tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC February 16, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EST
seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's good to hear. let's get to the news. valentine's day was yesterday. so, if i look like i didn't get much sleep, it's because the couch was really uncomfortable. [ light laughter ] republicans and democrats are fighting over whether president obama should be able to appoint justice scalia's successor. democrats say that he should, whereas the constitution says that he shall. [ light laughter ] the ted cruz campaign has pulled a new ad after it was revealed that the actress in it has appeared in softcore porn, and now jeb has hired her to teach him how to act like he's enjoying something. [ laughter ] [ applause ] a little energy. oh, yeah. good question, moderator.
at this weekend's debate, marco rubio accused ted cruz of not being able to speak spanish, but it didn't help that cruz then used spanish to accuse rubio of being a hungry mailman with a good job at a book store. [ light laughter ] that's right, marco rubio accused ted cruz of not being able to speak spanish, but when he heard this, jeb bush immediately changed his campaign logo. [ laughter ] [ applause ] hillary clinton and bernie sanders were both in las vegas over the weekend. hillary attended a campaign rally, while bernie played the nickel slots. [ light laughter ] last week, jeb bush celebrated his 63rd birthday. he closed his eyes, made a wish and then donald trump blew out his candles. [ light laughter ] you're too slow. you're a loser. i got your wish. [ light laughter ] i got your wish. [ light laughter ] that's right, last week was jeb's birthday, and this is cool.
celebration. [ light laughter ] rough. no wonder he's in such a bad mood. he will make so many jokes about him. donald trump last week signed the hand of a toddler at a campaign rally in louisiana. said the toddler, "wait, that wasn't shrek?" [ light laughter ] wouldn't have asked for an autograph if i knew it wasn't shrek. pope francis is in the middle of his five-day trip to mexico, and it looks like he's having a pretty good time. [ laughter ] michigan recently passed a new package of laws that includes provisions outlawing both oral and anal sex, but what else would you expect from a state shaped like a hand? [ light laughter ] i don't know. how gross is that joke?
[ light laughter ] there's a new internet scam out where people are sent an e-mail from a man claiming to be the cousin of a nigerian astronaut who's been stranded in space for over a decade. so, if you gave him money, that's on you. [ light laughter ] and finally, koalas in australia are currently suffering from a massive chlamydia outbreak affecting almost half their population, though scientists now believe they know the reason for the outbreak. [ light laughter ] we have a great show for you tonight, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] he's a good friend of mine. he is the star of the new film, "race." jason sudeikis is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] oh, what a pleasure to see him. from "sports illustrated's" new swimsuit edition, model kelly rohrbach joins us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] and he is the director of an
documentary. it's fantastic, "cartel land." matthew heineman joins us on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic evening planned for you, but before we get to that, the death of supreme court justice antonin scalia on saturday has shocked the political establishment and opened up a new front in the presidential election, specifically over whether president obama should even be allowed to nominate a successor in his last year in office. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] agree with him or not, scalia was one of the most consequential jurists in modern american history. and he was known as much for his judicial philosophy as he was for his way with words. over the years, he peppered decisions with colorful language like "jiggery-pokery," "pure applesauce" and "argle-bargle." [ light laughter ] "argle-bargle," of course, being the legal term that decided the landmark case swedish chef v. eggs. [ light laughter ] so, as a fitting tribute to
vocabulary that almost immediately after his death, the jiggery-pokery was on full display, because before president obama had even said a word, before the details of scalia's death were even fully known, senate majority leader mitch mcconnell said quote, "the american people should have a voice in the selection of their next supreme court justice. therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president." so, the battle lines were immediately drawn, but in times of loss, sometimes they provide us with what we need and what better way to begin the process of healing than with a sober discussion of our nation's future. and at saturday's debate, republican candidates were calm and dignified. >> you are the biggest liar. you probably are worse than jeb bush. excuse me -- >> one of the wonderful things. if donald trump is president, your second amendment -- [ everyone talking at once ] [ speaking spanish ] >> do not interrupt me. >> why do you lie? >> donald -- >> two days ago, he said he would take his pants off and moon everybody. [ laughter ]
the nation is in mourning! we will get to all of that. but first, explain why president obama, despite being, you know, president, should not be allowed to name a scalia replacement. first up, marco rubio. >> i do not believe the president should appoint someone. we need to put people on the bench that understand that the constitution is not a living and breathing document, is it to be interpreted as originally meant. >> seth: yes. interpret the constitution as it was originally meant, except for the part that says the president shall nominate judges of the supreme court. [ light laughter ] everyone knows that part was supposed to be sarcastic. [ light laughter ] which is why the founders followed it with a shrug emoji. [ laughter ] and then there was ohio governor john kasich, who suggested it was the president's patriotic duty not to even name a possible successor for scalia. >> i really wish the president would think about not nominating somebody, and i would like the president to just, for once here, put the country first. >> seth: he's never put the country first? need i remind you, he had beyonce sing at his inauguration.
