tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 19, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
>> okay, thank yost text1 italics cc1 test message >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- bill maher. from "the danish girl," oscar nominee alicia vikander. jakeyrd at a donald trump rally. and music from nothing but thieves. with cleto and the cletones. and now, as luck would have it,
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] i hope you're ready to party. i really do. hey, you know, tonight is mardi gras. it's a big night of celebration. mardi means tuesday in french. gras means fat. it is fat tuesday in new orleans right now. everybody is drunk. even the babies. nobody gets a pass on mardi gras. it's an interesting day in america today because we're voting for candidates for president in one state and flashing our nipples in another state. [ laughter ] in new hampshire today the first official primary of the election season, and they had a bit of fat tuesday action themselves. this is a pig, a 600-pound pig. it escaped from a local farm. it made its way to a polling location. a school in pelham, new hampshire. it took the police about an hour to round the pig up.
this officer appeared to be doing some kind of a square dance with the animal. swing your partner do-si-do. they got in touch with the owner. the owner eventuallyame -- watch this pig tormenting the police. [ laughter ] the owner came, stuffed it in the back seat of his kia sorrento and the pig is safe back home on his farm. and no, the pig did not wind up at the polling place because he was being chased by chris christie. that is a rumor. and shame on you guys for even thinking that was true. [ laughter ] this is the -- this is the 1010 -- the 100th anniversary of the new hampshire primary. they've been doing this, this primary in new hampshire since bernie sanders was 5 yea old, if you can imagine that. [ laughter ] bernie sanders and donald trump wererehe winners tonight. i don't know. i think people are confused. you realizi made those jokes because chris christie is fat and bernie sanders is old, right? [ laughter ] oh, okay, you -- i wasn't clear. anyway. bernie is very popular in new hampshire.
whole day quietly googling the words life expectancy for old man in snowy weather. [ laughter ] there was quite a bit of snow in new hampshire. but the candidates, they didn't let that get them down. jeb bush a john kasich had fun. here's jeb throwing snowballs. here's kash throwing snowballs. those snowballs they're throwing, those are the ones that don't have a chance in hell in this election. [ laughter ] jeb lled out the big gun. he had his mother barbara out campaigning for him this week. they did a bunch of interviews together. which really was funny to see. jeb sitting there being interviewed next to his mom, it looked like a parent-teacher conference. [ laughter ] and jeb's brother george is pitching in too. george bush narrated an ad that ran during the super bowl in new hampshire and south carolina where he made a strong case for why we should all be on team jeb. >> america needs help. parents can't put food on their families, and our children still isn't learning. i know jeb. i know his good heart.
stomach. which is where his snacks go. i know that. and i know that experience and judgment countntn the oval office, which is the room where the president works at his desk. that's where my little brother would work if he were president. which don't bet on it but don't misunderestimate jeb either. he's got a cute little wife, and he's a good little guy. and he knows how to open doors for america. [ laughter ] jeb bush. [ applause ] >> jimmy: nice. you know, bernie sanders may be the old man in this race, but from an energy standpoint he's wearing some of his supporters in new hampshire out. a guy passed out in front of him at a rally in concord on wednesday. and yesterday at a rally in derry a woman went down for the count. >> whatever the issue may be,
one issue out there -- >> jimmy: that was quite a reaction. almost krameresque. let's look at that again. >> one issueut there -- >> jimmy: like a mad scientist. at least we know he's cool in time of crisis. [ laughter ] let's watctcthat one more time but in slow motion and this time in reverse. here he comes. [ laughter ] like scooby doo saw a ghost. [ applause ] meanwhile, kanye west is not currently running for president but he should. at this point he might as well because, well, last night on twitter kanye announced that he's changing the title of his forthcoming album for the third time. first he announced it was called "so help me god." then he changed it to "switch."
