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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  February 18, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EST

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[ light laughter ] that's right, jeb bush tweeted a picture with ction "america," and showing a gun with his name engraved on it. which seemed in poor taste, but you should have seen the other photos he was considering.g. there was that one. [ light laughter ] and also this e, [ light laughter ] that was a bad call. and then this one, that's the worst one of all them. [ light laughter ] pope francis loudly scolded a fan in mexico yesterday after the man grabbed his arm and pulled him down. and after hearing that the pope yelled at a xican, donald trump converted to catholicism. light laughter ] i like the way you do things. [ light laughter ] donald trump supporters have filed a lawsuit challenging ted cruz's eligiblility to become president because they claim he is not a natural born citizen. okay, that's fair, but just plse point to one thing on this guy that's natural. just one. [ laughter and applause ] >> donald ump at a recent
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ver met a human being whose lied as much as ted cruz. then melania said, you tell him handsome. [ light laughter ] donald trump at a campaign rally yesterday, repeatedly referred to dr. ben carson as obama, though to be fair, it's not like he's been responding to ben. [ apapause ] come on. come on out. no, no, you gotta come out. ben! [ laughter ] a cellist, you guys have been waiting for a joke about a cellist, right? [ light laughter ] a cellist in oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of mariruana in his car trunk. thankfully when they pulled him over he didn't resort to violins. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. thank you, thank you.
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[ light laughter ] a prominent exorcist in west africa has claimed that beautful women are more likely to be possessed by evil spirits. well, he's not completely wrong. [ light laughter ] and finally, the 140th west minster kennel club dog show wrapped up last night, and cj, a german short-haired pointer took home best in show. not, as steve harvey announced, beethoven! [ light laughter ] we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from "zoolander 2," will ferrell is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait for that. also, he has a new stand-up special on netflix called "comedy camisado", hannibal burress is in the house tonight. the very funny hnibal burress. [ cheers and applause ] we'll also have music from the fantastic country artist dustin lynch, it's gonna be a great show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] now, before we get to that. we here, we here at the show believe that no mamaer how different two things are, they can still have common ground. and to prove it, it's time once
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you guys remember "venn diagrams?" we take two o emingly separate groups and find out what they have in common. first up, on one side we have ben carson's campaign. on the other side we have toyota-thon. and in the middle we have low interest rates. [ laughter and applause ] moving on. on one side we have bruce springsteen, on the other side we have h)llary clinton. in the middle we have born to run. [ laughter and applause ] born for it. up next on one side, we have the westminster dog show, on the other side we have presidential debates. in the middle ee have bitchfest. [ laughter and applause ] full on bitchfest. moving on. on one side we have waterboarding. on the other side we have e he celebrity apprentice." in the middle we have torture methods endorsed by donald trump.
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up next, on one side we have the supreme court on the other side we have a jeb bush rally. in the middle we have empty seats. [ applause ] and finally on one side we have birds at 6:00 a.m., on the other side we have kanye. and, in the middle we have please stop tweeting. [ cheers and applause ] that's venn diagrams, we'll be
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome, back, everybody. our first guest tonight is a beloved comedian and actor who you know from movies such as "old school," "anchorman," and "talladega nights." he's back alongside ben stiller and owen wilson in the new film, "zoolander 2," which is currently in theaters. let's take a look. >> alexandra! oh -- oh -- ah. oh. huh?