[ light laughter ] also -- [ cheers and applause ] republicans, you really expect obama not to even try to appoint someone? your party might nominate this guy. [ light laughter ] and then we could end up with a supreme court justice gary busey. [ laughter ] and we can't -- can't do that right now. we're not in a place where we can do that. [ light laughter ] so, obama wants to do his job. meanwhile, republicans like marco rubio says they won't even pretend to do theirs. >> i understand the decision that you might not support and that the republican majority doesn't want this, but don't -- aren't they obligated to at least go through the motions here? i mean, you're saying don't even go through the motions, why? >> correct. >> seth: you're not going to go through the motions? even a married connecticut couple whose love died years ago goes through the motions. [ light laughter ] "drop dead, david." "i've been dead for years!" [ laughter ] but blocking any nominee until
huge risk for the republicans. sure, obama might nominate -- might not nominate their ideal choice, but a president bernie sanders might nominate ben, or worse, jerry. [ light laughter ] and what would a potential president hillary clinton do? well, last month she was asked this question at a town hall. >> the next president will probably appoint several members of the supreme court. would you consider pointing -- appointing obama? [ light laughter ] >> wow, what a great idea. nobody has ever suggested that to me. wow! [ applause ] i love that! >> seth: can you imagine president hillary clinton coming into office a year from now and appointing barack obama to the supreme court? honestly, it's worth it just to see ted cruz's head explode. [ laughter ] and what if by some chance a republican wins in november? well, i'm sure we can trust any of them to make a calm, sober decision -- >> i am sick and tired -- >> chill out.
>> he would take his pants off and moon everybody. [ light laughter ] >> this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with jason sudeikis! [ cheers and applause ] (man) hmm. what do you think? (stranger) good mornin'! (store p.a.) attention shoppers, there's a lost couple in the men's department. (vo) there's a great big un-khaki world out there. explore it in a subaru crosstrek. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. new schick hydro versus the lube strip. with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation.
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alexa: here's the news, "alecbaldwin and jason schwartzman were seen mooning paparazzi.baldwin threw his shoe at photographers before making arun for it". my poor cashmere socks... alexa, will you order another pair of brescianis. reordering bresciani socks. okay listen... can you send some lawyers or something? (moaning) ...alec?
everybody! please, give it up for the 8g band over there! [ cheers and applause ] also, we're so happy to have fred armisen back with us on drums. a reminder to check out "portlandia," season six? >> fred: yeah. >> seth: season six. that's amazing. as well as, fred is in "zoolander 2," and he's fantastic in that, so check that out. also, having fred here allows me a chance to catch up with him, talk to him backstage. and one of the things fred and i often talk about is how much great tv there is right now, probably more than ever. you can find shows you love. i'm always complaining that i can't find enough time to watch all of them. fred claims -- and i'm not sure if this is true -- fred claims he watches every episode of every tv show. [ laughter ] you're standing by that? >> fred: oh, yeah. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] so, that means it's time once again for "fred armisen's extremely accurate tv recaps." [ cheers and applause ] all right, so, fred, i'm gonna give you the title of a show, and then i'd love you to tell me what this show is about or what happened on last week's episode. is that cool?
>> seth: okay, the show is called "second chance" on fox. >> fred: oh, "second chance!" [ laughter ] do you watch it? >> seth: no, i've never seen it. >> fred: oh, it's so good! have you ever seen the pilot? >> seth: i haven't seen any of it, no. >> fred: "second chance." >> seth: so, what's it about? >> fred: "second chance." it's, like, a miniature train set. it's like, a miniature show. [ laughter ] and there's little miniature characters, you know. there's, like, a little bear. it's kind of for kids. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] a miniature show? what do you mean by a miniature show? >> fred: like, it's really interesting, kind of like, the cameras go down into the miniature train sets. so, they get really close up to the trains, and the trains have a second chance to get back, you know. [ laughter ] it goes through the tunnel, through the town, and sometimes it wobbles, and it goes off. but sometimes, if that happens, it has a second chance. they put it back on the track. [ laughter ] and they give it a second chance to do another round. >> seth: okay. so, i guess my question is, how are any episodes different than the other? like, what happened last week? >> fred: it's just different trains.