to "waves." and now he changed it again. kanye changes the name of his albums as often as diddy changes the name of his name. it's reaeay crazy. [ laughter ] last night he tweeted this. he said that's the new album, anybody who can figure out the title gets ticket to season 3 and free yeezies, which are hihi shoes. and this is the mysterious acronym. at studio final versus new album title t period l period o period p. so the initials are t.l.o.p. and we have to figure out what that stands for and if we do we'll win. and i think i have it figured out. can i get a drum roll here? [ drum roll ] yes, thank you. kanye's new album t.l.o.p. stands for tommy lasorda obviously poops. [ cheers and applause ] the shoes can be sent to the show. size 11. by the way, kae also tweweed this about an hour ago. bill cosby innocent.
which to me is a terrible name for an album. it is. valentins day is on sunday. that means the price of roses is about to go way up. valentine's day is the only holiday where a plant suddenly becomes astronomically expensive and we're okay with it. it would be like if on easter they charged $20 an egg. [ laughter ] but we buy them anyway. the florida retail federation says this year consumers will spend an average of $147 on flowers, chocolate, jewelry and other valentine's stuff. and that's in florida. so you can imagine how much they'll spend in normal states.p probably quite a bit more. [ laughter ] this is interesting. somebody did a study about the sex lives of married people. they concluded that the happiest couples have sex an average of four times a month. which it seems a little bit low, right? so i thought it would be fun to ask me couples here wandering around on hollywood boulevard ho you know -- what their number is. well, let's go outside to my cousin sal now.
>> how are you doing? >> jimmy: we have a friend who's been married for i think more than ten years. he claims he and his wife have sex -- how often did he say, sal? >> dan sanborn? >> jimmy: yeah. >> he said four times a week. >> jimmy: four times a week which is 16 times a month, which i think you should go to prison for that, right? [ laughter ] >> i don't believe him. he already got six kids and he's balding worse than i am. >> jimmy: well, again, we shouldn't mention his name. you already did. anyway, let's bring in our first couple. this couple has no idea what i'm going to ask them. they've just been asked to stop and answer a question. okay. where are they? okay. there we are. hi. what's your name? >> hi. karen pierce. >> and husband rob. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, what was your name? >> rob pierce. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> owensboro, kentucky. >> jimmy: wow. are you on vacation? >> yes. >> jimmy: have you been robbed yet? >> hopefully not >> jimmy: hopefully not. okay. good. yeye how long have you been together?
>> we've been n rried 15 years. we dated -- we were high school sweethearts. so dated five years before that. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] so you guys are probably really sick of each other's bodies, yes? [ laughter ] i'm going to ask you a question. n't answer it aloud. i want you to write the answer down. we're going to give you a paper. let's put you in position so you can't see each other's answers. don't reveal your answer until i ask you to, okay? all right. the question is how ma times per month on average do you have sex? >> jimmy: all right? just go ahead and write it down. don't think about it too m mh. just -- okay. yeah. figure tout. so karen's writing -- - oks like three digits, karen is writing. [ laughter ] rob, what are you up to? karen, are you drawing a diagram of how you do it? what's going on there? [ laughter ] all right. we're going to start with rob.
