helen pelted mewith bacon bits. willis, simply tell helen you are captain of your ship. a ship can't have two captains because the steering wheel is too small for four hands. i can't believe it, but what you saidactually makes sense. of course. i was in the navy. you made louisestay out of your business with a commercial. i'll make helen stayout of mine with a book. when the goin' gets tough, where are you goin'? i'm going to make it up to you for buttin' into your business. i was naughty. i forgot my place. i don't know if you mean it, but it's good to hear. where are you goin'? i'm going to your store to tell everyone who passes by that i was naughty. i forgot my place. you wouldn't dare. just try me, buster. come on, weezy.i'm sorry aboutthe commercial. we'll sit down and make upa new commercial, ok? i hope she wins. i live for the day a woman runs this country. [doorbell rings] i'll get that, beautiful. thanks,fluffy-wuffy. willis, what are youdoin' here? george, i'm in shock. refrigerator on the blink? no, helen's thrown me out. oh, that's terrible. what happened? i

now, helen... remember when we were at that charity luncheon, and that creamed chicken didn't agree with you? who gave you the quarter for the ladies' room? you did. right. when you were all dressed up for that party and discovered a run in your stockings, who gave you a pair with the reinforced toe? you did. i'm a little hurt you won't break and enter with me. but breakingand entering? come on, helen! it's not as if i'm asking you to commit a crime! i couldn't.it's dishonest. i wouldn't feel right. i feel guiltywhen i buy oneand get one free. it's not like we're stealing. besides, it's my husband's office. uh-uh.it's too risky. besides, doesn'tgeorge havea burglar alarm? i know how to turn it off. he has a guard dog. killer? he adores me. how will youget into the safe? piece of cake. i know the combination. i don't know, louise. "trust me. "what could possiblygo wrong?" she says. "it's a piece of cake,"she says. don't do this to yourself, helen. you've been all over this in the paddy wagon. please

[bugle blows] [horses trot] hi, helen! hi, helen!hi, helen! hi, helen! the 7th cavalry? they're justfriends, tom. well, look who's here, when he breaks a horse, he breaks a horse! tom, don't look so worried. helen would never go out with another man. bye, helen! bye, myron! who's myron? he's just a friend! he's just a friend! oh, father! it's miss jenny, the prettiest little filly this side of... philly. father, a letter just arrived for mother. a letter? let me see that,my child. "dear helen--" "dear." that kills me. "have thoughtabout you often. can't wait to renewour old friendship." and here'sthe worst part-- p.s. i'm going tokill your husband." what does this mean? her boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble hey la, hey la, her boyfriend's back what do you reckon to do about that letter? there's only one thing i can do. set them up, charlie. mr. willis, you've had enough. i'll bethe judge of that. will you put that down? pecos darryl is takin' your wife. what will you do? i've got half a mind you're right. you do have half a mind. what should i do? you shoul

i want to talk to helen man to man. hele but no matter what he says, if you're saying tom's right and i'm wrong, i disagree completely. it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. you sitting here, your husband's in a hotel. that's what's wrong. we've met peoplelike his cousin meg. she hates me! you know whatit's like to be hated. i hatesupporting a woman who tom knows hates me. you ain't married to her, you're married to tom! everything started because i was jealous of him. you were? everybody said how thoughtful he was. i got mad. why? because it's true. oh, now,listen, george-- the man's in the hotel right now. he's lonely, depressed, he's sad. every one? every one. not the one inthat ugly red dress. where your arm is around tom's neck? that's the one. he had every one but that one. you're trying to make tom seem nice-- he is a nice guy! i never would havethought of opera glasses. if weezie couldn't see,i'd say, "stand up." he thinks about everybody. that's his problem. he cares more abouteverybody else thanhe does for h

helen, come here. helen: oh, help me. help! helen! stop. wait. come back. [laughs] all right, i don't know how you got out of there, you're still in there. jeannie, would you come out of there, please? oh, you are home ear-- you are wet. uh-huh. oh, thanks. what happened? oh, just another one of my little accidents. wait a minute. you-- you couldn't have done it. you were in the bottle. you didn't do it. no. now, what's going on here? now, what is it? i am bringing you bad luck. who told you that? my sister. your si--? your sister? your sister's back here again? huh, your sister? she said that i must leave you for the next 15 years. i am under the terrible sign of the jinx. jeannie, don't you realize she's tricked you again? there's-- there's no terrible sign of the jinx. she's responsible for all these accidents. then i do not have to leave you? no, of course not. oh, i'm so happy! ah! shh. where is she? where is who? your sister. oh, i do not know. well-- well, how are we go-- shh. going to do that? we are going to trap her. and we've gotta make her show

uh, uh, lydia this is helen and thelma lou. thelma, helen, this is lydia. barney and everybody knows goober. hello, goober. hey. your house looks real nice. helen: thank you. sure looks different on the inside. goober. you look very... very nice, lydia. thank you. you look very nice tonight, goober. thank you. your hair is dripping. lydia, wouldn't you and goober like to sit down on the couch? oh, no, we couldn't sit there. that's for you and andy. well, uh, make yourself at home. yeah. sit somewhere. sit, uh, here. thelma lou. thank you. sit, barn. lydia, would you care for a pretzel? no, thank you. they lay on my chest. i'm sorry. goober? yo. not much lays on his chest. ( clearing throat ) what y'all doin' tonight? we were playing bridge. i always did want to learn that game. six can't play bridge, goober. well, how about set back or go fish? want to play go fish, lydia? i don't gamble. she don't gamble. that's nice. never have to arrest you. ( all laughing nervously ) well, we don't have to play cards. lydia... how's your family? fine. uh, is, uh... is y

