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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  December 7, 2017 12:05am-1:08am EST

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>> jimmy: there we go. perfect. all right, we filled it out. we are ready for our scene. i'm going to hand this in to the computer and then they're going to go on the cue cards. are you ready to perform our scene? >> let's do this! >> jimmy: yes! let's go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: ah, i love christmas. it's the most flamboyant time of the year. [ laughter ] hey, what's wrong? >> there's something i have to tell you, winston. >> jimmy: what is it, jimmy bill bob? [ laughter ] i'm your brother and your best late night host. you can tell me anything. >> well, this isn't easy, but here goes. i don't believe in santa claus. >> jimmy: falafel! [ laughter ] >> hey, hey. i understand why you would
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we've been writing santa letters every day for the last 6801 decades. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is more shocking than when i found out chickens can fly. [ light laughter ] what made you stop believing? >> all i wanted for christmas was the most popular toy everyone had, the fallon talon. [ laughter ] i left santa a plate of ballpark hot dogs and a glass of rob roy, but on christmas morning, there was nothing under the tree, so i ran to my room and started running. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: little bro, i'm going to tell you the same thing dad used to tell me every night before bed.
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[ laughter ] ♪ >> yes? what is that? >> jimmy: stay golden, pony boy. [ laughter and applause ] stay golden, pony boy. >> truer words have never been spoken. >> jimmy: all you have to do is look deep -- [ laughter ] within your -- [ laughter ] perineum. >> perineum. >> jimmy: perineum. [ laughter ] you remember dad used to say that as well. you gotta look deep for the holiday spirit. con,
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>> you're right, brother. the holidays are magical. decorating the christmas protractor. [ laughter ] hanging the puppies on the mantle. [ laughter ] and spending time with all my dragons. [ laughter ] i believe again! there is a santa claus! >> jimmy: teacher, my name's not dave! >> you know, the best part about believing in santa is getting to sing my favorite song with you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you sure you don't want to do it by yourself? [ laughter ] what is the song? >> it is, "rudolph the sea breezed nosed wwe super star." man, i screwed myself -- >> jimmy: that is my favorite song. let's sing! ♪ rudolph the sea breezed nosed wwe super star had a very shiny anus ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ and if you ever saw it
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say it jumped ♪ >> jimmy: and scene. go run to your room. go run to your room and start running! >> i'm going! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: john cena, everybody! we'll be right back with bridget everett! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ this holiday, the best gift you can give, is your time. volunteer at neighbhorhoodofgood.com. state farm. wthis weekend hundreds of deals up to 30% off
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m. ♪ [mel torme sings "comin' home baby"] hey there. want a lift? ♪ where are we going? no don't tell me. let me guess. ♪ have a nice ride. ♪ how far would you go for coffee that's a cup above? i brought you nespresso. nespresso. what else? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an incredibly talented performer
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brand new tv pilot called "love you more", which is currently available on amazon prime video. everyone, please welcome bridget everett! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, bridget, welcome back. >> oh, my gosh. that was awesome. >> jimmy: they're the best. the roots, come on. >> they're the best. >> jimmy: you can't beat it. welcome back to the show. i'm happy you're here. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: how long have you lived in new york city? >> i've lived here for 20 years almost to the day. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: 20 years ago. that's great. so you're definitely a a new yorker. i had no -- when you first came, were you always into cabaret? was that what you were -- >> no, i started off -- i auditioned. i went on my first audition. i went for a children's theater tour. and it was a bus and truck tour for "hansel and gretel" and i played the mother. and i quickly realized that
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so i found karaoke, and cabaret, and chardonnay, and i've been doing great. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: karaoke, cabaret, and chardonnay. but that really did -- >> that's the trifecta, jimmy. >> jimmy: it took off for you, because this is where -- this is -- you met michael patrick king, right? >> yes, i met michael patrick king, who did "sex and the city", and "the comeback", and "two broke girls" and all of that stuff. >> jimmy: i mean hello, yeah. [ applause ] >> and that was 10 years ago, and he told me, he was like, you're either going to break now, or it's going to take you 10 years, and -- >> jimmy: is that right? >> and that was ten years ago. and we were on vacation a a couple years ago, he's like my mentor and i remember we were sitting on his -- you know, he's got a lot of -- a lot of money, and a really nice house. and so we were out on his deck, and he's like, "i think it's time for us to do a show together." and, i remember thinking, you know, i was like, of course i burst into tears. and it's like, you know, you're 45 -- not, you're 45. i don't know how old you are. you've got a baby face. i don't know. [ light laughter ] i'm 45 years old, you know, i'm a woman, 6 foot tall, got a lot of meat on my bones.