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[ screaming ] ooh -- ooh -- ah -- >> seth: please welcome to the [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what a delight to have you here, my friend. >> thank you. great to be here. >> seth: almost hard to tell in that cli that's kristen wiig. >> that is. >> seth: fully botoxed. >> fully botoxed. four hours of makeup to apply her face. >> seth: and yet, you just went at it? was there fear that you would take the face off in the passion? yeah. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ]& >> there was fear --
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you put into that kind of makeup? >> that -- no rehearsal whatsoever. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> there was a brief 30-second conversation prior to action where we realized, "oh, yeah. we have to do this weird kiss. what are we gonna do?" and kristen just said, "you know what? i don't care. i have a fake fa on." [ laughter ] which -- how nice in life would that be able to people, "i have a fake face. do whatever you want." >> seth: none of this counts. >> yeah. >> seth: none of it counts. it's not real. >> i said, " "ay." and we just went for it, and i think if ben stiller calle "cut" and said, "i don't know what i'm watching right now." [ laughter ] "but, please continue." [ laughter ] and, you know -- and then, a lot of italian crew guys just smoking cigarettes watching us. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's fantastic, and this is -- i'm so happy -- >> not laughing, by the way. >> seth: no laughing. >> not lghing at all. >> seth: throughout the film? the course of the film, did the italian crew laugh.
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[ laughter ] >> seth: they're very serious >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> this must be funny to them. [ laughter ] yeah. between films. >> yeah. >> seth: that's pretty exciting. prison? >> right. i've been in fashion prison. >> seth: fashion prison. [ laughter ] >> for the last ten years. >> seth: okay. >> so, it's nice to set up that there's actually a real fashion prison. >> seth: right. >> that that just isn't a -- put u away. >> right, can put you away. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, yeah. >> so i've beelocked up, and i come back to seek vengeance on the rest of the world. >> seth: and that is a wig now, right? >> that is a wig. >> seth: "zoolander 2," a wig. >> that i wear.. >> seth: "zoolander 1" -- >> "zoolander 1," " r some reason, i got talked into using my real hair. seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i dyed my hair platinum blonde. [ laughter ] >> seth: and were still on snl. >> i did it without even asking lorne michaels if it was okay. >> seth: this is i ieresting because --
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there you are. this is the year before i started on the show, and i went to thehow in the audience. i was not on snl, and i remember i went to the after party. >> yeah. >> seth: and you had this crazy hair, and i didn't know what it was for. >> sure. >> seth: 'cause "zoolander" wasn't a movie yet. >> you just thought i was, like, a free spirit. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: i really do, 'cause my friend's like, "did you meet will ferrell?" i'm like, "i didn't see him, but his hair is way y fferent." >> he's super punk rock. yeah. no. i -- ben talked to me. he said, "i got this crazy ided. would you dye your hair platinum blonde?" i said, "let's do it, yeah." [ laughter ] but it was one of those things where it's a two-week role that spreads into three months, and you have no idea that you're gonna have to keep dyeing your hair. >> seth: yes. >> and the third time you're dyeing your hair, the color is just like, "i'm surprised it hasn't all fallen out." [ laughter ] "oh, i didn't realize that could be a potential by-product." >> seth: right. >> but, yeah, i just went for it. and i had to wear my own self-wig they have on the show. you haha your own self-wig. >> seth: yes, at snl, like, they have a wig that's as close as it
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>> i was wearing that a lot. >> seth: that's crazy. >> it's really a bizarre -- >> seth: adam mckay was recently on the show, directcr of "the big short," head writer when you were at snl. >> yeah. >> seth: directed "anchorman" and directed much of your films. >> right. >> seth: and he was talking about -- i feel like once you left this stopped, where people would actually, like, do pranks or do bits with lorne? >> right. >> seth: 'cause lorne is famously not, like, good with bits. >> right, right. >> seth: but you did -- >> and he wasn't good with bits with us either, but we still did it, no matter what. >> seth: you just did it. >> right, yes. >> seth: but you charged into his office once, yes? >> we charged -- we were waiting -- so on a wednesday night, waiting for the picks to come out. so, that's when they picked the lineup that's going to be the show. we're waiting and waiting, and we're just -- we run into jim downey's office, who a venerable writer. >> seth: yes. >> who has 20 emmys fr the beginnings of the show, and we just grabbed two emmys and run into his office, lorne's office, and slam the emmys down on his desk and say, "now it's our