hello, helen. tom!what a surprise. i'll bet it is. i'd like you to meet-- i'll deal with you later, woman. you, sir. stand up. then we'll duke it out sitting down. who is this man? usually he's my husband tom. tom, this is carl davis. i know what's going on. what are you talking about? i'll be waiting for you outside. if you're a man, you'll be there. george, i've changed my mind. order me a steak. rare. i have to apologize. that'sa strange man. i've never seen tom act like that before. i can't understand what's come over him. now i understand what's come over him. well, well, well. you got caught with your hand you cheap bigolo. that's gigolo. he admits it! george, what's going on? as if you didn't know. how could you? your husband's not the world's best-looking guy. lord knows he's not the thinnest. but he's a decent and loyal man. what you got to say? george, i've been helping carl set up the marriage counseling program at the help center. we just came here to celebrate. oh. you're a marriage counselor? yep. why don't you counsel t

[groans] helen, stop! helen! helen, i love you! it's true. daddy was right. daddy was right. [moaning] prtiss: "it is only in love and murder that we still remain sincere." friedrich durrenmatt. [computer beeps] oh, hey, guys. hey. i just wanted to see what's going on. hi. hello. this better be important, garcia. oh, it nothing. it's just that a messenger came by the office today th some papers from escrow! no! oh, yes. the house in du pont circle-- you got it! whoo! congratulations. 6 seconds. fastest case of buyer's remorse ever. well, i say the moment we land we all head over to ziggy's and clear out the champagne inveory. oh, my stomach doesn't feel so hot. [jj laughs] i was in the middle of the best dream. i dreamt that i was at this exclusive salon getting my hair done. ah, the psychotherapeutic benefits of dreams purging unpleasant images and replacing them with good ones. "unpleasant" is putting it mildly. if someone put a bloody wig on my head, i would have ripped that thing off and kept it off. right. you'd think instinct would take over. oh, hey, rossi, i meant to

helen, helen... i'm tired. why don't we go to bed? no, stanley. i'd rather do something we can do together. where are the earthquakes when you really need them? do something. me do something? it's your movie. okay. here we go. now that we're all here why not a fast game of hearts or charades, huh? larry's got it. sounds like... scissors. cut? cut throat? stanley: jack? jack? jack! sit down. i did my best. that was your best? ( woody woodpecker theme music playing ) guess who! naked dreams?! ( laughing maniacally ) woody woodpecker?! what a nice surprise, larry. they always show the cartoon before the main feature. 50 bucks for woody woodpecker? the guy took me for 50 bucks! thank god for good old kenneth what's-his-name! he really gave you the bird! three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience. come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step t

helen,let's get our coats. right. helen. you can let goof my arm now. you still want toquit the help center? why? i think we do a pretty good job. i hope i'll alwaysremember this feeling. because it'sthe small victories that makes up forall the big losses. amen. listen, you really stuck your necks out for me and, well, you know, i appreciate it. oh, it's ok, maggie. thank you. thank you. captions copyright 1982t.a.t. communications company captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. public performance of captionsprohibited without permission ofnational captioning institute hello. i'm jerry mathers. i was the beaver in "leave it to beaver." a few years later, i was a type 2 diabetic. but i'm not anymore. diabetes causes neuropathy, blindness, and amputation. at its worst, it can kill you. today i want you to have a look at an amazing breakthrough that has stopped diabetes in its tracks for over 200,000 people just like you and me. now you can do the same thing, because it's all spelled out in a very special system called the diabetes

helen is going out with an old boyfriend. for a little lunch. there's no such thing as a little lunch. not if you order it, willis. out, both of you. high noon is coming on. that's my favorite program. tom, there'snothing wrong with a woman seeingan old friend. ha! let me read you this letter. "dear helen--" "dear." that kills me. "have thought about you often. can't wait to renew our old friendship." here's the worst part-- "love, darryl hampton." tom, i'm telling you. he's just a friend! oh, sure. come, helen. i'll get you that scarf. florence, excuse us. i'd like to talk to george man-to-man.

helen? what... well... wait... wait a minute. what's going on? i should think you'd be the last person on earth to ask that. well, maybe i'm not very smart, so suppose you tell me. when i become engaged to somebody i've got one very simple requirement-- i'd like to be asked first. i don't like going to a p.t.a. meeting and suddenly finding out that i'm engaged to the great sheriff taylor. you think all you have to do is decide you want to marry me and then just announce it to the world. just who do you think you are, anyway-- what really infuriates me is listening to your friends tell me what a great catch you are. well, you're not caught yet. hi, ange. how's it going? well, i admit i should have told you about it first. should have told me about it first? barney, this is about the third time that you've spread stories about helen and me and made her mad at me. now, for the last time, we are not getting married. now, that's where you happen to be wrong. what do you mean, i'm wrong? if helen and i were going to get married don't you think we'd be