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[ light laughter ] and you know, you don't always picture somebody wanting to make a tv show for you when you are that. but you know what? dreams can come true and sometimes it takes a while. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm so happy for you! >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's right! >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're knocking it out of the park. i love the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i want to see more of it. it's called "love you more." >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: you get it on amazon prime right now, amazon prime video. >> yeah. >> jimmy: explain to everyone what the show's about. >> well, i play karen best, she's a 45 -- no she's not 45, she's probably in her 30s. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: well you have to play a character. yeah. >> i play karen best. and she's a big woman with a a big heart, you know? loves chardonnay and she works -- by day, she works in a a home with young adults with down syndrome. and at night, she lives with loni anderson. >> jimmy: i'm so excited. i saw loni anderson, i'm like i love loni anderson. >> oh, my god, loni is magic. oh, my gosh. she is my -- [ light laughter ] like i grew up watching "wkrp in cincinnati." >> jimmy: "wkrp in cincinnati"! oh, my -- >> yeah. and she'll tell you all those stories, but she calls it krp,
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she's like a hundred kittens rolled in puppies with bunny ears, and just dipped in sugar with dragon flies, and butterflies all around her. she's so perfect. >> jimmy: that is a great description of a person. >> it's in her bio, it's a a fact. [ light laughter ] anyway, the other day, i was out getting toilet paper, because i go too. >> jimmy: okay. yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> and my -- >> jimmy: that was going to be my next question. >> yeah, just cross that one off. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> my phone starts ringing, and it's loni. and i'm like, i just -- i dropped the toilet paper. i was like, "loni anderson's on my phone." i'm like, "i got to go home. i got to sit down on the couch, i'm going to pour myself a a bottle of wine, and then i'm just going to call her back." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love -- pour myself a bottle of wine. >> i'm efficient. >> jimmy: yeah. of course. why not? i want to show everyone -- >> it's the holidays, everybody. cheers. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: why not? i want to show everyone a clip. here's bridget everett in "love you more." take a look at this. ♪ >> hey there, baby. couldn't keep my eyes off of
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you. >> thanks, sweetheart, but you really need to be that tall to ride this ride. i would have been here sooner, but i got held up talking to kevin hart. so, you like big girls? >> yeah, i like big girls. >> then i've come to the right place. >> here, from that guy over there. >> who's that? >> some dreamer. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: some dreamer. dream on, buddy. bridget, last time you were here, we were very lucky, you sang for us. and it was fantastic. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is there any way we could talk you into just singing something for us tonight, please, maybe? [ cheers and applause ] >> i mean sure. >> jimmy: we have a microphone. >> let me just take off my shoes for safety. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: is that what you have to do?
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off your shoes for safety? yeah. >> when you do it like i do it, i guess so. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. >> oh my god, it's a a celine dion, barbra streisand microphone again. >> jimmy: isn't that the greatest? come on. >> this is when you know. this is when you know. this is like -- >> jimmy: this is real. >> this is a thing of beauty. >> jimmy: yeah, it really is. >> but i could sing something if you guys -- you guys know some miley, right? [ cheers and applause ] do you have anything from dreamers? okay, cause, hit the track if you want to. ♪ because sometimes, you know ll cool j, like i always like to say, he always says, ddhd -- dreams don't have deadlines. and when you're waiting tables for 25 years like i did, you sing this song a lot in your sleep. hold my hand. [ light laughter ] ♪ ♪ i can almost see it that dream i'm dreaming ♪ ♪ but there's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it ♪
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every move i'm make feels lost with no direction my faith is shaken ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ but i i'm going to be strong just keep pushing on ♪ ♪ why i'm going to tell you why ♪ ♪ there's always going to be another mountain i'm always going to want to make it move ♪ ♪ always going to be an uphill battle sometimes i'm going to have to lose ♪ ♪ don't matter how fast i get there ain't about what's waiting on the other side ♪ ♪ it's the climb [ cheers ] ♪ >> ladies and gentlemen, when we fall down, we have to remember to pick each other up. jimmy,il
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lift you up. are you going to be here for me? >> jimmy: yes! >> then get out in front of that desk, take off your shoes, and lay down, and let's do this! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ your dreams are about to come true, jimmy. are you ready? lay down! there's no time. everybody, help us out. on the count of three, we're going to count him in. >> audience: one! two! three! >> are you ready to fly? ♪ it's the climb [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ it's the climb
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bridget everett, everybody! a standing ovation! bridget everett! [ cheers and applause ] "love you more" is currently available on amazon prime video! standing o! we'll be right back with a a performance from beck. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ directv has been rated number one in customer satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. but some people still like cable. just like some people like wet grocery bags. getting a bad haircut. overcrowded trains. turnstiles that don't turn. and spilling coffee on themselves. but for everyone else, there's directv.