so, this is like, you know, this is like a longer one. it had, like, green, like a sort of engine and everything. so, there was that one. before that, it was like a smaller train. [ laughter ] >> seth: are there hosts, or does it just open on a train? >> fred: no, there are hosts. [ laughter ] they are hosts who are really, really, like, such good hosts. they're great. they're unknowns, you know. they're people who haven't really done it before, but they're so good. so, they come on the screen and are just like, "hi, everybody. welcome to 'second chance." [ laughter ] and then they begin, yeah. >> seth: that's great. and this is on fox? >> fred: this is on fox. >> seth: now, according to "tv guide," and i'm not calling you out here -- this is just what they said. i'm sure it's a mistake on -- this show is about a deceased 75-year-old law man in a young, buff body. [ laughter ] >> fred: mm-hmm. that sounds -- that doesn't sound right. >> seth: 'cause last week's episode, mary's life is in danger when a death pool predicts her death. >> fred: no, someone should not have written that. that's not right. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you so much. >> fred: thank you. >> seth: fred armisen, everybody.
that. our first guest tonight is an actor, comedian and writer, who you know from his work on "saturday night live," and from such films as "horrible bosses" and "we're the millers." up next, he playing coach larry snyder in the film, "race," which chronicles the story of jesse owens' historic performance at the 1936 olympics. it opens in theaters friday. let's take a look. >> do you wanna win a gold medal? >> sure. >> wanna do it in berlin? well, i mean, unless you were planning on waiting. >> you know, i -- i heard they don't care much for colored folk over there. >> well, they don't care much for them in columbus, either. is that gonna be a problem? >> no, sir. i just came here to run. >> seth: please welcome back to the show our good friend,
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you've gotta come in. you've gotta guest drum for us when fred's gone. >> are you kidding me? you can't follow this guy. >> seth: you could just mime it, though. we'll have somebody else do it. >> that i could do, actually. >> seth: that would be great. >> that's not a bad gig, actually. >> seth: yeah, just drum karaoke that for us. >> i would happily do that. that's fun. >> seth: i wanna get to -- >> hi, fred, by the way. hello >> fred: hi, jason. >> nice to see you again. >> seth: you guys always so civil to each other. >> you've gotta be, for the cameras. you know? [ laughter ] >> seth: backstage different story. >> i'd throw you up against the wall and kiss you so hard. [ laughter ] >> seth: jesse owens, i wanna get to his athletic achievement, but i want to talk about some of yours first. this is very exciting. >> yeah. >> seth: you played in the nba celebrity all-star game this weekend for team usa. >> i sure did. >> seth: now, before we get to the highlights, you had done this before. i remember 2011, you did it. >> yeah, yeah, when it was in l.a. >> seth: it was not a great
i remember you coming baba to "snl" and sort of saying it had not been great. >> yeah, bill walton was our coach, and i thought because i'm a big john wooden fan, and i like pot, i thought he and i would hit it off. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> you know, not the case. >> seth: not the case. >> i barely played. when i did play, i didn't play well. yeah, it really -- it was not that great. >> seth: and you don't wanna be in a celebrity all-star game ridin' the pine. like, that defeats the purpose. >> not at all. absolutely, yeah. >> seth: the whole idea here is, like -- >> i'm not really a celebrity, either, so it's like, now i'm not even a basketball player or a celebrity. i'm, like, you know, like some rich kid whose dad said, "i want my kid to play!" [ laughter ] and bought the uniform, i don't know. >> seth: this went completely different. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: i don't know, it just got you north of the border, and thought you came alive. >> it's the altitude, right? >> seth: i'm gonna show some highlights. the first highlight -- this is the opening tip, but we're gonna show all three at once. >> oh, great. okay, yeah, this is right off the bat. >> seth: that's you. >> see, i'm waiting for someone to cut to the basket and no one does, so i just had to turn around and take care of business. >> seth: boom. [ cheers and applause ] that's a three-pointer. >> yeah. now they've gotta respect my outside game. >> seth: here it is.
oh, mr. inside! >> there we got. look at that, look at that. just for no reason. [ cheers ] no reason. >> seth: yep. >> like, my high school coach would not have cared for that move, but i, you know, two points. >> seth: little showoffy. >> here you go, almost a turnover. that's wynn butler from "arcade fire" in my face. >> seth: gets it back, and -- >> look, here we go. that's wynn, and he won mvp -- >> seth: arcade fire gets the pick, boom! >> funeral. [ cheers and applause ] funeral. >> seth: that's your wife! >> and there you go. there you go. now, i see her point at me all the time. the fact that spike lee's smiling at something i did. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> that's pretty great, yeah. >> seth: were you feelin' it? from the beginning, was it super exciting? were you out there -- >> i hadn't played in a year and a half. the last time i played was literally with all guys that played the athletes that i coach in berlin. >> seth: oh, wow. >> so, last time i played was over a year and a half ago. there's a lot of cgi in that movie that took a while to make. but -- and i had a herniated disc. i thought, on the plane ride up there, i got really nervous and i texted olivia. i was like, "what have i done?"