helen. helen! i'm coming! i'm coming! i'm coming. never mind the coffee. i let that kid move up there 'cause he said he was gay but after what i saw this morning and after what i heard just now i know better. whoa, whoa, mr. roper. all i said is that he's cooking dinner for chrissy and her date. you see what i mean? and i'm, um... cooking a dinner? yes. what's wrong with that? i don't know... yet. mr. roper, that is all that's happening. ( doorbell rings ) maybe i'm wrong and for jack's sake, i hope i am. yes? hi. does jack tripper live here? you want the apartment upstairs. oh, thank you. jack's not in. what do you want with him? i just wanted to return his sweater. i borrowed it from him last night when we were on the beach. what?! you and jack were on the beach?! thank you. that's very nice of you. you hear that, helen? jack and that girl-- what about that? isn't that just like jack? taking the sweater off his back for somebody in distress? yeah. this is proof, helen. oh, stanley, you're ridiculous. yeah, you're crazy. yeah, you're, you're getting paran

it's not going to be formal, helen. look, i can't help the hole in your head but you're not leaving here with a hole in your shorts. 'cause i'm taking this trip, huh? mad? just because you prefer to spend your night looking at some godforsaken piece of desert instead of at me? desert? you call this property a desert? look at this. look. see the hotel? see the swimming pool? see the tennis courts? where? right there where it says "artist conception." it's a long way between conception and birth, you know. why do you have to bring sex into everything? if i don't, who will? well, it looks like nothing now but that's why you can get it so cheap. you see, that's the trick. you buy low and you wait for it to go up. and suppose it doesn't? you know the trouble with you, helen? you're afraid to take a risk. i married you, didn't i? i just want to go up there to make some money for us. oh, come on, stanley, i know you. you want to go up there for the free plane ride and the free entertainment. my toothbrush. they'll take you for

helen, you don't understand. i just wanted to prove that another woman would find me attractive and i proved it! all right! you proved it! so go to her! i hope you'll be happy. i don't want to be happy. i want to be with you. oh! where are you going? anyplace you're not! janet: would you wait a minute, please, mrs. roper? oh, my god! we're too late! she's done it! oh, no! what's she talking about? i think it's about that knife in your hand. i was cutting some fruit. oh... i thought it was mr. roper. no, it's just an apple but i like your idea better. she's got a knife in her hand. tell her! tell me what? what? mrs. roper, uh... excuse me. uh, you know that girl you saw mr. roper with tonight? well, uh, she was being nice to him because i asked her to. what?! yeah, see, i put her up to it. it's all my fault. oh, jack! ( helen laughs ) it's so good to be back i want to talk to you... hold it. i'll do the talking. sit down. look... sit! yes, stanley? there's a few things i want to straighten out with you. when i wen

so long, helen, tom. go ahead, florence. ask m. i'll wait untilhe's in a good mood. by that time, we'll all be retired. you're right.i better ask him now. so, mr. jefferson,how you feeling? fine. want thatpillow fluffed? no. i buy my pillows already fluffed. i'm comfortable, thank you. my granddaddywould say, "there are timeswhen you're comfortable "and timeswhen you thinkyou're comfortable. "even when you thinkyou're comfortable, by somebody who caresif you're comfortable." your grandfather said that? is he dead? well, then, he's comfortable. i want to fluffthis pillow! there. wasn't mygranddaddy right? get out of here. those footsies wouldbe more comfortable up on thatcoffee table. they can't reach it,but i could move it. florence, what do you want? what do i want? why, to serve you, to make you happy. go buy me a box of havana cigars. ok. where? cuba. if you see fidel, insult his mother. he likes that. oh, youlittle dickens! you're so funny! just give me five minutes. we know each other. whatever it isyou want, you can rest assuredthe answer's no. i haven't even a

helen? helen! will you finish your drink and let's go home. what's your rush? what can we do at home we can't do here? we could play monopoly. oh... i consider monopoly a very interesting game. yeah, i know. i thought it would help kill time. we were on our honeymoon for two weeks and you didn't pass "go" once. you want to fight, helen, we could fight louder at home. oh, i'm sorry, stanley. hey, stanley, you notice anything different about me tonight? not around the mouth. oh, come on, stanley. hey, come on, look at me. look, i'm wearing a new dress. yeah, it's perfect on you. oh, you really think so? yeah. it hides your knees. i'll have a beer, please. i don't want to push you or anything but a lot of people are considering my car. including a couple of junk dealers. will you stop it, helen?! it's a cat's watering hole. don't pay any attention to her. listen, ride the car around the block a couple of times. i want you to see how smooth it runs. of course you might have a little trouble finding the handbrake. why? it's in the glove compartment. that's only to p

why do you ask that, helen? why do i ask that? i just got up and found out you hadn't been in bed all night. and you got worried. of course i got worried. i... but... see... uh... i slept up here last night. up here? yeah. uh... oh... on the couch. oh. good morning, mrs. roper. good mor... oh, hi, jack! how have you been? i haven't seen you for a while. here's your wallet. you left it in my bed. i thought you said you slept on the couch? yeah, well, i-i, yeah, well... i-i-i-i-i-i... come on, chrissy, come on. come on! i want to stay and hear what he's go to say. come on! i think i'll help... you better stay! you're my only witness. i want to know why you lied to me just now. all right, i'll tell you the truth, okay? this is it, so help me. jack gave a party last night, and i came up here but not to have a good time. and somebody offered me a drink and then another, and then another. and well, you know that i can't take more than two drinks. yes, i know, stanley. so, i must have passed out because the next thing i remember i woke u

not now, helen.

