switch trip trip switch switch what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down down down down down down when the lights go down down down down down down the lights go gimme data 'cos i need a hit how i love stratospheric numbers information i've been craving it
and gimme all the others trip switch, trip switch what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down down down down down down when the lights go down down down down down down when e lights go ooh they put out the lights they put out the lights they put out the lights what we do when the power's ou what do we do when the lights go down what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down down down down down
down down down down down down what we do when the power's out wt do we do when the lights go down what we do when the power's out what do we do when the lights go down down down down down down down down down down down down when the lights go down [ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." of new hampshire. a political earthquake. winners. special. >> billionaire businessman win.