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easy on the wallet and the eyes, nest thermostat e. e is for everyone. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love this guy so much! oh, my gosh. he's one of the best. his new album, "colors", is fantastic. he has the number one alternative song in the country, which is off of his new album, called -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah. not too shabby. the new album is "colors." performing "up all night", give it up for beck! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ when you get the rhythm and words all make you cold
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when they break it down and this world is all you know ♪ ♪ hands up you're working it 'round now get yourself together ♪ ♪ when you count the dominos fall it's time to go ♪ ♪ now i'm feeling so far away i see the colors and all the kids going home ♪ ♪ night is crawling into the day i hear my voice ringing the summertime's singing ♪ ♪ just wanna stay up all night with you just wanna stay up all night with you ♪ ♪ there's nothing that i wouldn't rather do just wanna stay up all night with you ♪ ♪ i'll keep it moving don't wait for nothing now gotta keep it moving don't wait for nothing now ♪ ♪ i'll keep it moving don't wait don't wait for nothing now ♪
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♪ gotta keep it moving don't wait for nothing now nothing now ♪ ♪ ♪ one, two what you doing i've been jumping through some hoops ♪ ♪ wanna get my body loose wanna tell you tell you what to do ♪ ♪ i've been running out of breath like an animal struggling ♪ ♪ looking for a diamond i'm trying i'm fighting back into the rhythm now ♪ ♪ i just wanna stay up all night wanna stay up all night with you ♪ ♪ with you you ♪ just wanna stay up all night with you just wanna stay up all night with you ♪ ♪ there's nothing that i wouldn't rather do just wanna stay up all night with you ♪ ♪ living up in the air if you don't really care ♪
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♪ living don't get you there if you got the time to take it up there ♪ ♪ living up in the air living out on a prayer ♪ ♪ living don't get you there if you got the time to take it up there ♪ ♪ up all night with you with you with you ♪ ♪ up all night with you with you with you ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah! thank you so much! beck! [ cheers and applause ] good to see you, buddy. "colors" is out now! we'll be right back. beck, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! my thanks to john cena, bridget everett, beck once again, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] and give it up for the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. thank you. bye-bye, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- dax shepard. from "darkest hour," actress lily james. author max brooks. featuring the 8g band with brooks wackerman. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemenen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. russian president vladimir putin announced today that he will run for another six year term and he did it using his official twitter account. [ laughter ]
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instructed the state department to develop a plan to relocate the us embassy from tel aviv to jerusalem. and melania has developed a plan to relocate herself from d.c. back to new york. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] towards the end of the speech on israel today, president trump began to slur his words leading some to speculate that he make have been wearing dentures. but the white house insists that it's nothing unusual and that most of his words are slurs. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] here, take a look. >> i asked the leaders of the region, political and religious. israeli and palestinian. jewish and christian and muslim to join us in the nobel quest for lasting peace. thank you. god bless you.
