the robert de niro right over there. the-- the robert de niro. undeniably the greatest actor of his generation. i feel perfectly comfortable saying that upon though, you know, meryl streep is at home right now going, "what, colbert?! i will cut a bee-atch." in honor of de niro's performance in "raging bull," i put on 40 pounds for this interview. then i'll sit down with harvard psychology professor and happiness expert, daniel gilbert. ( cheers and applause ) very nice, very nice. he's here to talk about how to stay happy during christmas. well, if my aunt rita is any example, start the cosmos at noon. ( laughter ) and we'll have a holiday performance by punk icon henry rollins. ( cheers and applause ) you better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout, cuz shouting is kinda henry's thing. oh, that sound, that ticktock in my heart is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) they are about to rock your socks off. as well as your shoes, and possibly your spanx. but before they do, one more thing. a new study

robert was a lawyer, and then and all this went down, robert of asked to join the defense team. >> stephen: robert shapiro asked him to join the defense team. >> that's right. >> stephen: so he was there every day in the courtroom. >> he was there. he was there every day, and also visiting o.j. in jail the entire time. >> stephen: it's hard to believe it was 20 years ago at this point. >> yeah. >> stephen: when you first-- this was the first year you got "friends," right? >> yes. >> stephen: were you paying attention to it or was your world just blowing up too much to care about that? >> i was too go into what i was doing. ( laughter ). >> stephen: you and i knew each other as i said from the theater in chicago. you are one of the founding theater. if you're in chicago and anthrax see something beautiful, go to the looking glaz theater. there's no other performance space and no other group like really beautiful. whenever i see the looking glass theater i think it's a great thing to have in the united do you still perform live? >> stephen: i don't know. we know you-- >> theater. >> stephen:

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(laughter) robert de niro is in this. he will be my guest wednesday. are there any questions you wanted to ask him but didn't have the juevos to ask him? >> he's a soft speaker. i spend the whole time saying, what?! what?! he makes me look like the old one. >> stephen: that's an actor's trick. >> i know. but i think it's realism. in his cucumber martini between shaken and cold. that is what he says -- really, really, extremely, very cold. and every time he orders them, it's, like, can you feel the difference between being shaken in ice and being shaken in ice for a little bit longer? it's why i don't interview people, it's a terrible question. i don't know. can we quit talking about me? >> stephen: absolutely. i can't think of my questions! (laughter) >> stephen: you and amy shiewmer are buddies. >> yes. >> stephen: she says she loves being with you because you are the ideal hottest version of her she can think of. >> it's, like, you're not ugly enough and i'm not hot enough to pull these jokes offer. gorgeous, but i do it in standup, and it works. i'm

(cheers and applause) she, of course-- she is the inspiration for that julia roberts movie "mystic pizza"? i'm not-- and a performance by country musician aubrie sellers. (applause) that's right. her debut album will be released tomorrow, that is in 20 minutes. so i hope she is finished with it. oh, what jazz through yonder ear-hole breaks it is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. >> jon: yeah! we're about to kick this whole show off, but before they do, one more thing. mattel will now be offering barbies in three new more realistic body shapes, tall, petit and curvey. meanwhile, ken still comes in only one shape, junkless crotch. (applause) >> tonight, stephen welcomes josh brolin. "face the nation" host john dickerson. environmental whistle-blower erin brockovich. and a musical performance by aubrie sellers. human. and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! (cheers and applause). >> stephen: i know, the campaign is going on for almost six months now. but we are getting down to the nitty of the gritty. iowa caucuses are this monday and tonight fox news held a 7

my first guest has starred in "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford" and the "ocean's 11" trilogy. you can now see him in "triple 9". please welcome casey affleck. (cheers and applause) >> how are ya? >> stephen: doing well. how are you? >> well, yeah. >> stephen: thanks for dressing up! i can't tell if this choice is the least celebrity thing to do or the most celebrity thing to do because it's very casual. >> thank you. >> stephen: yeah. you look great. >> stephen: thank you. i'm not saying you don't look good. >> yeah. >> stephen: no, i'm not saying that at all. >> you're rude. >> stephen: not at all. a little bit. >> stephen: not at all. (laughter) >> what do you mean? >> stephen: not at all. it's just playful ribbing. >> is this mine? >> stephen: let's find out. (laughter) >> okay, it's mine. >> stephen: you can have that. want some? thirsty? it's just water. >> that's all right. >> stephen: it's just water. i actually like this look. younger and they give you like the little -- it's just water. did you want something better than water? >> no, that's all right. ho