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[ laughter ] and lorne just went, "right. so i think -- should we do the zookeeper sketch or --" >> seth: nothing. >> "nothing?" >> seth: does not get back on bits. >> not, not -- >> seth: i will give you credit for this. did you remember your last pitch for the monday of your last show? >> someone was just --evin was just reminding me of this. i had forgotten -- >> seth: it was about -- we only overlapped for a year. >> right. >> seth: and it was your las show, and pitch, everybody goes around and says an idea. you brought in an old, timey typewriter. >> yes. >> seth: which you'd never done before. >> right. >> seth: and as people were pitching -- >> a heavy, old typewriter. >> seth: a heavy, old typepeiter. and throughout everybody's pitch and you would just sit -- you were typing. >> i barely remember this. >> seth: you were typing as if it was your job. so people would be like, "i have this idea where --" [ imitates typing ] [ laughter ] >> seth: "like it's a wedding, but the wrong wedding --" >> "ding." [ laughter ] >> seth: it was so great. >> and then what -- >> seth: lorne went around the room, and you usually were in in the first third. and he put you last. and he said, "will." and you went --
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>> okay. we're good." [ laughter ] and that was the end of it. >> i totally had forgotten that. >> seth: that was fantastic. >> i was a really smart adventurist back then. >> seth: yeah. you mentioned this shot in rome as "zoolander." >> yes. >> seth: have you worked -- >> "rome!" >> seth: rome. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. >> "rome." [ laughter ] >> yeah, and we're -- >> seth: what was different about shooting a movie in "rome." >> yes. thank you, thank you, seth. [ laughter ] i don't want you to look like an idiot? >> seth: no, i appreciate it. [ laughter ] >> so, well, the italians, they -- a lot of things, like, cassettes, the guy with, like, a staple gun, still putting a wall together while you're about to start filming a scene. >> seth:h:hey're just ready a little later? >> yeah. and i had, you know -- as is on a movie set, you're sitting in your trailer. people are always asking, "can get you andyting?" can we get you --
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i'm great." one day, i decide to ask for some almonds, some roasted almonds. >> seth: sure. as is your right. [ laughter ] >> healthy, fun snack, right? [ laughter ] now, here we just go down to whole foods and get some -- or at any market. it doesn't have to be whole foods. don't get all, that way with me. [ laughter ] so i asked for some almonds, and came this little, tiny dish of blanched white almonds. >> seth: how many almonds? >> like, about 12. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> i said, "oh, i'm so sorry. is there any way to have roasted almonds?" and they're like, "sure, no problem." [ laughter ] meanwhile, like, an hour later, came this same little cup whith the me 12 hot roasted almonds -- [ laughter ] from a pan. they were really delicious, but i know, like, they gave it to the cook who just slowly roasteded these almonds -- [ laughter ] going, "who the hell roasts almonds?"
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this dumb erican actor." so every morning, i'd have my cup of 12, h roasted almonds, and they were -- delicious. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, there you go. that's roma for you. >> yeah, that's roma. [ applause ] >> seth: that's roma. >> yeah. >> seth: you, of course, famous for playing george bush on snl, and i do want your thoughts because i've heard you mentioned -- you are just a big fan of -- of his loo is it safe to say -- >> well, i just love when the candidates, you know, get casual. yoknow? because it's so natural. yeah. >> seth: here's a good example. >> a good, tight, pressed jean. [ laughter ] roll up the sleeves. he's just one of us. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's so natural. i mean, look how naturalal- >> i wanna be president. [ laughter ] and, yeah. arms out. >> seth: arms out, and just, like, belted. >> belted. >> seth: belted up. tuck it in. >> tucked in. belted. >> seth: just a normal guy. >> yep. >> seth: just like you and i. >> totally representative of everyone in this room. [ laughter ] man of the people. >> seth: what? >> man o othe people.