was like, "in the age of, like, gifs, of retweets, of, like, moments of --" >> seth: yeah. >> i just think about brendan frasier clapping enthusiastically at the golden globes and the way used that at "snl" just so many times. >> seth: just forever. >> they still use it. it's just like, if you embarrass yourself a little bit nowadays, it just lives forever. >> seth: three seconds. all you need to do is embarrass yourself for three seconds. you don't even know it's embarrassing. but it's over. dear, god. >> "i lick my lips like that? i didn't know i --" [ laughter ] >> seth: you do do that after every three-pointer. >> yeah. the tip of my nose gets chapped. it's a really weird thing. but yeah, so, the fact that i actually ended up doing -- once i got in there, i started shooting during warm-ups. i was like, "oh, i'm all right. i'm all right." sometimes not playing for a long time, just you think about it, and then it's either that and crapping your pants. those two things, you know, kind of like the fear of both those things, hurt and embarrassment -- >> yes. the zone. >> that's what i did. >> seth: you went and saw some you and your son, otis -- >> yep. a clippers game. >> my other son, yeah. >> seth: your other son,
now, i wanna establish that this was a photo forte recently tweeted. he did this for a show. but this is what forte looked like. [ laughter ] >> okay, so, that looks photo-shopped, right? >> seth: but that's a real thing he did. >> but he really did it. i mean, i was in -- i saw him the morning of he did that, and of course, he was like, "should i go, "yeah, you've gotta lose the eyebrow." [ laughter ] >> seth: but now, here's the thing. i assumed he only had to do it for a little bit, and then he could, like, shave the rest of it. >> no. >> seth: but then, this is photos of you guys -- this is in public! [ laughter ] >> we're actually out of order. it should be otis, then will, then me to see the evolution of a beard. [ laughter ] but yeah, no -- and i've hung out with him enough. you know, otis is not even 2, so he just thinks that's kind of normal. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> we live in brooklyn. he sees hip beards all the time. so he's like, "that's no big deal." but when you're walking a step behind will, and you see people turn and look at him like, you
backstage. you're like, "oh, that's right, he looks like a maniac." >> seth: he's a maniac. years ago, he and i went to the boston garden to see jordan's last game as a wizard. >> wow. you can tell your grandkids. >> seth: we left straight from an "snl" after party and that night, had been a sketch, bernie mac, house of suits, and forte wore, like, a bernie mac, like, "kings of comedy" suit, wore it to the after party, wore it on the train to boston, wore it at -- like, during the basketball game. so, he's been doing this forever. >> oh, forever, yeah. it's almost like the show gives him a little bit more license to do crazy stuff like this. >> seth: well, it's nice that you guys got to go there. >> i'm hoping it catches on. i'm hoping that beard style -- >> seth: half a beard? yes. >> becomes like the rachel, you know, from the'90s with jen's ir. [ laughter ] >> seth: i feel like otis doesn't want to hear you saying this. [ laughter ] >> you know how loud will is. >> seth: that's true. i also heard you recently -- otis got introduced to beyonce via the halftime show? >> oh, yeah, yeah, as we all did. >> seth: as we all did. a re-introduction.