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god bless the united states. thank you very much. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: i can't believe both our first and our last president had fake teeth. [ laughter ] or as trump calls dentures, fake chews. [ laughter ] that's the best joke you're ever going to hear and you didn't appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] "fake chews." [ laughter ] according to reports, the rnc has donated $170,000 to the alabama republican party to support controversial senate candidate roy moore. and it looks like, he's already spent it. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ]
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32 democratic senators have now called on senator al franken to step aside after another woman accused him of sexual misconduct. also stepping aside, women when they see al franken coming. [ laughter ] "time" magazine has named the silence breakers of the "me to"" sexual harassment activism movement as their 2017 person of the year. so they didn't choose you but you definitely got mentioned. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a town in maine hosted a parade over the weekend in honor of the inventor of ear muffs. unfortunately, he had no idea. [ laughter ] you know it's nice with all the negative news out there that when there's a story about ear muffs, you're pretty happy. [ light laughter ] according to new research, it can take up to four weeks for a woman's skin to recover from a
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just ask hannah, a freshman at umass. [ laughter ] "i went way too hard last night." today was national microwave oven day. "i can't wait to nuke somethin"" said one man. [ laughter ] and finally, this is very exciting. thanks to new technology we have developed here at "late night" we now have the ability to record and then listen to the inner voice that is in donald trump's head. so here for the third time this week is the tiny voice in the back of donald trump's head. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, donald, it's me. the tiny voice in the back of your head. and now it's time to shake hands with a bunch of people who know you can't do this job. oh, it's true. you're terrible at this job and everyone knows it.
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look at this guy, he's shaking your hands but he thinks you're a bad president. oh, man, this guy too. he's saying, "good job." but inside his head he's saying "donald trump is a grade a moron." [ laughter ] all these people are thinking that. oh, here's an old lady. you know what she's thinking? "oh, you went bankrupt a bunch of times you should not have this job. go on your way." she's saying "go on your way. we don't need you here. bye. you're pathetic, sad." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we have an excellent show for you tonight. he's starring in the new netflix film, "el camino christmas," dax shepard is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] from acclaimed drama "darkest hour," lily james is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and his latest novel "mindcraft, the island" is out now, max brooks is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so you're hear on a good one. but before we get to that, president trump is now all in on backing the accused sexual predator running for senate in am
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for a former top aide who lied to the fbi. making clear once again what trump really means when he says he's "tough on crime." for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: during the campaign, trump repeatedly cast himself as the candidate who would be "tough on crime," using one nixonian phrase in particular. >> we need law and order in our country. i am the law and order candidate. i will restore law and order. law and order. law and order. we have to bring back law and order. >> seth: that would have been a great campaign promise if he meant the tv show. "we're gonna bring back 'law and order' and also look for all-new episodes of 'freaks and geeks."" [ laughter ] although, in a way, trump was right. 10 months into his presidency, and his administration is already being investigated by sam waterston. [ laughter ]
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trump of course has routinely lied about rising crime levels and promised that only he could restore law and order. but not only has he lied about the crime stats, he's also been very specific about who he claims is responsible for those "crimes." >> they want to have illegal immigrants pouring into our country, bringing with them crime. tremendous amounts of crime. we don't want to have that. we want to have a great, beautiful, crime free country. when i talk immigration and when i talk about illegal immigration and all the problems with crime. illegal immigration also brings with it massive crime. we want strong borders. we don't want drugs coming in. we don't want crime coming in. end illegal immigration. stop the massive inflow of refugees. reduce surging crime. so when i said we have to have a moratorium, we have to have a ban until we find out what's going on. i took a tremendous amount of heat. and now everyone's sort of saying, "trump is right."