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the people, yeah. well, thank you so much for being on the show. it's such a pleasure to see you. >> well, but, you know, before i go do you mind if i give a quick shout-out? >> seth: yeah, yeah, of course. please, go for it. >> i just wanna give a shout-out to my agent, eric goldman. eric, if you're watching, you know what you did, you son of a bitch. [ laughter ] you screwed me. you shanghaied me. i was caprio. you were the bear, and you left me in the woods for dead. [ laughter ] well, guess what? now i'm e bear, and i'm comin' for you. and i won't stop chewing on your head until i get my $127.38 back. [ laughter ] >> seth: sorry. what did eric do? >> i paid for lunch once, and he never paid me back. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, well, anyway, so good to have you on the show. >> can i just give another shout-out? [ laughter ] i wanna give a quick shout-out
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[ laughter ] who works at the best buy on wilshire boulevard. [ laughter ] enrique, i'm very sorry about the way i treated you the other day. when i asked you where you guys keep the blu-ray for "robin hood: prince of thieves," starring kevin costner, and you said, "we don't have that in stock," i should not have slapped you right in the mouth -- [ laughter ] as hard as i could. enrique, i want you to look at me. i was wrwrg -- [ laughter ] and i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. [ laughter ] enrique, please, forgive me. absolve me of my sins. [ laughter ] bathe me -- [ laughter ] in the healing waters of your [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. that was -- that was a lot for a shout-out, will. >> can i give another shout-out? [ laughter ] to all the employees at the auto zone at 4798 northwestern avenue in chicago, illinois.
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get in the zone. auto zone. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: greatat thank you so much for being here. >> can i -- can i give another shout-out? >> seth: if you need to, yeah. >> i'd like to give a shout-out to a lovely lady, from the royal house of winsor, queen elizabeth ii. [ laughter ] queen, three words -- you. are. sexy. [ laughter ] you're the very embodiment of red hot passion. and i would like to invite you to a lovmaking session that will rock your world. [ laughter ] and i want those guards of yours with those hats to watch. [ laughter ] as we knock boots. [ laughter ] and their expressions will change. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this -- and this --
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and probably this. [ laughter ] if you want to get in touch, my e-mail address is [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you again so much. >> seth, may i please just give one more shout-out? >> seth: yeah, go for it. give a shout-out. this one is to richard dreyfuss. >> set the actor? the actor, richard dreyfuss? >> yes. >> seth: okay. >> richard, you know what unspeakable acts you committed against me and my family. [ laughter ] my family! [ laughter ] my family, richard! [ laughter ] my team is zeroed in on your location. there are drones above your head right now and ready to take you out. make no mistake. i am strong, and my resolve to eliminatyou. >> seth: will, what did richard dreyfuss, what could he have possibly done to you? >> he refuses to make "pretty women 2." [ laughter ] >> seth: richard drey -- i think, wait. do you mean richard gere? [ laughter ] >> no. this is a screw-up.
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[ laughter ] 1,000 apologies richard dreyfuss. what have i done? seth, he's gonna need a bigger boat -- [ laughter ] to escape my drone. >> seth: okay. >> as for you, richard grere. we're not through. [ laughter ] your buddha won't protect you from a missile. [ laughtht ] >> seth: will ferrell, everybody! check out -- [ cheers and applause ] >> it's richard gere, not "grere."." >> seth: it's not "grere." >> yeah, it's not "grere." >> seth: either one, though. >> either one. >> seth: "zozoander 2" in theaters now. be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] some people know how make an entrance.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody, please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, on drums with us tonight, he's back, fred armisen is with us. [ cheeee and applause ] always happy to have fred here. >> thank you.. >> seth: you can also see fred in "portlandia" season 6 and he is in "zoolander 2" right now in theaters. he's very funny in that. and fred, i'm so happy about
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about having you here is we get to catch up. we get to talk backstage, and one of the things fred and i often talk about is how one of the problems we have with tv right now, so many good shows, very hard to keep up with everything, so many good shows. i was complaining about this to fred. and fred says he does not t ve that problem because he watches every episode of every television show that is on tv. fred is this true? >> it's absolutely true. >> seth: if you were just bragging and just lying to me to brag you can admit right now it is not true. >> no, no it's absolutely true. >> seth: youee every episode. >> every episode of everything. >> seth: alright, in that case it's time ence again for fred armisen's extremely acacrate tv recap. [ cheers a applause ] alright, fred, you know how this works. i'm g@nna give you the title of a show, and i would like you to tell me what it's about and what happen on last weeks episode. the name of the show "party down south." >> oh, party down south. >> seth: yeah. >> do you know party down south? >> seth: no, i don't. >> you haven't seen it? >> seth: no, i have not. >> d d you seen the pilot? >> seth: i haven't seen any of it. >> it's great. so party down south, it takes place in a dental office.