call now, please. ( laughter ) robert de niro is in this. what's he like, because he will be my guest wednesday. are there any questions i should ask him, or anything you wanted to ask him but didn't have the juevos to ask him when you were on set with him? >> i think i've asked him everything. ask him-- you might not be able to hear him-- he's the softest speaker i've ever met in my entire life. i spend the whole time going, what?! what?! he makes me look like the old one. >> stephen: that's an actor's trick. you talk to them softly and they go, "he must be full of feeling." >> i know. but i think it's realism. ask him if there actually really is a difference in his cucumber martini between shaken and cold. that is what he says -- really, and every time he orders them, it's, like, can you really feel the difference between being shaken in ice and being shaken in ice for a little bit longer? this is why i don't interview people, it's a terrible question. i don't know. >> stephen: i will ask him that question. hand to god i will ask him that

and i was with the original upright citizens brigade, amy poehler, ian roberts. so we came up with these ways to get free pizzas. so i would call up a pizza shop and i would say, "hey, you know, it's dick grenfield from the aulderman's office. here. you know, we helped you with mean. maybe you can help us out." and the guy would go, "okay, what do you want?" and i would go, "two large pepperoni, large sauce annual, if you know what i mean." i kept saying that. i was, like, 24, so i thought the phrase for corruption was, "if you know what i mean." ( laughter ) which turns out it is. and so-- and then my friends would drive to the pizza shop and pick up, like, four pizzas for free. and we would eat them. ( laughter ). >> stephen: wow. you have used that skill as an adult in any way? >> i did-- my favorite one is we i went to temptle university in philadelphia. ( cheers and applause ). >> thank you. and one day i was sitting around with about three or four friend and we were actually-- actually, speaking of marijuana, very vie-- and i said i'm going to call the phil

robert kearney: i fought for my country in kosovo and iraq, and i've been a republican all my life. but i'm the father of three girls. i can't stand hearing donald trump call women pigs, dogs, and bimbos...and i sure and respected. donald trump's america is not the country i fought for. so, i'm voting for hillary clinton. hillary clinton: i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. ?

i'm making another robert langdon mystery. "inferno." it's coming out. >> stephen: you're robert langdon and trying to save the world again? >> exactly, always. hangs in the balance. >> stephen: we have a clip here. >> do we know? >> stephen: i don't know either. that will be exciting. jim? >> right above the hall, 500. stairway leading to the street on the other side. so. one step at a time. yeah. good. ( cracking ) chin up! ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: wow! that was great! heavily invested. i saw more of that clip. that's in the galley. >> stephen: where is that? in the pilazzo vekio, called the hall of 500 because in the old days with the big dresses they could fit 500 people in there. it was a gorge place. i can't believe they're letting us shoot there because you're surrounded literally by masterpieces everywhere. >> stephen: when another one of these books come out, do you call ron, or does he call you? because it muste you to go, where do i get to go this time? you go to the most beautiful places. >> i do and i read them with m

. >> robert langdon, professor. i keep trying to call them the but everybody says, are you making another "davinci code?" i'm making another robert langdon mystery. is he the guy in "davinci code?" yeah, so, "inferno." it's coming out. >> stephen: "inferno," yeah. and in this one, again, you're robert langdon and you're trying to save the world again? >> exactly, always. >> stephen: and we have a-- >> and i wonder if i do. ( laughter ) who knows? hangs in the balance. >> stephen: i do not either. and that will be exciting. jim? ( laughter ) >> you're right above the hall, 500. there's a stairway leading down to the street on the other side. so, one step at a time. yeah. come on, good. ( cracking ) sienna! >> all right. ( audience reacts ) wow, yeah, wow! wow, that was great! ( laughter ) >> stephen: heavily invested. >> yeah, i love it. >> stephen: now, that is-- i saw more of that clip. that's in the uffizi galley, right, in florence? >> that is, is, above the hall of the 500. that was a fabulous location. the 500?

. >> stephen: in the new movie "the infiltrator" you are playing a real person named robert mazur, right? and this is a guy who infiltrates, is it the colombian cartel? >> that's right. >> stephen: and this guy was taking his life in his hands. >> yeah, he was an undercover police officer with customs. and for two and a half years he went undercover laundering money for the medellin cartel. actually having to do that crime in order to get deeper and deeper connected to the cartel. and once they got up as high as pablo escobar's lawyer, and the other thing that they did that was so effective is that it b.c.c.i. do you remember that? >> stephen: nope. >> okay. well, you're not 60. ( laughter ) because i remember. >> stephen: i remember now, yeah. >> i need to get one of those horns, you know. and it's amazing-- . >> stephen: one of the biggest drug busts of all time. >> one of the biggest drug busts. 85 arrests within two hours. and it really took a dent out of the medellin cartel. what really fascinated me about undercover in the tampa bay area. and he also lived in tampa. so he would che