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is right." [ laughter ] the only time anyone's ever said -- [ cheers and applause ] the only time anyone's ever said "trump is right" is on the golf course. [ light laughter ] "where did the president's ball go?" "oh, trump is right -- over in the trees. you can't see him because his hair blends in with the rough." [ laughter ] of course, it didn't seem to matter to trump that immigrants actually commit fewer crimes than native-born americans, or that refugees are carefully vetted. nor did it matter to trump that he was wrong when he retweeted a racist infographic falsely claiming that 81% of whites are killed by african- americans, a stat that was completely false. and rather than admit that it was wrong, trump adamantly defended himself. >> you tweeted out that whites killed by blacks, these are statistics you picked up from somewhere, at a rate of 81% and that's totally wrong. whites killed by black is 15%, yet you tweeted it's 81%. --
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>> bill i didn't tweet, i re-tweeted somebody that was supposedly an expert and it was also a radio show. >> yeah, but why do you want to be in that zone? >> hey bill, bill, am i gonna check every statistic? i've got millions and millions of people. >> you got to, you're a presidential contender, you've got to check it. >> i've got millions of people. you know what? fine. but this came out of radio shows and everything else. >> oh come on, radio shows? >> all it was was a re-tweet. excuse me, all it was is a re-tweet, it wasn't from me, and it did, it came out from a radio show and other places. >> wouldn't it be better -- >> seth: you know you're in a bad place when bill o'reilly is telling you you have to do better. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's like steve bannon telling you to go clean yourself up. [ laughter ] so trump has made clear repeatedly who he's really talking about when he talks about crime. which might explain why, when his former national security adviser michael flynn actually pleaded guilty to a very serious crime, lying to the fbi. trump, the law and order candidate, suddenly found a soft spot in his heart for criminals,
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hillary had also lied to the fbi. >> well i feel badly for general flynn, i feel very badly. he's led a -- very strong life and i feel very badly, john. i will say this, hillary clinton lied many times to the fbi, and nothing happened to her. flynn lied, and they destroyed his life. >> seth: hillary did not lie to the fbi. she was interviewed by the fbi, and they found no wrongdoing. that's like getting caught robbing a bank and telling the cops, "what about all those people taking money from the atm?" [ light laughter ] and that -- [ applause ] that came after an unhinged twitter rant from trump, the guy who based his entire campaign on law and order, defending a confessed criminal and attacking the fbi for its investigation of a potential conspiracy to undermine an election. first trump tweeted, "so general flynn lies to the fbi and his life is destroyed, while crooked hillary clinton, on that now famous fbi holiday interrogation with no swearing in and no recording, lies many times and nothing happens to her. rigged system, or just a double
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man, the new 280 character limit on twitter is turning trump into a beat poet. [ laughter ] "so she lies many times and nothing happens to her? rigged system? [ drumming ] or just a double standard? [ cheers and applause ] man." trump then attacked the fbi more directly after a report that one of the agents involved in the clinton investigation had sent some anti-trump text messages. trump tweeted, "tainted. no, very dishonest? fbi agent's role in clinton probe under review." what's with the parenthetical? [ light laughter ] he's starting to disagree with himself in his own tweets. he sounds like a tortured writer dictating a letter to an assistant. "tainted? no. very dishonest reporting from lying media. scratch that, fake news. let me see that. oh, this is good. send this one out." [ laughter and applause ]
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so trump says he's tough on crime when he thinks those crimes have been committed by immigrants, refugees, african-americans, or his political opponents, but not when they've been committed by the people closest to him, like flynn or paul manafort or sheriff joe arpaio. or alabama senate candidate roy moore, who has been accused by at least nine women of sexual harassment and assault, including several who were underage at the time. after the news broke about moore, it didn't take long for trump to give him the benefit of the doubt. >> he totally denies it. he says it didn't happen. and you know, you have to listen to him also. you're talking about -- he said 40 years ago this did not happen. and i do have to say, 40 years is a long time. he has run eight races and this has never come up. so 40 years is a long time. the women are trump voters. most of them are trump voters. all you can do is you have to do what you have to do. >> seth: all you can do is you have to do what you have to do? sounds like a fortune cookie written by someone who was completely out of ideas. "
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to do what you have to do. lottery numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5?" [ laughter ] and after trump's endorsement of moore, republicans quickly began to fall in line. just weeks ago the republican national committee cut ties with moore, but after trump's endorsement the rnc is getting back into the alabama senate race and will transfer funds to the alabama republican party. and senate majority leader mitch mcconnell, who just weeks ago said he believed the women and called on moore to step aside, softened his position so much, he couldn't even bring himself to say moore's name. >> if he wins will you insist on referring his case to the senate ethics committee? >> well i think we're going to let the people of alabama decide a week from tuesday who they want to send to the senate and then we'll address the matter appropriately. >> do you believe that judge moore should be in the senate? >> i'm gonna let the people of alabama make the call. >> but you are prepared to take action if he is indeed elected?