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it's super dramatic. >> seth: okay. >> and it's a, you know, it's a procedural and it's very -- >> seth: is a dental procedural? >> yeah, like a procedure. and it's about the southern part the mouth, so it's the sort of lower jaw part of dentistry. >> seth: is that a dental term to refer to this as the southern half. >> that's what they say on the show. that's what i learned. >> seth: okay. >> 'cause it's molars, there's other teeth. [ laughter ] you know incisors. >> seth: incisors? >> right. oh, you've seen the show. >> seth: no i haven't. [ laughter ] >> so it's juslike -- it's a lot of the drama involving like the lower jaw of this dental office. and so you know the nurse will come, in like, do you need anytng. and the dentist is like, no, i'm fine. a lot of that. >> seth: that doesn't sound like a lot of drama. >> there's a tension to it. that's what the show really builds. the writers are brilliant. these are great writers. these guys are the best they took a risk. [ laughter ] you u ow, they pitched it for
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and they finally made it and and it's got a lot of attention, a lot of silences. >> s sh: okay, a lot of silences. are there any patience? do patience ever come in? >> yes, there's one patient throughout the whole season. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, gotcha. and is name is david. >> seth: okay. >> and he's in there and it just -- he goes through all this stuff in his head. and he's just like. on. >> seth: okay, now, according -- and that sounds great and i do have to check it out. according to tv guide it's a realilty show about eight people living in a house in savannah georgia. >> that sounds wrong. i don't know if that's the right -- i don't think that's right. >> seth: i defiantely would rather watch yours. >> yeah. >> seth: thank you once again. fred armisen, , erybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is an emmy nominatededriter and comedian, who has a new standup special on netflix called comedy comisado. you can also see him in the third season of "broad city," which ai wednesday nights on comedy central. please welcome back to the show,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: always good to see you, my friend. >> good to see you too, man. >> seth: you were at the allstar game in toronto. >> i was. >> seth: fun, did you have a fun time? >> i had an interesting time. it was hellishly cold on saturday. and me and my cousin, we get into a taxi. my house that i'm staying in is a few blocks away. and the taxi says, it's a $20 flat rate. i was like, no, put the meter on it. no this is a van cab. $20 flat rate. and i said, no, man. and he says, you know what, i've had a good week. i had a good day, not gonna let you ruin it. i'm just gonna take you for free. i said, i don't want your free ride. and i said, that's why uber is crushing you guys. he was like, ahh! [ laughter ] get out of my taxi right now! he just snapped 'causese mentioned uber. >> seth: but you, also he
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ride. >> i didn't wamt his free ride 'cause he was doing it in a condescending, like ah, whatever i don't need your money. i was like, i don't need your free re. but the uber thing really set him off. 'causee tried to kick us out into the cold. i was like, no, you're not kicking me out into negative 3 degrees. i'm just using your place heaten. i'm using your heat until this uber comes. i feel like i could have said anything to him, and it wouldn't have upset him unless i mentioned uber. i could have been like hey, you got a daughter? he says, yeah, i got a daughter. yeah. she's gonna come to one of my shows. i'm gonna have sex with her. he goes, okay. and i'm gonna send her b bk home in an ube. ahh! [ laughter ] >> seth: that's good to know that's the trigger word. that's a trigger word for taxi drivers. >> he was so upsetman. >> seth: you are an uncle? >> yeah. >> seth: and i'm about to become a father. i've not spent a lot of time with kids. >> yeah. >> seth: any advice for me? >> i'd say, have you picked the name yet? >> seth: we -- we're pretty close to a name, yeah.