yeah, he's watched it 45 times now. >> seth: oh, she really at that age just wants to keep seeing the halftime show? >> i mean, you have beyonce -- when he wakes up, it's one of three things. it's either boom-bops, which are, to play the drums, you know, fred, or hoops. >> seth: okay, basketball. >> or beyonce boobies. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's what he calls it? >> i think, yeah. no offense to mr. carter, or certainly not mrs. carter, either, but yeah, he's obsessed with her boobaloobas. >> seth: there you go. >> and the choreography that gets them going. >> seth: yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] >> it's not just -- >> seth: it's not, at rest, he's not that interested. >> no, in a resting state, he's kind of like, you know,"where's mama?" he would just rather hang out with mama. but like, when she's getting down, yeah but he can do -- he's doing the little "single ladies" move now. >> seth: oh, that's good. >> it's pretty adorable. >> seth: that's a good entry move for a child. >> and then bruno mars, you know, "too hot," you know, "uptown funk" is his favorite song. so, it's like, "too hot, too hot." so, the fact when it all came together -- >> seth: oh, yeah, that's a dream. >> in perfect harmony. and of course, he loves, you know, chris martin's politics. [ laughter ]
things combined. so many things on his fingers, you know, he's just always -- >> seth: he likes them all. this film is fantastic. congratulations. >> thank you. >> seth: such an interesting -- the jesse owens story is such a great story. >> yeah, it's fascinating. >> seth: a bit of a diparture for you, but this is a drama. obviously, there were funny moments in it, but was this a story you were familiar with before you played this part? >> only the headline. i don't know, were you -- did you know -- i mean, i just knew a little bit. jesse owens, black fella, won a bunch of gold medals in front of hitler during a big commercial for -- not hitler. i remember that from, like, a paragraph in a history book. but then the second i read the script, i was like, for me personally, i was like, "oh, i love the character they're asking me to play. reminded me of gene hackman in "hoosiers" or a character my dad would have loved to watch in a film, you know, when i was growing up that we watched together. and he's still alive. i don't mean to make it sound like he's gone. [ laughter ] but, actually, i don't know. i haven't check my phone. [ laughter ] i've had my phone off for a while, out of respect to, you know, the wi-fi. horrible wi-fi in this building. come on, comcast.
just like, there were probably four stories within this movie, itself, that could have been over the last 80 years something that took place their own film. to the point when i met with the director, i was like, "is this real? did this really happen? is this dramatic?" "no, that's real." "this too? this too?"" and just one after another, and they're all in this film. and then by the time we actually got to go film in berlin in the actual locations where he did these amazing, historic, like, mind-blowing events, it was like the greatest field trip i had ever been on. >> seth: it's fantastic. it looks beautiful. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: it's a great story. >> yeah. >> seth: and thank you for being here, buddy. >> absolutely. >> seth: always such a pleasure to see you. [ cheers and applause ] jason sudeikis, everybody! "race" opens in theaters this friday. we'll be right back with kelly rohrbach. folks, you can't make this stuff up. four bandits chose a prius as their getaway car. bravo-niner, in pursuit of a toyota prius. over. how hard is it to catch a prius? over. this thing is actually pretty fast. over. very funny.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody! our next guest was the 2015 "sports illustrated" swimsuit rookie of the year. she's appearing in this year's swimsuit issue which is available on newsstands and online now. you can also see her star in the upcoming movie remake of "baywatch." please welcome to the show kelly rohrbach.
>> seth: so lovely to have you here. >> thank you! thanks. >> seth: congratulations on your swimsuit issue. >> thank you. >> seth: i always like looking at the photos not for the beauty, which is on display, don't get me wrong. i love the poses. >> yes, mm-hmm. >> seth: and i wanna ask you some questions about the poses. this one, this is kind of -- >> it's just like relaxed pool girl. >> seth: a little down the middle. like that move, the belt buckle move, when you don't have one. i like that. [ laughter ] approved. this is full approval. i have a bunch of questions about this next one, because i contend this is not a normal way to sit in a boat. [ laughter ] is that -- is that, like, do you bring that to the boat or is the photographer giving you impossible things to do? [ light laughter ] >> no, i just found it really comfortable. and i just wanted to make sure i settled in, you know? >> seth: yeah.
>> yeah, like, this is how i hang out on my yacht. [ laughter ] >> seth: when you shoot these, i have to ask, so, where do you shoot yours this year? >> i shot mine in malta, which is a small island off the coast of italy. >> seth: gotcha. and so, you're in malta. when you're shooting this, do people gather around? >> normally no, because they're usually like in remote locations on an island in the middle of the pacific. >> seth: of course. >> but this one, because we were in malta, which is a small town -- i don't know what the population is there, let's call it 1,000? >> seth: okay. >> no, but it was -- we were shooting in, you know, the center of the town, and so, on the first day it was like a couple guys, like oh, hey, what's going on? by like day three, it had, like, spread all over the island and like there's like guys with lawn chairs propped out. [ laughter ] by day five, i like knew them by name. i was like hey, mario, how are you? how's your wife? thanks for coming back. they're like shouting out bella, bella! take it off! i'm like, really? you want me to take it off? >> seth: that's fantastic. they really did. [ laughter ]
>> seth: there you go, as you should. they're fans. >> yes. >> seth: you also -- this is not from "sports illustrated." this is from your instagram account. and i just wanna ask about this, because you ask -- you wrote "big old couch potato" on this and i just wanted to show this real quick. is that -- is that what you think people mean when they say couch potato? [ laughter ] because that's -- because it's like you said to someone, oh, my girlfriend kelly's such a drag, she's a huge couch potato. people would not think that. >> yeah, no, it's my new campaign for doritos. >> seth: there you go. there you go. it's a viral marketing campaign. >> no, it was from a shoot. >> seth: there you go. well, fantastic. i like -- it's like, if it was in a horror movie, it would be scary at first. and then you'd be like, oh, okay. >> yeah. >> seth: you'd like walk in and be like, oh, my god! well, all right. [ laughter ] this is very exciting, you're doing the "baywatch" movie. >> i am, yes. thank you >> seth: with dwayne "the rock" johnson, who's just fantastic. >> he's very cool. >> seth: he's one of the most positive people i ever got to work with at "snl." >> i know! >> seth: what is it like working with dwayne "the rock"? >> we haven't started working yet.