rob says five. all right. and karen says -- 5-ish. [ cheers and applause ] all right. thank you. guys, cousin sal has a lovely gift for you. cousin sal, what do you have? >> yes. i have undies for two. so you can share them. >> jimmy: that's nice. you can wear those on the plane home. nice to meet you guys. let's bring in one more couple and see what's going on. now, this couple has not been listening in. they don't know. you guys didn't hear -- oh, you don't have headphones on. so you literally can't hear me now. okay. be very careful. what's'sour name? >> theresa. >> jimmy: hi, theresa. >> fine, and you? >> jim: and is this your husband? >> it better be. david. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: david and theresa. now, did you guys intentionally wear the same shirt today or was that an accident? >> accident. >> jimmy: an accident. wow. how about that? you wound up on tv. [ laughter ] how long have you been married? >> seven years. >> jimmy: seven years. and it's been good, i assume? you're still vacationing
>> yes. >> jim: where are you from? >> cincinnati. >> jimmy: cincinnati, ohio. nce the red, i guess. okay. i'm going to ask you a question. we're going to put you in a position where you can't see each other's answers on either side of that wall. don't answer it aloud. i'd just like you to write the answer down. be honest. and the question is hohomany times per month on average do you have sex? okay? [ laughter ] theresa is writing her number. david is writing his. all right. theresa's now changing her number. [ laughter ] theresa, i meant with dadad, okay? so -- [ laughter ] , guys. oh, they're looking at your numb with envy. all right. theresa, show us your number. your number is? five. what was the original thing? a drawing of the planet? [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: oh, really? five. all right. and david, your number is? >> boy. >> jimmy: 12? [ laughter ] [ cheers a applause ] >> it's okay. >> jimiy: i have very bad news. david is cheating on you. [ laughter ] wait a minute. one of you can't count is what's happening here. [ laughter ] that's quite a discrepancy. david, are you counting your alone time here or what? >> could be. >> jimmy: it might be. all right. well, we do have a gift for you. >> condoms for you. here's a couple. >> jimmy: cooms, yes. and? >> here's a basket of stuff. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. there you go. thanks for playing. we're going to take a break. when we come back, we have something very special. our r d pal jake byrd popped up at a donald trump rally in new hampshire last night. if you're not familiar with jake byrd, he is the guy y will see behind donald trump in this clip. >> by the way, can you see in
can you see it's really my hair? >> yeah! yeah! real hair! >> jimmy: all right. takes new hampshire by storm. so stick around. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] they say that in life, we shouldn't sweat the small stuff. but when you're building a mercedes-benz, there really is no small stuff. every decision... every component... is an integral part of what makes the 2016 c-class one of our most sophisticated cars ever. because when you're setting a new benchmark for refinement, it is the small stuff... that makes the biggest impression. the 2016 c-class. lease the c300 for $399 a month
ba da ba ba ba here's what we were thinking. what if we did for mortgages what the internet did for buying music and plane tickets and shoes? you would turn an intimidating process into an easy one. you could get a mortgage on your phone. and if it could be that easy, wouldn't more people buy homes? and wouldn't those buyers need to fill their homes with lamps and blenders and sectional couches with hand-lathed wooden legs?
opportunities for wooden leg makers? and wouldn't those#new leg makers own phones from which they could quickly and easily secure mortgages of their own, further stoking demand for necessary household goods as our tidal wave of ownership floods the country with new homeowners, who now must own other things and isn't that the power of america itself now shrunk to fit the hands of a ild, or, more helpfully, a home-buying adult.
>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. alicia vikander and music from nothing but thieves is on the way. [ cheers and applause ] first the eyes of the nation were on new hampshire today because of the primary election. they had a caucus in iowa, a primary in new hampshire, and then they'll move on i guess to soso of the states where people live next. it is a big deal for the candidates. even though the winner in new hampshire doesn't necessarily go on to win the nomination. you know who won the new hampshire primary last time around? what's his name? from -- mike "the situation"
[ laughter ] t all the candidates are there. their boots are on the ground. and so is our pal jake byrd, who's a very passionate donald trump supporter. jake spreads trumpthusiasm everywhere he goes. maybe you recall seeing him back in september at the trump rally in dallas. >> trump! trump! trump! trump! >> don't forget. i love this these people back here. >> and we love you! we love you! we love you, donald j.! yes, yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can see they love each o oer. it's a beautiful thing. yesterday jake braved the elements to file this special report from a donald trump rally on the eve of the primaries in manchester, new hampshire. >> i think trump is the person who will go to washington and actually get things done. he'll hire good people to be in good positionshen hold them accountable for these positions. >> he's going to get us jobs.