now get back on it, because this is trump's new white house chief strategist, and robert redford now he's best known for is running breitbart news. if you've never read brietbart, it's the news your racist uncle gets sent to him by his racist uncle. here are some actual headlines breitbart published under bannon's leadership: why equality and diversity departments should only hire rich, straight white men. "would you rather your child had feminism or cancer?" "hoist it high and proud: the confederate flag proclaims a glorious heritage." spoiler, renegade jew." now i know that sounds anti-semitic, but it might be a compliment. like how you'd describe superhero jesus. "renegade jew" could be the original title of the new testament. but it's not. yeah. bannon is considered a leader of what's known as the "alt right," an extreme online movement with ties to white supremacy. and then think about the alternative to that. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but bannon wants to reassure everyone there's more to the alt right than that, saying, "are there anti-semitic people involved in the alt-right?

. >> stephen: when did you start building roberts? >> i started doing hardware hacking two years ago and i had ideas i wanted to prototype and was always looking for somebody to do it for me until i was like, hey, i can teach myself to yourself. >> googling. >> stephen: i have to write that down. google, that sounds like a good source. >> google it. google how to google you. >> stephen: have a specific title. you're not just a robot mairk. you're the queen of something. you can tell people because i can't say it. >> the queen of ( bleep ) robots. i asked, and we can say crappy. >> stephen: we can say crappy robots. >> or shoddy. >> stephen: how do you say the whole sentence in >> ( bleep ). i would guess. but it doesn't translate that well. >> stephen: it sounds so much classier in swedish. i'm dying to know if cbs will bleep any of the words you just said? >> i think they'll bleep all of them to be sure. >> stephen: a lot of the robots you make are dangerous. we'll get to one in a second. we have a clip here of you. you made a robot

yesterday, former maryland official and robert kennedy's daughter, kathleen kennedy townsend, posted this picture of her with h.w. on facebook, saying, "the president told me he's voting for hillary!" so-- ( cheers and applause ) so, jeb bush, there goes your one write-in vote. ( laughter ) now, to recap: a bush told a kennedy he's voting for a clinton. if you're playing along at home, that's "illuminati bingo." ( laughter ) say hello to jon batiste and stay human, everybody. ? ? ? ? ? ? >> stephen: it's like old days. old home week. hey! all right, all right. everybody feeling okay? ( cheers and applause ) i'm glad to hear it because it's been a rough couple of days here in new york and around the country. and a lot of people are trying to figure out how to keep us safe. then there's this next thing: last night, trump's oldest son and guy who promises you a great deal on a 2003 suzuki sidekick. donald trump jr., tweeted out this graphic. it's a powerful metaphor, really makes me reconsider my stance on eating syrian refugees. ( laught) now, now, there are a couple of problems with t

her life miserable because i just, at that age, didn't give a darn i mean, she was doing stories on robert f. kennedy, mayor lindsey covering the riots. she was also a very beautiful woman who, after my father died, many men were falling in love with and occasionally we would see them at the house and i would have to weigh in on it. >> stephen: would she ask your opinion or would you weigh in regardless of what she thought? >> she would always ask me opinion and i would say, get rid >> stephen: did you realize what a pioneer she was? >> not at the time, no. she didn't say she was a pioneer, she was just doing it. at that time, i didn't realize how hard it was for women to be doing a job like that. it wasn't really something that computed to me. i think -- i'm very proud of her. ( applause ) >> stephen: well, i'm sorry your memories. inspiring mom. now, the film you're doing now is called "white girl" which is about a totally different type of new york, about a girl who actually gets in trouble by sort of being adventurous in part of the town that she's not from. >> right, and i think it re

because, in the words of robert f. kennedy, "some men see things as they are and say why? i dream things that never were and say 'i'd put that in my mouth.'" ( laughter ) ( applause ) and now, say hi to something that is natural and delicious-- jon batiste and stay human, >> stephen: da-da-ca-da. that was the battle hymn of the public. thank you very much. i see you have a very special guest with you tonight. do you want to tell the good people who you are honored to have the legendary nile rodgers in the the house. >> stephen: thank you very much for being here. >> thank you. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: he's headline lining? "freak out let's dance," on saturday october 8 at forest hills stadiums in queens. >> stephen: thank you so much >> stephen: i don't have to tell you folks that donald trump's not doing very well with african american voters. i especially don't have to tell you folks over there. yesterday, at a rally in north carolina, he once again brought the black community the message of hope that all is hopeless. >> they are in the than ever, ever, ever. >> s

now stick around for james corden and his guests, zach woods, robert winston, and edgar ramirez goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by ? ? ? ? are you ready to have some fun ? feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ? your hang-ups and fears 'bout to set you right ? it's the late, late show