little bit of time with him before and i call him the tony robbins of actors. you spend like one moment with him -- one hour with him and you're like, i'm gonna run for president. i can do this. [ laughter ] i got this. >> seth: yeah, you get a little "rock" on you and feel like you've completely expanded your horizons. >> exactly. >> seth: and do you have to -- this might be a dumb question, but when you do a movie like "baywatch," do you have to take like swimming lessons or is your current level of swimming okay? >> you do. >> seth: you do, okay. >> actually, my current level of swimming is pretty good. all of the other actors had to swim three times a week and i only had to swim one. i was in the advanced group. >> seth: now hold on. [ light laughter ] i have so many questions about this. [ light laughter ] did they bring you in the first day and say let's take a little look and then we'll put you in a group? >> kind of. >> seth: oh, my god. >> yeah. >> seth: wow. that brings me back -- >> and they're like, kelly is a fantastic swimmer! thank you. >> seth: so, wait. does that mean the rock is not in advanced swimming? >> he wasn't in the swim group, but i hear that muscle sinks. like it's not -- >> seth: it's not good? >> he's not -- >> seth: gotcha, that's why
fatty. [ laughter ] fattest guy. it's always whenever those guys win gold medals in swimming, you're like, look at that fat guy. [ laughter ] >> i don't know, like -- it's actually the swim instructor. she's like, "the rock's" gonna have a really hard time 'cause muscle sinks. >> seth: so, you swim once a day and do they give you "baywatchy" type swimming drills? or is it just regular strokes? >> yeah, we have to swim with the rescue can on us. >> seth: oh wow, okay. >> yeah, whih is kind of lame. >> seth: is this because they think it's very important for "baywatch" to be accurate? >> right. [ laughter ] >> seth: 'cause some countries, it's an instructional film. [ laughter ] and so, you get to -- >> i also don't have a single scene in the water, so -- >> seth: oh, really? so, you just do this anyway? oh good, just in case. now do you -- true or not true, afraid of sharks? >> seth: gotcha. that's okay. i feel like people are like -- >> to an unrealistic level. like, i go past the knee, and i'm like -- >> seth: oh, so, you're afraid of sharks.
you're just worried. >> no, no, i'm scared of them in a swimming pool. >> seth: gotcha. >> i have like an unrealistic -- >> seth: i will say, this is the way a person sits in a boat if they're afraid of sharks. [ laughter ] like, i'm not -- i'm just -- i'm not even gonna sit in the bottom -- >> i'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that! >> seth: you thought bella was a shark. a shark. that terrified you every time they said it. >> exactly. >> seth: i can't wait to see the film. >> thank you. >> seth: very excited about it. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> seth: congratulations. >> thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: kelly rohrbach, everybody! the 2016 "sports illustrated" swimsuit edition is out now.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody! one of the biggest parts of presidential campaigns are the slogans, which brings us to a segment we call, "new campaign slogans." [ cheers and applause ] first up, ben carson's campaign is changing their posters from "heal. inspire. revive." to "help. please. resuscitate." [ laughter and applause ] >> leave him alone! >> seth: excuse me? >> leave him alone! haven't we made fun of ben carson enough? >> seth: well, you know, he's running for president, so i think he's fair game! >> leave him alone! [ light laughter ] poor fella. hitting the campaign trail, and then after a long, hard day of making speeches and meeting people, comes home to watch late-night television only to see you taking cheap shots at his expense. leave him alone!