all right, helen, let's go. next time you want to take your clothes off and run around make sure it's in our apartment. oh, stanley, do you mean it? just warn me ahead of time. i'll go to the movies or something. three's company was videotaped in front of a studio aud screwdriver, please. right-e-ho. thanks. and if you could hold this right here? there? yeah. good. and, uh, over here, too, please. go ahead. mind your arm. go ahead. thanks. yeah. you've got a great smile. why, thank you. except for that caraway seed there. o.k. that ought to do it. well, thank you, louise. i couldn't have done it without you. we certainly make a ripping jolly good team. took the words right out of my mouth, except for "ripping" and "jolly." ben, you do terrific work. oh, thanks. a job worth doing is worth doing right. screwdriver, please. dear john dear john i'll be gone life goes on right or wrong now it's all been said and done dear john so long seems we've sung love's last song dear john seems we've sung love's last song poor

well what for helen? i mean louise likes us. - yes. - oh helen, i think some croutons worked their way down into my shorts. (audience laughs) - you really want me to leave louise? - listen johnny. now you and george are the best of friends. and i wouldn't want to ruin that, but when it comes to you and me. well, i just think it would be better if you stayed somewhere else. and i believe i'm speaking for tom and for helen. - [florence] and for florence! (audience laughs) - and for florence. and just to show you there's no hard feelings you can still visit george whenever you feel like it. and i'll make reservations for you at the plaza right now. - louise i can't afford the plaza. - with the money you make? - but i don't understand johnny. your job in chicago. - ended six months ago. i got fired. i mean everything else is true. the million dollar club and the trips and all that. you see, i had this streak of bad luck. i met this gorgeous beautiful woman who fell madly in love with me. - what's so bad about

helen? helen! oh... oh, sorry, stanley, i must have drifted off. look, i promised my brother that i'd take good care of her and that's just what i'm doing. oh, well, she ought to be out having some fun with people her own age. she ought to be out dating. dating? in this city? it's crawling with freaks and weirdos and... and perverts. oh, i wasn't talking about your friends, stanley. i just hope you don't make a crack like that in front of karen. you'll give her the wrong idea of her uncle. oh, i think she has the right idea of you. i hope so. oh! what? what? why don't you let her meet the kids upstairs? you mean the andrews sisters? yeah, patty, maxine and... tinkerbell. oh... of course, you're right, stanley. oh, i forgot. she'd never be interested in a fellow like jack. you mean he would never be interested in any girl. i don't understand people like ja... wait a minute... wait a minute. for once in your life you've got a smart idea. we should put this date down on a calendar. when she gets up and gets dressed i'm going to go talk to jack about t

helen, it was really nice of you to do this for florence. we just wantedher to know how much weappreciate her. jenny even designedan outfit for her. i hope she likes it. i think she'll look beautiful in it. oh, does itcover her face? no. back tothe drawing board. listen, when florence rings the bell, i'll turn out the lights. then we can all yell "surprise!" what do you say? i saywhere's florence? a prime rib'sdrying up in the oven. daddy's getting that look. george, go find out what's keeping florence. i knowwhat's keeping her. preservatives. good evening. florence. sorry i'm late. florence! oh, no. yes, 'tis i. so sorry to disappoint you. we hoped you'd ring the bell so we could hide. you people don't even have the decency to be subtle. if you'll sit down, i've got something to get off my chest. i hopeit ain't hair. go ahead, put me down. that's all you've ever done. florence, you're drunk. sure, i'm drunk, on the outside. i'm blotto. [telephone rings] i'll get it. why have i been drinking? because i'm hurt. i realize i'm just an employee,

like dame helen mirren saying "don't drink and drive"... is funny. nats - helen mirren / "if your brain was donated to science? science would return it." so this year? even if your team gets you down? nats - snickers / director: you get a little cranky when you're hungry. clayton sandell abc news the big game 10k race took place this morning in downtown las vegas. runners came from 9 different countries and 23 different states. it all kicked off with a costume contest followed by a kids fun run. people could also compete in a 5k run or the big game 10k. afterwards there was a big viewing party at the bunkhouse saloon. coming up.. las vegas gas prices take another dip. plus.. who's hiring in our city. the best industry to get a job

it's not going to be formal, helen. look, i can't help but you're not leaving here with a hole in your shorts. you're still mad at me 'cause i'm taking this trip, huh? mad? just because you prefer to spend your night looking at some godforsaken piece of desert instead of at me? desert? you call this property a desert? look at this. look. see the hotel? see the swimming pool? see the tennis courts? where? right there where it says "artist conception." it's a long way between conception and birth, you know. why do you have to bring sex into everything? if i don't, who will? well, it looks like nothing now but that's why you can get it so cheap. you see, that's the trick. you buy low and you wait for it to go up. and suppose it doesn't? you're afraid to take a risk. you don't have any guts. i married you, didn't i? i just want to go up there to make some money for us. oh, come on, stanley, i know you. you want to go up there for the free plane ride and the free entertainment. my toothbrush. they'll take you for everything

very good, helen, very good. i'll give you something else to remember. ( squawking ) it's drying up but there's going to be a clean patch here. oh. well, maybe we could bring the plant stand down over it. no, because then there will be a clean patch where the plant stand was. ( doorbell ringing ) you're right. well, i don't know. oh, hi. hi. um, is jack in? uh-uh. he went to a basketball game. oh. oh, well, that's all right. it isn't very important. ( sobbing ): it isn't important at all! would you... would you like to come in and sit down for a minute? no, thank you. are you all right? i'm fine. fine. would you like some tea? oh, i forgot-- we're out of tea. ( loud sobbing ) hey, i'll go buy some if you're that thirsty. i'm not thirsty. oh, good. i'm pregnant. you're what? what? i just know i am. it's been six weeks, and i was sick yesterday. and my father, he's going to kill me... excuse me, please. are you here because... jack is the...? i haven't seen him in months. well, at first i didn't worry 'cause he tol