working again. i'm going to get hired back no matter how many times i assault a customer. they have to. donald trump says i do. >> and my -- >> i love your old-fashioned root beer. [ laughter ] >> i don't sell root beer. but that's fine. a country without borders isn't really a country, is it? >> this guy told me a great joke. he said hey, bernie, it's new hampshire, not jew hampshire. [ laughter ] too much. too much. too much. >> it's like live free or die. it's live trump or die. >> we're so disorganized. we've done about 100 of these -- >> still don't know what you're doing. >> we know what we're doing. everybody needs to -- >> so you're a volunteer. you work at the campaign? >> yeah. >> andndt's so disorganized. >> it's a house of cards. i don't want to say that. >> no, that's fine. housusof cards like the netflix show. are you going to throw someone on the train tracks like that guy? >> this is the number one
we're the [ bleep ] -- >> i just want to tell you. if she has theheaby tonight in new hampshire, that guarantees victory tomorrow. please, ivanka, have the baby tonight. >> have the baby! have the baby! >> we're going to bring education back locally. no more common core. >> i don't know what that is. [ laughter ] >> we're not going to have people dying on the streets. we're going to get them into a hospital and take care of them -- >> and die there. [ laughter ] in a hospital. in the hospital. >> and we're going to build ourselves so strong -- nobody. i'm telling you. nobody is going to plalawith us. we don't want to use it. >> nobody can come over to play! no playmates, no play dates! >> walls work. just ask israeae walls work. i mean, serious walls. i mean trump walls.
the best walls! the best walls! dtf! donald trump forever! dtf! donald trump forever! dtf! donald trump forever! >> hot hell is going to pay for the wall? >> mexico! [ laughter ] some people -- she just said a terrible thing. you know what she said?& shout it out because i don't want to -- >> [ bleep ]. >> she said he's a [ bleep ]. that's terrible. terrible. >> whoa! [ laughter ] language! my gosh. saucy language! donald! >> that's terrible. >> wow. wow! >> if you're going to get hurt and if you're going to drive like a maniac, do it tomorrow after you vote. and i promise i will come and visit you in the hospital. >> you promise? [ laughter ] you better!
now. [ laughter ] >> thank you very ch, new hampshire. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> the biggest threat the country is facing? >> right now personally for me how i feel personally right now for me perernally, the biggest threat i'm facing is finding a bus back to the hospital in the snow. you know? >> well, it's one -- i mean, one of the -- he stood up to cher, he'll stand up to isis! come on, let's stump for trump! it's a winter wonderland! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unfortunate ending. but thank you, jake byrd, evybody. >> i'm still freezing! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. we have music tonight from nothing but thieves.
>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight, she is an oscar nominee for her role in the movie "the danish girl." she is nominated for best supporting actress, alicia vikander is here. [ cheers and applause ] then, all the way from essex, which is all the way in england, this is their self-titled alm. it's called "nothing but thieves," from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night we'll have a good show. sacha baron cohen will be here. zendaya will join us. and we'll have music from mana. join us then. it doesn't matter if youe republican or democrat, president or pope, if our first guesdoesn't like what you're up to, he will make sure you know it. he's the host of "real time with bill maher," which you can watch friday nights on hbo and you can see him live at the mirage in las vegas march 12th and 13th.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for being here. i know this is an important night for you. >> it's an important night for you. >> jimmy: why? >> because you're on and i'm not. i'm not working tonight. m here. because you are my favorite talk show on the west coast. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. wait -- >> you're the only talk show on the west coast. >> why, what did you hear? >> jimmy: you got surfing or ririt? >> who told you that? where do you hear these things? cronies. us. bill can!t come. he got hit in the face with a surfboard. [ laughter ] is that not true? >> that's not true. i went to hawaii. go every year. it was great. this year i brought david spade and jeff ross.