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>> seth: yeah, we're whittled down. >> as far as middle names? >> seth: ah-huh >> three middle names. >> seth: three middle names? >> yeah. >> seth: what's the logic behind that. >> just mix it up a little bit. just in case they don't like what you gave them as a first name, they have something else to choose from. >> seth: oh i see. so it's like a name bullpen. >> it's a name bullpen. just in case you messed up and you wanna give your child choices 'cause there's some kids that don't like what they were named. i'm cool with my name being hannibal. [ laughter ] but some kids don't. >> seth: yeah, okay that's good to know so three names that's the only advice you give me? >> keep the shelf. >> seth: okay. oh, keep working. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> 'cause then if your wife is like, hey, you haven't been spendin' enough time with the baby. you got this tv show. >> seth: that's actually fantastic advice. [ laughter ] >> i got to do this tv show. i got bits -- i got bits to do. >> seth: that's so much better than the three middle names.
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>> three middle names. i don't know, man. i'm not good with babies. when my nephew wilson was premature, so he was kind of they would try to get me to hold him. i was like, no, let him ge-- let him get bigger. i don't wanna drop him. >> seth:hat -- i'm terrified of that, the first time i've gotta do that. you said you were cool with hannibal. we were also talking backstage when you do standup now, people will yell out your >> yeah. >> seth: they'll yeaout lincoln to you. >> they'll yell lincoln. >> seth: and you have to then -- but then you were saying, like, they're just fans of the show. "broad city." this is -- you've been a standup for years. this is kqnda the first acting you had done. you're fantastic on the show. >> thanks. >> seth: is acting something that comes easy to you? >> sometimes. it's weird, 'cause sometimes i do a scene where i'm acting like i'm in a relationship or we're acting like we're about to have sex. but's shes acted and im thinking hey does she want the [ bleep ] right now, for real? [ laughter ] >> hey crew did you see how she look me in my eyes.
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she's just good. >> seth: that's really a complime to what a good acting job they're doing. >> yeah. they're doing a good acting jobs. only one time i got high before acting. >> seth: as a strategy? >>t was strategy 'cause i did a standup set earlier in the week, where i usually don't smoke before a stand -- but i did a standup set high and i crushed it. let me bring this into other stuff. and i'm not a good high act. it was too many things. my saying was, we were in a park. and i pop out in the park, and i see a dog. i get excited. i run up to the dog, and i pull out my phone and i say the dog looks like judith light. and i say something else, then i leave, and that's too many directions for a high persrs. [ laughter ] >> seth: how far would you g g into it before? >> i messed it up so many times. i messed it up eight times. it got so bad the producers they said, hey, hannibal, should we give you your lineearlier? you need to talk this -- you need to run over this? it was really bad. >> seth: and what did you tell him? did you tell them that was
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>> i was just like, no, i'm just struggling with -- it's just so many things. [ laughter ] i'm a better sit down talking one on one actor like. >> seth: i would like my scenes to be sitting. >> i like my scenes to be one on one feet planted, parallel. with that person looking them in the eyes. and then just -- you know. >> seth: you're like a reverse daniel day lewis. just be one thing. >> one thing. >> seth: yeah. do you get recognized more from the show? well, sometimes people will come up to me at a place and they'll say, what's up, hannibal? hey, how you doin'? am i the first person to recognize you today? it seems like nobody recognizes you. you'll get there one day. [ laughter ] good luck. >> seth: they took a very nice moment and ruined ititor you. >> they ruined everything. >> seth: you -- this -- this you can give very good advice on because of you've often, you've done a wonderful job over the years i feel like bringing attention to the tsa and the job they do. and how they could do it better. >> tsa stinks. >> seth: that's sorta been my take away. >> the organization stinks.