helen, you don't... teacher's coming! helen...! shh! oh! ah, yes, uh... "symphony of the wild flowers." oh... well, it's, uh, it's very... unusual, mrs. roper. uh, perhaps a little ragged. not your best work you'll improve. keep at it. you know what they say: "practice makes perfect." why, stanley? why?! i didn't want them to see that plant. really? why? it's such a fascinating little fellow. what? yes, it'called false aralia. false aralia? not cannabis? cannabis? oh, dear me. we do have a lot to learn, haven't we? you...! you...! what if you had a medical emergency away from home? my chest hurts. i can't breathe. what you need is mobile help. america's premier mobile medical alert system. most systems only work at home. but with mobile help, you get help outside the home, on one of the largest cellular networks, at the press of a button. i couldn't dial 9-1-1 because i was out of it. i just pushed the button and when i woke up i was in the hospital. i don't have to worry about if i'm near help or if i even know where i am. i have mobile help. they know w

it does looksensationalon you, helen. i can almost forget those animals that died so you can wear it. i'm glad you like it. i must find a way to make some money without working. you have-- this job. we're going out on the town. have fun.you look gorgeous. thank you. see you later. bye-bye. whenever helen puts on her coat, she'll think of you. i sure will. i'm so gladyou could help tom. if you're not careful, helping peoplecould become a habit. not a chance. mr. jefferson, how about taking a shot at helping me? i'd love to, buti've never beento medical school. can we please be serious? when it comes to high finance, you got a knack for making money. yes, i do. but i don't. yes, you don't. give me advice like you gave mr. willis. if i give everyone advice, the world would be rich and i'd be like everybody else. not exactly,george. i'll still be smarter than them. that's not whati had in mind. better looking? see... oh... it's for my church. they need new windows. tell themyou don't do windows. the church needs money. help m

helen. helen, have you seen my... in your new hiding place. i don't have a hiding place because i have nothing to hide. i just put 'em someplace convenient. what were you doing on top of the wardrobe, anyway? cleaning up the dirt. helen, i'm in kind of a hurry, so... look, stanley i'm going to do my best to try to understand why you read this stuff. can we discuss this later, helen? for the automobiles, right? what kind of a sports model do you call that? ( stammering ): i wouldn't know. i mean, i don't read those pages. oh, hey! hey, there is an article here on a ferrari. what's a ferrari? it's a car, stanley. it's why you bought the magazine, remember? oh... oh, that ferrari. well, see, i didn't get to read that far yet. it's on page one. i don't see any... "ferrari." it's right there right next to the girl with the big... oh! yeah! nice, uh... hubcaps. stanley, tell me something. why do you have to look at pictures like that when you got me around? you know, all day long people have been asking me stupid questions. naked dreams? yeah! that

>> thank you for asking. >> helen every year would make tom and jerries. this is a lost and forgotten classic holiday drink. and i'm going to be making -- put you to work making these thursday night, tomorrow night, tomorrow night we have a great bar crawl which features some of downtown las vegas' best bars, followed by the food trick and mixology wars where i'll be making helen's tom and jerries. >> obviously we hear tomorrow and jerry we think the cartoon. what's the story behind this? >> it comes from a book that was written in london, predates the >> okay. >> jerry and tom, you heard -- >> what is half an ounce? >> you go ahead. >> we're going to figure it out. it's been a tough wednesday. >> dao, if you want to put half an ounce of that rum, and they would go out and get into trouble. >> thus the name. the drank came to be. so what we've done is made an egg batter. we separated the eggs, the yokes and the whites. we beat the whites with a little cream tar tear until they get nice and stiff, fold that in powdered sugar. we got 3/4 of an ounce of cogna

b., kevin's here with helen. oh, gee, it's terrific seeing you again, helen. come on in. uh, i just wanted you to see that i'd at least made a start. i'm glad. we all are. i got your bag all packed. oh, well, hazel, you see, we haven't-- i don't think we're ready to-- one of your shirts has a button off. i was gonna sew it on, but i figured-- you know how to sew on buttons, don't you, helen? oh, yes, but i-- terrific. why don't you two drop around for dinner sometime next week? hazel. hazel, too much has happened. we can't just take up where we left off. well, i-it's like mr. b.'s always saying to me-- "hazel, you got this terrific understanding so what do you think a young couple ought to do if they break up?" so i says, "it all depends if they're in love or not. if they ain't, it's all off. but if they really love each other deep down in their hearts, then they just, uh, forgive and try again." that's what i said to mr. b. what do you think? let's go home. [laughs] thank you all. thank you all very much. george: keep in touch, kevin. thank you. goodbye, everybody. bye.