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have to consider the matters that have been litigated in the campaign should that particular candidate win. >> seth: that particular candidate? did you forget his name? because here's a phrase to help you remember it. "he likes to wear cordu-roy, and he can't go to the mall any moore." [ laughter and applause ] of course, as if it needs to be said again, the allegations against moore are credible, corroborated by dozens of sources and supporting evidence. and yet, presented with this evidence, all the moore campaign can do is call the accusers liars, as a spokeswoman for the moore campaign did on cnn on tuesday, during a truly mind-bending interview in which she also tried to point out that there are still women in alabama who have not accused moore of sexual assault. [ light laughter ] >> one of the jobs of journalists is to not just take -- an academy award performance at face value. you need to dig into the facts, and one of the facts in the case. >> 30 people corroborated her story who knew roy moore between 1977 and 1992. >> actually, actually they did not -- >> they did, according to the recordings of "the post."
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>> poppy, we need to make it clear that there's a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of any sexual misconduct or anything illegal. >> seth: that's literally their best argument. [ laughter ] i can't wait to see their ads. "did you know there are over two and half million women in alabama, and just under two and a half million have never been sexually assaulted by roy moore." [ cheers and applause ] but the most revealing comments trump has made about this race are about moore's opponent, doug jones, a lifelong prosecutor who convicted the kkk members responsible for the birmingham church bombing that killed four little girls. trump has repeatedly claimed that alabamians should vote for moore, rather than jones, because of their positions on crime. >> jones, i've looked at his record. it's terrible on crime. i can tell you for a fact we do not need somebody that's going to be bad on crime. but i can tell you, you don't need somebody who is soft on crime like jones. we don't want to have a liberal democrat in alabama, believe me.
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stopping crime. >> seth: "we want stopping crime?" it's official, we elected sheriff tarzan. [ laughter ] but think about that, trump says he wants to stop crime, but he's backing an accused child molester over a prosecutor who convicted the kkk. which tells you that when he uses the word crime, that's not what he really means. he doesn't want to stop crime, he wants to stop immigrants, refugees, or his political opponents. for years we've heard republicans call themselves the party of law and order, and now trump has revealed what they really mean. trump talks tough when it comes to mexicans, muslims, african-americans, and women. but if you're a white man who happens to be close to trump or support his agenda, the strongest thing he can say is this. >> all you can do is you have to do what you have to do. >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with dax shepard everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks" be sure to sucr
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up to the 8g band, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also back on drums tonight, he's been a member of tenacious d, bad religion. and now with multi-platinum rock band avenged sevenfold, who were just honored with their first ever grammy nomination for "the stage." be sure to check out their u.s. tour, which kicks off in january. brooks wackerman, everybody -- thank you so much for in
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[ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: our first guest is a talented and very funny actor, you know from the nbc series "parenthood" and films such as "chips" and "baby mama." he stars in the upcoming movie "el camino christmas," which begins streaming on netflix this friday. let's take a look. >> you said that you thought that maybe this kid you arrested last night that he could be the gunman? >> yes, yes. i mean i'm fairly certain. although, i -- i do believe, i saw two white males, 20s, duck behind the counter. and i mean this one -- this is crazy. but i thought i saw a little kid. >> jesus, billy. are you sure? >> i can't be positively positive for sure. but i'll tell you this, there's definitely four or five folks in there maybe. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show dax shepard, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> seth: hi, buddy. >> wackerman! >> seth: wackerman. >> very convenient last name, wackerman, for a drummer? >> yeah, my birth name. >> i don't know. >> seth: that's true. right. >> birth name. birth name. >> birth name. yeah. >> you were destined to play those drums. >> right? >> and you are playing the hell out of them. >> thank you. >> seth: i love that you made that connection. i've had him here all week. >> and you didn't do that? >> no, i didn't think, like, "wow, wackerman is a great drum name." >> and shepard, that doesn't leap out at you as? [ laughter ] they all know. you don't know? they all get it. it's so obvious. >> seth: so you -- i want to say you play a police officer in this film. >> yeah. >> seth: based on the clip, you do not possess great intelligence. [ laughter ] >> no. i -- my niche is an actor is to play very stupid people. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. i'll take it. >> seth: does this -- now there are two kinds of stupid, there's stupid with awareness that they're stupid and then stupid without.