it was really fun. >> jimmy: nice. >> thanks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't address them. >>'m from new jersey. i body surf. [ applause ] chris christie fans? [ laughter ] and you know, sometimes the wave face planted me. and yes, my face was too [ bleep ] up to appear. okay? happy you got that out of me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i love we can s s that now. remember when we started in show business you couldn't swear. now they just bleep it out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, i don't know what people were so hung up about. i think because now everybody's cursing on every other channel. >> jimmy: you thinit was trump? >> no, i -- >> jimmy: oh. >> no, but he's running for president and he says [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's crazy. >> jimmy: do you like that or do >> i iike that -- i mean, i always say donald trump and i are a little -- a little like the detective and the serial
you know. we're not so different, you and i. [ laughter ] i certainly don't agree with hardly anything he says politically, but i iove the fact that he's politically incorrect. i used to have a show called "politically incorrect." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what happened to that show? >> well, i got thrown off the air for being too potically incorrect. >> jimmy: my god. >> and then they got this other guy. >> jimmy: fat guy, right? >> no, not a fat guy. just a guy who wouldn't piss people off. and yeah. but yeah, that's donald trump. he eats third rails for breakfast. i have yet to find something this man can say that will turn his fans off. i mean, we all thought it was over when he said john mccain not a war hero. we thought, oh, wellthat's -- come on. no. but great, whatever.
you're on your period. carly fiorina, you're an older woman, too ugly to run for president. hey, who wants to see my impression of a cerebral palsy guy? like what does this mean have to do? fart in sus' face? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that would be something. >> he's like a movie monster. whatever they think is going to destroy him just makes h h stronger. you know? >> jimmy: you endorsed bernie sanders for president. [ cheersnd applause ] and you feel good about that now? do you feel -- >> look, i like hillary a lot. but not much as bernie. we've never had a leftist in my lifetime. a true leftist. he's putting things on the table no one ever put on the table before. that's why we don't know. now, is he probably going to win in the south? probably not.
[ laughter ] but you know what? people have never seen this product before. people didn't know they wanted an iphone until they put it in the window and everybody bought it. we've never had -- i call it the new deal. like fdr's new deal. he is saying we could be more like a western european democracy where you pay a little more taxax but look what you get. free college, free health care. go after the banks. this stuff has never been on the table. we'll see what happens. i think he deserves r what he's done so far to at least get the benefit of the doubt. [ cheers and applause ] and then, you know, and then if we go back to the old rules, fine. i've told my audience, my fans. i said look, i'm for bernie and a lot of you are too. but hillary is still good. it's like when you're on a plane if you don't get your first [ laughter ] because if you don't get the abortion clinic will be in
republican candidates? if you were forced to vote for one of them -- >> i'd kill myself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but if you had to vote for one of them, is there anyone in your mind -- who do you think is the worst among them? >> ted cruz is always the worst. >> jimmy: why do you say that? [ laughter ] >> because they laughed. that's why. [ laughter ] i said it because he i i because he's smart and evil. the other ones are true dummies. like rubio. you know, he doesn't know what he's talking about. he just says the words. but ted cruz is diabolical. he's smart. what i really hate about him. and this is what a true cynic . he's smart but he knows what to say to his dummy base that they will believe. so he always says things like -- here my favorite. he said, you know, before 9/11 i was a fan of classic rock. after 9/11 i found myself switching to country music.
because as we all know the world trade center was attacked by three dog night. [ laughter ] what the hell does that mean? or the thing about new york values. remember that a couple of weeks ago? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, sure. >> like he doesn't have new york values. he clerkrd for the supreme court. he went to princeton and yale. and he's like, do i even own shoes? i love when he plays the [ bleep ] kicker card like, oh, i did it again. >> jimmy: bill maher is here. his show is "real time." he's in vegas march 12th and 13th. we'll be rigig back.
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you know, i grew up in las vegas. you like playing vegas? >> i love vegas. you know, i first played there. it's going to make me sound old, but [ bleep ], i am. [ laughter ] in 1982. >> jimmy: wow. >> i was 26, and i opened for diana ross. and that was -- yeah. >> jimmy: was that at caesars palace? >> caesars palace. it's what i called the dead ball era in vegas. it's like after the rat pack but before it got reinvented as something hip and cool. so it was tough. you know, and was a young comedian. no one you knew who i was or wanted to see me. they wanted to see diana ross. now it's great. it's hip. hip people come out and see it. it's the only place in the world i can play on christmas week. everywhere else you don't play christmas if you're a personal appearance act. people are spending their money on christmas. vegas could give a [ bleep ] about christmas. they don't want to know christmas exists because then people will feel guilty about losing the house money. >> jimmy: hey, by the way, happy birthday.