robert kearney: i fought for my country in kosovo and iraq, and i've been a republican all my life. but i'm the father of three girls. i can't stand hearing donald trump call women pigs, dogs, and bimbos...and i sure and respected. donald trump's america is not the country i fought for. so, i'm voting for hillary clinton. hillary clinton: i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. ? saw coming... grilled, glazed korean bbq shrimp. and try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. ,, >> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome back, folks. my next guest is an artist, hilarious duo behind "broad city." her new book is "carry this book." please welcome back to the show abbi jacobson. ? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: nice to see you >> stephen: now-- do you feel like you want somebody with you? >> it feels weird. where's alana. >> stephen: last time you were here together during the d.n.c., and now we're only 13 days away from the election. how is your anxiety level doing? >> i feel like i'm positive. but i-- i'm happy the debates are over. i was very-- i was so ang

robert kearney: i fought for my country in kosovo and iraq, and i've been a republican all my life. but i'm the father of three girls. i can't stand hearing donald trump call women pigs, dogs, and bimbos...and i sure don't want my daughters hearing it. i want my girls to grow up proud and strong, in a nation where they're valued and respected. donald trump's america is not the country i ton: i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. ? don't let the food you eat during the day haunt you at night. nexium 24hr... shuts down your stomach's active acid pumps... to stop the burn of frequent heartburn... all day and night. have we seen them before? ( applause ) hey, everybody, welcome back. here we're can comedian sebastian maniscalco. thanks for being here. >> thanks for having me on the couch. is there that's nice. you're easy to please. we allowed to you sit down, and you're happy about it. >> i'm telling you, this is my first panel, ever. so thank you for putting me on the couch. >> stephen: this is your first time sitting down at a talk show? >> yeah. >> stephen: here's my first

. >> robert morse is in the play. john goodman, the great john goodman and nathan lane. >> stephen: what's it like to be on the stage with nathan lane. he seems like a force of nature? >> did you ever see the film of the guy who tries to read the newspaper on top of mount everest. and the paper gets blown away and half his clothes and you try to hold on and look like you're still on the same planet. >> he's both. he's incredible. he's a broadway star. he's sort of the -- >> so are you, john slattery. you're on broadway. you're a star. you're a broadway star! ( cheers and applause ) nice to see you. >> nice to see you. >> stephen: and so sorry about the ken finkeled man thing. "the front page" opens october 20 at the broadhurst theatre. john slattery, everybody! we'll be right back with oliver stone. ? ? ? se ) it's time for some straight talk. most wireless companies offer no-contract plans, but getting a new phone... usually means getting locked into a contract. there's a better way! with new straight talk plus, get

if she wins, i expect her inauguration coverage to read, "justice roberts performs historic swearing in of unidentified woman." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do with all this newspaper on the floor. i think that's a fire hazard. now, the democrats had big names tonight. moving speech. ( cheers and applause ) a moving speech that posed the eternal question: why can't joe biden be the nominee?" and uncle joe wasted no time going after donald trump. >> he's trying to tell us he cares about the middle class? give me a break! that's a bunch of malarkey! ( applause ) >> stephen: what? malarkey? we're live. next he's going to say fawlderal, i can't believe it. and he closed with a rousing call to optimism. >> we are america, second to none! and we own the finish line! don't forget it! god bless you all. and may god protect our troops! come on! ( cheers and applause ) we're america! >> stephen: come on! come on! let's do this! come on! you gotta be kidding me! what are we doing! it's ridiculous, is what it is! what are we doing? oh, hey! ( cheers and

leanne cope and robert fairchild. "an american in paris" is now we'll be right back. if you think storm damage is the only cost of climate change, think again. from the rising price of food to higher insurance rates for homes and businesses, the economic damage will only get worse. but with american-n-de clean energy, we can save money on electricity and spur innovation to create new businesses and jobs. it all starts with 50% clean energy by 2030. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by

robert kearney: i fought for my country in kosovo and iraq, and i've been a republican all my life. but i'm the father of three girls. i can't stand hearing donald trump call women pigs, dogs, and bimbos...and i sure they're valued and respected. donald trump's america is not the country i fought for. so, i'm voting for hillary clinton. hillary clinton: i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. ? with another new flavor you never saw coming... grilled, glazed korean bbq shrimp. and try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. sometimes, maybe it's worth listening to a politician. take congressman rod blum. on social security, blum doesn't just back the republican special interest agenda-- he's campaigning on it. for years, he's pressed to privatize social security, risking seniors' guaranteed benefits on the stock market. and blum supported benefit cuts by voting to raise social security's retirement age. so if you care about a secure retirement, listen to rod blum: he's putting your security at risk. house majority pac is responsible >> stephen: hey