helen: that is your latest business news. brent: no tasering between us. helen: i'll hold off. brent: stars, industry bigwigs, and fans have turned out for one of europe's biggest film events. the berlin film festival opened this evening in the german capital. the nato secretary-general says nato ships will start patrolling the seas between greece and turkey in an effort to stop people smugglers from sending migrants across the sea. you are watching "dw news," live from berlin. after a short break, i will be back to take you through the day. i hope you will join me. [captioning performed by the national captoning institute, which is responsible for its caption content and accuracy. visit ncicap.org] . >>> this week on "wealth track." swimming against the tide with deep value investor, the longtime portfolio manager finds his best investments in rough seas others flee. his contrarian ideas are next exclusively on "consuelo mack wealthtrack." >> announcer: new york life along with mainstays family of mutual funds offer investment and retirement solutions so you can help your clie

helen, helen, i don't like the sound of it. maybe you'd better not sleep up there after all. would you care to make me an offer i can't refuse? come on. oh, i couldn't sleep down here anyway, stanley. the smell of that paint makes me sick. why don't you stuff cotton up your nose? janet. what? what? hey! shh. it's all right. it's just time you and i got on the same wavelength. get off my bed. shh. trust me. i don't mean that. i just want to talk. well, about what? about us. get off my bed. i mean about all of us. you and chrissy in particular. i want my two best friends to act like two best friends. did chrissy send you in here? no. she's behaving as stupidly as you are. get off my bed! it's about barry, isn't it? oh. yeah. i thought so. listen to me-- i can understand how come you're so mixed up. you expected him to be a tired, old, dull businessman and he shows up, he's pretty good-looking-- all of a sudden he turns into a guy, not an account, huh? yeah, yeah, jack, yeah. now, janet, come on. you know chrissy doesn't turn it on. with her, it's like old faithful-- it just spo

helen. helen! i'm coming! i'm coming! i'm coming. never mind the coffee. i let that kid move up there 'cause he said he was gay but after what i saw this morning and after what i heard just now i know better. whoa, whoa, mr. roper. all i said is that he's cooking dinner for chrissy and her date. you see what i mean? and i'm, um... cooking a dinner? yes. what's wrong with that? i don't know... yet. mr. roper, that is all that's happening. ( doorbell rings ) maybe i'm wrong and for jack's sake, i hope i am. yes? hi. does jack tripper live here? you want the apartment upstairs. oh, thank you. jack's not in. what do you want with him? i just wanted to return his sweater. i borrowed it from him last night when we were on the beach. what?! you and jack were on the beach?! thank you. and i'll make sure he gets it. you hear that, helen? jack and that girl-- what about that? isn't that just like jack? taking the sweater off his back for somebody in distress? yeah. this is proof, helen. oh, stanley, you're ridiculous. yeah, you're crazy. yeah, you're, you're getting

helen, i'm going to get that car back! look, stanley, you cheat those kids and you're going to regret it. i'll... i'll... i'll withhold my favors! now i got to get that car back. look, i haven't got time for this. sit! stanley, i'd like to make a better deal just the same as you but we don't have to trick the kids. now, i'm sure if you leveled with them that they'd split the 1,200 with us. split the 1,200? never! if you don't promise to split with them i'll go up there and tell them they should keep the car and sell it for whatever they can get for it. i'll go up and tell them that i'll split with them. you promise? i promise. thank you, stanley. but you got to promise me something. yeah? what? i'm really getting the hang of sewing. it's only taken me four weeks to hem these pants. there we go. ta-da! oh, no... don't worry, chrissy-- they'll look just fine as long as you walk with one foot in the gutter. ( grunting ) touchdown! oh, i'm sorry, chrissy. hi, team. hey, are you back from the garage already? i thought it took l

helen's really mad. you're making the right decision. nothing's worse than having your wife mad at you. but won't yourwife be mad at you? who cares? heaven i'm in...trouble hey, trudy! yo, trudy!meet your new boss. you bought out mr. willis? right. where's trudy,the people, and the money? gone. in that order. what happened? i don't know how to say this. carefully.your life depends on it. your wife and mrs. willis complained to mr. whittendale. he said the girls would attract a bad element, and he'd evict me if i didn't fire them. i saw whittendaleenjoying himself here. the problem is so did his wife. i'm kind of glad it happened. sure, business was good. look at the place. it's not me anymore. i liked the way it was. you're a sick man, charlie. not really. i can't complain. i made some money. mr. willis made some money.

not tonight, helen. i got a headache. oh, boy! mr. roper? mr. roper?! helen, you wouldn't believe what a nightmare i just had. mr. roper, wake up! come on, wake up! hey! oh, my god. what have you done with helen? mr. roper, uh... what are you doing here? this is my bed! oh, my god! how did you get me up here? you drank a lot and you must have passed out. i never pass out. why were you in my bed? i must have passed out. i was doing the hustle with somebo... this is awful! what? my being in bed with you and you being a... tinkerbell? people are liable to get the wrong idea. yeah, i see what you mean. listen... yes... you got to promise me something. that we'll just keep it between the two of us. what happened here will never leave these lips. i appreciate it. i can't vouch for the blabbermouths. what? not to worry. most were your friends from the bar. oh, my god! i got to get out of here. ooh, the girls. the girls went to san diego, right? right. and they the window. it won't open. why not? you still haven't fixed it. i'm trapped! mr. roper, the girls wil