are you a fan of ben carson? >> you know what i'm a fan of? kindness, being nice, not hurtful jokes. if you have to make fun of somebody, make fun of me! >> seth: i just -- i don't even know you. why would i make fun of you? >> well, make fun of the fact that i once ran the new york city marathon and i got lost one mile in. [ laughter ] >> seth: you got lost? >> yes, i ran inside a building! >> seth: i just wouldn't tell people that. honestly, you know, we only make fun of people who we think deserve it. >> oh, i deserve it. you can make fun of the fact that at my high school graduation, they called my name a hundred times and i just stood there like a deer in the headlights. after that, everyone started calling me a brain surgeon! [ laughter ] >> seth: so, you are kind of like ben carson. >> leave him alone! [ light laughter ] poor guy, just trying to live the american dream, and then you've got to go and schmear his good name on your little comedy show, callin' him a droopy-eyed, sleep-walking goatee in a suit. >> seth: well, now, i never said
what i'd say? i'd d y, "leave him alone!" [ light laughter ] >> seth: i'd love to just get back to this comedy segment, if you don't mind. >> well, if you need some comedy, make fun of me! >> seth: oh, no. >> make fun of the fact that at breakfast, i hide blueberries in my oatmeal and pretend i'm a pirate hunting for treasure! >> seth: not really something i make fun of. >> okay, fine, go ahead. get back to your ben carson jokes. you know what i say to that? >> seth: i'm guessing, you'd say, "leave him alone." >> leave him alone! if you need some jokes, make fun of me. >> seth: no. >> make fun of the fact that i go to the penguin house at the zoo and tell people that i'm at the bird oscars! [ laughter ] or that my mother used to tell me that when i was growing inside her tummy, she could feel me farting! [ light laughter ] or that when i walk too fast, the back of my testicles slap against my bottom! [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, i think that's enough now. >> you should have seen them after the marathon! [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, you know what? i think we're just gonna go back to making fun of ben carson. >> leave him alone!
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show my friend, matthew heineman. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome! so happy to have you here. this film is fantastic, as we can see from the clips. you were in shoot-outs. you were also in meth labs, you were in torture chambers. yet, this is not the movie you set out to make. what set you off the course -- on the course to make this movie in the first place? >> i was riding the subway -- here in new york and i read this "rolling stone" article that featured these vigilantes on the arizona side of the mexican border who are fighting the mexican cartels. and right when i read this article, i knew this was a story that i wanted to explore. i knew nothing about the drug wars, nothing about the border. filmed there about four months and then my father actually sent me an article about the autodedefensas, a group of vigilantes in mexico fighting
and again, right when i read that article, i knew i wanted to create a parallel portrait of vigilantism. >> seth: so then you go start spending time with these vigilantes in mexico. did your dad ever regret having sent you an article that sent you off to mexico? [ light laughter ] >> i think it took about three weeks for my mom to start talking to my dad again then after that. [ light laughter ] >> seth: well its funny, the first time i when i went to a screening of this film, your parents were there, i remember talking to your mother. i can't imagine what it's like to -- because you're in the line of danger very often in this film. how, when you go to mexico to make a film, like, do you say in contact with them? like how do you let them know, i'm okay? >> i think the policy changed over the course of filming. at first, i would sort of text them in the morning. you know, i'm awake. at night, i'm alive. [ light laughter ] and that policy turned out to be not a very good one, because there would be days, if not several days, when i'd be out of cell phone touch. and they were not very happy about it. >> seth: right. >> and so, the policy changed to, i arrived in mexico and i'm
>> seth: gotcha. so, you just had to give them in and out points, as opposed to every night. i guess that is a lot like having like a partying 18-year-old except you'r in mexico with cartels. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i sort of felt i was goin' back to hight school. >> seth: i'm gonna stay at karen's house tonight. so, you know, we saw the shootout there. obviously, you had to have their trust, you had to have access to make this film. what -- you know, i remember you telling me that at one point, you thought they had sort of explained they were going out to starbucks, but you had a sense that it was something else, and that sort of led to that scene we that saw in the beginning. >> yeah, so much of the access and intimacy that i was able to get with this film didn't happen overnight. like, that scene was eight months into filming. there's no way that scene would have happened if i had sort of knocked on their door and said you know, can i hang out with you guys for a day? >> seth: right. that's like the first rule in cartels, like, never say yes. if people wanna hang. >> don't open the door. >> seth: yeah. >> so, that day -- actually, the day before that, two of their men had been assassinated, so
anger level was really high. suddenly, they start jamming magazines in their guns, throwing their their bullet proof vests on. and i asked them in my broken spanish, where are you guys going? and they said, oh we're gonna get some starbucks. [ light laughter ] and i said, i think i'll go get some coffee with you, too. and we literally and figuratively weren't speaking the same language, but i knew something was about to happen, they knew something was about to happen, and it led to this insane scene where we get shot at. they go on this witch hunt through town. they grab, you know, a man away from his crying family, interrogate him at gunpoint, and then take him to a torture chamber. >> seth: and when that was all over, did you say, are we not going to starbucks? is this -- [ laughter ] >> i actually don't drink coffee, so -- >> seth: yeah. now, but tell me this, 'cause you mention you have broken spanish. how -- it's so amazing to me that you had managed to get this access and trust. and not being able to communicate with them on the level that you would assume you'd have to. >> yeah. i mean, i understand about 50% of what's being said.