[ cheers and applause ] i know you had a big birthday party. do you say how old or do you keept quiet? >> yes, i say how old. i shouted it out. 60. >> jimmy: 60 years old. [ cheers and applause ] >> jim: i like to have a party when you don't worry about it. some people get bummed out by this stuff. >> first of all, you can't hide anymore. what am i going to say, i'm 48? [ laughter ] so i made it into an event on my show and i used it as a reason to get obama to appear on my show, because it's been a sore point. i mean, apparently our invitation to him has been lost in the mail for seven years. he's done every show. he's done your show, right? >> jimmy: it's crazy. >> see what i mean? every show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: first of all, how dare you? and secondly, you gave his super pac a million dollars. >> yes. and he treats me like i owe him money. [ laughter ] i didn't even mention that because that suldn't be the reason why. >> jimmy: you'd think he'd know
>>o anyway. they have a thing at the white house that if you get a petition that is signed by 100,000 people, they have to respond to it already. so we had a petition out there. our beautiful fans within 38 hours, we had the 100,000 signatures. and it just says do our show or tell me why. just tell me why. and i'm sure that there are people in the white house who say y ver do that show. bill maher, he's a comedian, atheist, pot smoker who never got married. [ laughter ] by the way, all decisions i'm really good with. [ applause ] >> jimmy: have you considered -- i know he's coming out here next week for fund-raisers. tell him you're having a fund-raiser at the address where you shoot the show and mbe he'll show up. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's what theresisint does, jimmy. he just shows up. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what he did here. he just appeared like santa claus. it was a miracle. >> yeah. well, we'll see. we'll see what they say. >> jimmy: well, it's very good
[ cheers and applause ] you know what? i told you this a million times, but when i was in college i saw you do stand-up and i think people forget that you're one of the great stand-up comics and if you want to go see bill march 12th and 13th in las vegas at the mimige hotel -- >> las vegas! why didn't we talk about las gas? >> jimmy: bill maher, everybody. we'll be right back with alicia vikander. [ cheers and applause ] can a toothpaste do everything well? this clele was like pow!
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wewee back. still to come, music from "nothing but thieves." our next guest has had a productive few weeks. e won the critic's choice award, the s.a.g. award. on sunday she was named mvp of the super bowl. nominated for st supporting actress for her role in "the danish girl." please say hello to alicia vikander. [ cheers and applause ] i know i screwed up your name. i said it a miion times to myself before. alicia vikander, right? >> jimmy: yeah, except i didn't say it like that before. >> that's all right.
i was filming in vegas. so we got the news when i was there. >> jimmy: wow. >> and it was great because it was like -- we were all in track suits, and it was 9:00 a.m. in the morning and we could just pop the champagne and that was totally normal. >> jimmy: that's right. it's las vegas. you can do that anytime. but why were you all wearing track suits? [ laughter ] >> i'd just woken up. and it's also on film shoots. people aren't just -- i'm actually just wearing the same thing every day. i do have several options. so it's not like i don't wash them. but you go to work, you just change. so i even remember on some shoots you've been together with your colleagues for like three months and then you end up having like a night when at the wrap party it's the first time you actually -- people say, look at you! jeans and a t-shirt, you look so well! >> jimmy: yeah, that is a funny thing because when p pple come here on our show from "game of thrones" or "downton abbey" or somemeing i'm always shocked to see them in normal human being clothes.