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>> i specialize in without. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that's too stupid to even know they're stupid. >> yeah, like you mentioned "baby mama." >> seth: yeah. >> so the difference between this character and "baby mama" is i have a mustache in this. >> seth: that's it. [ laughter ] >> yeah and a different shirt. like i wore a lot of flannel shirts in "baby mama" and here i'm obviously in some kind of municipality. i don't know what that is but, yeah. >> seth: you -- one of your -- >> are you impressed with that mustache? >> seth: it is a good mustache. is it your own? >> it is my own. >> seth: yeah. >> and i got to say, i was nervous while growing it that it would be less than powerful. and then when i saw the movie for the first time a couple weeks ago -- >> seth: it's great. >> it's a very powerful mustache. [ laughter ] >> seth: is that -- in your illustrious career, is that the first time you've grown your own mustache for a role? >> it is. >> seth: wow. >> and i very much wanted -- i've been looking forward, hoping, certain dreams have gone away. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm not going to get hired to play a super hero. >> seth: you think that window is closed? >> i had always secretly thought, "oh god, i hope i get hired to play a super hero. i can do steroids." >> seth: yeah. >> you know? [ laughter
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>> i'd like to try it as a man. >> seth: yeah. >> but have an excuse. i'm a father of two. i can't just do steroids for fun. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> but for several million dollars. >> seth: yeah, you would do steroids. >> i can do it. yeah, yeah. >> seth: so -- >> or like a coke addict. [ laughter ] >> seth: you want to play a coke addict? >> yeah, i mean, i've been sober for 13 years. but i feel like if scorsese calls and says, "i got this great role for you. you just got to huff a lot cocaine." >> seth: yeah. >> i'd have to do it. [ laughter ] >> seth: i bet they use prop cocaine. i feel like -- >> not scorsese. >> seth: that's true. [ laughter ] >> no, come on. maybe spielberg but not scorsese -- >> seth: but so then you got to do the mustache. i -- did you have enough time? like when you got offered the part to when you started shooting, were you worried it was too small a window? >> i was. in fact, it's a little, how do we say, inconsistent because it was growing as we were filming. >> seth: ah. >> so there are some scenes where it's a proper womb broom. [ laughter ] and then there are others where it's more just like a pre-teen.
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but funny enough, the whole reason i'm in the movie is that vincent d'onofrio who's also in the movie, much better actor than me. >> seth: fantastic actor. i would say even. but he's a fantastic actor. >> yeah, one of the best. >> seth: yes. >> one of the greats. gets to play smart people all the time -- they always hire him for that. he text me, "hey, we're starting a movie in two weeks," because he read the script. he said, "this guy's dumb, got to get dax." [ audience ohs ] >> seth: yeah. >> he told the director. he said, "yeah, he's as dumb as it gets." [ laughter ] and it was, you know, so it just happened. like d'onofrio actually cast me in this movie. >> seth: that's great. >> and then he said, "i'm growing a mustache for it." and i said, "well then i'm going to too." and just to kind of mess with him and, you know, here we have it. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> yeah. the movie's called "mustache christmas" -- [ laughter ] please check it out december 8th on netflix. >> seth: and its -- you play two police officers but your mustaches solve the crime. you're just like there. >> that's right. that's right. that's right. >> seth: i want to talk -- >> like the tea leaves. i put dust in them. and then i start connecting the dots. genius mustache --
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>> seth: at one point there's yarn. your mustache has yarn connecting different -- >> connected to other parts. >> seth: yeah. >> and someone goes, "oh, my gosh. that's a map of el camino." >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: and that's how you solve it. >> that's right. >> seth: well, we've given away the film now. >> yeah. you know, you can skip it. but you are having -- you're having another kid? >> seth: i've having another kid. you have got two now. >> i do have two. >> seth: i got my second on the way. what is -- how would you describe the difference between one and two? >> well as you know because you're already a parent, all these clichés you hear, they are painfully true. >> seth: yeah. >> and the one we had been warned about which proved to be true, is it's not twice as hard with a second kid. it's like 75 times harder. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> it's impossibly hard. >> seth: yeah. >> and we're not super young, you know? i mean -- >> seth: no we're -- i think we are about the same. >> i think we are the same age. >> seth: yeah. >> very old. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: old for young kids. >> very old for young kids. i'm grateful that i have the patience that i have that i would never had in my 20s. >> seth: i agree with that. >> but the bending over -- >> seth: yeah. >> and waking up early and, you know, all that caring for them. it's exhausting.