helen, why is it your mind is always on the same thing? when you're starving, you think of food and when you're not... all right, all right, all right. oh, hi, mr. roper, mrs. roper. oh, jack. oh, hi, jack. what's up, jack? well, the water in our toilet tank, actually. yeah, it keeps filling up too high. sounds serious-- i'll look at it tonight. jack, please, can't it wait till tomorrow? please? whatever's convenient. hey, jim. listen, i would like a bottle of... pouilly-fuisse, '67-- slightly chilled but not frigid. sorry, jack. i just sold the last half bottle of pouilly-fuisse, '67. uh, then i'll have a beer-- '77. hi. hi. what's a nice girl like you doing in a nice place like this without a nice guy like me? waiting patiently. my name's jack. i'm veronica. so tell me, veronica. would you like to swing on a star carry moonbeams home in jar or would you rather be a mule? ( giggling ) i love multiple-choice questions. oh, you do, huh? jack, i have got to talk to you. chrissy, can you maybe... see...? oh, am i interrupting something? i hop

helen, let's walk graham out. good night, louise.florence. you really liked thosepoems we just heard? i don't know, but i knew they'd give me fruit. i don't understand it. everybody saidthey were great. george, they were. but there was something different about tonight. maybe you were rushed. maybe you weren't in the mood. maybe you were distracted by the bongos. bongos? you see. these poems areabout dumb things, except for hawaii 5-0. my other poems wereabout something important. what? you. that's more beautiful to me than all the poetry in the world. really? really. why don't you read something out of your first volume? which oneshould i read? oh, how about something from page 13? you got it. let me get the book. captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. public performance of captions prohibited without permission ofnational captioning institute well, we're movin' on up to the east side to a deluxe apartment in the sky mo-ooh-vin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up we finally got a piece of the pie fish d

helen, about your surprise... wait a second. shouldn't she close her eyes and put her hand out first? oh, yeah. jack's right. that's the way to do it. oh! two tickets to the frank sinatra concert! oh, they're like gold! i almost forgot about the parakeet. don't touch this box. why not? because it's... empty? of course it is. i couldn't leave the poor little thing in there all night. i let it loose to fly around in the bathroom. ( growling ) no, jack. jack, jack, jack, jack... ( growling ) ( yelling ) come and knock on our door we've been waiting for you we've been waiting for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too. come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too. you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is calling for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous do you remember what happened on my 35th birthday? wasn't that the day pearl harbor got bombed? close. it was th

. >>> stepping away from the traditional psa budweiser went english actress helen maria tore into people. a woman survived a crash 15 years ago but she says the ad went too far. >> the commercial is jarring as oncoming high beams. >> we are dumbfounded that people still drive drunk. >> actress helen maria blasted within getting behind the wheel drunk. >> robin powell thought it was too harsh even though she is >> on january 27th, 2001 ... >> tampa bay was hopping. >> she was riding in the car with her son and his friends. >> we were in the car and get pizza and my mountain dew which i love ... all night and at 11:45 a.m. crashed into her car leaving her paralyzed and fortunately everyone survived but it changed their lives. >> it is tough. i want to be around so i need to help out my family too. if you mean this much, please all we ask is that don't drink and drive and please make the right choice. >> stop it. >> but when it comes to the budweiser ad she is not as tough as helen maria. >> i will never say you are stupid. i try to encourage you and to make the right choices. >> in tampa 1

now, you listen to me, helen. cheap, stanley c-h-e-a-p... cheap. sticks and stones, helen. if i could leave this... sticks and stones. how'd you get in here? well, i rang the bell, and then you... never mind that. what do you think of a woman who wants to drive her husband to the poorhouse? who wants to drive his wife to the nuthouse? you think i got nothing better to do than to throw my money around? oh, yeah, you got something better to do, stanley but you're stingy with that, too. look, you two probably have a lot of things to talk over so i'll just mosey on... he never thinks of me at all. he never buys me candy or brings me flowers. every time she looks in the department store window she wants everything in the store. last week, she saw a jacket for $400 in the fashion shop. "oh, stanley, i need that jacket. if i don't have that jacket, i'm going to freeze." what do you think of that? well, it does get pretty cold around... will you butt out? you asked me for my opinion. i wouldn't give you two cents for your opinion. he wouldn't give two cents for anything. ( jack lau

i smell a rat, helen. oh, stanley, you're always so suspicious. they just want your company, that's all. why would people want my company? i've been asking myself that for years. the rent. what? they know i'm thinking of raising the rent. you are? why? well, everything's going up. water is going up, gas is going up. don't forget-- there's an energy shortage. how can i forget? you remind me every night. anyway, i'm raising the rents $75. seventy-fi..? oh, stanley! those few little things couldn't come to $75 a month. what about my services? isn't that worth something? i mean, can you name anybody in this building who can't get me when they need me? how's that? oh, it's perfect. roper's got to be impressed. jack, this is absolutely the last time i'm going to run out to that market for you by myself. why? some creep wanted to carry this home for me. what's wrong with that? he meant his home. ( phone ringing ) i'll get it. you okay? oh, good. you had me worried. any guy who would steal a bag of groceries-- there's no telling what he might do. did you