bathroom decently well and order food decently well, but i think it helped me, i mean, there's so many times when they surrounded me, threatened me, and i would just sort of hide behind the camera and pretend like i didn't understand what was being said. >> seth: and so, in a way, then they believed that? were you believable at not understanding? >> i think i was believable. i mean, it was also mainly true. [ laughter ] >> seth: your method, you're a method performer. >> right. >> seth: the movie begins and ends with you watching some guys cook meth. >> right. >> seth: and that to me, i couldn't believe that they would agree to that. obviously, their faces were covered, but how do you go about finding people who are willing to cook meth for you and your cameras? [ laughter ] >> first, i called my meth dealer and -- [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> no, meth -- i mean, in all seriousness, you know, meth is a huge part of this place where i was filming, in michoacan. michoacan is a really resource-righ area. if you go out tonight and have a taco, your avacado is coming from michoacan.
come from michoacan. if you go do meth, the meth is coming from michoacan. [ laughter ] >> seth: i will say that's the order my night usually goes. [ laughter ] avocado, mojito, and then, if i'm still up or want to stay up. [ laughter ] so -- >> so, it was a huge part of the story. and every single shoot, i'd ask someone, do you know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who's connected. and week after week, month after month, failed at getting access to a lab, and it was finally about eight or nine months into filming on what i thought was our last shoot and we got this call saying be in this town square at 6:00 p.m. and you're in. and we go to a town square and a group of masked men met us. and we had set up ground rules beforehand. my rule was that i didn't wanna be bagged or thrown into the back of a trunk. >> seth: fair rules. >> thank you. [ laughter ] >> and their rule was they wanted their faces covered. and so, they led us through the towns and smaller towns and fields, and then they stopped and another car led us into the forest. and i've actually never seen
>> seth: mm-hmm. >> but we get out there, and i'd imagine this sort of like halogen-lit trailer. >> seth: sure, like a lab. >> yeah, right. but it was this deep, dark forest and the sun was sort of dipping beneath the mountains, and i was freaking out because i don't shoot with lights and i couldn't see a darn thing with my camera. fought so hard to get into this situation and i can't see anything. embarrassing to be the filmmaker saying, oh, i don't have a light. [ laughter ] >> yeah, can you guys help me out? but they actually did have -- i mean, the head chef -- [ laughter ] >> seth: that's the terminology they prefer, yes. >> he started showing me around the lab with his little flashlight. and it's just a little flashlight that i lit the scene. >> seth: so, you did that. you know, i -- this is i guess a question for any documentary filmmaker, but, whwh is it that you feel leads people to allow access to something like that, which is, you know, so clearly illegal activity? i mean, even if their faces are covered, seems like they only have something to lose by
what do you think allows them the confidence or the safety to start talking to you about it? >> i think it's the same common denominator, no matter what the film is. my last one was on healthcare in the u.s. you know, i filmed a suicidal patient. i men, i think it's people want their story, you know, to be told. they want the world to understand what they're going through. you know, even these meth cookers, the chef, he'd never been listened to. you know, no one has ever sort of inquired about what he was doing with his life. and i think people want to be understood. >> seth: and then you gave him a super good yelp review, i heard. [ laughter ] >> i did. >> seth: this is so exciting. good luck at the oscars. >> thank you. >> seth: that's very exciting you get to go out there for that. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. this film is so wonderful. and so many twists and turns. like, i can't recommend it enough. so, thank you so much for being here. matthew heineman, everybody. "cartel land," available now on itunes, netflix, and video on demand. we'll be right back.
but first, we'll kick things off with our old pal, dominic monaghan, as he returns to talalabout his new season of his show, "wild things." from the redbury, have a look. >> i'm a total insurance nightmare. i work with pretty much every venomous snake on the planet. the gaboon viper, most amount of venom of any snake in the world. the monocled cobra will consistently bite you over and over again. the black mamba, which is highly intelligent, long, problem solving. i mean, i worked with this