>> jimmy: and with you it's kiki of the opposite.e. >> yeah. it's a pretty dress. >> jimmy: will you bring your mily to the oscars with you? >> i am. >> jimmy: you are. oh. you have to get them t tkets or how does that work? >> yeah. i just -- i got them tickets the other -- >> jimmy: will they embarrass you by talking to famous people? >> i hope so. jimmy: you hope so. you're okay with that? >> yeah. my dad has a bit of a crush on kate winslet. so i kind of ppped her. i was like, my dad's cong, please be kind. and she was. she was like oh, my god, that's cute. kate! >> jimmy: wow. that's funny. but i guess your dad, yourad's probably my age now that i think about it. i was like, that's a little bit weird, your dad. but yeah, your dad -- it probably makes perfect sense that he would have a crush on kate winslet. >> i do have a crush on kate winslet. >> jimmy: do you know althe women who are nominated with you in your category? >> it wa funny, i actually finally got to meet rooneyp mara, because we've been sitting at
and i mean, i've looked up to her and admired her as an actress for a long time. we've been waving across the room. and finally when we did this we had the oscar luncheon. we were put next to each other for this class photo. >> jimmy: does anyone eat lench at the luncheon? it seems like nobody's eating. >> it's the first proper event where they actually eat. normally at the golden globes i was sitting there with a plate in front of me and everyone else but the food never came. isn't that weird? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's called the hollywood diet. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i was like is this every year? this is not a miss, this is actually -- >> jimmy: yeah, it's a very traditional l.a. thing. you just eat the air. [ laughter ] >> yeah. and then you drink. and then it all goes -- >> jimmy: in sweden does everybody speak english? >> yeah. everyone speaks very good english in sweden. we learn it in school from about 9, 10. but it was not until i got here when you actually start to speakak it, you know. >> jimmy: and you realize that there are different ways people
>> you mean accents? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughtht ] >> yeah, we do have them -- we have them in sweden too. >> jimmy: you have them m sweden? >> yeah. >> jimmy: isn't that funny? becacae really our knowledge of sweden and swedish accents comes from a muppet who cooks. [ laughter ] >> yode, yode,e,ode. >> jimmy: so you know him. >> but to memee sounds more norwegian. >> jimmy: oh, he does? [ laughter ] wow, so that's not accurate, wow, how about that. that's surprising. yeah, wow, more norwegian. that's a real shocker. that's a scandal to hit sesame street. [ laughter ] so are you excited about the oscars? it should be a fun night. i think you have a good chance of winning. do you gamble on yourself? you know you can. you're working in las vegas. >> i did go and -- i learned how to play the craps. >> jim: yeah. the craps? [ laughter ] how did you do? you were making that movie with thattupid matt damon, weren't you, in las vegas? >> yeah.
see him -- you're telling his true colors. i know everyone tells everyone that he's the sweetest dude. >> jimmy: but he's not. he's a nightmare. >> yeah. >> jimmy: thanks. finally someone confirms this for me. [ cheers and applause ] >> we still have one week to go. >> jimmy: number one, we learned that the swedish chef is a fraud. and number two, we learned -- well, something i knew for a long time. matt damon is evil incarnate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: welll thank you. congratulations. we'll see you at the academy awards, the oscars, which are on sunday, february 28th,:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific. and of course your movie, which was great. "the danish girl" comes out on dvd and blu-ray march 1st. we'll be right back th nothing but thieves. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: the "jimmy kiml
with a universal orlando annual pass grab a coke and get up to 3 months free so you can enjoy two amazing theme parks and great events like this spring's mardi gras it's all kinds of amazing all year long universal orlando o sort >> announcer: thth"jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: thanks to bill maher, alicia vikander and apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first with their self-titled
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down when the lights go down this is "nightline." >> tonight, the pta president framed by fellow parents. how one misunderstanding escalated into a nightmare lasting more than five years. >> they're not mine! >> tonight the california mom speaking out after winning millions in damages. the demand for illegal d dgs here in the u.s. is fueling the drug war in mexico. >> this is a war that we're responsible for. >> the oscar-nominated documentary "cartel land" showing a harrowing look at the vigilante groups taking on meth manufacturers there.