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>> seth: it is exhausting. and i imagine when you have the second one, the first one doesn't have an appreciation for how much harder it got. they're just still a kid. >> they're a kid. they could care less. yeah, yeah. >> seth: your 2-year-old -- you just had an incident. is it safe to call it an incident? >> it is safe to call it -- i'm going to -- a lot of people come on these shows and they brag about what great parents they are. and i'm about to tell you something very dark. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> okay? first of all, let me just say our 4-year-old is perfect. and we thought we were crushing it as parents. >> seth: right. >> oh, my god. we should write a book. now we have this 2-year-old. she's just an animal. >> seth: yeah. >> right? i mean truth be told the first one's kristen. the second one's me. so, the other night she just would not stay in her bed, refused to do it. not an option for her. and we had friends coming over so i'm like, "you got to get in bed." finally by the 12th time, i lose it. i lose my temper. i pick her up and take her into our bathroom. her favorite thing in the whole world is paw patrol toys, right? she's got a dozen of them or so. they're her life. ck
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toys out of the tub. and i throw them in the trash can in front of her. and i hold up the trash can and i say, "if you get out of your bed one more time, these are going out to the big trash can in the driveway." [ laughter ] i swear to god, she goes, "you missed one, daddy." [ laughter ] and i like -- i looked in the tub and i think chase was still in the tub. the police dog, chase -- stone cold, cool hand luke and i'm like, "well, i'm out of options now. this is the thing you care most about." >> seth: yeah. >> it's not 1984. i can't hit her. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> nothing i can do. >> seth: yeah, she called your bluff. >> yes. >> i called my mom the next day. i said, "this is what happened. what should i do?" she said, "that's exactly what you did." i said, "well, what did you do"" so goes, "i gave up." [ laughter ] at three years old, i'm like, "you win. do whatever you want." she goes, "well look, you have health insurance and a career, they'll be fine." >> seth: well, there you go. >> fingers crossed. >> seth: the s
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before you go that i want to ask about. my wife and i -- i would say we're a huge fans of "game of thrones." but i saw this thing that i'm about to show. and i realized your fandom with kristen dwarves ours. >> let's just say if i were a cast member of "game of thrones", i would be in fear of kristen and i. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: because you guys -- >> that we might sneak into your house and sleep in your bed. >> seth: yeah. because you -- no one asked you to do this. hbo did not reach out. >> no. in fact -- >> seth: you used your own money and your own time. >> we did. >> seth: you're very busy. >> yes, we have the two kids. >> seth: and you shot this. >> yeah, well let's take a look. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] ♪
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[ laughter ] ♪ >> seth: just fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] i'll never. >> we could have made something profitable. >> seth: yeah but you just -- you just threw -- >> we rented those instruments. we had to come up with all those costumes. it was this funny idea that turned into just weeks of work. [ laughter ] and then when we were done, we watched it. and we're like, "it's great. why did we do this?" [ laughter ] >> seth: well i'm glad. i'm glad that we got a chance to show it here. >> it feels great to be recognized. thank you so much. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. always a pleasure to see you -- >> i love it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: dax shepard, everybody. "el camino christmas" is available on netflix this friday. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ toasting dad: i'm not one for speeches. but here's to... to many more years of friendship. and feasts! crowd: [laughing, cheering] to presents!
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♪ to being right here, right now, with you. sfx: dog bark. and you. toasting dad: i guess what i'm trying to say is, here's to family. we're proud to bring your family amazing value every day. t.j. maxx. marshalls. homegoods. family is the greatest gift. let's get the one with the candy canes. well, you know, the wrapping paper doesn't make the holidays. it's what's inside that counts. it's a phone for mom. okay, well, it's also what's inside the phone that counts, too. circuits? no, the network. so the network is inside the phone? well, no, the network's around the phone. and verizon is the most awarded network ever. that's why more people count on it. here you go. (announcer) a gift is only as good as the network it's on.

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