. >> reporter: helen is talking about what happened after wild turkeys -- yes, we found them -- surrounded a letter carrier's truck on tuesday. he was so upset, couldn't get out and called his boss for help. the postmaster dialed 911. >> police. >> reporter: this is the actual call. >> you're not going to believe this, but i got a carrier being attacked by wild turkeys. won't let him deliver the mail. >> reporter: on he wasn't actually being attacked, rather, surrounded. word is that mail carrier was a substitute. and while folks here got a really good laugh about this, they do admit the birds can be intimidating. >> i don't want to -- >> reporter: judge. don't judge. >> i don't want to judge anybody, especially if you're we see them every day. >> reporter: helen watches from her window. >> summer we don't see them. they're out there swimming. >> reporter: to be clear, this isn't a 100% positive i.d. the gang we just spotted may not be the same one that stopped the mail carrier in his tracks. my gut tells me it is. >> my truck is in the driveway. they always peck at it. they don't peck at

helen: hello, i am helen mirren, a notoriously frank british woman. i am dumbfounded that people still drag on. -- drive drunk. if you drive drunk, you are a useless, oxygen wasting, human form of pollution, a darwin award deserving selfish coward. if your brain was donated to science, science would return it. stop it. you're a fun, solid, respectable human being. don't be -- your friends and family think you could your future self-- thank you. your future self thinks you. -- thanks you. this is supposed to be fun. cheers. jeanine: helen mirren makes it. you couldn't have anyone else in that spot. it is empowering, powerful, and also, it has a dry humor. it is nice that it is not totally serious and totally, "here are the dangers." charlie: you agree? jason: i give a lot of credit to them for doing that. it takes a lot of guts to talk like that in the super bowl for 60 seconds. charlie: speaking of ,elebrities, the amazon echo deflategate, planning a party called the "baldwin bowl." >> adding 60 wheels of pekka rinne. >> there will be no soft football

we can't let helen find out. just don't tell her. helen, guess what! lionel and jenny-- what are youdoing here? aren't we going to the film festival? what festival?oh, yes. we have an extra ticket, louise. i won't be ableto make it. maybe next time, girl. what were you going to tell me about lionel? uh, lionel-- tom thinksit's a shame that lionel can'tgo with you tonight. i'll be happy when lionel's project is finished. it won't be long. nothing. i hate eating alone. you shouldn't go outwithout eating. go fix a sandwich. that's a good idea. we have plenty of time. thanks a lot. i was going-- you're welcome. is somethinggoing on? [cough] helen. helen, i thinkyou'd better sit down. tom, what's going on? i'll getright to the point. you see-- i have this friendwhose son-in-law has been seeinganother woman. his parents andfather-in-law know, but his mother-in-lawand daughter don't know. lionel's seeing another woman? oh, louise! you see what you did? this islionel's fault. quit hollerin'! jenny's going to hear. hear what? the end of the movie. mr. jefferson

helen, i'm scared. why? i married that man. i'm glad about this meeting, mr. jefferson. ready to cancelthe price war? it was justa matter of time before blue skysurrendered. don't blameyourself, son. you just took on morethan you could handle. you tangledwith george i-take-no-prisonersjefferson. could we get to the reason i'm here? oh, yeah, sure. sit down. you came here to talk turkey, and i am the head turkey. the way i figure it, we'll buy you out. so you clean on your side-- say what? we're prepared to makea generous offer. buy me out? i should buy you out. mr. jefferson,we have 39 stores. you have seven. what's your point? we're biggerthan you are. i have takenthe liberty of drawing upsome figures. i believe theseare your assets. that's right. and these are ours. again, what's your point? we're much biggerthan you are. we are alsocompletely computerized. big deal. come on, jefferson.retire with grace. her name is louise. she likes me to work. i see. while you stillhave some dignity? you can do that with your contract. i take itthis means no. no. this means war. i'll

helen brody's husband filed a lawsuit. >> she should never have been in this situation, she was never intended for her to be there she was september there, that could happen -- she was sent there, that could happen too anyone, this is a real problem. it has too be dealt with. >> my wife was a thousand light bulbs, she lit up the room, she was a energetic person that everyone loved the moment they steve: the town has not made changes to the crossing it is considered safe but that assessment, change. we reached out to mtathey do not comment on pending litigation.

helen back to get helen back. is it fake or is it a flop? what do you think? >> i'm going to go flop. >> james: you're going to go flop. >> actually, hold on. i am going to go fake, fake. >> james: what made you change your mind? >> i don't know, at first i was like it could just be a really horrible movie. but then-- . >> james: well it has got steven seagal in it, so that is possible. >> i'm pretty sure, not completely sure, that it is a fake. >> james: let's find out. are you absolutely right it is a fake! ( cheers and applause ) >> james: as we all know, steven seagal does not make flop movies. okay, let's play one more. who would like-- ( cheers and applause ) do you want to play? come here. >> good, good, big fan. >> james: big fan, yeah? i love that you actually did a big "yes!" >> very excited. >> james: we're very excited to you have you here, what is your name? >> alex. >> james: alex, where are you from? >> indianapolis, so far from here. >> james: lovely this time of year. >> not really. >> james: i do

i mean, helen, your shapeis much better in the long run. i mean... louise, maybe you're jumping to conclusions. if george were fooling around, you'd notice signs. like what? he'd probably be less attentive, make up excuses at bedtime, have a headache or stomachache, want to watch tv. none of that has happened, has it? i know george. he would neverhurt you. tom's right. i can't stop thinking about it. well, then,just ask george. what would i say to him? "pass the salt. "by the way, have you been fooling around?" if you can'tconfront george, there's only one personyou can confront. miss sanderson? hey, good thought. but she'd probablybe even better. but if i'm wrong, i'll be embarrassed. it's a small price to pay to put your mind at ease. all right. i'll talk to her. i'm sure there's nothing going on. thank you, helen. she's right. why would george possibly want are youmiss sanderson? yes. actually, i'm not surehow to bring this up. i'll just comeright on out with it. you're nothaving an affair with my husband george,right? who told you? oh. oh, i just