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a horrible thing. >> seth: now what -- you have some -- sort of like life hacks on how to get around the tsa. >> i have a life hack for tsa. you know those body scanners where you have to put up the rockefeller sign and they look at your genitals? >> seth: yeah, i haven't thought of it like that before. >> they are -- they're looking at our stuff, man. they don't need to do that. you know the fifth pocket if you're wearing jeans. >> seth: the tiny little fifth pocket. >> the tiny little pocket. >> seth: yeah. >> nothing shows up. so america do with that what you want. [ light laughter ] >> seth: wait it's invisible to detection? >> it's invisible to detection. what do you do, what do you put in the fifth pocket? >> i just put coins in there so i feel g gd. [ laughter ] 'cause they say nothing in your pockets, but if you have coins in your regular pocket it will show. but if you put a coin in there, it's just a litt thing to make you feel better about life. [ laughter ] we got use whatever you gotta use to get through, man. >> seth: so they ask you making sure there's no coins. i mean, it's the tiny pocket the
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>> fifth pocket's small. >> seth: one, two coins tops? >> one, two coins. an adderal. [ laughter ] emergency dust in a bag, whatever you want tout if whatever can fit in here, trust me. everybody do that, and then send me videos of you looking happy. [ laughter ] i'm serious! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you for the advice. this is great to know. hannibal burress, everybody. his standup special comedy comisado is available on netflix. and you can see him in the new season of broad city with the fantastic end on comedy central. we'll be back with more "late night." mmm, this turkey is natural? yeah. it's'soo good to be true. not again. real estate never goes down. fact. we'll have the baby, and i'll have my band, and it'll just work. right. don't worry about honey. all of our family photos are right here (banging sound)
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. now i don't know if you've heard, but there's this term rich people have been using it to excuse ththr terrible behavior. called affluenza. it's a term they claim it's a disease that cause them not to beable take responsibilty fo their actions cause lived to privilege a life so now explain a little more about affluenza. please welcome affluenza sufferer new york party girl and heiress to the warbucks fortune, grown-up annie. >> seth: grown-up annie, how are you? >> i'm better late than never. >> seth: you weren't late.
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you're off the hook, kid. >> seth: all right, annie, um this happens every time you come out. i'm very hopeful that you've turned your life around, but you're still a train wreck. >> no, seth, even train wrecks eventually get cleaned up. >> seth: okay that's a good point. so, annie you've grown up very wealthy. you get in trouble all the time. and you claim that this is because of affluenza? >> it is! affluenza is a terrible disease, and it latches on to you with a grip stronger than the children do when i go back to the orphanage. but unlike those children, you can't say to affluenza, get off! you're not me! and it's never been harder to be a rich person. and the general public needs to appreciate that. and be educated. it's like that old nbc ad campaign, the moron you know. >> seth: i think it's more.
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>> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> affluenza is only one of the rich diseases that plague's wealthy kids across the nation. >> seth: oh, i'm sorry, sorry there are more rich diseases? >> yeah, idiot. diseases you get because you have so much money and literally have never had to do a single thing for it. like i have affluenza, plus greeteria, hivip. >> seth: that can't be right? >> no, it is. i'm positive. [ light laughter ] there's also type ii diamondbetes, karadashiantydis, and urinary tract infection. >> seth: oh is that. that last one isn't a rich disease. >> it is the way i got it. >> seth: i don't wanna hear. >> solid gold dildo! >> seth: i said i didn't want to hear it. >> too late! well, here's something you're gonna wanna know. >> i decided i'm gonna fight these rich diseases. >> seth: oh that's great, how are you gonna do that? >> by helping other people,
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through new projes. >> seth: projes? >> yeah, projes. it's the abrievt of projects >> seth: yeah but it's the same number of sylliables. >> oh, i had syllable once and i know you gave it to me, chad. also, call me. >> seth: you had syllables? >> yeah. >> seth: you got syllables. >> it's so itchy. >> seth: so what projects do you have right now? >> i started a business -- >> seth: i'm sorry, i can barely hear you. >> am i not talking -- am i miked? >> seth: yeah. >> okay. >> seth: you're good. >> salty -- >> seth: what other projects do you have going on. >> i started a business called annie's nannies. >> seth: oh, that sounds great, what is it? >> you're so loud. >> seth: yeah. it provides nannies, not to children in need, but to rich irresponsible adults, helping them do things like wake up and take a responsible amount of cocaine.
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shouldn't be doing any cocaine? >> you sound just like a police officer. >> seth: all right. >> and all this work with annie's nannies hagotten me to look inward. and i realized i've never really felt comfortable being who really am until now. so, seth, i'd like to announce that i'm getting a sex change. >> seth: oh, oh, grown-up annie, that is veryryrave of you to admit. >> thank you. >> seth: that you are getting a sex change. >> thank you, i know. from now on i'm only gonna have sex facing people. >> seth: that's not -- [ laughter ] that's not a sex change. >> it is for me. >> seth: okay, you know what? no wonder you have syllables. grown-up annie, you have to go. >> no, please, seth. let me stay. i wanna sing a song. >> seth: all right, sure, i'll give in right away. >> oh, that's what i do. >> seth: okay. the sun will come out tomorrow bet your
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>> you know the dollar you keep in your butt for emergencies. >> seth: that is not bottom dollar. >> yes, it is! >> seth: grown-up annie, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with music from justin lynch. so, it's just one dollar in your butthole?
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piano music. i'm glad you finally made it, dad. you have to experience this city. that's what you always say. you were right about the food. hi john.n.ey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut. ononmore. it's beautiful, isn't it? how about a baseball game next time? done! done. bookokriceless experiences around the globe with...
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: wittwo consecutive number one singles under his belt, and his third racing up the charts, tonight's mucal guest is poised to be the next big thing in country music. perfroming "mindreader," please welcome to the show dustin lynch.
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how'd you know to how'd you know to turn up that song how'd you know them little tore up jeans was gonna tear me up and turn me on girl it's like yoyoknow me too good but you barely know me at all yeah the way its goin' tonight you probably know i'm ready to fall cause baby you a little mind baby you a little mind reader yeah that's what you are you play it off a little shy but baby you're a heart stealer and right here in this car it's like you knew that smile was gonnana melt me down like you know those lips are what i'm needin right now and girl when you lay em on mine yeah it's like you're reading my mind girl it's like you got a crysysl ball like you got a little gypsy side
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that sweet perfume that you got on was gonna get me high well how'd you know what i'm thinking right now how'w'you know what i was bout to say how'd you know to whisper in my ear lets take this party back to my place baby you a little mind baby y y a little mind reader yeah that's what you are you play it off a little shy but baby you're a heart stealer and right here in this car it's like you knew that smile was gonna melt me down like you know those lips are what i'm needin right now and girl when you lay em on mine yeah it's like you're reading my mind yeah that's what you are it's like you knew just when to lean on in and take my hand like you had it all planned
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got me figured out don't you now baby you a little mind baby you a little mind reader yeah that's what you are you play it off a little shy but baby you're a heart stealer and right here in this car it's like you knew that smile was gonna melt me down like you know those lips are what i'm needin right now and girl when you lay em on mine yeah it's like you're reading my mind yeah thats what you are oh ain't you girl [ chrs and applause ] >> seth: that's the "late show," everyone. the bum "where it's at" is out and catch him on tour now with luke bryant.
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thankso will farrell, hannibal burress, dustin lynch, everybody, and of course, the 8g band and fred armisen! stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow.
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>> carson: hello everybo, i'm carson daly with tonights "last call" coming to you from the skylark. coming up, we serve up a tv debut from gateway drugs by way
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spotlight the oscar-nominated production designer behind "mad max: fury road," colin gibson. but first, legendary snowboarder, skateboarder, and all around bad ass, shaun white's here to talk about his air and style festival. here we go. >> i particularly don't like sports. [ laughter ] i can't say -- i can't say that i don't like thei just don't follow them. even my sport sometimes just because i n't. i get, like, anxious. i want to participate. like, i can't just watch it on tv. and it's the worst 'cause they send me to an event like the espys, and i just don't know who anyone is. and they all know me. they're like, "man i love what you do." and they're, you know, 20 feet tall. i'm like, you must -- play basketball or something, you know. and they're like, "it's hockey. he's in hockey." hi i'm shaun white and i'm here


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